Unspoken Pleasure (erotica)
A Sinful Act>: 8

Ivy tried to pretend that things were normal. That nothing had changed, but after that night with Brian nothing was the same. Well - nothing but how Anna haunted her mind no matter what she did. Saturday came as a blessed relief to the looks she was getting at school now and the rumors that swarmed around her worse than ever. Whether they were rumors that she was gay or rumors that she was a slut depended on the clique and the person telling the story. That awful night was supposed to fix all of these swirling problems in her life, but it only made things worse for her. To top it off she still hadn't had her period yet, though she probably wouldn't actually be late until Monday or Tuesday. It was a nightmare, but one she did her best to ignore as she kept her 'everything is fine' smile on in front of her family and friends at all times.

She spent as much of the morning in bed as she could but by ten the heat was oppressive and her siblings were getting annoying, so after a little makeup she dug out a swimsuit, got on her bike, and went to the community pool to do a little tanning.

"Where do you think you're going," her mom asked when she was about to slip out of the door.

"I'm just going to the pool to cool off mom," Ivy responded, rolling her eyes before she turned around to face her parent. She could be so nosy sometimes, and nothing really pleased her. If Ivy stayed in her room all day her mother would complain about how antisocial she was being, but if she went out, suddenly she needed to know every last detail.

"Off to meet some boy?" her mother teased, lowering her voice conspiratorially so it was too quiet for her other siblings to hear.

"No mother- of course not. I'm just going to do some laps and then tan until it cools off a bit." she replied, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice. She was eighteen now - an adult - but her parents still insisted on treating her like a child.

"Alright..." her mom said, letting the word linger like she didn't really believe there wasn't an alternative motive to the whole thing. "Well be back before dinner okay hun? I love you."

"I love you too mom," Ivy said, before disappearing out the door.

The sun was already scorching by the time Ivy started riding, and she couldn't imagine doing anything in this heat that didn't involve shade or water. If it was going to be hot today, she might as well enjoy it. That Anna worked as a lifeguard at the pool some days had nothing to do with it, she was sure - she probably didn't even work today, Ivy told herself as she locked up her bike outside.

Even though Brian's words continued to haunt her, locker rooms were one of the reasons that Ivy knew she wasn't gay. He could call her a dyke and a lesbian all he wanted, but she'd changed around women her whole life, and she never had the urge to stare. She didn't linger and check out the other girls either, unless it was to see what a particularly popular girl might be wearing or something. That was totally normal though. The one piece suit that she'd brought with her today was technically modest when she'd bought it last year, but if her mother saw how it fit her now she'd probably give it to goodwill. It was a marble printed one piece in swirling blues and grays that was a little tighter on her than it used to be. It was a lot tighter than it used to be on top and it made her breasts look nicer than any bra she owned, even giving her a tiny bit of cleavage which she secretly loved though she pretended not to notice it when one of her friends pointed it out. The pool itself was pretty packed, because it turned out everyone else with nothing to do had the same idea about today, so instead of doing much swimming, Ivy found a lounge and basked in the sun. Having to actually do anything in the sun was awful, but laying here being caressed by it for a while wasn't so bad. As she got settled, she made a quick scan of the place but didn't see the object of her obsession anywhere, which was fine. It was a long shot anyway. Instead Ivy laid back like she was going to take a nap and put on the pair over oversized sunglasses she'd brought with her. They were her favorite for trips to the pool like this, but not because of the sun.

Her favorite thing to do at the pool was people watch. It was a small town, so she knew most of the people and she loved to watch all the small dramas like it was her favorite netflix series. Who was wearing what suit, and flirting with who. You'd think that with so many of the people dating the same people for so long that those things wouldn't change - but they did more than you would think. Of course it also gave her the perfect chance to watch the guys check her out. It was the reason she'd come to love this suit so much, because it made them focus on her so much more. She might not actually want much to do with guys, but Ivy loved feeling desired by them, and today, with everything that was going on, she needed that desire more than ever.

There was just something so powerful and sensual about seeing a guy here with his girlfriend staring at her tight young body so much that he had trouble tearing his eyes away from her, or funnier still, getting caught. That happened now and then, and the hardest part of this whole game for Ivy was keeping a straight face when it did. All the attention in the world couldn't keep her thoughts cheerful forever though. After nearly an hour she rolled over to tan her back. In the darkness of putting her head down all the darkness of the week returned to her, and all the positivity she'd been wearing fell away.

She could deny it to herself all she wanted, but deep down she knew that she'd been raped at that party on Tuesday. She hadn't gone to the police because she knew she could never prove it, but knowing and proving were very different things. The pain of being ripped open had faded by Friday, and when the worry faded when she finally had her time of the month in the next few days she could finally pretend that the whole thing had never happened. She doubted very much that even that wall of denial would keep the sadness entirely at bay. How could it? It had leaked through all the defenses she'd tried so far including: 'I might not have wanted it, but I definitely enjoyed it', 'at least I know I'm not gay now,' 'it was God's punishment for my sinful thoughts', and 'almost no one actually waits until marriage anymore - my husband will understand.'

They were all fine arguments, but none of them took away the way she felt sad or dirty all the time. She was nothing but used goods now. She would have continued into her downward spiral for another twenty minutes at least but something else slowly dawned on her: she was getting wet. It was hardly the first time this week that reliving her rape had arroused her, but it was the first time it had happened while she was wearing a swimsuit, especially one that darkened noticibly when it got wet... Ivy rolled over and sat up, unsurprised but deeply mortified to see a dark spot on her crotch. She hadn't originally intended to go swimming today, but now she kind of had to. Nonchalantly she folded up her towel on her chair and put her sunglasses on it before walking slowly to the diving board.