Bennett Mafia
Chapter 14 - BENNETT MAFIA

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I slept three hours.

I could tell my body had caught up on sleep when I woke, because I felt good. I felt sane. And I watched Kai sleep for the next hour.

Now that I wasn't sleep-deprived or in shock, I could think more clearly. I reviewed everything that had happened with Kai, Tanner, Jonah, everyone, everything.

I was weak. That's the only explanation I had for why I wasn't running right now, or fighting right now.

I hadn't had sex in six months. There was that too.

I was attracted to Kai Bennett. No matter who he was, that was just a fact. After last night-feeling my body wanting to go to him while my mind screamed at me to keep away-that was the only explanation I could justify. I was weak, and I hadn't lusted after a man since that Tinder date. And even that guy's effect on me had been minimal compared to Kai Bennett's.

No. Brooke's brother.

I had to pull back. I had to erect walls between him and me, because I knew what I needed to do. First names weren't a part of it. Names weren't a part of it. He was Brooke's brother. He was the reason she'd run. He was Cord's murderer, their father's killer.

Murderer. Killer. He was those things too.

Hider training told us to strip away our humanity. It would be there in the times we needed it, but to get to the abused, we had to walk into hell. We had to be prepared for whatever was on the other side. When they'd taught us this, I'd thought of my mother. I'd thought about how she'd been beaten within an inch of her life, how he had left her to die and called someone else to take care of the body. That Hider-though my father had no idea he was with the Network- hadn't known what he was walking into. If my father had caught him, backtracked for some reason, or followed up, that Hider would've had to kill him. Because if he hadn't, I had no doubt Bruce Bello would've killed the Hider and my mother. That's what I needed to do this morning. I lie here, beside this man, and began to strip away my humanity.

When we Hiders opened the door, saw the survivor, realized the scene was safe, our humanity came back to us.

Except sometimes it didn't.

I hated that, and I was ashamed because of it.

It was why we did what we did, but when we opened those doors, sometimes I didn't feel a thing for the survivor. I wouldn't feel a thing until we had already taken them where they needed to go. It was usually on the drive home that my humanity came back to me.

The car would be silent. I would be riding in the back or next to either Carol or Blade in the front, and I would gasp when it returned.

No one ever looked over at me. No one asked. I didn't know if they knew or understood, but it wasn't until then that I shed a tear for what we'd done. We'd helped someone, and I was grateful.

But I was also thankful because I'd gotten through it, and so had my team. Blade and Carol were like my family by now. I'd spent almost more time with them than anyone else. Almost.

Sitting up, I slipped from the bed, stood, and looked down at this man sleeping.

It wasn't right, because at a time when I needed not to feel, that's all I was doing. I still felt so much confusion over how I could lust so much for this murderer. I felt the same disgust with myself that I'd felt all those times when I'd needed to feel my heart and hadn't.

I usually pushed it down. Now I didn't.

I allowed the disgust to grow to loathing. I loathed myself. It filled every inch of my body, every pore, every cell, every hair until finally, finally it moved past me and onto him.

It was my own self-hatred, but I allowed it to spread beyond me.

I couldn't think. If I did, it wouldn't work. Padding around the bed, I did what I'd vowed to do two days ago.

There was a knife block in the kitchen, and I took one of the smaller ones. I knew it was just as sharp as the others, and I could wield it with better precision.

I went back to the bedroom.

The sun had begun to rise outside.

A small glimmer of light was beginning to warm the room. It was just enough. I could make out his sleeping form.

I paused in the doorway, gripping the knife.

I knew what would happen. If I killed him, he'd said I would die too. That meant I would have to do this, then bolt.

I probably wouldn't make it, but I had to try. I would never get this chance again. I knew that with certainty. It was now or never.

I raised the knife-

and his eyes opened.

I launched forward at the same time he shot upright. He caught me in the air. The knife flew out of my hand, and he rolled us so I was beneath him. I tried to fight, kicking at him, but he only shifted so his entire body was on top of me. I tried to punch him; he grabbed my arms and slammed them down on the bed.

Every inch of him was plastered against me.

The whole thing happened in less than three seconds, and not a word was spoken between us.

His eyes were heated and angry, his jaw clenched. A vein stuck out in his neck. His eyebrows pulled together, and a buzz sounded at the door.

He cursed under his breath, jumping off the bed in one lithe movement. He pointed at me as he left the bedroom. "Stay."

A moment later, he opened the apartment door. He had a brief conversation before the door shut again, and the lights in the apartment came on. He strode back into the bedroom. I hadn't moved, and he glared at me a second. "Get up. Get dressed. We're leaving."

There should've been a knot in my throat. But there wasn't anything, just acceptance. My body was heated, my breathing shallow and fast.

I sat up. "Are you going to kill me?"

He snorted, pulling clothes out of his dresser. "Don't tempt me." His eyes raked over me. "Your Network called. They found Brooke." Brooke? No.

There was no way they could work that fast, even if there were two Blades. It was a trap. It had to be, but I didn't say anything. This could be my opening. If I didn't kill Kai, I could escape. I just had to be ready. "Riley."

Why did he have to sound so tired?

"Get dressed."

He left. I heard the apartment door open, close, and lock a moment later.

The knife seemed to mock me where it lay on the floor. Ignoring it, I stood and dressed.