Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 193

The air was colder outside when Joseph was out before I knew what had happened; maybe I was drunker than him. That was probably the case when he was still carrying me on the streets behind the restaurant; it was fewer people here, just strays that weren't caring when we walked past at a brisk pace before darting inside a small side street where he put me down carefully, making sure I was holding onto the wall, while he was leaning against it, panting from running with me in his arms. "Shit!" I threw my shoe out into the street with a growl; this was f*****g perfect! Jonah saw me, and there was no doubt about that; even if he hadn't recognized me at first, he sure as hell had when Joseph had hoisted me up and walked away, leaving through the kitchen to people complaining.

"How are you so f*****g heavy when you look the size of a cat??" Joseph was still panting when I was standing on my shoe that was left. I was going to kill him; that stupid fucker had made sure that Jonah saw me, he did, and now I was f*****g toast! "Maybe you should work out instead of f*****g your PT and then call me fat again, you useless fucker!" I was still leaning against the wall with my hand when Joseph looked up, scowling like I guessed right; of course, he did. All rich bastards did, except for Jonah. He loved his wife, f*****g married her when he told me he was mine!

"Shut up!" he sneered back, losing the tie around his neck when I took off my other shoe, tossing it hard into the street, screaming, and feeling the anger making everything worse. I hated this. Why the f**k did he give her my necklace? I thought he f*****g sold it for drugs when he still was using it!? That would have felt f*****g better!

"Shit!" I was testing my ankle, feeling myself sobering up fast over what had happened; this wasn't over, not by a long shot, and here I was, stranded in an alleyway with Joseph still trying to wrap his head about what had happened, same as me. "Yeah, that's strained shit, Andrea. Why did you eat so much?! Now I'm going to have to carry you...." he was rolling his shoulders to my scowl, I wasn't that heavy, and he knew it! Jesus Christ, Buck wouldn't have complained about it for one second, and I was heavier back then!

"Leave me then! Let someone fucking rape me, or better yet! just take me fucking back to the restaurant and let Jonah finish me off, just like he has been wanting for some time now!" I was screaming again, my voice screeching between the brick walls, scaring away anyone coming our way. Good! I wanted to fucking kill someone, and Joseph was groaning at me, going insane, like I had no f*****g reason for it!?

"What, kill you?! What the fuck are you talking about, Andrea!? He would never kill you; otherwise, you would have died long ago. He fucking loves you, stupid bitch!" Joseph was snarling it back at me, sick of my tantrum when I was breathing heavily, holding my head. Loved me!? That was rich! He was the worst man I had ever met, f*****g toxic!

"No, he doesn't. Stop making fucking lies to my face!" I was so sick of my life, always fighting against everything and everyone; when did I get to walk with the man I loved, that didn't stab me in the back, lied to me, and broke my heart laughing inside an expensive restaurant?!

"Whatever.... If you don't believe me, then fucking don't. I can't make you see what is obvious to anyone other than you!" Joseph had his phone out, moving out the slightest, looking to see if Jonah had come after us. Shit... my shoes lying in the middle of the street weren't helping either.

"I want to go home, hold my kids and never come outside again...." I sat down on the cold ground, feeling even worse, intense nausea that always kicked in when I got angry, and the wine and champagne weren't helping me either!

"You think he really still loves me, Joseph? I saw that fucking necklace, and he knew I loved that. Why did he give it to her...?" I was holding my head with my hands, making a whining noise, and feeling the jacket around my arms when I was shaking in the cold air. I wanted to die.

"Andrea." I looked confused, thinking I was still drunk, when it wasn't Joseph's voice answering me no. This one was deeper, darker, and had a slight accent he used when he wasn't faking shit around people.

"Jonah...." I had lifted my head to see his face when he was crouched down beside me, looking angry, a scowl over his face when I was too drunk to get if he was real or not, my hand reaching out to touch his handsome face when he pulled back, clearly annoyed that I was even thinking that I could do that.

"Jonah... please...." I was saying his name beggingly, just like I had done a thousand times when his scowl became deeper. I didn't know what to do, stare at him when he was trying to figure out if he was going to kill me on the spot; it would be a good place, and nobody would miss me if he did, a random murder in the backstreets, nothing of value, to anyone.

