Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 21 ⊱ The Quiet After: Part 1

The gym is my happy place, a place where I can lose myself in the familiar burn of exertion and the satisfying clink of metal plates. Thursday evenings are particularly my favorite, the gym is quieter than usual, relatively empty, and I can take my time without feeling rushed.

As I work through my bench press sets, the sound of laughter echoes off the concrete walls, drawing my attention to the entrance. Amelia and Anna, the inseparable twins who have become my unlikely friends, saunter in, their gym bags slung over their shoulders and mischievous grins on their faces.

The second their eyes land on me, they make their way over, all smiles. "Elys, hey!" Amelia says, overly excited. "We've been meaning to ask ya something."

I sit up on the bench, wiping the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand. "What's up?"

Anna leans against the rack, her eyes sparkling. "Our birthday is coming up in three weeks, and we're planning a *huge* party at the new club downtown. We wanted to invite you." *Me? At a club?*

I blink, surprised by the warmth of their invitation. I'm not a big clubber. In fact, I'm not a party person either. However, I've really taken a liking to both of them, and I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go out once in a while. *It's for them, not for me.*

"That's really sweet of you both," I say, smiling back at them. "I'd love to come."

They both squeal and hug me quickly, not caring that I'm covered in sweat. "Perfect! We'll text you the deets!" Amelia says before they head off to start their own training.

As I move on to squats, my mind starts to wander, as it often does, to Cade.

Cade, the man who used to mean everything to me. We haven't spoken outside of work since *that* day, but thankfully, the tension between us at work has subsided dramatically.

I've been torn between the desire to revisit our past all over again and leaving it alone. It hurts to think about it, but all at the same time, there's this tiny flicker of hope that sparked that day. Hope that maybe, just maybe, *someday* we could get a second chance.

*Focus, Elysian. Focus.*

I shake my head, trying to dispel the thoughts. I can't afford to lose myself in wishful thinking, not when I've worked so hard to piece myself back together.

With my knee sleeves on, I secure my wrist wraps and belt, the familiar ritual grounding me in the present. I approach the bar, loaded with three 25 kilo plates and a collar on each side. It's always a little nerve-wracking, but it isn't weight I haven't touched more than a handful of times before.

Amelia and Anna, ever the supportive friends, move to my sides, ready to spot me. Their presence is a familiar comfort, a silent reassurance that if I fail, they're there to help.

I take a deep breath, bracing myself, and unrack the loaded bar. The first two reps are smooth, my form holding strong. But as I descend into the third, I feel it. A twinge, a sharp, searing pain shoots down my lower back. I grit my teeth, pushing through, determined to finish the rep.

*Fuck. Not this again...*

As I rack the weight, the pain intensifies, radiating down my leg in white-hot jolts. I try to keep a straight face, but I can feel the color draining from my cheeks as I move out from under the bar.

"You good?" Anna's voice cuts through the haze of pain, concern etched into her soft features.

I shake my head, unable to hide the discomfort on my face. "I think I tweaked my back," I admit, my voice tight.

Amelia comes to my side, a sympathetic look painting her eyes. "We'll rack up for you. You should go home and get some rest."

I nod gratefully, mumbling a quick thanks as Anna helps me out of my knee sleeves and hands me my gym bag.

The quick drive home is a blur, my mind lost in silent prayer that I'm able to settle in bed before the pain becomes unbearable. Each step up the stairs is agony, my back screaming. By the time I make it through the front door, my body's just slightly cooler and the stiffness starts kicking in.

*Please just let me take a shower.*

Bubbles greets me with a worried whine, evidently sensing my distress. I manage a weak smile, giving him a quick pat before limping to the bathroom. I strip down, turning the shower as hot as I can stand, hoping the heat will ease some of the tension.

It doesn't.

As I stand under the spray, the water pounding against my back, the pain only seems to intensify. Tears mix with the rivulets streaming down my face, my breath coming in short, sharp gasps. *Why again? Why now?!*

I've been before, trapped in the vicious cycle of pain and frustration. It's a flare up from the herniated discs in my back-a remnant of a past injury.

Swiftly, I slip into a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt, carefully lowering myself onto my bed. Under my favorite blanket, I stare at the ceiling in utter silence for a while, the realization that there's no way I'll be able to make it into work tomorrow sinking in. The thought of having to sit at a desk for hours alone, makes my back ache more than it already does.

*It's too late for me to just submit a PTO request.*

...

*Damn it.*

With a shaky hand, I reach for my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I find Cade's number. I hesitate, my thumb hovering over the call button. A part of me, the part that still yearns for his comfort, wants to hear his voice, to have him tell me that everything's going to be okay.

After all, the last time this happened, he was the one who took care of me.

But I can't afford to be that vulnerable, not after everything that's happened. Not after the last time he was here.

So I settle for a text, my fingers trembling as I type.

****Cade, it's Elysian. I won't be coming in tomorrow. Got a flare-up of an old injury. I'm sorry for the short notice.***"

I hit send before I can second-guess myself, tossing the phone aside and burying my face in my pillow. The tears come then, hot and heavy, the pain in my back paling in comparison to the ache in my chest.

It's frustrating. It seems that when it isn't one thing jabbing at me, it's another.

Minutes tick by, each one feeling like an eternity. When my phone finally buzzes, I don't want to look.

❝***Take care of yourself. Let me know if you need anything.****

The words are simple, perfunctory almost, but they still manage to send a pang through my heart. It's not the response I wanted, but it's the one I expected. Still, I'd be lying if I said a part of me wasn't disappointed that he didn't so much as give me a call or ask if I'm okay.

But who am I kidding? He may not hate me anymore, but we're not what we used to be. I can't expect him to drop everything and come running just because I'm in pain.

*But oh, how I wish he would...*

Desperate for a distraction, I reach for my dab pen, the smooth metal cool against my palm as I draw it between my lips. I take a long drag, holding the smoke in my lungs until they burn. Almost instantly, the THC begins to work its magic, dulling the edges of my pain.

"Alexa," I call out, my voice hoarse. "Stoner vibes."

In the next second, the room is bathed in a warm glow, the twinkle lights hanging from the walls burning softly. The first notes of a gentle melody fill the air as my *vibes* playlist sings through the small speakers hanging from the ceiling corners. And I close my eyes, letting the music wash over me.

In the next moment, a knock echoes through the front door, startling me out of my reverie. Bubbles lets out a single, half-hearted, curious bark.

Who the hell is that?

My eyebrows furrow as I prop myself up on my elbows, another knock echoing through the door. Slowly, painfully, I ease myself out of bed, each step sending fresh jolts that threaten to lock me in place. I lean heavily on the walls, using them to support my weight as I make my way to the door.

When I open it, I'm sure I'm hallucinating. Because there he is, standing in the dim light of the hallway.

*Cade?*

He looks at me, his eyes widening as he takes in the sight of me.

*Welp, I probably look like shit.*

"Elysian," he breathes, his voice laced with concern. "Are you alright?"

I open my mouth to respond, to lie and assure him that I'm fine, but before I can get the words out, a fresh wave of pain rips through me. My breath hitches in my lungs, and I stumble forward, my legs giving out beneath me.

I reach for the door handle, hoping to catch myself but it slips from my hold. Just as I brace myself to fall, Cade's arms wrap around my waist, holding me up.

"I've got you," he murmurs, his voice low and soothing. "Just breathe."

And for a moment, as I let myself sink into his embrace, it's just like old times.

*He's got me...*