Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 26 ⊱ Drowning Sorrows

The invitation to Anna and Amelia's party sits on my desk, a glaring reminder of the commitment I made weeks ago. I stare at it, my fingers tracing the embossed lettering as I try to muster up some semblance of excitement. Clubs have never been my thing, the pulsing music and crowded dance floors making my skin crawl with anxiety. And after the disastrous not-so-date with Cade last week, the last thing I want to do is put on a brave face and pretend everything's okay.

We've barely spoken a word to each other outside of work, the tension between us heavy in every interaction, every stolen glance across the office. It's like we're strangers again-two people who just happen to occupy the same space. It's killing me.

I try to push him from my mind, to focus on the endless string of tasks and projects that demand my attention. But it's harder than I thought it would be, especially when the memory of his touch, his kiss, is still so fresh in my mind. I can still feel the heat of his skin against mine, the way his hands gripped my waist as he pulled me close. I can still taste the whiskey on his tongue, the desperate hunger in his kiss.

It's like a phantom ache, a constant reminder of what I've lost. Of what I might never have again.

*But he was such an asshole.*

...

*So why do I miss him so much...?*

I shake my head, remembering that I promised Anna and Amelia I'd go to their party, regardless of how shitty I'm feeling now.

If there's anything I pride myself on, it's keeping my word.

So, I find myself standing in front of my mirror, adjusting the straps to my little black dress, the one that hugs my curves in all the right places.

I smooth my hands over the silky fabric, trying to ignore the way my heart races in my chest. I look good, I know I do. But there's a part of me that wishes it was Cade I was dressing up for, not a room full of strangers. Shaking off the thought, I grab my clutch and head out the door, the click of my heels echoing in the empty hallway. The drive to the club is a blur, my mind a million miles away as I navigate the busy city streets.

I can hear the music before I even step inside, the bass thumping through the walls, vibrating in my bones. I take a deep breath, steeling myself as I push through the doors, the heat and noise hitting me. *Alright, I'm ready to go home now.*

It's just as I remember, the air thick with sweat and alcohol, the strobe lights flashing in a dizzying array of colors. Bodies press against each other on the dance floor, moving in time to the pulsing beat. *They rented this place out... How is it this packed? How many fucking people do they know?!*

I spot Anna and Amelia at the bar, their faces lit up with excitement as they wave me over. They're already a few drinks in, their words slurring together as they pull me into a hug.

"Elys! You made it!" Amelia squeals, her eyes bright with alcohol and joy. She presses a shot glass into my hand, the clear liquid sloshing over the rim. "Drink up, girl. We're celebrating tonight!"

I hesitate, eyeing the shot with apprehension. I'm supposed to be driving myself home, responsibly. But as I look around at the happy faces of my gym *friends*, at the carefree way they throw back their drinks, I long for it. I want that. I want to forget, even if it's just for one night. I want to let go of the pain and the heartache, to lose myself in the music and the moment.

*Fuck it.*

I tip the glass back, the tequila burning my throat as it goes down. I cough, my eyes watering, but in the next moment, I'm laughing, the sound bubbling up from somewhere deep inside me.

One shot turns into two, then three, and before I know it, I'm well and truly drunk. The room spins around me, the music pulsing in my veins as I sway to the beat. I feel free, uninhibited, like nothing can touch me.

But even through the haze of alcohol, my mind drifts back to Cade. To the first and only time I've been to a club with him, the night everything changed between us.

It was years ago, back when we were still in that heady, passionate phase of our relationship. I remember the way he looked at me that night, his eyes dark with jealousy as he watched a man approach me at the bar.

I remember the possessive way he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close as he staked his claim. The memory sends a shiver down my spine, a thrill of excitement mixed with a bitter taste of longing.

I miss him. God, I miss him so much it hurts. I miss the way he used to look at me, like I was the only thing that mattered in the world. I miss the way he used to touch me, his hands skimming over my skin like he couldn't get enough. I miss the way he used to love me, wholly and completely, before everything fell apart.

The realization hits me like a punch to the gut, my eyes watering. I stumble away from the dance floor, pushing through the crowd until I find myself outside, the cool night air kissing my flushed skin.

I lean against the rough brick wall, my head spinning as I try to catch my breath. The world tilts on its axis, and I close my eyes, willing everything to just stop moving.

But it's no use. The memories keep coming, flashing behind my eyelids like a movie reel. Cade's smiles, his laughter, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he looked at me. The way his hands felt on my body, his lips on my skin. It's too much. It's all too much.

