Alpha Queen
Chapter 53

Liviana’s POV

It’s been a few days since I asked Luan for ‘space’. I rarely see him at school and when I do, he’s gone in a blink of an eye.

Amaris has been awfully quiet about the situation. She seems sullen but doesn’t complain.

We’ve dealt with the rogue problem smoothly with the other Alphas this time so it’s a bit peaceful in the pack now.

“You’re really deep in thought huh” El came in.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. I sighed.

El went inside my office and shut the door.

“You aren’t the open type of person, Livi. I understand that. But you need to be able to talk about how you feel every now and then. It doesn’t even have to be with me. Just find someone, please. You can’t keep everything bottled up inside” he said. I gave him a small smile before taking a deep breath.

“Blake confessed to me the last time they went here” I told him and he just stood there.

“He made me choose between him and Luan” I continued and his brows furrowed.

“He did what?!” he said in a low growl.

I stared at him for a moment before sighing.

“Keep calm, El. I won’t continue what I’m saying if you act like you’re ready to attack Blake after our conversation” I said. He huffed in frustration and took a deep calming breath.

Once he calmed down a bit, he met my eyes.

“Why would he do that?” he asked in disbelief.

I couldn’t answer him.

I wasn’t sure what the answer to that question was.

El sighed.

“I knew he had feelings for you but I never knew he’d be stupid enough to do something so idiotic” he said and my brows furrowed.

“You also knew?” I asked him. He nodded.

“Yes, Livi. I know because we used to compete over you since we were kids” he said which made me even more confused.

“What do you mean?” I said. He took a deep breath before looking at me straight in my eyes.

“I liked you since we were kids too, Livi. But since I know that it won’t work out for us since we have destined mates for us, I knew my limits. I guess since Blake didn’t know that, his feelings got too deep” he said with a sight.

I just looked at him baffled.

El liked me too?

When did that happen?

How clueless can I be?

What in the actual fck is this?

“Don’t worry, Livi. When I found out that you already found your mate, I already gave up my feelings for you” he assured me but that didn’t really help.

How did I not know about the feelings of the guys around me?

I guess Katie was right.

I’m extremely densed.

“Anyway, what did you after he asked you that?” he said changing the topic.

“Well, one, I didn’t choose. And then two, I talked to Luan and asked him for some space while I tried to think over what I’m supposed to do” I told him.

“You asked Luan for space? And he said yes?” he asked with wide eyes. I nodded remembering that afternoon I told him about it.

Till now, I still feel regret in doing it.

Because if I’m being honest, I miss him.

Every day that I can’t see him properly.

Every day that I can’t smell his scent close to me.

I miss him and it scares me.

It scares me that this feelings are getting out of hand.

But I still want him.

I want him more than ever.

“That’s very…mature of him” El chuckled and I did too.

“So, what’s your plan now?” he asked me.

“I don’t know yet” I said as I looked out the window of my office.

“Whatever you’ll do, just know that you have people who support you, Livi. Always” El said and I gave him a small smile.

“Thank you, El” I said and he gave me a small smile.

“I’ll go now so you can have more time to yourself” he said and I nodded in agreement before he left the room.

I stayed in my office for a while and sorted out some files then went back to my room since it was already late and I still had class tomorrow.

These past few days, I haven’t gotten much sleep.

I always end up just staring at the ceiling while memories of my mate flooded through me.

I missed him so much and it’s driving me crazy.

That was not a good sign.

I’m not supposed to like someone so much that I can’t get them out of my mind.

If that happens, it will be hard.

I took a cold shower before heading off to bed and like any other night, I stared at the ceiling and Luan popped in my mind.

“You miss him too” I heard Amaris.

I didn’t reply to her.

If I do, she’s going to keep pushing me to her and I don’t know what will happen if she succeeds in doing so.

“Liviana, why are you holding yourself back?” she asked.

“I need to focus on the pack, Amaris” I told her.

“You’re lying” she said.