"Don't fucking touch her, you son of bitch!" I heard yelling of Joseph from a distance. Tom was standing in his way, making me want to cry even more, my lips shaking from the cold fear mixed with paranoia and wine; this was it then, he was going to kill me, and my babies would never know me, know their mother!

"Hey! Are you even listing you fucking dick?! this is all your fucking fault!" Joseph was still screaming in the back when I closed my eyes, leaning my head down, tired of running, trying, and loving someone who didn't love me back.

"Shut the fuck up, Joey! We all know that you are just a fucking pussy!" Jonah barked back, sick of hearing his voice when I didn't move; what could I do? This had never been my game, and I was just playing around with guys who told me they loved me and left me. "Wasn't so fucking cocky when I tased your ass, and I would do it again! She needs a hospital and not some f*****g glaring. We all know you f*****g love her!" I was still shivering when Joseph must have been drunker than I thought since he was yelling out everything he was thinking!

"Jonah, he is right. she needs to get that ankle checked up; that swelling is looking bad...." Tom's voice was heard, and he did sound worried when I started to cry, not over my ankle. I couldn't feel it anymore, sitting on my a*s on the cold ground. No, I was crying because he had to tell Jonah to care about me, so he really loved her, Shailene? I swallowed the bile coming up, feeling even sicker than before.

"I fucking know that! You think I don't know that, Tom!? I can fucking see her ankle is twisted, same as anyone; for fuck's sake, give me one minute to not wanting to kill her! she has been on the fucking run for over six months. Now suddenly, I'm supposed to take that shit!?" Jonah was answering back when I hadn't stopped crying, huddled down with the jacket around me, nose stuffed and vision blurry. What was happening!?

"Yes, that is exactly what you are going to do. Pick her up; let's get to the fucking hospital, and you can kill her later." Tom sounded way more serious when Jonah made a sigh, cursed. I felt his arms around me, lifting me up when I latched on like I had never left him, arms around his neck and head buried in his collar, still crying my eyes out.

"Don't you fucking drop her, or I'm going to make sure you are sorry!" Joseph was walking behind us, Tom laughing when he was pushing him around, still being bigger and an a*****e, wanting to f**k around when Joseph was getting more annoyed every minute. "Take it easy, Romeo, he got her..." Tom was still chuckling when I felt the warmth, and I was still leaning my head into his neck, feeling the familiar smell I thought I would never feel again.

The heartbeats were banging against my body when I opened my eyes slowly, staring at his profile illuminated by the streetlights that had started to flicker. He looked so fucking handsome, like the most perfect guy in the whole world, staring at the distance with those hard green-blue eyes that used to have only love for me.

"Who the fuck are you calling Romeo anyway!? Hey, I'm not leaving her! Hey Jonah, you son of a....." I didn't hear more when the car door closed, and everything became silent around us. Only the steady heartbeats against my face and the breaths he was taking from walking me back to his car, oh god... oh god.... What was he going to do now? Tell me that he loved me, hated me? Demand to have Kira!? I didn't know anything, and it was scaring the shit out of me!

"Go." His voice was clear when the driver just nodded, and it wasn't Tom making me even more upset; maybe he never was taking me to a hospital?! Maybe he just said that to ensure that Tom didn't stop him from killing me. I couldn't trust anyone!

I started getting up from his chest, wanting to escape him. I didn't want him to take me somewhere, lock me up and tell me it was for my own good, kill me!

"Andrea.... Just stop... whatever is going around in your head... you are fucking drunk, and we are going to get you help. Relax..." Jonah was still annoyed when I didn't answer, just whimpered again when he pulled me back towards him; from the cold and the strong hurt in my chest and head, I was feeling like shit already, and I wasn't even hungover.

I hated how great it felt, leaning on him when I should be telling him to go to hell, take his stupid wife and leave me alone, leave my Kira and me that he never wanted, never had fought for.

"No.... no, just let me go...." I was trying to get off him again, looking out the tinted window where the streets were passing by; we were going somewhere. I still wasn't sure I was supposed to let him take me anywhere.

"I want to go home, and I don't want to see your face and that stupid whore that..." I gasped, feeling my chin held firmly, making me gulp as I stared into his eyes. Shit, I had forgotten how mesmerizing they were when he stared you down, making sure that you knew he was in control.

