Can't Hurry Love
Chapter 24

"What the hell did you do, man?"

Josh looked up from his desk to see Grayson Carroway standing in the doorway of his office.

He jumped to his feet. "Have you seen her?" he asked, hearing the desperation in his voice. "She won't answer the phone, and she's not at the bakery." "No, she's at home."

Josh ran a hand through his hair. "I figured," he said. "I half thought I'd get shot if I went near the place."

"You might," Grayson said, unsmiling.

"Look, I don't know what she told you, but-"

"She didn't tell me anything," Grayson spat. "She came home with Zoe Beckford last night crying her eyes out and locked herself away. Didn't leave for work. Hasn't left her room. If you hurt her-" "What? No, of course I didn't hurt her."

But that wasn't true, was it? He had hurt her, just not in the way Grayson was implying.

"I've never seen her like this," Grayson said. "Not about some guy."

Josh looked helplessly at the man he'd considered a friend but who was every inch the big brother of the woman he'd hurt right then.

"I messed up, Grayson," he said honestly. "But if I could just get the chance to talk to her “

"That's not up to me," Grayson cut in. "But you're a decent guy. At least, I think you are. So maybe if you do come by, we'll hold off on the shooting. Unless Beth decides otherwise."

There was a clear warning in Grayson's tone, but at least he'd promised not to shoot him. At this point, Josh would take what he could get.

Grayson turned to leave, but before he was out the door, Josh called out to him. "I want to fix it," Josh said sincerely. "She's important to me, Grayson. The most important thing to me." Grayson stared at him, but Josh held his gaze.

After a while, the other man nodded. "I'm not the one who needs to hear that, Doc," he said.

No, he wasn't. But the one who needed to hear it wouldn't take his calls.

Please just give me some time to explain. Whenever and wherever you want. I never wanted to hurt you, Beth. It was the last thing I ever wanted.

It had been a long-ass day, and the hard part wasn't even starting, Josh thought as he put his phone in his pocket.

He was pretty confident that if Beth were to show her phone to Sheriff Callahan, he'd be arrested for harassment. He wanted nothing more than to drive out to the Big Sky Ranch and try to see her, but he couldn't risk going out there right now. Not with Elaine still to deal with.

Josh stood outside his door and took a deep, steadying breath. He had no idea what he'd find on the other side. He could only hope that Elaine would keep her promise to stay put.

After he'd gone back inside last night, she'd been acting like the last two years hadn't happened. She'd talked about finding herself in LA and being ready to get back on track. He'd looked closely at her pupils, and they hadn't been unusually dilated. As far as he could tell, she wasn't on anything.

But the truth was he'd been so devastated by that look in Beth's eyes, and knowing that he'd been the cause of it, that he hadn't particularly cared one way or another.

Elaine had been relatively calm, but completely delusional. That wasn't talking as a doctor but as an ex-husband whose life had just imploded because of her. Even as he thought it, Josh knew he wasn't being entirely fair. If he hadn't been dishonest with Beth in the first place, Elaine's arrival couldn't have broken them apart like this.

Her parents were due to fly in tomorrow to pick her up. She needed help, Josh knew that. And whether he should or not, he felt like he needed to help her now.

Having met Beth, he knew that he'd never loved Elaine the way a husband should love his wife. But that didn't mean that he hadn't cared a lot about her, loved her in some way. Not in the all-consuming way he loved Beth, but enough to want her to live happy and peacefully.

He'd moved on enough from her infidelity to only wish her well.

Steeling himself for whatever he was about to face, he opened the door to the apartment. She wasn't on the couch, but the blankets he'd used last night were folded and stacked neatly on one of the cushions. He'd given her the bedroom last night, having refused her less-than-subtle efforts to get him to join her in there.

"Elaine, you know we're divorced," he said, trying to stay calm while inside he was in turmoil.

He felt a furious, black anger toward his ex-wife. But more so toward himself. However, he didn't know her mental state and couldn't risk her leaving and endangering herself.

Her smile was smug and confident. "We'll see," she said. "Night, darling."

That was the last he'd seen of her. She'd been asleep when he left that morning.

In between calling Beth, he'd called Elaine to make sure she was still in the apartment. But the number for her had been disconnected.

There was music coming from the sound system, so he hoped she was still here. Dropping his bag and keys, he stepped farther into the apartment. "Elaine?" "Darling, you're home!"

She appeared from the kitchen, wearing an apron. Did he even own an apron? Josh had no idea.

"Dinner will be in about ten minutes, so you have time to freshen up a little." She smiled.

What the hell?

"Er-you cooked?" he asked, keeping his tone even, studying her for signs that she was on something.

Her cheeks were a little flushed, but her eyes were clear, the pupils a normal size. Her hands seemed steady.

