Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 33 ⊱ The Lies We Tell

I locked myself in my apartment, doing everything I could to keep myself from utterly falling apart.

After calling animal services to pick up Bubbles' body, the local police were notified, and I was forced to make a police report-one I lied on.

I concealed the visible bruise on my cheek with layers of makeup and told them I came home to find someone had broken into my apartment. I said I left the door unlocked and didn't notice anything had been tampered with. The words tasted bitter on my tongue, the lies burning my throat.

When they asked me if I had any reason to believe that someone may be targeting me, I said no.

I know better.

After they left, I spent the rest of the night scrubbing the blood from my carpet, the rough fibers chafing my hands as I worked. Oddly, it was easier than I thought it would be. For six hours, I not only cleaned Bubbles' blood but the rest of my apartment too, disposing of everything that was his.

Everything except his pictures, favorite toy, and the collar with his name embroidered on it.

It's not that I wanted to erase the memory of him. It's that I wanted to make it easier on myself so that every time that I'd look around for him, I'd find nothing instead of something and not *him*.

Between then and now-Monday morning-I've slept three hours. Oddly, I can hardly tell. As I sit at my desk in the office, I feel numb, like the life has been drained from me, leaving an empty shell going through the motions as if nothing happened. The fluorescent lights buzz overheard, too bright, too harsh for my aching eyes.

It's been easy, really.

What's been hard is sitting here, pretending not to notice the way that Cade's been looking at me for the past seven hours, his gaze heavy with concern and questions I can't answer.

I haven't spoken to him since I left his house. I ignored his phone calls and his texts, turning my phone off, the silence both a relief and condemnation.

I know better.

"Are you okay?"

Krina's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, my weary eyes meeting hers. I mentally prepared myself to be asked that question a million times, and after running to the restroom to recompose myself when Mateo asked me the same thing this morning, I'm proud that it hardly fazes me this time.

"Yeah. I'm just tired," I respond nonchalantly.

It's been my go-to response.

It's always my go-to response.

I learned when my father died that it's easier to lie than to vent only to be pitied and feel worse. I thought that nothing could compare to losing him, yet somehow, this hit me harder. Maybe it's because it's the last thing that I expected. Maybe it's because I never imagined that after having Bubbles for only three years, I'd be picking up an urn with his ashes a day later.

Maybe it's because he isn't the only thing that I've lost this weekend.

The thought makes me sick, and if I hadn't already cried all I could, I would've avoided coming into work altogether.

*Maybe I shouldn't have come anyway.*

With only half an hour until five, I decide to be the first of my team to leave, quickly packing my things. I offer Krina a half-hearted smile and tell her, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I don't want to give Cade the opportunity to corner me in the parking lot, like he always does.

I can't talk to him. I *shouldn't* talk to him.

I know better.

No part of me wants to find out what'll happen if I do anything other than what David said. He made it clear I'd end up just like Bubbles, and I don't think he's bluffing. Unfortunately, while I can control what I do, I can't control Cade.

"Elysian."

His voice sends a shiver down my spine, and despite my desperate attempt to rush to my car, he stops me. His hand firmly grasps my arm, pulling me away from the door, forcing me to turn to him. *Please, let me go...*

I can't bring myself to look at him, my eyes fixed on the concrete beneath us. With my keys in one hand and my phone in the other, I hold them tightly as the bridge of my nose stings and hot tears gather at the brim of my eyes. "Hey..." he mutters, concern lacing his voice. "What's going on?"

*Keep it together. Keep it together.*

I take quick, shallow breaths, afraid that if I take any more and the tears fall, I won't be able to contain myself.

*Breathe...*

Just as I think my tears have dried, my phone buzzes, drawing my attention. Desperate to avoid facing him, I quickly answer. "Hello?"

"Hi," a friendly woman's voice echoes through the line. "May I speak with Miss Elysian Reign?"

"This is she."

"Hi Elysian. I'm calling on behalf of Research Engineering HR department to notify you that unfortunately, your services will no longer be needed. Your employment with us has been terminated..."

I hear nothing, static filling my ears. For a second, my vision is gone too, black spots dancing before my eyes. I fight the knot that forms at the edge of my throat as I tune back in, hearing her ask, "Do you have any questions?" "No," I say sincerely.

She doesn't have to tell me why I've been fired. I already know. I'm only surprised that it didn't happen the second that I walked in this morning.

*At least he spared me the embarrassment of being escorted out. *

"Again, I'm sorry to inform you. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or concerns. Have a good -"

I don't wait for her to finish, quickly pulling the phone away from my ear and hanging up.

*What am I supposed to do now..?*

This time, I don't try to hold myself together. Even if I did want to, there's nothing that I can do.

I tilt my head back, my tear-filled eyes finding Cade's soft ones as my wavering voice says, "I just got fired."

His eyebrows furrow, and though it doesn't matter, I know he had no idea this would happen. He has no idea David knows about me. He has no idea he threatened me and killed Bubbles to send a message of what would happen if I did exactly what I'm doing now.

"I have to go," I say before a hard sob breaks from my lips, and I try to turn away from him.

Try.

"Ely-"

"No!" I snap, pulling my arm from his hold. "Please, just leave me alone..." I cry. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want to be with you."

Again, I try to pull away, but he refuses. When I turn to open the door, he presses his hand firmly against it. And no matter how hard I try, it doesn't budge. *He* doesn't budge.

"I'm not letting you go until you talk to me," he tells me.

I know he means it, but how can I tell him the truth? What will he do if I do? What will happen to me then?

As *independent* as I think I am, I have nowhere to go. I'm not safe anywhere, and without a job, I can't take care of myself. I'll lose my apartment, and I probably won't land on my feet because something like *this* on my record doesn't make me the ideal candidate in this market.

Sometimes I wish that my mind would stop rationalizing things in moments like these. I wish I could allow myself to drown in despair instead of thinking about all the reasons why getting in my car and driving off now is probably the worst thing I can do.

*I'll drive myself into a wall. I promise.*

I press my forehead against the window, the chill of the glass soothing against my hot skin. I let myself fall apart the way that I should have two days ago, great, heaving sobs wracking my body.

"Elysian," Cade's voice is hardly audible over my cries. "Ely...please, talk to me."

*I want to kill myself.*

"Your dad..." my voice is watery, and between sobs, I try to speak. "H-He-"

I can't.

I try so hard, but I can't speak, the words lodged in my throat.

"Come here."

Before I can protest, he turns me to him and wraps his arms around me, holding me close as if he's afraid to let go. "I've got you," he whispers into my ear. "It's okay. I've got you."

I don't know if I should believe him, but I don't have a choice. Before, he couldn't protect me because he didn't know. Now? Now, he knows. He *will* know. Holding my silence will do nothing for me. I know better.

All that I have now is him.