"Don't fucking start with me, and don't call Shailene a whore!!" my skin was burning from his fingertips when I was making a sound that I hadn't in a long time, pure hurt that was escaping my lips, he was hurting me, and I didn't care that he was holding my chin, no, it was my heart.

I couldn't speak anymore, my head still dizzy when biting my lips, staring back into his eyes, still not letting me go like he was still thinking about killing me for what I had done, disappeared on him, right under his nose.

He didn't say anything more either; he just let me go with an angry snarl that made me feel even worse, wanting nothing more than to see him happy again. We used to be happy once, even if it was f****d up; we had a f****d-up relationship, but so what? I couldn't get a regular guy even if I tried, it seemed....

"Fine, she is not a whore...." I was murmuring it when I was still sitting on his lap, trying not to look so goddam pathetic.

"Just... be fucking quiet for once in your life. Can you do that, Andrea?!" the harsh tone made me nod. Yeah, sure, I could be quiet, but as long as he let me go, I would disappear again, and maybe that was for the best... he loved her and not me, not f*****g me.... I started to cry again when the car came to a stop, and I didn't want him to lift me up, not this time when I slapped away the arms that were trying to hold me, f**k him and his help!

"Don't fucking touch me! Just go back to that wife of yours!" I was snarling it when I made a shriek, feeling myself being lifted no matter what I was telling him, making every person around stare at the crazy woman that was screaming when she was being taken out of the black car that had brought us to the backside of a building that I didn't know what the fuck it was!

"Andrea, just shut the fuck up. I'm not letting you go!" Jonah was carrying me, ignoring my futile attempt to get loose when he was having the driver open the entrance and walk inside, making me groined to the sudden light in my eyes, still in Jonah's arms when he stepped inside the small office that seemed to be some medical equipment around, it was looking kind of nice to my disbelief.

"Stay here." He put me down on the bed that was there to my hurt in a dress that was too big and no shoes, dangling my bare feet in the air the slightest, the jacket around me that was his seeing that he walked outside the room in his shirt and tie, looking back at me like he didn't trust me to stay, good, I wasn't going too.

194

I tossed his jacket off me, landing on the floor when I didn't want to feel the scent anymore, driving me even crazier. Why the f**k was he torturing me like this!? He knew that I f*****g loved him, and still, he couldn't even let me go home! No, just f*****g left me here to be treated like some goddam cage animal, just like always!

I was getting down from the bed when my voice betrayed me feeling my ankle not supporting me, my stupid drunk mind forgetting that I even had one when I had tried to get up and leave, making me curse even more when I was holding onto the bed, panting the slightest of the intense pain that was making me even sicker, not even able to get to a f*****g bathroom!

"Andrea, what did I fucking tell you!?" I looked up, seeing Jonah walking inside the room again, scowling at me when I didn't care, f**k him! F**k him for even taking me here and pretending that he cared! He didn't, and we both knew it. He only loved her, the stupid bitch that was having my place!

"Fuck you!" I was yelling it back when he sighed, seeing the jacket on the floor like he knew I had tried to make a run for it and failed. Great!

"Where are you going then, Andrea? Are you going to leave me? Is that it?" He was so fucking calm when I growled back, feeling even more like an animal. He wasn't telling me shit! I could go wherever I wanted, and he couldn't stop me. He never could! "Yes! I'm fucking leaving, and I am never coming back. You hear me, you fucking asshole? I hate you! I hate you for everything, fucking everything Jonah!" I was yelling it all over the building when he made a sigh, looking at me like he didn't know what to do with me anymore. He was right, him and me, we were f*****g history, just a short imagination from me thinking that someone would love me, really f*****g love me and not let me down!

"Goddam ungrateful bitch..." he was murmuring it when I started to laugh seeing his tired face. I was the bitch, me!? I was the one that had loved and trusted him so much more than he ever deserved!

"Ungrateful!? Yes! Yes, I am so ungrateful for being raped, locked up, and my fucking favorite part, having you pay Buck to date me! Have you any idea how f*****g humiliating that was to find out!?" I was starting to lose it; this was going to end now. I was not going back to him, not when he was f*****g married and had some illusion he was doing this for me. He wasn't that selfish bastard!