“It’s not just about the pack anymore, Liviana. You’re scared” she continued.

I gulped as I bit my lower l*p.

“That’s not true” I lied.

“You’re scared that you’ll fall in love, aren’t you?” she said and I closed my eyes and found myself in the forest facing Amaris who is a couple of feet away from me.

“Enough, Amaris” I growled.

“Why are you being like this, Liviana?!” she growled back at me then whimpered.

“We both know that our mate will never hurt us! He loves us, Liviana! Why can’t you just understand that? Why do you have to be so selfish?” she said.

I clenched my fists.

“Maybe he won’t. But how are you so sure that the people around him will do the same?” I said and just stared at me for a moment.

“He’s the official prince of Lunar, Amaris. He is the heir to the throne. Do you think that it will be so easy for us to be with him? Specially now that we are both aware of who I am” I said.

“Yes, I am the only daughter of the former king. The former king who was chased after the council after falling in love with the princess of the enemy territory and keeping her by his side because he loved her so deeply” I continued as tears began to form my eyes.

“The king who loved his mate so much that he risked it all just to be with her. Now, he’s in captivity somewhere while his mate is no longer alive nor dead and his only child is suffering from her so called fate that she didn’t even want or ask for” I said and tears streamed down my face.

“So I’m so sorry if I’m so scared of falling in love with our mate, Amaris. You see, I don’t have a very good impression of love because it was the reason why I don’t have my parents anymore. I’m so sorry that you think I’m so selfish for not letting you be with our mate. I’m so sorry that I’m like this and I’m so sorry that I don’t know how to deal this situation the way you want me to handle it” I said as I fell to my knees while sobbing.

“I’m not scared of falling in love, Amaris. I’m terrified of it” I said almost in a whisper.

Amaris whimpered as she approached me.

I broke down as she snuggled her body close to mine and I seeked comfort in her soft fur.

“I’m so sorry, Liviana. I’m so sorry” Amaris cooed as she rubbed her head on me trying to comfort me.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I’m so sorry” she kept apologizing as I continued to cry.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her as I buried my face on her fur.

I tried to calm myself.

This situation has really taken a toll on both Amaris and I.

I felt so tired that I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes and found myself in my room again.

I sat up and saw that it was already morning.

I went to the bathroom and showered then got ready for school.

I wasn’t in the mood for breakfast so instead of going down to the living room, I went to my balcony and jumped down from there and got on my motorbike to drive to school.

I arrived school earlier than usual and I guess the world was telling me to do what I had to do when I saw Blake in the driveway.

I got off my motorbike and headed to Blake’s car.

Our eyes met.

“Can we talk for a moment?” I asked him. He sighed but nodded then he followed me to the football field.

I took a deep breath before facing him.

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked. I just stared at him for a moment.

“You made me choose between you and Luan” I said and he nodded.

“Yes, I did” he said.

“I don’t want to choose between the both of you” I said.

“Why? Is it because you’re scared of hurting one of us?” he said with a raised brow.

My jaw clenched.

“Tell me honestly, Livi. Do you really like Luan?” he asked and I met his eyes.

I thought about it.

“I do” I said and he sighed.

“Then, I’ll consider this your rejection” he said and forced a smile.

“I was wrong for making you choose between us, Livi. I’m sorry for what I did. I guess I just couldn’t accept the fact that I can’t be with you. I’m sorry and I really don’t want to lose you. Can you forgive me and continue being friends with an i***t like me?” he asked hopeful. I bit my lower lio as I pounced on him to hug him.

“I guess that’s a yes” he chuckled as he hugged me back.

“I’m sorry for what I did, Livi. I just loved you so much and my feelings got the best of me” he said apologetically. I gave him a small smile.

“I love you too” I said.

“But not THAT type of love” I continued and he chuckled.

“I know and that’s enough for me” he said and gave me a k**s on the top of my head.

It’s like something heavy was lifted out of my chest.

I felt relieved.