Bullied Mate Of The Lycan Kings
Chapter 66

Ren's POV

Again. It's happening again.

That feeling I've tried to run away from all my life.

As I walked Mauve to her next class, no idea where the hell that was anyways since I was just following her lead, I heard her talking to me about something but I didn't care.

No, it was not that I did not care, it was that I could not care. Not when it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Not when it felt like the ground was shaking under my feet. Not when it felt like whenever Mauve spoke, I could hear Lily repeating words that would scar me forever.

I don't want you.

All my bones were breaking to pieces in my body.

Don't misunderstanding me. I have nothing but platonic love for you.

Oh god.

"Ren, are you okay?" Mauve looked at me with a worried expression and that was when I realized that I was breathing hard and my eyes were stinging over and over again.

"No, I need to sit down." I managed to say. "I'm going to the lounge."

"I'll take you," she said immediately.

"There's no need," I was already saying but she wouldn't budge.

I didn't know how I reached the basement lounge, only that I was supported by Mauve like I had sustained an injury. Perhaps that was what had happened. I had been injured severely in the heart. Taken an arrow to my heart in the most brutal way possible. In a way that even my so called powers could not question.

"I don't want you. I have never wanted you."

Lily's words, or a warped, crueler version of it, replayed over and over in my head as Mauve helped me sit down on the couch, her eyes wide with panic.

"Do you need a medic or something?"

"No. I'll be fine. Go to class. I want to be alone."

I saw her face flicker with doubt and knew that I could be harsh on her, given that I knew that Lily had rejected me for her. For some twisted, f****d up reason, she believed that I'd be happier with Mauve.

I knew she was only doing this because she wanted me to be happy... or did I? She had said she did not want me and when I had used my powers to check, her heart had not wavered even once. So it could just be that it was not Mauve's fault. I was just unlovable. Even Mauve did not love me, no matter what she said. I was just a tool for her survival and she did not want to lose me.

"Just go, Mauve. Please." I begged, let her see the sorrow in my eyes and even though she looked like she wanted to stay, she stood up and walked out of the lounge, shutting the door behind her and that was when I finally crashed to the ground, holding my head and resting on my knees as Lily's words played over and over again.

My mother had said those words to me before. Over and over and over again until I had no choice but to actually believe it and she had made sure to prove just how much she never wanted me. She made me starve until I was within an inch of my life. She didn't care if the different men that she brought to the house assaulted me physically and sexually, which they did without fail, blaming it on the fact that I was a pretty child. "Do it right and maybe I won't hit you so hard, this time."

"I heard he's Irwin's son. Which means he has some faerie blood. No wonder he's so pretty. If only he was female. I can still find use for him, if you reconsider my offer, Kirsten."

"Kirsten, you hit the jackpot with this one. I can't wait until he's older-"

Men, women, relatives, guests... I thought I was over this. Over these memories.

But they found their way pushing through the gated memories.

My mother was a social butterfly with lousy friends and sketchy guests.

I loved her but she hated me. To her, I was nothing but a bargaining chip on a good day, and a responsibility she detested on a bad day.

She showed it in everything she did. The parties she'd throw where I had to lock myself in my room and hide under the covers, terrified that someone would break in again. She'd leave for days with nothing but dried cereal and crusty bread in the fridge. My clothes were always in tatters, ny hair unkempt.

Her words were double edged swords.

"I never wanted a kid." She'd tell me occasionally even before I could understand words. "I even had an abortion but you pesky little thing refused to die."

"You ruined my body, boy. It's your fault Irwin no longer comes to see me."

And then as if her actions were not enough, she always reminded me of how I was nothing more than a means to an end. Of how she wanted nothing to do with me and how I was a mistake that never should have happened. She reminded me that I only had one purpose; to serve as a link to the Alpha who was the s***m donor that created me.

I hated how words from Lily forced me to relive memories that I had thought were permanently suppressed.

I hated how when I closed my eyes, I saw my mother's face. And before I knew it, I was swallowed up, before I knew it, I was slipping back into that awful time of my life when I had nothing and no one.

My mother was probably one of the most beautiful women that I had ever seen in my life, with strawberry blond hair and golden brown eyes that I had inherited and she wielded her beauty like a blade, using every weapon in her arsenal for one purpose only; to subdue men to do her bidding. My father had been one of those men and she'd hated the fact that she only noticed that the abortion was unsuccessful too late and had to carry the pregnancy to term.

I was a c***k in her armour, she always said. A liability because she believed that being a mother reduced her beauty in ways that I didn't even fathom. Then again, it was my fault for still calling her 'Mother' when she had not once bothered to call me her son. Kirsten, like she preferred to be called had refused to name me at birth. I was nothing to her. Nameless, brainless, like an insect.

"Boy, where is the glass of juice that I asked for?" She yelled at my seven year old self and I rushed to her with the glass, foolishly excited because it was her birthday.

"Your stupid father seems to have forgotten that today is my birthday, can you imagine that?" She huffed, rolling her eyes at me and pausing for a moment to stare at me in a way that sometimes made me wonder if perhaps she had a soft spot for me. "Stop looking at me. Look at the ground when I'm speaking to you." She snapped and I remembered that it was not love. It was hatred, because everytime she looked at my eyes, she saw her own eyes.

"As I was saying, your deadbeat of a father has not sent a dime for my birthday. Not even a message or a call, not that I need either, but his gift is supposed to be the biggest of all my men, isn't it? He has a f*****g child with me for crying out loud!" "Yes. Yes, you're right." I answered meekly, still looking at the ground.

I swallowed, wondering how I could make her feel better.

"What would you like to eat so that you will feel better?" I added quietly and waited a breath to see if she would punish me for being too forward.

Instead she surprised me by cupping my face with both hands and lifting it up gently until I was staring into her eyes. The same eyes that were the template from which mine was cast.

"Really, boy? You would do anything to make me feel better, won't you?"

A bright smile appeared on my face. "Yes mama. Anything!" I replied with elation, ready to do whatever it took to make my mother happy.

Her smile widened before turning to a menacing smirk as she grabbed my left arm and twisted it hard, snapping it into two and pushing me to the ground as I screamed in sheer agony. I watched her with eyes filled with horror as she simply looked down at me and patted my head gently before she spoke again.

"You said, you wanted to make me happy, didn't you?"

I could not get any words out as I tried to stop myself from weeping, holding onto my broken arm and shifting away slowly from her.

I didn't know why I expected to see some form of guilt on her face for what she had just done to me, but that was the day I truly realized what I was to my mother; a means to an end, no matter whether the end for me would be a long painful one. "You grew inside me without permission, so you might as well actually be of use to me for once in your life."