"He wasn't supposed to fucking date you. That was his choice Andrea, one that I wasn't fucking happy over finding out. You think you're the only one that has been suffering!?" Jonah was getting closer, wanting me to see that he was having a hard time too, when I didn't believe him. No, he did not have a hard life, nothing like me!

"Oh, cry me a fucking river! You got married. What the f**k did you think would happen, huh, Jonah!?" I was limping on my foot, cursing when he didn't answer that, f*****g coward!

A woman walked inside the room. She looked great around my age when I was still panting from pain and upset; she was wearing a cocktail dress and looked ten times better than me, a thousand standing in my shitty dress that was awful. Joseph was right about that part.

"Oh, Jonah, I can return when you are.... Finished..." she made a perfect smile when Jonah waved at her to come inside like he just wanted this shit to get done. He could take me where he wanted, but I still didn't trust him or anyone he was associated with! "Oh dear, look at you, that hurts, doesn't it?" the woman made a smile at me when I just glared back, was she fucking stupid?! Yes, it fucking hurt! I couldn't stand up, and she commented about my ankle.

"Andrea, answer." I scoffed when Jonah was staring at me as if it would work, but it wouldn't, and there was nothing he could do or say to make me obey, nothing.

"Fuck you." I said it back calmly to the woman that looked like she didn't know how to answer that, making Jonah even angrier for me acting like a bitch; surprise! I was one!

"I'm sorry for Andrea acting like this, Shannon; she is angry at me and is taking it out on everyone...." Jonah sounded so nice when he spoke, nothing like when he was barking at me, telling me to shut the fuck up, and making me feel bad again. What, did he fuck her too!? Was she my fucking replacement as the older woman!?

"Oh no, it's fine... I can see she is in pain, which makes anyone cranky..." the woman made another smile that I scoffed at, still standing on one foot and feeling my legs getting shakier, wanting to get out and leave them. They probably f****d. I wasn't going to stop him, that coldhearted bastard!

"You might want to sit down again, dear, or I think you will pass out soon. Your face looks a little pale, and you are drunk..." the woman smiled still when she snapped back like I didn't know I was drunk, I was, and I didn't care!

"Yeah, well.... You are...." I lost my insults when Jonah shook his head slightly, clenching his jaw like he wanted me to behave, and I never did.

"A doctor? Yes, I know, and to be honest, I wouldn't come for anyone else, but Jonah is a sweetheart. I mean, look at him. Who can resist that handsome face?" she made a giggle that made him smirk, seeing my face drop, eyes going dark, and just wanting to kill her for saying that, f**k her! F**k them both!

"Now, sit down." She sounded way more commanding when I sat down again, hating her even more for every second. She could fix up my fucking ankle, slap some bandage on it and let me leave. I wanted to get away from the stupid smiles they seemed to share like they had secrets I never would know, the story of my life.

"Okay.... Let me look at that. I'm a bit cold; I'm sorry about that...." I cringed, having her hands over my ankle, making me curse when she was poking and squeezing me way more than I thought she needed, that bitch!

"Yes, it's not broken, just sprained. We can wrap it up... she has stayed off the foot for about two weeks." I hated that she was talking to Jonah, she was, and I wasn't stupid. I knew she was when he made a thankful nod, making me sick seeing his face looking like he really was thankful to the snide woman that was beaming at him, oh I bet she wanted him to fuck her.

"Thank you so much, Shannon. I'm sorry for pulling you away on a date, and...you look stunning, like always..." my stomach dropped, seeing Jonah beam at her right back like he was respecting her. I wonder how that felt like.... Wiping my nose with my arm, not caring that I was the complete opposite, just fucking trash beside the woman with a cocktail dress and jewelry worth more than my house.

"No problems, like I said, wouldn't do it for anyone else..." she giggled when I was clenching my own jaw, arms crossed and giving it everything to not just attack her, pull the hair out of the nice updo she had, she really looked like someone that he would be outside with, appreciated and wanted to keep on her good side.

She was wrapping me up, making sure that the bandage was way too hard when biting the inside of my cheek, not wanting to show anyone how bad I was hurting my ankle and my heart.

Jonah was standing there, watching me with his mysterious eyes like he couldn't say anything more, or maybe he didn't want to when I flinched seeing the syringe she had brought, like I was letting anyone fucking drug me again, never!

