Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 9 ⊱ Just His Subordinate

As I stare into the pair of monitors connected to my laptop, I rest my elbow on my desk, holding my chin in my hand.

I thought that with the coming weeks, I would be too busy to think about anything outside of my work; however, nothing could have distracted me from the events that transpired two weeks ago. Worst of all, I'm all the more uneasy about Cade being back in my life.

After leaving me to go 'put a shirt on', I had done as he told me to, reluctantly lowering myself onto the leather sofa of his living room. The wall that I faced, which would typically have a TV mounted on it, is instead one large glass wall with a beautiful view of the woods. It wasn't until I noticed the curvy road between the trees that I realized that I wasn't far from my apartment.

I had heard about these hill-top, million dollar houses, and it didn't surprise me that one of them is his. After all, he inherited a billion dollars from his *trillionaire* father through a trust-fund when he turned the age of 25. The only reason he's determined to climb the corporate ladder is because he wants to earn becoming CEO whenever his father decides to step down.

It wasn't long before Cade returned and I silently followed him to his unsurprisingly fancy, bronze Range Rover. As expected, half of the car ride was full of nothing but silence and the occasional sideway glances.

Between my overly emotional heart and my overthinking mind, I couldn't help but think about all of the reasons why I used to wish that I could have that moment with him-a moment to ask him for all of the reasons why he left and never came back.

For all of the reasons why he broke up with me over a letter, like the coward that I never took him for.

"Do you hate me?" I asked softly.

The question didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. Instead, he seemed surprisingly amused.

He chuckled softly and smirked as he briefly turned to look at me. "Now, why would I possibly have a reason to hate you, Elysian?" He was sarcastic, and I could tell that whatever it was that I had done to hurt him, it was still there. "Cade," I breathed out, telling him, "I'm sorry, but I don't understand what I did to make you hate me so much."

His grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles bleaching as he turned into the parking lot of the bar and drove up beside my car. He was aggressive, shifting the gear to **Park*' as he clenched his jaw.

"When are you gonna grow the hell up and start holding yourself accountable for your own mistakes?" He spat through his teeth.

He was angry-angrier than I had ever seen him before.

"What are you talking about, Cade?" I was confused, pressing him, "You told me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Then your mother died and you left, and all I got from you was-" "Get out," he cut me off.

All I could do was watch him. My heart broke at the man he is when he isn't in love with me. My heart broke at the man who not only can't tolerate me, but hates me. As always, too afraid to speak up, I held my silence and got out of his car. What I don't understand is: why did he wait until I was safely in my car to drive off? If he truly hates me, why is he still looking out for me?

*It doesn't make any sense...*

"Elys!"

I snap out of my thoughts, turning to look at Krina as she grabs her laptop from her desk. "Are you coming to the meeting?" She nods down the direction of the conference room.

"Uh..." I revert my gaze to the time at the lower right-hand corner of the screen. *It's 9 already?!*

"Y-Yeah," I stammer, quickly unplugging my laptop as I straighten on my feet.

The entire team's been on edge for the past few days. We experienced an outage on one of the most crucial systems that contains classified government medical files, and we were working for well over 12 hours trying to resolve the issue last Thursday. We didn't go home until 11PM, and we had to be back in the office bright and early on Friday morning only to return to another outage.

Needless to say, the weekend wasn't really a weekend when we all had to come in on Saturday and Sunday to try to resolve the issue. It wasn't until a few hours ago that all systems were back up and running.

With the rest of the team already settled in, Krina and I take the last two available seats, closest to the display screen beside where Cade stands.

If I'm grateful for anything, I'm grateful for the fact that while inside the walls of this building, he is just my boss and I am just his subordinate.

"First and foremost," he begins. "I want to thank you all for diligently working through the weekend. I know that it wasn't optimal, but I talked to upper management and you are all free to leave two hours early on Friday." A couple of light cheers fill the air, most of the engineers smiling softly at the good news.

"With that being said, I do give praise when it's earned." He pauses momentarily, turning to look at me as he says, "All documentation was filed swiftly and accordingly, and thanks to Elysian's efforts, we were able to pinpoint the issues to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Good job, Elysian."

