Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 42

I didn’t know for how long it lasted. All I knew was that I simply stood, wrapped in Aiden’s embrace, and cried my heart out.

I used to think that crying is a sign of being weak. That every time I cried, it is a sign that I am as weak as everyone says. But I quickly came to realize that crying is strength. It is a way of setting those bottled emotions free. Crying is strength.

But what made this moment special, was the fact that I felt comfortable enough around Aiden to do it. As I stood in his arms, tucked in carefully into his chest, I let out all of my frustrations, my fear, my anger, the negativity.

“Let it all out,” Aiden said softly, as he ran his hands on my back tenderly. “Don’t hold anything back. Let it all out, Nala.”

Hearing him say that made me cry even harder as I clutched his shirt. I could feel the pounding in my head return, but at the same time, could also feel the thudding in my heart reduce. I sniveled, wept, and cried in the arms of my man. And it felt absolutely gratifying.

Erin leaned into the touch, reaching for the bond between us that is yet to be activated, but still does spark every single time either of us reaches to it. She was beginning to calm down, just like I was.

After a while, I stopped, safe from the sniffs and deep breaths I draw in from time to time. A short moment later, I pulled away a bit from the embrace and stared at the way my kohl had ruined Aiden’s white shirt.

“I ruined your shirt,” I mumbled quietly, as I sniffed more.

“It’s fine. I have tons of them.” Then he tipped my head up, his eyes burned into mine. “But I have only one of you, and you are all the matter, Nala,” he smiled softly.

I nodded, sniffed again, then rubbed my eyes frantically. “I’m such a mess,” I tried to laugh. “Always a mess.”

“Never a mess,” Aiden countered, pulling me in for another hug. “You are far from being a mess, Nala. This is life, and we all have a moment or two where we feel down. It doesn’t make us any less of who we are, no, it simply shows us how real we appear to others. None of us is perfect, and none of us would ever be.” He wiped the tears off my cheeks using both of his thumbs before he nuzzled his forehead on mine and pulled back a bit, “regardless of it all though, you are my perfection. My kamla Nala.”

I shut my eyes, taking in his words. The way they gripped my heart in an iron clasp that made me want to simply wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down for a k**s.

But I didn’t. Because I still wasn’t ready. Because I was still a mess, and I still felt like I shouldn’t go to the ceremony.

“Sit,” Aiden said, as he pulled the chair by the mirror, the one I had been sitting on a while ago and sat me down, before he kneeled beside me and took my hands in his. “How do you feel now?”

“Like crap,” I muttered, blowing my nose with the tissue he had passed me. “But my heart feels less heavy.”

“Happy to hear that,” he replied with a small smile, pushing the curly lock on the right side of my face behind my ear. “You can tell me if you don’t want to do this, Nala. There’s no reason to hold back,” he said, looking at me with tender eyes.

“I…I…” The words died. I couldn’t say them, because I didn’t want to disappoint him. Would he get mad if I tell him I’m scared of attending the ceremony now?

“I’ve noticed your shift since last night. You looked nervous, and from time to time, you spaced out. You didn’t even sleep well, Nala. I saw it all, but I didn’t ask because I was waiting for you to speak up. I thought if I asked you’d feel pressured to talk when you didn’t want to, so I just let it be. But right now, I regret not doing that. You were on the verge of having a panic attack,” Aiden sighed.

“I’m sorry I…”

“No, don’t. Please,” his hold on my hand tightened as he stared into my eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I was just scared of ruining everything,” I finally said, feeling my eyes getting misty again. “I was scared no one would like me and my scars would show despite being hidden using make-up. Or that I may shift and everyone sees Erin again and for the second time, we get shunned at, get called names, chased like a prey. I was just…scared of everything, Aiden,” the tears returned, and as I watched Aiden through them, it didn’t feel wrong to let them fall.

“Maybe I pushed you too soon for this…”

“No, you didn’t,” I cut him off quickly. “I agreed to do it. I had thought I had enough courage to face it but as always, I’m just a weak pathetic woman telling herself all sorts of lies,” I laughed without humor through my tears. “I look into the mirror and all I see is a broken woman making life hard for those around her. I question everything I have, or what I once had. Just the thought of meeting everyone as the queen and disappointing them made me want to forget all this and go. I’m sorry I’m saying this, but it was how I felt.”