"Stay the fuck back, you bitch!" I was leaning back when she looked at me like she didn't understand why I was struggling against her. Looking back at Jonah, he was worried seeing me not wanting to take it. I beat this was his plan all along, that bastard! Drug me and take me out, maybe lock me inside a fucking white room again and make sure that I knew he was having the time of his life with Shailene!

"It's just for the pain, dear...." I was staring at the needle, trying to get air, when I was feeling my stomach turn, wanting nothing more than to get out when I couldn't, trapped with a bitch doctor that was having the hots for Jonah!

"Andrea, please... it's just for the pain. Nothing will happen to you; just let her help you....." Jonah sounded softer, wanting me to listen, when I shook my head. No! No! I was not letting anyone lock me up again. I refused!

"It's okay, I promise..." he was coming closer, locking eyes across the room with me, having his arms down that had been crossed, just observing me when I made a mocking laughter, f**k him!

"Don't fucking tell me everything is okay; it's not! You hear me, Jonah?! I am not fucking okay with anything you or anyone that is on your fucking payroll wants to do to me!" I snarled, jumping down on my good foot, wanting to die from the pain in my other when I was supporting it on my toes, pushing away the stupid beautiful doctor that made a step back in her stilettos, f**k her!

"Andrea!" he grabbed me when I struggled, wanting to get out. He was not stopping me, not this time when the woman made a slightly shocked face like she hadn't expected me to be violent, surprised again!

"Let me fucking go. I hate you! You are a fucking monster, psycho, momma's boy!" I sped out every insult to his face when the darkness rolled over his eyes. The doctor made a smirk, she did, and I didn't care when he was sick of me struggling, grabbing my chin again, and making me stare at him like he always made me do when I met him, f*****g a*****e!

"Ungrateful, selfish bitch, fucking kidnapper!" he was spitting it back to my stunned face. What the fuck did he call me, a kidnapper!? What the fuck was he talking about? I was the one that had been kidnapped, not the other way around!

"You fucking stole Kira away from me, twice!" he was serious when I didn't have time to answer that, forgetting all about the woman and why she was here when he was holding my face with both his hands now. I hadn't even seen it happen; he was just here, and I was speechless, staring into the burning dark eyes. He was so angry at me for taking Kira.

"You never wanted her, never!" I was taking a deep breath, fighting back, his hands on my face burning, when I still didn't know if I wanted him to touch me, even if he wasn't giving me much choice.

"I made a fucking mistake, and you are holding it against me for the rest of my fucking life, is that it!? I was afraid, same as you!" he seemed to have forgotten the woman when I was holding my breath, wanting him to pull me closer, seeing that vulnerability that he didn't show anyone, not even me if I didn't drag it out.

"What....?" I wasn't sure if he had heard me or not. My voice was weak and tired, still pinned down by his amazing green-blue eyes, which were always my weakness. He made me feel like I was the only thing on his mind when he was staring at me like this, even if he was pissed off.

"I made a mistake, and you are not letting me fix anything, like always... that is fucking selfish..." he let me go when I was taking ragged breaths, leaning back on the bed with my face still burning from his hands, just as warm as I remembered them. Jonah was staring at me, the woman was gone, and I was still trying to get my head around what he was telling me, that he was sorry, or that he hated me for taking Kira away from him, both?

"You fucking took her away, and that wasn't your choice to make! I don't care what the f**k you were thinking, but you didn't care about what I was feeling, Andrea! You are always so f*****g selfish and act like everyone else are to blame. Well, maybe it's finally time you looked at yourself. You stole my daughter and wanted me to sit on my ass and do nothing; of course, I was going to make sure that she had a good life, no matter how I was getting it done!" He was still angry. The raw hurt was making me want to cry hearing that, fuck... fuck.... He was serious, wasn't he? I had left him, and ... I did take Kira along, but he didn't understand. He didn't care when I was out and homeless. He never cared!

"Yeah, right. Is that why you were so fucking caring when I was homeless? If it wasn't for Tom and Joseph... I don't know what the fuck I would have done, you get that!? you left me homeless after I was fucking kidnapped and pregnant!" He made a smirk hearing that thinking I was naïve. I knew that when my anger from nowhere was fading because I knew that face... oh shit...

