Divorced, But Not Broken -
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 218
"This isn't the way home." I stated the obvious to Jonah's snort when he had driven us the wrong way from the Browns. I hadn't made a sound about him being wrong, not when he looked like he didn't want to hear it, and honestly, didn't want to fight more in front of the kids. "No shit..... Andrea... are you going to trust me?" Jonah was still driving when I shrugged. I didn't know. Was there a
*****g time limit to me being perfectly fine with him sneaking around with a girl prettier than me?
"So, never?" He didn't look angry anymore, just like he was tired of me giving him s**t when the backseat was quiet, and knew that everyone was about to pass out back there; if only I had been so lucky!
"I don't know... okay? It still f*****g hurts, and her just standing there on Christmas, like you all were waiting on her to show up..." I didn't finish holding my hand over my heart, probably being dramatic in Jonah's eyes was still on the road, but he saw me, and I knew he did that sly bastard.
"Yeah, I know, but I didn't plan for it, and she just wanted to give me something and then ... well, we used to spend time with Mary and Pat and..." He stopped when my face changed. Yeah, I also knew that she was a part of his family and was accepted by everyone, not just Mary and Pat.
I didn't say anything, just staring at the road, not knowing where we were going; maybe Jonah was driving around, waiting for the kids to fall asleep, when I sighed heavily, feeling worse. I just wanted her to disappear and never show her pretty face again. Was that too much to ask?
"Andrea, please don't cry..." I was sniffling when he said that, sounding worried, and having his hand on mine when I was wiping away my tears rolling down silently. That was too late, and I was already crying.
"I said we were going to give this a real f*****g go, and we have been doing good, right?" Jonah sounded different like he wanted me to get that he was serious when I was looking down, blinking, feeling his warm hand on mine, warming me up, same as the heater that was on full blast, even if I was wearing a coat, I was freezing my a*s off.
"You think I am going to just back out now? If I wanted to leave, then I would be gone. Don't you get that I have been the one that had to wait for the f*****g chance to get you back? Not the other way around.." he moved his hand, changing gear when I finally glanced at his face, eyes serious, not letting go of my hand for a second more than he needed, still having his sharp eyes on the road.
"Sure you did..." I was rolling my eyes in the darkness, head still down, and I wanted to cry more, just feeling sorry for myself. I was the one that had made sure to declare I f*****g loved him, and he still didn't want to give it a chance until I pushed him! "Yeah, I have. For a f*****g long time now. I knew I made the biggest f*****g mistake of my life when you drove away, and I was too much of a f*****g coward to go after you....
"He swallowed, making my eyes finally look over at him. He seemed nothing like when he didn't want to talk about s**t, more like he was trying not to start crying, staring out into the darkness, the unfamiliar area surrounding us.
"I missed everything. Everything, and now I have to f*****g live with Kira having Buck as her f*****g hero, and I am just g**1, and we all f*****g know it..." He swallowed again, to my surprise, drying my eyes with the back of my arms, cursing that he was saying s**t that made me feel bad, he looked mad, but it wasn't at me this time.
"I mean... look at me, I f*****g tried everything, and still, as soon as that bastard calls, she lights up; that should have been f*****g me, not him!" I saw the sleeping faces of the kids before going back to Jonah's hard face, his jaw starting to clench, getting pissed, and I was hoping he didn't wake them up!
"Jonah, please.." I was hushing him when his eyes snapped back in the mirror, taking a deep breath like he knew what I meant. He did try to not get so f*****g angry over something that I had no control over.
"Fine... fine... I just wanted you to know, you know... fittig sharing my feelings and all that other stit.." he made the smallest smirk I had ever seen on his handsome face when 1 nodded. Yeah, he did. It wasn't bad, not at all. I just didn't know how to answer him for
once
"Phil's right, you know, about nothing changed with Ma... but I have changed, Andrea." Jonah had finally found where he was going and drove down the small lighted street when I couldn't just believe what the f**k he had told me. That he had changed, I knew he had, and I didn't know how much.