*Come again?*

Suddenly, I want to disappear as my teammates turn to look at me, cheering me on. I smile awkwardly, trying to look anywhere but at them.

*Oh my God, they're all looking at me. Cries in Korean.*

"Thank you," I squeal as the chatter slowly dies.

I have to pretend that I'm not at the brink of visibly sweating when I revert my gaze to Cade only to find him staring at me too.

*Please, stop looking at me.*

I inwardly whimper as I cower in my self-consciousness. The heel of my foot incessantly taps against the carpet floor as I ball the hem of my shirt in my fist. I can feel my heart pounding against my throat, my mouth growing dry. *Relax. You're fine.*

More than likely noticing my anxiety, Cade clears his throat and averts his gaze to the screen. He taps it, revealing the next slide with information regarding the coming weeks on the IPv6 project.

"Alright, team. We'll be working on a tech refresh that will directly support the migration of IPv6. We'll be here to work overnight from 12AM to 8AM, November 19th, 6 weeks from this Sunday." *Yay. I get to spend another night with you. *

I do have to admit that I have arguably the easiest job among the team. Well, Mateo and I. Although, truthfully, Mateo doesn't seem very promising. I have been outperforming him and I've only been here for about a month. I'm not shit talking, and it's not that I'm not overly confident. Objectively, even with less experience, I'm a better engineer than he is.

*He is incompetent.*

I glance over at him, noticing the bitter look on his face as Cade reminds him to submit his documentation.

Incompetent engineers are actually far more common than most people can imagine. People assume that because you're an engineer, you must be incredibly intelligent, but little do they know that you're at the bottom tier of all engineers. Not that they aren't smart. It's just that they're *only* 'book smart'.

*Or just lazy.*

"That's all I have for you." I hear Cade say, my gaze reverting to meet him as he says, "I'll give you back a few minutes of your time."

This is one of the many things I like about him: he doesn't waste people's time. I have to admit, in spite of how I may feel about him, he's very good at his job.

With my laptop in my arms, I straighten on my feet.

"Give me a few minutes, Elysian," he suddenly says, and I freeze. In only a matter of seconds, the rest of the engineers clear the room and I'm left alone with him. He moves to disable the projector, his hand sliding into his pocket as the other taps on the screen.

"I've asked Krina to teach you how we implement firewall rules."

...

*I spoke too soon.*

His eyes avert to my own, and he adds, "I expect you to complete at least one firewall request this week. Look at our backlog of requests, find a firewall request that you think you can do, and write up the change request. I'll peer review it and approve it." *Okay, that's not too bad.*

"This will also be your first time presenting your change to change management and speaking up for it."

*I really need to stop jinxing myself.*

As Cade finishes explaining my new responsibilities, I feel a knot forming in my stomach. The thought of presenting a change to management and speaking up for my work is daunting, but I know it's a necessary step in my professional growth.

I take a deep breath, gathering my courage. It's been a couple of weeks, I imagine I've allowed a decent amount of time before asking, "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

Cade's expression remains impassive, his eyes fixed on me. "Do you have any concerns regarding your duties pertaining to your job?"

His words are like a bucket of cold water, extinguishing any hope I had of addressing our personal issues. It's clear that he has no intention of discussing anything beyond work.

I quickly shake my head, my voice barely above a whisper. "No."

Cade nods curtly, his demeanor professional and detached. "Very well. If there's nothing else, you're free to go."

Without another word, he turns and strides out of the conference room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I can't help but feel demoralized, and despite knowing I need to focus on my work, on proving myself as a valuable member of the team, a part of me yearns for the closure I never got a closure Cade seems anything but willing to provide. I take a moment to gather myself, taking a deep breath and straightening my shoulders. I know I can't let my personal issues with Cade interfere with my professional growth. I have to focus on my work, on learning and excelling in my role I don't have a choice.

As I make my way back to my desk, I try to push the thoughts of him aside and dive into my tasks. Still, a part of me can't help but hope that someday, we'll find a way to talk about the ghosts of our past-at least for my sake.