Aiden said nothing. Instead, he simply stared at me before he smiled a bit and wiped my tears again.

“Want to hear a story?” he asked.

I nodded, willing to take anything that would get rid of the crippling negative thoughts in my head.

“On the day of my crowing, I was very bad too. You could imagine what a then twenty five year old, who had never done anything as big as this on his own would manage the crowning. I stood before my people shaking on my feet, Nala, and I could remember Mama telling me everything was going to be okay and that I just needed to be myself.

“Obviously, that should make me feel better, right? But it didn’t. Instead, I began asking myself who I am and how do I show everyone me? I didn’t have the answer. In all honesty, all I wanted to do then was to run from the Kingdom, the crown, the people, and my parents. At some point, when the High Priestess passed the crown to the Elder, who was to crown me, I found myself shaking even more, causing me to flung my arms aimlessly and I accidentally ended up hitting the Elder with the crown to his face, hard enough that he fell on his butt. Yup, pure embarrassment,” he chuckled, and I laughed at that.

“But after looking at my people, seeing them cheer and call on me, I began to relax. They knew I wasn’t the first child, and I shouldn’t be taking the throne. This had been one of the reasons I was nervous, because I kept thinking if they would accept me, or if I even deserve the crown and the title. But like Mama said, I only needed to be myself for them to see me, and for me to see myself as well.

“Once I figured it wasn’t my fault any of that had happened, and that, regardless if I deserved the title or not, these people are now under my protection, it became easier to get rid of the negative energy around.” He then stood up, walked behind me, leaned in, placed his head on my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me. “I look into the mirror, and I see how far I’ve come,” he finished.

I stared at our reflection in the mirror, the way our dark skins matched with each other’s. As I looked on, I could see the fine lines of Aiden’s face, and the way everything about him fitted him. When I shifted my gaze to myself, however, I couldn’t say the same thing about myself.

All I see are scars. They may have disappeared physically, but every time I look at myself, I see them. It’s like they’ve been burned in my memories and whatever I do, they’ll always be there. I shut my eyes so I could rid myself of the image, but it didn’t help.

“Open your eyes, Nala, and see what I see,” Aiden whispered into my ears.

I pried my eyes open slowly, and yet, all I could see, was the version of me I’ve always known of.

“I don’t see a broken woman here. All I see is a strong woman who has survived the harsh reality life had sent her way. All I see is a woman filled with so much love to give, a woman capable of nothing but pure love. I see a woman who owns me, heart, body, and soul. I see an imperfect perfection, and I wouldn’t want you any other way, Nala,” he added, lightly nuzzling his face in my neck. “And I love you, Nala. Always.”

The words, again. The four words I still can’t believe were directed at me. The four words that always, always manage to set my heart ablaze every-time Aiden says them.

“You…you love me?” I managed to ask. Today, I wasn’t going to ignore them. “It may be the bond speaking and…”

“Do you really think our relationship leans more towards the bond, Nala? I don’t think so. We both are slowly learning about each and embracing our imperfections. The bond is there, but so is our unadulterated urge to be there for each other regardless of the case or situation. And yes, I love you. I will always say that. Always remind you of that.”

A small gasp escaped my lips when I felt the softness of his lips against my jaw, the way he interlocked our fingers, and the feel of his beard against my neck.

“It is okay to think, to wonder if you’ve got things right. It is okay to question decisions you’ve made in the past, but what is never okay, is constantly undermining your worth. You are amazing just the way you are, and even more so when you finally accept that. You see these scars,” he lifted my hand to his lips and placed a sloppy k**s on my wrist, directly where the scar is. “They are a part of you, not because you deserve them, and certainly not because they define who you are, but because you fought hard and survived it all.” He kissed my other wrists as well, tipped my head up from behind so I could stare at us again in the mirror and smile. “Because you accepted me to be a part of your journey.”

My throat clogged, and I knew without a doubt that his words had gotten through to me. In fact, they had returned the little confidence I had started growing and now, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I was beginning to see a different version of myself.

The strong woman that I am.

