Faking It To Survive
Chapter 15

Rose

It’s been a few days since Ryan got discharged from the hospital. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to my apartment. It’s not just the s*x. It’s the company, the conversations, the intimacy … it’s him.

This is the first time in my life that I’ve let myself feel this way about a man. It’s so overwhelming that I can’t describe it, but I can’t imagine my life without it now.

Ryan Baker has managed to bulldoze his way into my life, but he fills an emptiness in me that I didn’t know was there. I feel safer in his arms than I’ve felt in years. I feel like I can finally be whoever I want to be, and I can do whatever I want. I can conquer the world with him by my side.

In the few days I’ve been with him, I feel like I no longer need to run. Maybe, just maybe, I can stay and confront him when he finally finds me again.

I step out onto the balcony with the brightest smile on my face. The world looks so much more colorful now.

Ryan is already in the pool. He stares open-mouthed and wide-eyed at my green two-piece bikini. Then he shakes the water out of his hair and g****s. “You’re killing me, Rose.”

I bite my l*p as I approach him. He makes me feel so desirable when he looks at me like that. He can’t take his eyes off me.

“But I haven’t even done anything yet,” I tease, sitting down on the edge of the pool and crooking my finger at him. “Come here.”

Ryan doesn’t hesitate. He swims toward me, dips his head, and his lips meet mine. My arms slide around his neck, and I lean into him, kissing him back.

I’ve never felt this way when it comes to s*x. I always associated it with pain, shame, and humiliation—never pleasure. I even surprised myself when I told Ryan I wanted to go all the way with him. Somehow, I just knew I could trust him with my body. If I told him I wanted to stop, he would have without blinking, but I didn’t have to.

Being with him was, and still is, mind blowing, better than I ever imagined, and it only keeps getting better.

I break away from his lips. “Sooner or later, we’re going to have to go back to the outside world, you know.” Neither of us have been back to the agency, nor has Ryan attended the many interviews Travis has lined up for him.

“Ugh,” Ryan g****s and drops his head onto my chest. “Maybe we should run away. We can tell Travis I’m done fighting.”

I giggle. “Yeah right. You love fighting way too much to quit. I see that sparkle in your eyes every time we train.”

Ryan looks up and grins at me. “You know me too well, babe.”

I raise an eyebrow. “So, I’m babe now?”

He shrugs. “You don’t like me calling you that?”

“It’s so … generic. Try to be more creative.”

“Yeah?” His grin spreads, and then he peppers k****s down my face, neck, and chest. “How’s this? Is this creative enough for you?” He lifts me up and places me on the edge of the pool while he stays in the water. Then he tilts his head so his lips fit perfectly against mine, licking, biting, sucking … He doesn’t stop until he makes me gasp and m**n. His tongue feels so heavenly that I can’t resist it.

His k****s moving down my neck leave me breathless. His hands burrow under my bikini bra to cup my breasts.

“Ryan …” I whimper when he rolls my nipples between his fingers then sucks the flesh right beneath my ear. That spot always makes me melt.

He yanks off my bra and leaves my breasts exposed for him to fondle. Then he kneels in the water to pull off my bikini bottoms. He stays in that position and wraps his arms around my h**s for support as his nose grazes my wet entrance.

He slides his wicked tongue against me, and I m**n, not even caring if I attract attention. I tug at his hair, throw my head back, and m**n continuously as his thumb flicks my nub and he shoves his tongue deep inside me.

I feel myself wavering dangerously. Good thing he holds on to me when he releases me from this sweet torture.

He steps out of the water to join me at the edge, takes my hand, and leads me to the mat a few feet away from the pool. He guides me down, and I don’t waste time feeling him up. I let my fingers trail his hardened chest as much as I want.

I lick his wet chest and find my way to his nipple. He g****s when I lick him. I can’t wait anymore.

I grip his a*s and grind my h**s against his to urge him to devour me. His arousal fits perfectly between my legs, and he k****s me with intense passion. His lips leave me breathless as he trails them down my neck. He bites my ear and slips his tongue right down behind it until I shiver in delight.