"Have you? changed, I mean?" My voice was still upset, shaking when he made a real smirk, turning into a suburban area that made me stop and look at his smirk growing bigger. Why was he looking so F*****g cunning suddenly?
This area wasn't an apartment block. No, it was filled with some bigger homes, mostly more medium sizes too small, but it was hard to see in the darkness no matter the snow on the ground lighting up the street mixed with Christmas décor.
"You f*****g tell me, baby..." Jonah was still smirking, looking more like himself, having his eyes on my mine, still unsure what to say when he stopped on the street, confusing me more. What the f**k did he mean by that?!
"Jonah..?" I was staring at him going out and walking around, almost running like a kid on Christmas, opening the door to my side and holding out his hand, wanting me to get out of the car.
"Yeah?" he was pulling me outside, making me stare at him when he was smirking more, his arms around me and rubbing my back with his warm hands that were making it harder for me to get why he wasn't saying why the f**k we were standing on the pavement in the cold and just looking at each other?
"Why are we here?" I wasn't sure how I even was being able to speak when he was smiling more, his whole face just was looking so f*****g happy, and I was starting to understand he never got lost and drove into the wrong neighborhood.
"I wanted to show you that I am f*****g committed, Andrea ... this place is ours..." He chuckled when my eyes dilated in shock. He didn't. Tell me he didn't just *****g buy a house, and I had no idea how the f**k he had been able to do that. He still didn't make that much!
"Jonah, how the f**k did you get the money to buy that house!?" I was looking scared, my heart beating faster, mainly because the only person I knew had the kind of money he needed was Austin. I didn't want to f*****g owe that fucker anything!
"Buy it? Andrea, who said anything about buying it? the guy who owns it owes me and will be away two to five years, soo..." Jonah chuckled like I didn't get that he was talking about jail, whoever owned this home was in f*****g jail, and he wanted us to live in it?! "What?! No, no! my kids are not staying in some home of a fucking criminal, you hear me, Jonah!" I was backing away, wanting to show him I disapproved of this. What if the guy came back and hurt them, me, him!?
Jonah hadn't moved from the spot, and he was upset. I knew that, but I couldn't help it, call it f*****g paranoia, but I was scared, and I hated it so much!
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I am a f*****g criminal, Andrea, and you knew that from the start! How the f**k did you think I got the money I had to support us!? "I was holding my breath, seeing the dark eyes staring at me, jaw set, and he was trying not to blow up over my reaction. I knew I was spitting in his face, and I still couldn't stop myself!
"I f*****g know, but not like that!" I didn't know what I had expected by saying that. I didn't see him like that, even if I knew, making me a coward in my own way, f**k!
"What way am I then? The good kind, the one that doesn't hurt people? You know I do, Andrea.." he stopped like he hadn't meant to say that when my face lost some of its colors, I knew that too; I had seen him f*****g kill a guy!
"Yeah, I know... but they all deserved it!" I didn't even know! was defending everything he ever had done before seeing the same smile he had when we burned down James's house. Oh s**t.... He looked proud again, and I didn't even know why? I wasn't cool with him doing the st*t he did, but I knew he wouldn't hurt people who didn't deserve it, no matter how stupid it sounded!
"Yeah.yeah, they f**i*g did, baby... look at you, f**k. I might even forgive you for not being happy I got us a f*****g house..." Jonah had his hands in his pocket, not looking half as mad anymore over me not wanting to stay here when I sighed, maybe he was right... he was a f*****g criminal, and he did do this for us.... God, I was such a b***h sometimes...
"You did do that... and it is f*****g cold outside..." I was shivering when he looked up from scraping the snow with his shoe, disappointed at my reaction, making me feel worse. I would have been that... he was really trying, and I wasn't even f*****g grateful... "So... its ours, I mean... really f*****g ours.... He can't come back in six months and tell us to just f*****g get out?" I was looking at Jonah, starting to smirk again. s**t, he really looked so goddam cocky; that hadn't changed at all after all these years. He just was. ******g cocky.
