Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 31 ⊱ Fatherly Advice

The gentle fussing from the baby monitor rouses me from my slumber, my eyes fluttering open to find Cade perfectly still beside me. His head rests comfortably on his pillow, his arm bent over his shoulder as he sleeps soundly, oblivious to

the world. *What time is it?*

I sit up slowly, careful not to disturb him as I glance at the nightstand, searching for my phone.

...

*I left it downstairs.*

Naomi's distant cries draw my attention back to the baby monitor on Cade's side, the volume set low. I step out of bed gingerly, clad in his oversized t-shirt, and slip into a pair of his boxers before quietly padding out of the bedroom, moving to the room directly across.

As I enter the doorless room, I find Naomi standing in her crib, her face tear-stained and her eyes watery.

*Oh, sweet girl...*

I'm careful, pulling her into my arms, her cries silencing as she points through the door frame, calling, "Ma-ma? Ma-ma?"

*You're gonna make me cry...*

My heart clenches, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. "I know, sweet girl," I murmur, lowering her onto the changing mat beside the child-locked cabinet.

Changing her diaper comes as second nature, a skill I honed while helping my aunt with her own baby during my high school years. I hand Naomi the half-empty bag of wipes to keep her occupied while I work, my mind wandering.

I wish that I could say that it's easy for me to focus solely on what I'm doing and not on the fact that I very much feel like I'm taking on the responsibility of taking care of a child as if it were my own. Something so simple as slipping out of bed at the crack of dawn to change my...

...*whatever* he is to me's daughter's diaper makes me feel like what I imagine the beginning stages of being a mother feels like.

I'm conflicted.

I'm conflicted because it doesn't seem as complicated as I imagined it would. I thought that I'd sit down for hours on end, days even, trying to convince myself that taking care of her won't be a burden, or that I'd battle the bitterness of knowing that she's not my biological child.

That's not the case.

The truth is that...I don't really care. As I hold her in my arms and walk her downstairs with me, all I can think about is how much I already love her, though I hardly know her.

I guess that's the thing about wanting a family with the man you've loved more than anyone else in your life: she is a part of him, so caring for the things he cares for isn't complicated. Especially when she's nuzzling into my shoulder with her small arms around me.

*It won't always be this easy...or this good.*

I'm not naive. I know that there'll be days where the *sun won't shine*, but I drown myself in this moment anyway. It's moments like these that'll make everything else worth it.

I settle Naomi into her highchair, buckling her in and watching with a smile as she pops perfectly sliced grapes into her mouth, swaying happily. As I turn back to the dirge, I debate whether to make her a proper breakfast or wait for Cade to wake up.

*What if she's allergic to something?* "Da-da!"

I startle, my heart leaping into my throat as a pair of strong arms encircle my waist from behind, pulling me into a warm embrace. Cade's lips find my neck, peppering tender kisses along my skin, and I can't help the sheepish giggle that escapes me.

"Good morning," he rumbles, his husky voice sending a shiver down my spine, memories of last night flooding my mind. The press of his stiff member against my lower back, feeling the warmth of his touch, it makes me want to fall into him all over again.

I sigh softly, turning in his arms, my hands finding his chest as I struggle half-heartedly against his hold. "Cade," I murmur, moaning gently as he captures my lips in a soft kiss. "Stop... I have morning breath."

He arches a brow, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Oh? Let me see." He leans in, and just as I think he's going for another chaste kiss, he darts his tongue into my mouth, catching me off guard.

I snort against his lips, embarrassment coloring my cheeks as I yelp, "No!"

Despite my protests, his hold only tightens, keeping me in place as he pulls back, his eyes meeting mine with a playfulness tinged in them. "Mmm..." he hums sarcastically. "Oh, yeah. I see what you mean." *I'm gonna cry...in Korean.*

Before I can dwell on my humiliation, the doorbell chimes, echoing through the house. I glance at Cade, curiosity etched on his features, before turning my attention back to Naomi as he reluctantly releases me and heads for the door. She's just about done with the grape halves I'd set out for her, and as I reach for her sippy cup, I hear Cade exclaim, "Dad! What are you doing here?"

