Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 25 ⊱ Receipt for Disaster

*I love cheesecake so much.*

A hum echoes from the back of my throat as I moan softly at the spoonful of the best strawberry cheesecake I've ever had in my entire life.

*This is...heaven. I am in heaven.*

I sway side to side in delight as I set the spoon down on the now-empty dessert plate, savoring the last bite. A smile plays on my lips as I lift my eyes to meet Cade's, capturing the pensive look in his gaze.

He watches me for a moment longer, a soft sigh parting his lips as his eyes break from my own, looking up to motion for the waitress. She's swift, moving to the table and laying the check presenter on it. As she reaches to take the empty plate in front of me, Cade sets down his black card on top of the presenter, sitting back in his chair as the waitress takes the bill and excuses herself kindly.

*Well, he still never looks at the bill.*

...

*Oh, yeah. He's a billionaire. Silly me.*

His gaze hovers over my hand as I cross my arms on top of the tablecloth. With one arm bent over the armrest of his chair, the other rests on top of the table. His index finger taps at the tabletop as he strokes the underside of his sharp jaw with the other.

"How did I do it?"

His eyes flicker to my own, his lips pulled into a straight line. He reiterates, "How did I propose?"

I inhale deeply, briefly averting my gaze to my hand as I reminisce. "In bed," I say under my breath. A humorless chuckle breaks from my lips, my gaze looking anywhere but at him in my own shame. I hold my breath, telling him, "I ruined the proposal. We'd been fighting over something so stupid that I can't remember, but I remember that it was my fault."

I pause for a moment, my mind drifting back to that day, the memories as vivid as if it had happened yesterday.

We were in his condo, voices raised, tempers flaring. I was being my usual stubborn self, refusing to back down even though I knew I was wrong.

"I don't want to go anywhere with you!" I shouted, my hands balled into fists at my sides.

Cade's eyes flashed with hurt and anger, his jaw clenching. "Fine. Then I guess I won't bother asking you to marry me today like I planned."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, stealing the air from my lungs. "W-What?"

But he was already storming out, slamming the door behind him. I collapsed onto the couch, tears streaming down my face as the weight of what had just happened crashed over me.

I cried for hours, curled up in a ball of misery and regret. When he finally came back, I threw myself into his arms, sobbing out apologies.

"I'm sorry," I whispered over and over. "I'm so sorry."

He held me tight, his anger fading as he stroked my hair. "I know, Ely. I know."

A part of me knew he'd only told me what he was planning because he was hurting and it was his way of lashing out. I hurt him, so he hurt me. It was a constant cycle that way-toxic.

Later that night, as we laid tangled in the sheets, our bodies still cooling from the head of our *lovemaking*, he propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at me with a tenderness in his eyes.

"Ely, I...” He paused, as if searching for the right words. Then, to my shock, he slid out of bed, slipped on his boxer briefs, and dropped to one knee.

"No one has the ability to drive me crazy the way that my mom does, except you," he said, a wry smile tugging at his lips. "But that's because no one has ever made me feel the way you do. You challenge me, you push me, you make me want to be a better man. I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else."

He reached into the nightstand drawer, pulling out a small velvet box. My heart stopped as he opened it, revealing the most stunning ring I'd ever seen.

I snicker in embarrassment, remembering his words. "Which I, at the time, thought was hilarious until I thought about it and realized that was your way of saying that..." my voice trails off. My heart tugs in my chest, my voice just above a whisper as I finish, "That you loved me so much that you couldn't imagine spending the rest of your life without me."

"Loved," he murmurs, his tone flat.

My heart sinks, a reminder that the love he once had for me doesn't exist anymore. He forgot it. He forgot all about what he once felt for me.

Before I can respond, the waitress draws his attention, setting the check presenter down on the table. "Have a great evening, sir," she says, flirtatiously, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from making a snide remark.

I'm paralyzed, and between Cade drawing his card back into his wallet and getting up from his chair, I don't notice until he's standing next to the table, offering me his hand. With my own in his, I push out of my chair, falling closely beside him as we walk to the front door.