My body quivers when his mouth closes around my nipple. His hand strokes my thighs and stops at the wet heat of my entrance. I brace myself for what’s to come, and my m***s and gasps get faster and louder.

Without warning, he plunges his finger into me, and I have to grip his biceps even more tightly to hold myself steady.

“Please, Ryan!” I whimper, squirming in torment. I need him so badly! “Please, take me.”

He doesn’t notice. He’s too deep into torturing me, his mouth still latched on to my nipple. His hand caresses my other breast, and he adds another finger inside me, stroking me into oblivion.

I implode in screams as I ride the waves of pleasure.

He doesn’t give me any warning or wait for me to come down before he thrusts into me. My m***s echo over the balcony as I feel his thick arousal inside me.

He keeps thrusting into me, groaning with pleasure. I drag my fingernails down his back, then grab his butt to urge him to go faster and harder.

I feel myself close to imploding again as he thrusts even faster, and then my thighs clench, and my insides squeeze him as I shatter completely in his arms.

Ryan reaches his peak right after me, yelling my name as he erupts. He always says my name when he climaxes.***

Later that day, Travis and Trina drop by. They bring food and insist that the four of us have dinner together.

I go into the kitchen to help Trina. She surprises me by staring at me for a long time before she smiles and shakes her head.

“So, it’s official then? You two are finally together?”

I can’t help but blush. Ryan does that to me.

“I mean, we haven’t exactly put a label on it yet, but um … pretty much, yeah. We are together.” Saying it makes it more real—more real than it already was. I find myself wanting to shout it from the rooftops. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Trina jolts back and almost drops the plate she’s holding. “What? Of course not! You really think I would have a problem with you dating my brother?”

I shrug. I haven’t had many female friends, but I know how catty some women can be. She might want to protect her brother from someone as damaged as I am. She might not even know how damaged I am, but some people can sense things like that.

“I just thought that, since we didn’t exactly get together in the most conventional way, you might not be too happy about us being together.”

“I don’t care how you two got together. I haven’t seen my brother this happy since we were kids. Not even when he was with Tammy.” She sighs. “He’s always taken care of me, you know? He and Travis always put me first. They protected me from the harsh realities of life. Then Travis and I found each other, and I always wanted Ryan to find someone too—someone who would love and cherish him, someone to share his life with. He might try to hide it, but I can tell he was really lonely before you came around.”

“Yeah.” I turn to gaze across the apartment at the two men playing video games on the living room couch. “He hides his feelings behind that smile.”

Trina rubs my arm. “But never with you. His smile is always so genuine and bright whenever you’re around him. Then, when you’re gone, it’s like you take his soul with you.”

I don’t know what to say, but there’s something powerful in those words. I hold as much power over Ryan as he does over me.

The words “I love you” haven’t passed my lips ever since my mother’s death, but that’s exactly how I feel about Ryan. Fear holds me back from saying it, though. It’s a huge step, and we’ve only just started seeing each other. I shouldn’t be feeling an emotion that strong yet. Should I?

“Hey ladies!” he yells over his shoulder. “What’s taking so long in there?”

Travis comes over and k****s his wife on the forehead. “You should be off your feet.”

“We’ve been through this. I’m pregnant, not handicapped.”

He repeats the same words at the same time and makes her laugh.

“Are you giving me attitude, Travis Baker?” She waves the serving spoon at him.

“Never.” He grins and k****s her again.

Ryan g****s loudly as he comes into the kitchen. “Will you two get a room? Don’t do that here where we can all see you.” He comes over to me and wraps his arms around me from behind.

Contentment and love overpowers me when I see myself getting closer to these people. I’m in a family for the first time in years. I’ve longed for this for so long, and now I finally feel like I belong somewhere. It’s happening, and I have Ryan to thank for that.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s perfectly normal to feel this strongly about Ryan, though we only just started.

Laughter and giggles fill the air as we tease and joke around. I capture these moments in my memory so that I can replay them over and over again in my head and remember that I once felt the purest form of love.