*Oh, shit.*

My stomach drops, and I hastily set the cup down, rushing to the staircase just as Cade glances back at me from the partially open door. I hold my breath, pressed against the wall beside the stairs as David's voice rings out, "I'm here to see my grandchild. What do you mean, what am I doing here?"

An uncomfortable silence stretches between them before David asks, "Are you gonna let me in?"

I can hear the hesitation in Cade's voice as the sound of the door shutting meets my ears, "Y-Yeah. I was just about to make her some breakfast." *Okay, he didn't see me.*

My heart pounds in my chest, my breathing shallow as I debate whether or not I should run into Cade's room and shut the door or stay and listen. *I probably shouldn't be eavesdropping...but...*

...

*I'll run if I hear him coming upstairs.*

I cross my arms beneath my breasts, hugging myself tightly as I lean back against the wall, listening as David cheerfully says, "There's my grandbaby!" Naomi's laughter fills the air, followed by David's pointed question. "Have a guest over?"

*Fuck.*

Of course, he would notice my car parked out front. My keys and phone are on the coffee table downstairs too. If he's curious enough, he could easily find my driver's license in the wallet attached to my lanyard and know it's me. *We're so screwed.*

When Cade doesn't respond, David mutters something indecipherable before his voice takes on a disdainful edge. "You're a father, and she lives here now. You shouldn't bring your whores around your daughter." *His whores..?*

Anger surges through me, hot and sharp, but I bite my tongue, digging my nails into my sides. As much as I want to storm in there and give him a piece of my mind, I know it's not my place.

"Excuse me?" Cade's voice is laced with barely contained fury, a rage I know runs deeper than my own, and deeper than David realizes.

"Come on, Cade," David scolds. "When are you going to grow up? For your daughter's sake, you need to find a good woman and settle down."

To my surprise, Cade laughs, a dark, humorless sound. "That's rich, coming from you."

David bristles. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I can feel the tension between them from where I stand, the air thick with unspoken resentment. After a long moment, Cade finally speaks, his voice low and controlled, "Just get the hell out of my house." "Cade, come on. I'm telling you what you need to hear. As your father, it's my job t-"

"It's your job to what?" Cade cuts him off, his patience wearing thin. "I'm a grown man, capable of making my own decisions. So, please go. I need to feed my daughter."

*Is this what it's gonna be like always..?*

The thought weighs heavy on my heart, but I don't wait for David to leave before slipping back into Cade's room. I change into my own clothes, folding his shirt and boxers neatly and placing them at the foot of the bed. As much as I want to stay, I need to go home. Bubbles is waiting for me.

When I finally venture downstairs, David is gone, and Cade stands at the counter, aggressively slicing sausage links, his brow furrowed in irritation. Naomi sits nearby, happily munching on freshly cut strawberries, her eyes fixed on her father. *This is awkward...*

I'm almost afraid to make a sound, cautiously approaching him. "Cade?" My voice wavers. "Are you okay?"

He doesn't look at me, setting the knife down and bracing his hands against the counter. A heavy sigh escapes him. "I hate him."

*No, you don't.*

I won't pretend to understand what he's going through or what he's feeling, but I sympathize with him. Wordlessly, I wrap my arms around him, pulling him close. "I'm sorry," I murmur, the only thing I can think to say.

His arms come around me, holding me tighter, his breath ruffling my hair. "It's not your fault."

I feel bad, and while I don't want him to think that I'm leaving because I don't want to be here, I also don't know how much longer I can leave Bubbles alone before he decides he can't hold his pee anymore and pees on my carpet.

"I have to go," I whisper, feeling him tense against me. "I need to take Bubbles out and feed him. I -"

"Bring him with you," he interrupts, pulling back to look at me. "Come back and bring him with you."

His gaze softens, a hopeful glint in his eye. "We can take him and Naomi to the park, and we'll spend the weekend together."

The gentleness in his voice, the sincerity despite his frustration, makes it impossible to refuse not that I want to. The thought of spending a day, let alone a weekend, without seeing him feels unbearable now.

With a small smile on my face, I nod. "I'll be back in an hour."

And I will be. Because this, right here, is exactly where I want to be. With him, with Naomi.

With our little family.