"Yeah, no... I wouldn't worry about that, and if he does, I will deal with it, okay, baby? Don't think about that part. Let me handle that..." I hated that I felt better hearing that, knowing that whatever the f**k that meant, it would probably involve violence or something other than I didn't want to know about... like I said, coward.
"Okay... Okay, Jonah..." I was taking a deep breath and seeing him smile more at me accepting this, and I was. God knows we needed more space to have another baby next summer.
I was walking towards the lawn, wanting to look at it closer, the mysterious house that Jonah had made sure to get us, feeling his hand catch mine; to my surprise, he hadn't held my hand in a long time, not because he didn't want to, because it was always occupied with kids that still was asleep in the car making me not wanting to leave them here, what if something happened?
"Five minutes Andrea, that's all... don't worry so f*****g much..." I disagreed when Jonah walked up the short driveway and had the keys out, still glancing at the car.
What the f**k couldn't he do?
He opened the door, and I walked inside, looking around; it was okay... the guy who lived here definitely didn't care much about the interior since everything inside was from the eighty's and had some scarce furniture around. Still, it was a lovely big home, it really
was.
"It's great... really Jonah..." he had let me go when I was walking around, coming down the stairs, and was just about to go back to the car; hearing his voice from the living room area, he had told me to start upstairs, and I hadn't said anything since I still felt terrible about giving him s**t for being nice and supportive.
"Jonah, we need to get back to the kids and..." I stopped frowning, entered the room, and saw the lighted candles.
I mean, there were three of them, but still, there it fthig was, candles, roses, and what seemed to be a box of Chinese takeout. What the f**k was he up to now? I didn't move when he stood there, standing upside down, and was he looking nervous?
1 frowned again when he made a cough and clearly wanted me to come closer and not just stand there like some damn b***h.
"Andrea, please... Just come closer and let me do this...
"I started to smirk, seeing him looking even more nervous.
Was the almighty Jonah Sullivan suddenly looking like he was about to have a stroke, and why did I find this so funny?
"Do what?" I was smirking more, but I did come closer to seeing his handsome face in the light of the candles making the house look like it could be a home with some love. He really was trying so hard for us, and I knew it.
"Shut up and let me f*****g finish..." Jonah was breaking a sweat now when I had come close enough for him to take my hand and stare down into my eyes with his own ones, blue-green and beautiful, determined and wanting to show me how much he f*****g loved
me.
"I know that it's not the best f*****g home to get or that we are going to stay here forever, but I'm *****g sick of not being able to f**k you, having to worry about the boys being awake. That s**t turns me off, and... yeah, I really want to spend time with my future wife when I finally have her back in my life.." he stopped, his eyes changing like I was supposed to get it on my own.
What? Was he going to stare at me to figure it out alone? I know we were getting married as soon as the divorce was done if that ever f*****g happened.
"Okay." I was blinking when he made a frustrated sigh like I was stupid to my smirk, knowing I was busting his balls, having fun seeing him being nervous, call me a b***h, but that was the truth.
"Andrea, you are f*****g killing me over here! you know that I am f*****g asking you to marry me, and you are what, making it harder for me?!" He was sighing again, his shoulder leaning down when I smiled more. Yeah, I was making it f*****g harder. He deserves it. "Yeah, no, I want the real f*****g deal, Jonah; this isn't going to be my next divorce; if you want me to marry you, show me that you are serious..." His eyes narrowed, hearing me say that, knowing that he hated every second of doing that, showing pure commitment like his mind was still having a block where his emotions were supposed to kick in and not be embarrassed doing something that was making me happier than anything else.
