Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 82

I was just staring, frozen when I saw the middle-aged woman that was scowling and shaking me the slightest seeing that I was still in some sort of haze from seeing Jonah again, f**k I wanted to die, so f*****g much right now... "Hey! Andrea! Hey!" She was getting my attention back when my eyes were shifting nervously and just having my jaw clamped down, even if I could feel that I was crying and I had no idea on making it stop.

She just started to move me, like she got that I wouldn't talk, not right now and before I knew it, I was back inside the same office that I had been fired from just twenty minutes ago with coffee in my hand and a blanket that I had no idea where it came from, Carl being kicked out and Angela sitting down looking all serious at me, like she was all business right now.

"Who was that guy? Did he try something?" she sounded so soft all the sudden when I just lifted my eyes and made a small smile, tried something... well that was the understatement of the year.... He had done everything he wanted to me and then some more, and me as the stupid f**k I was... I just had let him do it to me, so f*****g stupid.

"No....no... he is my ex-boyfriend..." I didn't want to say more, because I knew that for some reason, she was going to tell James, and I didn't want him to get hurt or worry more then he already did. I was a burden to him, and I knew that too, it wasn't fair to make him more stressed out about shit he couldn't change, nobody could.

She didn't say anything to my surprise, just made an acknowledgement like she already got that we had some sort of relationship seeing me and Jonah together.

"He is using drugs and.... well...... fuck I still love him Angela..." I didn't know why I just told her that, maybe because I couldn't take the silence, or that I had nobody except for James to talk to about this, and he hated Jonah, more than life itself.

"Just don't tell James... please?" I looked up at her sitting on her desk and just watching me like she didn't know what to say, or she did, and she knew that I wouldn't like the answer, fuck I was the dumbest woman that ever walked the earth!

"He needs to stay away, you got that Andrea? he didn't look like he had good intentions the way he was watching you, trust me, I fucking known after being around guys like him for over twenty years...." I nodded, sure, I knew that too... so why was it so fucking hard to get my stupid heart to get that? I knew that he still loved me back, why else would he stalk me?

"He just can't fucking handle his emotions... never could when we hooked up, he is young and... "I felt even more ashamed, it was fucking shameful to have a guy that much younger make you dance to his tune, make you want to follow his every word, and I still would, and I knew it, even if he was making me feel like shit.

"I just love him, and leaving him was the hardest thing I ever done..." I felt sick talking about it, hugging my cup of coffee harder not touching it, I would always love him, no matter what he did.

"If he really loves you, then he should fucking fight for it Andrea. to get clean but that's not what I saw, he is still just using you as a fucking place to get out his anger, and you are letting him." She sounded like she knew what she was talking about, making my heart so heavy and my body collapsing like I was dying, because I knew that she was right, I really believed when I left that he would have done that, for me, for us....... f**k...... just gave into the hard crying, I didn't care if she saw me, Angela was not my boss anymore, she had f*****g fired me and I just wanted to go home and never see the sun again.

She didn't say a word, she just let me cry until I was exhausted and gave me tissues, it felt weird, and good in some way, just telling her and she was not judging me, not like everyone else would do, even James.

"Thanks..." I was getting up when my voice was broken, all of me was. Whatever I had believed walking of that plane a month ago, it was just an illusion, I was still as hooked on Jonah as ever, and I needed to stop it, for me.

"I can call James, and don't worry, I can keep a secret, you know, lawyer and all that..." she made a smile that made me surprised, was Angela just kind to me? that was nice, I guess...

"Yeah.... thank you again, and ... yeah...." I was walking toward the door when she stopped me, and I looked at her determined face more surprised than before.

"It wasn't all charity, Andrea. I fucking hate to say it... but you are not as stupid like you look like, and I want you to stay, not as a favour to James. because you are a f*****g machine, and you get shit done in one hour that takes Carl two weeks." She was just giving me an encouraging look that I blinked at. What?

"Oh...." I didn't know how to answer that.... she was being nice, and she said that she wanted me to be on her payroll, not because of James, because of me.

"However, if you are to stay here, you can't be with him, your ex. he is bad for you and that means he is bad for me, my business. I don't want an employee that breaks down every day, he needs to get his shit together Andrea, just as much as you do." She sounded more like she was my mother then my boss like she was again all the sudden, even if we weren't that much apart in age.

I just nodded, I got that, I really did. I wanted him to get clean and get his shit together........and I needed to stop hoping that he was coming back and be different.... f**k.... I just loved him, and he was the best guy there ever was, he really was sweet and caring when he didn't blow up at me.

"I mean it, I hear that he and you are back together, and he is not fucking clean, I'm dumping your ass so hard and there is nothing you can do to make me change my mind, got that?" she just looked at me serious when I nodded again, yeah I got that, Angela was not a woman that made empty threats, that was for sure.

"Tell James I see him this Sunday, and he better show up or I'm coming after him, stubborn bastard..." she made a chuckle, so she wasn't giving up, not after me telling her straight to her face that he didn't like her... oh she sure was persistent.... Just like James....