“We don’t have to do this now. I can introduce you…”

“No,” I said firmly, placing my hand over his. “No, Aiden. I am going to do this with you today, right beside you,” I added.

Erin was standing now, head held high, as a surge of new confidence rippled through us both.

‘We are doing this, Nat. We just had a moment of panic because of our past. But this is different. This is our future and we have a loving mate beside us to get through it all,’ Erin said.

I couldn’t agree more, which was why, when I looked up at Aiden, I smiled and nodded. “We are doing this together.”

Aiden’s arms clasped more around me. “You can always let me know if you don’t feel like pushing through, okay?”

“I can do this. I will do this. You just brought back the confidence that was wavering a bit,” I murmured as I turned on my chair to face him. “Thank you, Aiden.”

“Always here for you, Nala.” He placed his forehead on mine and nuzzled our nose together.

“Now, go get ready. We don’t want to be late,” I laughed.

“Goddess Gracious!” Tiffany yelled as she clapped her hands. “Natasha, just look at you!” she squealed, throwing her hands around.

I laughed as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Unlike before, I see myself. Beautiful. Strong. Gorgeous. And perfect in my own way. This time around, I didn’t ask for my scars to be covered, because I had embraced them fully.

I was dressed in a white lace sewn into a simple blouse and its wrapper which was tied over the blouse. I put on a black Alkyabba styled with golden threads on the edges of its hands, the cap, and the sides as well. According to the stylist, that was the ceremonial gown and I can take it off if I want once the ceremony sets in place. A head gear made from the same material as the wrapper and blouse was tied on my head, leaving the two locks on either side of my face dangling as the hood of the Alkyabba was placed on my head as well. I wore a gold necklace on my neck with its matching earrings glowing like small suns from my ears. The look was completed with my silver high heeled shoes, and a purse.

I looked beautiful. I felt beautiful.

“You look wonderful, Your Majesty,” the stylist beamed, satisfied with her work.

“Thank you, Allira. I feel beautiful too,” I replied with a smile. I was still nervous, which was a given, but this time, I was a lot calmer than I was three hours ago.

‘The power of a loving mate like my Sarki,’ Erin purred, and I couldn’t help laughing.

‘Yes. And the power of being strong and willing to embrace it all,’ I replied.

“That’s the horn. Shall we?” Tiffany asked, stretching her hands to me.

“Ye…s,” I cleared my throat. “Yes, Tiffany. Let’s go.”

We took slow steps outside, my heart thudding loudly with dread and anticipation. But once down the stairs, and once his scent hits, everything vanished, and I could only see them.

There, standing in the middle of the living room, was my man, hands clasped in front of him as he stood in his ceremonial clothing as well. A white caftan, paired with babban riga and threaded carefully with golden embroidery on the neck. However, instead of a black Alkyabba like mine, he wore a white Alkyabba with black embroidery in the same places as mine. His head was wrapped with a white turban that framed the entire round of his face, accentuating his dark shiny beards. He wore a silver wristwatch, dark glasses, and held a staff in his hand.

He looked… majestically handsome. Like the king he was.

Unable to stop myself, I closed the distance between us, sucked in a deep breath of his scent and wished there was no one around so I could ask for a hug to calm my jiggling nerves.

However, as though he knew, he stepped closer, eyes hooded as he peered at me through his glasses and smiled.

“Stunning. Simply beautiful. You look just like the marvelous queen you are, Nala. Would it be too much to ask for a hug before we leave?” he whispered.

“Uh huh, we have no privacy screen here, Your Majesties,” Kane teased from where he stood behind Aiden.

I laughed softly, then slowly brought my arms up and wrapped them around Aiden’s neck. His arms settled on my waist as he pulled me into a hug. I sunk into the embrace, allowed myself to be wrapped in the feathery touch of his embrace. It was perfect, and I figured how much I had come to love hugging him. There was just something protective and intimate about that. About being wrapped in his arms, tucked into his chest, secured and wanted.

“Awwwnnn!!!” I heard Tiffany and Allira say, before I heard the click sounds of a camera.

A picture of us had been snapped, and I found that I didn’t mind.

“Shall we?” Aiden asked after we had pulled away from the hug, his open palm stretched towards me.

“Yes,” I replied as I clasped mine around his hand.

I’m ready for this!