Divorce to Destiny: Reclaiming My CEO Husband
My CEO 182

182 Confronting Issues Together

(Winona)

We move into the next part of our therapy session. Barnaby asks my fears at the moment.

"I'm worried about seeing Ashlyn," I admit, my voice shaky. "But it's not just her that I'm worried about. What if, by some miracle, there is a baby?"

Jayden looks at me, surprise flickering in his eyes. "I don't believe it for a second."

"But," I say, taking a deep breath. "If she is still pregnant... that's your child, Jayden. And it can't be raised in a high-security mental facility. You know how your mother feels about your offspring. She might come back." "Damn. Do you think she would? I'd rather she stayed away. I can breathe now, at least."

"If there is a baby, I can't see her staying away. If there is a baby, I can't see her not knowing about that already and leaving in the first place." That much is true. "Something here doesn't add up."

"Most likely because Ashlyn is being delusional, and this is exactly what she wants. To drive a wedge between us with lies. To make us doubt each other like she's done so many times before. Not this time, Winona, I refuse to buy into what she's selling." "Except that her wedges are never just of the imaginary kind. She's always played on the truth about you, the part of you she knows intimately, and I've never met at all. That's her advantage."

Jayden looks down to the floor. I'm not wanting to hurt him, or blame him, I just need him to understand that whatever Ashlyn's hold is on him, it runs deeper than the surface and him understanding that is how he eliminates that with her.

"You gave her the advantage every time you were with her, even when you were trying to get a confession out of her. She was one step ahead. Then with your mother involved, who just wants me out of your life.... there's barely a hope." "Mother isn't doing that anymore."

"Isn't she?"

He shakes his head. "No, she's been so good with Abby. So good with us before she left."

"I don't trust her. I know she'll never stop trying to get you back and to get Abby. To get me out of your life. It's just how it is. I'll never trust that woman. And if you have any sense, you won't either."

Barnaby nods, his expression serious. "It's understandable to have distrust, Winona. This situation is very complex, and it will bring up a lot of emotions. What will you do if there is a child?"

"I'd want to do what's right. For Jayden, for the baby, but mostly for Abby. A baby would mean Ashlyn is connected to us forever. I'm not sure I want to invite a baby into my home like that. I have Abby to think of and my own sanity." Barnaby speaks again. "Good, now we're getting to it. If Ashlyn wasn't in a facility and she was still pregnant with Jayden's child, how would you handle it then? This is hypothetically. I mean, it almost happened, how were you two handling that?" 182 Confronting Issues Together

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"Jayden was married to Ashlyn then. I was moving forward with Phillip. We thought building a happy life for the kids separately was the way to go. We're not even sure we can live together at this point with or without an extra child in the mix." "Good, right. So you see where the work is still needed. Now, Jayden, how would you handle the fact that you were to have a newborn baby and this child would be your sole responsibility."

"I don't want to think about it. But I would raise the child as best I could. I would hope Winona could be part of that. I'd expect that once Winona and I marry, that we would all live together as a family. Raise the children in the same environment."

In my heart of hearts, I can't see that ever happening. If there was a baby, Judy would be back and I'd be stuck with her in my life everyday knowing that she was undermining me, trying to get what she wanted.

"Is that what you'd see happening, Winona?" Barnaby probes deeper.

I just sit there and look at him. I have a choice now. I can lie and make out everything will be just fine if that happened, like I always have. Or I can tell my truth and probably upset the man I love. But I'm here in the safe space to get my real feelings out. Not to hide, I'm not here to sugarcoat things anymore. Saying things are okay and them actually being okay are two different things. Even if this means I might lose Jayden, I have to tell my truth.

I know now that having Jayden with me and not being completely honest with him is just me settling and keeping the peace.

Me giving in to pressure to conform and make everything right. I'm not doing that anymore. But also, if I agree and go along, Jayden doesn't get the chance to really explore what this means to him. To be truly honest about his feelings.

This may well be a dealbreaker for him in our relationship. That's a chance I have to take.

"No. If Jayden and Ashlyn produced a child, I wouldn't be prepared to become a mother to that child. I'm sorry, Jayden. I know it wouldn't be the child's fault that Ashlyn did, what she did, but the daily reminder of her would push me over the edge." Jayden stiffens.

This isn't what he wanted to hear.