With shaking hands, I pull out my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I find his name. I stare at it for a long moment, my finger hovering over the call button.

Should I...?

I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But the alcohol has lowered my inhibitions, stripped away my carefully constructed walls. And right now, in this moment, all I want is to hear his voice.

Before I can second-guess myself, I press the button, bringing the phone to my ear. It rings once, twice, and then he's there, his voice rough as though I've just woken him from his sleep. "Elysian? What's wrong?"

The sound of my name on his lips sends a shiver down my spine. I close my eyes, savoring the warmth blooming in my chest.

"Cade," I breathe, his name falling from my lips like a prayer. "I miss you. I miss you so much."

There's a long pause, the silence stretching between us. I can hear him breathing on the other end of the line. I can picture the furrow of his brow, the clench of his jaw.

When he speaks again, his voice is carefully controlled, a hint of irritation lacing his tone. "Elysian, are you drunk?"

"No," I lie, the word tripping off my tongue. But even as I say it, I know it's not true. I'm drunk on alcohol and longing and on the memories of what we used to be.

I let out a shaky laugh, running a hand through my hair. "Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

He sighs, and I can picture him running his hand over his face, his shoulders tense with frustration. "Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"No," I protest, a stubborn edge creeping into my voice. "I'm fine. I don't need you to rescue me."

*But it would be really nice if you did.*

Because even as I say I don't need him here, I know it's not true. I do need him. I've always needed him, even when I couldn't admit it to myself. "Damn it, Elysian," he snaps, his patience wearing thin. "Just tell me where you are."

*Okay, first of all, don't talk to me like that.*

...

*He's so hot.*

I hesitate, my pride warring with the part of me that desperately wants to see him. In the end, the alcohol wins out, my defenses crumbling under the weight of my desire for him. "I'm at Club Nubia," I mumble, my words slurring together. "Downtown."

"I'll be there in ten minutes," he says, leaving no room for argument. "Stay where you are."

He hangs up before I can respond, leaving me staring at the blurry, lit-up screen of my phone. I lean my back against the wall, closing my eyes as I try to steady myself.

The world spins around me, the ground shifting beneath my feet. I feel untethered, like I'm floating outside my own body, watching myself from a distance.

I don't know how long I stand there, the minutes bleeding together in a haze of alcohol and longing. Then, I hear the sound of a car pulling up, the purr of the engine cutting through the din of the city.

I push off the wall, stumbling towards the sound on unsteady feet. And there he is, climbing out of his fancy Rover, his face a mask of concern and irritation.

*Oooh, someone's grumpy.*

"Elysian," he calls, his voice a mix of exasperation and something else, something I can't quite place. "Get in the car." *Speaking of cars...*

"I can't," I protest weakly, shaking my head. "My car... I can't just leave it here."

Impatience is written all over his face, his jaw clenching tight. "Give me your keys. Now."

The command in his voice sends a shiver down my spine, and though a part of me wants to sass him, there's a much bigger part that instinctively responds, my body bowing to his will as I fish my keys out of my purse and hand them over. *So bossy.*

He pockets them without a word, his hand finding the small of my back as he guides me towards his car. The touch sends a jolt of electricity through me, my skin tingling.

The silence stretches between us as we walk, and I find myself leaning into him, craving to be closer to him. Looking up at him, my head brushing against his shoulder, through the haze of my vision, I can somehow see him so painfully clearly. And before I know it, before I can stop it, the filter I usually hold so well wilts away and the words slip out boldly.

"I miss this," I murmur, my voice low and breathy. "I miss the way you used to put me in my place. The way you used to just...take control."

His gaze snaps to meet mine, his eyes darkening with desire, a muscle ticking in his jaw as he fights to maintain his composure.

He opens his mouth to respond, but before he can get a word out, I feel a wave of nausea wash over me. It hits me like a freight train, my stomach churning as the world seems to tilt on its axis.

I double over, emptying the contents of my stomach onto the pavement. I retch until there's nothing left, my throat burning with the acrid taste of bile.

*Oh, this is disgusting.*

Strong hands grip my shoulders, steadying me as I sway on my feet. Cade's voice is soft in my ear, a soothing murmur as he helps me into the car. "Easy, Ely. I've got you."

*I know you do. You always have. It's why I love you.*

I collapse into the leather seat, my eyes drifting shut as exhaustion settles over me like a heavy blanket.