"f**k..." my heart did skip a beat when he got down on one knee and looked at me with puppy eyes making me start to get nervous too, f**k! I didn't know he was f*h*g serious; I would have been happy with him just asking me like this, on his knee and taking my hand, stroking it gently with his thumb to the goosebumps working their way over my body. s*it!
"Jonah is that a fitting ring!?" I was screeching it, and I didn't even know why seeing him take out a golden band with a small stone on staring up at me, finding his confidence again when I felt like I was about to start freaking out Jonah was actually really f*****g proposing to me!
"Yes, it's a f*****g ring... now shut up and let me ask you...." he made another smirk on my surprised face that was in shock. I knew he had asked me before, but not like this! Not on his knees and having a ring along, that was f*****g serious! "Yeah... yeah... ask....." I took deeper breaths, trying so hard not to pass out from the cold realization that this was happening. I was finally having some f*****g more than a promise that we were going to be together, live together, and be f*****g happy! "Andrea Louise Wilson, please, will you be my wife?" He was saying it slow and steady to my breaths getting faster, oh god! Oh my f*****g God, he was asking me to marry him! He was!
"Yes! Yes, I will be your f*****g wife, Jonah Patrick Sullivan!
"I wasn't even trying to hide how f*****g happy I was when he was sliding the ring on my finger, getting up when I wasn't sure what to do, kiss him, or start crying, both!
"I love you so f*****g much, Jonah! Oh god! Look at it; it's f****g perfect!" I was kissing him hard when he smirked more, seeing me hold my hand up and staring at the ring that was the best he had ever given me, except for my kids! "Good, I want you to be happy, Andrea.." he held me close, making us feel the bump between us. I was happy with him, no matter what, and I just wanted us to be together forever, us and the kids. We f*****g deserved that after everything!
"I'm always going to be happy with you, oh god... I love you and... f**k.. I'm going to have to become a f*****g catholic, aren't I?" he was nodding to my laughter. I would do that. I would do anything to be with him. I loved him with all my f*****g heart! "Yes, and .... Yeah, I'm probably going to have to bribe some people... but we are f*****g doing this, Andrea! I want the
*****g world to know that you are mine..." he sounded warmer, saying that made me kiss him again, never wanting to stop feeling him deepening the kiss to my moans, wanting to come closer, clinging with my arms around his neck panting the slightest from losing all air in my lungs not wanting to let him go.
".. and you are f*****g mine, don't forget that..." he was kissing me again when I was smirking back, knowing that he had planned this, all of this. It was the best f*****g proposal I ever could have gotten, f**k expensive restaurants and champagne! Who needed that when I had the sexiest guy in the world telling me he loved me and having his baby?! I was f*****g lucky, and I knew it!
"Okay... so... let's get back out. I bet that Noah is awake anyway..." Jonah was smiling more, making me cry because he didn't hate the thought of taking care of the kids. No, he really was accepting this life. (**k, he really had stepped up and became the guy I knew he was, with a beautiful heart
"You are a good dad Jonah, really. I'm f*****g proud of you.." I kissed him one more time before letting go knowing that he was happy hearing that, smiling way more when he was blowing out the candles and me taking the takeout on the small table, eating it with a slight moan. Oh god, how did he know I wanted Kung Pao?? I was still eating to his amused smile, like he was happy seeing me eat, like I wasn't stuffing my face every chance I could these days!
"Good, because I want to have at least two more..." He smirked even more, his voice darker when I almost choked on the prawn I was chewing. Was he f*****g serious?!
"Two more!? I'm f*****g pregnant, and you are planning that already!?" I snorted, eating more when he was shrugging like he wasn't going to push it when we walked out of the house, me still eating. Locking the door made me look up at his face, which was absolutely at peace seeing me still digging around the paper box with a plastic spork since I hated chopsticks.
"You f*****g serious, aren't you?" I wasn't even mad when he made another smile, taking my hand, not answering more than giving me a firm squeeze around my shoulder before helping me inside the car to my awed face over that he didn't answer me. Oh yeah, he was f***g serious.
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