157 Going Deep (Winona)

Barnaby pauses, then leans forward slightly. "Jayden, you mentioned anger. Can you tell me more about that? What is it that makes you angry?"

Jayden's words come out, slow and measured. "I'm angry because I feel like I've been lied to,

manipulated. I feel like I've lost control of my own life, and I don't know how to get it back. I don't know if I ever had it."

Dr. Greyson turns to me. "Winona, what about you? What are you feeling?"

I hesitate, not wanting to say too much, not wanting to open the floodgates. But I know I have to, if this is going to work. I'm scared," I admit.

I look at Jayden and then back at Barnaby. "I'm scared that no matter what we do, it's not going to be enough. Maybe we were way too broken before we even started."

The room falls silent again. I can feel Jayden's eyes on me, but I don't look back at him.

"It's clear that you both have a lot of pain and fear that you're carrying. But the fact that you're here, that you're willing to talk about it, is a good sign."

He pauses, then continues, his tone firm but gentle. "This is going to be a long process. Healing from the kind of trauma you've both experienced doesn't happen overnight. But if you're willing to put in the work.... you never know." I take a deep breath, trying to let his words sink in. Can we really do this, or are we just delaying the inevitable?

Jayden reaches out, his hand hovering over mine for a moment before he takes it, his grip firm but gentle. "I want to give this everything I have," he says, and I can hear the determination in his voice. "I will work hard for this."

I look at him, and for the first time in a long time, I see something in his eyes that gives me hope.

"I'll work hard for us too. For Abby, our daughter."

"No." Barnaby says in a firm tone. "Not for your daughter, not for Jayden, for you.

I look at him. "Of course, for me too."

-

"Only for you. You can't do this for anyone else but yourself. You both have to work out if this is what your both truly want for yourselves. Until you do that, this will always fail." Barnaby's tone and expression brook no argument. I nod. "It is what I want...I'm sure."

"No, you aren't sure. That's why you're both here. Because neither of you are sure."

"I want to be with Winona. I do know that now." Jayden answers.

"You don't know jack shit." Barnaby challenges Jayden

I feel Jayden's mood shift. That makes me wary.

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157 Going Deep

"There, right there," Barnaby points out. "Did you feel the shift Jayden?"

"I guess."

"You didn't like what I said, and your mood changed. Then Winona began to hesitate and retreat. She anticipated you getting angry and avoiding the conflict

"I wasn't getting angry,"

"I think you were. You need to learn to read the room. Life isn't a business deal that you win or lose at. If you treat it like that, you'll lose every time."

"I guess I do have trouble with people telling me what to do."

"That's another session. Today, I'm creating a space where we let it all hang out. A place where you both can say exactly what's on your mind with no fear of retribution from the other."

I let my breath out. "I'd like that. I'd like to express my truth. To be heard without it being taken as a personal affront each time."

"I'd like to be heard too. No one listens to me. I just get told what I should feel or think. Then when go against that, I'm the bad guy."

"Because you are always ranting and raving over whatever I say.

"Because you never listen to my side. You don't get how hard this all is for me."

"I do, I get it, Jayden. But it's hard for me too. I just can't brush things away the next day as if they haven't been said... or done."

"I don't want to brush them away; I just don't want to argue about them all over again."

"It's impossible to have a regular conversation with you. You say the most hurtful things."

"I say hurtful things? I'm pretty sure you said I've made your life hell." Jayden's voice is raised now.

I stop. Tears roll down my face. "We can't even come to therapy and not argue. This isn't going to work."

"Cool, great chat. I guess that's it then." Barnaby says and rests his hands behind his head, elbows out. Been nice meeting you both."

Jayden stares at him. "What? We're not leaving yet. I could've argued at home for free."

"Exactly, so if you both insist on continuing to argue, just stay home and do it for free."

"But isn't it your job to stop us from arguing?

"No. It's yours and Winona's job to stop arguing," he says casually.

"I'm confused," Jayden says. "This is fucking crap. You're supposed to be the expert here and you're fucking useless."

"Jayden! You can't say that." I speak up now.

"He can and he did. And now we're getting somewhere."

"With all due respect, Barnaby... Dr. Greyson. This does seem highly unprofessional."

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157 Going Deep

"Great! Now you're beginning to tell it how it is. Jayden, you could work on your cussing. Do you understand what I'm saying here?"

"You haven't said anything. Just cryptic shit."

"I'm not sure we're a good fit with you Doctor..." I admit

"Okay, so now you're saying what you truly feel to me, I want your both to choose one thing you need to say to the other, but you've been too scared to because of fear of being misunderstood or not heard." I stare at him and then at Jayden.

"Don't waste time thinking it over. Chop chop! Winona, you first. Tell Jayden one of your truths about the two of you. Go ahead."

"I was in a coma for a year. I went through rehabilitation to come find you. Imagine how I felt when I woke up and the man I'd just married, the man I loved more than the world, was nowhere to be found." I look at Jayden. "Good. Keep going. Jayden, accept her words and don't make this about you. Listen to what she's saying." Barnaby guides us with his words.

"Keep going, Winona."

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