"Sir!" The cute blonde waitress who'd not-so-subtly been making googly eyes at him all evening calls out. We come to a stop as Cade looks over his shoulder. She runs up to us, waving the folded receipt as she hands it to him. "You forgot your receipt, sir," she says with the same flirtatious undertone she hasn't dropped all night.

...

*She's just doing her job.*

...

*Is she gonna spread her legs like it's part of her job too?*

...

*Stop.*

I battle my intrusive thoughts, rolling my eyes as I watch Cade unfold the receipt to reveal her handwritten name and phone number. *Candice? Really?*

I'm seething with jealousy, but I bite back the toxic remarks that threaten to spill from my lips.

*It's not my place anymore.*

Cade folds the receipt back up and continues his way to the front of the restaurant. We stop at the host's bench, where the green-eyed brunette and the man in the bold floral jacket stand. "Mr. Sinclair," the man greets Cade. "Did you find everything wonderful this evening?"

Cade tosses the folded receipt onto the host's bench, a stoic look on his face. "Get your staff under control, Dan."

*Oh.*

He doesn't give Dan the chance to respond before we proceed out the door. But I'm still hanging on the waitress's brazen flirtation, my frustration simmering just beneath the surface.

*At least that hasn't changed.*

He's still hot and I still get jealous.

With my legs crossed, I lean back into the seat, my head turned to the side as I gaze out of the window beside me. I cross my arms tightly around me, hugging myself as I surrender to my most detrimental quality: insecurity. *I fucking hate this.*

"Are you really doing this again, Elysian?" Cade's voice cuts through the quiet, annoyance lacing his tone.

*Again?*

I grit my teeth, turning to glare at him, "Am I really doing *what* again, Cade?"

He sighs in irritation and it only serves to frustrate me more. I turn to look at him, glowering as I watch him switch hands on the steering wheel. He rests his left elbow on the window sill, running the middle joint of his fingers against his lips. "At least that's one thing I still remember," he mutters.

*Oh?*

I furrow my eyebrows, narrowing my eyes on him as I challenge him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He scoffs, shaking his head. "You know exactly what. Getting jealous over nothing."

"Nothing?" I snap, my temper flaring. "She was practically throwing herself at you!"

"And that's my problem how?" He challenges, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

It stings. It stings because I know it's not. It's not his problem. It's mine. We haven't been together for three and a half years. He's not obligated to deal with my crap anymore.

"Forget it," I grit out, letting out a deep, shaky breath. But my response only irritates him all the more.

His jaw clenches, his nostrils flaring slightly. "You know, maybe if you'd learned to control your jealousy back then, things would've turned out differently."

His words hit me like a slap in the face, the implication that our breakup was somehow my fault hanging heavy in the air between us. Because for a long time, a *really* long time, I did think it was my fault. I blamed myself for as long as I can remember, wondering if I'd driven him away with my insecurities and constant need for reassurance.

*Screw you, Cade...*

I want to scream, to rage at him, to demand how he could possibly think that when he's the one who left me for no fucking reason except his dad fucked with his brain.

But I don't.

I can't.

Because if I open my mouth right now, if I try to talk, I'm afraid that the knot forming at the edge of my throat will turn into a sob and he'll know that he really got under my skin. He'll know that deep down, in the darkest corners of my heart, I always wondered if he was right.

I exhale sharply, turning my head away from him to stare out the window once more. The rest of the drive is filled with tense, angry silence.

When we finally pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex, I'm out of the car before it even comes to a full stop. I hear Cade calling my name, but I ignore him, stalking towards the stairs.

He catches up to me just as I reach my door, his hand on my arm stopping me in my tracks. "Elysian, wait."

I turn to face him, my eyes flashing with hurt and anger. "What, Cade? What do you want from me?"

He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then snaps it shut, his jaw clenching. "Nothing. Forgot it."

"Fine," I bite out, wrenching my arm from his grasp. "Goodnight, Cade."

I unlock my door and slide inside, slamming it shut behind me without a backward glance. I lean against the solid wood, my heart racing, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

*I hate this.*

I hate how easily he can still get to me, how he can kiss me and have me melt into him. How he can say something that tears me apart. But most of all, I hate that despite everything, a part of me still loves him. I still want him. I push off the door, kicking off my heels as I pad into the living room.

*I need a drink, or maybe ten.*