"That was me too, all me, Andrea; everything in your fucking life has been me, I could have fucking pressed charges against you when you left, and I didn't. I was fucking generous and made sure you had a house and a fucking good job. Even someone to fuck, it seemed!" he made another scowl thinking about that part, me fucking Buck, yeah, I was. I wasn't sorry, not when he was telling me that he controlled me like a f*****g puppet!

"Soo fucking generous, making sure that I had my whole fake life that you couldn't stay away from either, and you left again; you left me when James had me, sending in Buck and disappearing on me! How the fuck can I ever trust you!?" my eyes swaying at his, tired of screaming, not wanting to sit down again, making him even taller against me. I hated that he was standing there and telling me that this all was my fault; it wasn't!

"I told you that I was coming to get you, and you had already gotten fucking married and loved him!? I was trying to get out, and you didn't care like you never fucking listened to me! I was trying to divorce Shailene, and you just told me to fuck off!" I stepped on the wrong foot when he said that, looking like he was struggling not to blow up. Go all psycho on me when I scoffed. Let him. f*****g let him show me what he really was instead of telling me shit that made me feel bad. He wasn't better than me, never was! "You love her, you fucking do, and don't tell me that you don't, f*****g liar!" I was screaming it back when my a*s was leaned against the bed, taking off the pressure from my ankle that still was killing me, making me wonder if I was stupid for not letting that bitch give me the shot.

"I do. Is that what you want to fucking hear!? Look at you, standing there and looking like you are going to fucking cry like it has been so fucking easy for me seeing you with Buck. You loved him more than I ever had loved Shailene, she is my friend, one of my closest ones, and she gets what it's like to have my life!" He swung at the décor when I was still stunned over what he had told me, still growling, wanting to smash more stuff, and I knew that just as I wanted to scream and make sure the whole world could hear just how much I hated him!

"Your life!? You fucking bastard! I have given you fucking everything, and I had nobody! Not even my parents wanted me, so what if I loved Buck!? You made sure my best friend was killed, and he loved me more than anyone. I should f*****g return the favor!" I was crying and didn't care; it was loud and ugly, making me howl out the pain I was having in my chest. He did, he f*****g killed James, and I hated him for it more then than leaving me, leaving Kira, telling me that he got married, he killed James, and I loved him. He was my fucking brother!

"He was going to kill you! Are you so fucking stupid that you don't get that!? He was going to kill you, Andrea! I saw the place he was taking you to, you have no fucking idea what kind of guy he was, and I didn't want you to! so yeah, I told Buck to kill him, and he deserved it much more than you will ever know!" I was going to the nice vase on the side table beside me, wanting to smash it over his head, hearing that he killed James and wasn't even sorry!

"Fucking murderer! I was just about to grab the vase feeling my wrist being snatched, the warm hand around it, making sure I couldn't move when he pulled me against him. my breath disappeared, having no air or words when he kissed me hard and fast like he wanted me to shut the hell up.

I was still panting, feeling the sweet mint that made me want more when we stared at each other, still not understanding what had happened. I wanted to kill him and still wanted him to kiss me more.

Jonah wasn't sure what had happened when he pulled back the slightest, making me grip tighter around his hard torso with my fingers digging inside his muscles. Whatever he was thinking about backing away from me, it was too late when he kissed me. I wanted him and didn't care that we were at a f*****g doctor's office. He was not getting away from me.

"Andrea, stop..." He told me to back off when I made a growl. What?! He didn't even want to fuck me anymore, was that it!? I could feel him being hard against me; he couldn't f*****g kiss me and then just back off! That wasn't f*****g fair!

I was just about to start screaming, feeling the vomit that made Jonah's face go blank, when I threw up and splattered the fancy wine all over his white shirt, shit...

"Nice..." he sighed, taking me away from him, still trying not to go a second time when I felt like I wanted to die. Jonah blamed me, and he didn't even want to fuck me; I was just some stupid whore he tried to save.

"I'm sorry... f**k..." I was rubbing my arms, feeling like shit when my hair was over my face, and I was pretty sure I would throw up at least one more time.

"let's just get you back home..." Jonah didn't wait this time, and I didn't struggle when he lifted up and leaned against his hard chest, not caring about the vomit. Closing my eyes and felt like the world was spinning; I wanted to die.