She didn't appear to be agitated. But he felt unsettled. "Of course I cooked." She laughed airily.

In all their time together, he'd never known her to cook.

Not once.

"Dessert was beyond me, so I stopped by that blond woman's place."

His blood froze in his veins, thinking of her at the bakery. "She wasn't there. Some snooty Englishwoman served me."

That would be Zoe. Josh could just imagine how Zoe felt about his ex-wife waltzing in the door of Beth's place.

For the first time it dawned on him that it wouldn't only be Beth he had to convince to give him a second chance when this mess was straightened out.

"So rude," Elaine went on. "I thought people were supposed to be friendly in these hick towns. Anyway, we won't have to worry about that sort of thing when we're back in Chicago."

She turned and walked back toward the kitchen before Josh could even form an answer. Moving after her, he saw that she'd set the small table complete with candles. His uneasiness grew. He didn't know if she was genuinely suffering some sort of delusion, or if she was playing some crazy game.

But either way, he had to make it very clear to her that they were done, and she was going back to Chicago with her parents. And then he was going to moved heaven and earth to win Beth back. But he knew he had to handle Elaine with care. Deciding it was best to keep her calm until she was in the care of her parents, Josh quickly washed up in the bathroom and returned to the table where a plate of something he didn't recognize awaited him.

He sat across from Elaine, refusing her offer of wine and taking water instead.

The atmosphere was stiff and tense, thanks in no small part to his own feelings, Josh knew. After a couple of minutes of stilted conversation and awkward silences, Elaine set her fork down and picked up her wine glass, downing the contents before refilling it.

"I'm not stupid, you know," she blurted.

Josh put his own fork down, all the while watching her carefully. "I know that," he answered levelly. "But I don't know why you're here, Elaine."

She downed most of her second glass before answering. "I'm here because I've decided to forgive you." She sighed, and he almost laughed at her audacity. "I know I made some mistakes, but the way you just abandoned me, Josh... Let my parents leave me in those awful places as if I was some sort of addict." She shuddered in distaste. "But being away gave me some clarity. And I've decided that it's time to start over. We've both hurt one another. We've both made mistakes. But we belong together. You know it, and I know it."

She glanced around his apartment, her mouth pulling into a line of disapproval. "You certainly don't belong here. You're so much better than this place, Josh. I hate to think you've fallen this far. But I'm back now, and when we get home, we can put all of this unpleasantness behind us, and-"

"Elaine," he interrupted because he couldn't listen to any more of this. "I'm sorry, but that won't be possible. We're not together anymore, and we never will be again. I'm happy here. I like it here, and..."

He took a deep breath not even sure if he was doing the right thing. Josh had done one psych rotation. He was nowhere near well enough equipped to deal with this.

"...and I'm in love with someone else. Someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with."

She didn't say anything, just finished the rest of her wine before pouring another glass.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," he continued sincerely. "I'm glad that you're back in Chicago with your parents and the people who care about you. But we can't just forget our past, Elaine. What happened to you and to your baby... and everything before that. I'm sorrier than I can say."

It was cathartic in a way to be saying all of these things to her.

"It's taken me a long time to move on, too. To forgive myself for the mistakes I made."

She still didn't speak.

"We didn't get married for love, Elaine. We got married because it was the right thing to do in the circle we were in. But now that I'm out of that, I see what sort of life I really want to live. What sort of man I really want to be. And and I know who I really want to be with. I truly hope you find the same thing."

To Josh's shock, she laughed, but the sound was harsh. "You're not telling me that you're leaving me for some country bumpkin who lives over a bakery? Don't be foolish, Josh. I don't know what this town has done to you, but the sooner you get back to reality, the better."

Josh could only stare at her. Out of the two of them, he wasn't the one vacationing outside of reality. He felt a spurt of anger at her dismissal of Beth. Elaine would never be half the person Beth was. He didn't know a soul alive who was her equal in any way.

"Her name is Beth, and she's the woman I love," he said firmly. "She doesn't live above a bakery. She owns Big Sky Ranch with her family. And even if she didn't, I'd still love her more than anyone or anything in my life."

He stood from the table, not wanting to lose his temper with her.

"I'm getting in the shower. Your parents will be here in the morning to take you home. And that will be the last time we'll speak, Elaine. I want you out of my life. And I want out of yours."

He walked down the hallway, resisting the urge to slam the door behind him. And although he wouldn't feel properly calm until Elaine was in the care of her parents and on the way home, something inside of him felt whole again. Though he wouldn't have wished this situation on any of them, he was actually glad he'd gotten the chance to sit down with his ex-wife and say the things that needed to be said.

A weight had been removed from his shoulders, and he was more certain than ever that the man he'd been and the life he'd had were behind him for good.