Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 6 ⊱ Hot Box

The weekend couldn't have come fast enough, and while I race through the last HR training, Mateo and Krina say their goodbyes and wish me a good weekend.

These past couple of days, I've been staying behind, a little past 5PM so as to not be the first of the engineers on my team to leave. Today, however, it's 10 minutes until 6PM and I'm only 5 minutes short from finishing the unskippable last video.

If not for the fact that I'm aggravated by the fact that I have to finish this before being allowed to work on anything else, I need something to challenge my mind. While I know that there will come a lot of work and stress, I would much rather have to worry about that than the animosity between Cade and I.

As the last 30 seconds of the video play, I stand from my seat and begin to pack up my belongings. It's a feeling of satisfaction like no other when the intolerable voice of the woman narrating the video finally stops, and I close out of the HR screen for the last time. In one swift motion, I disconnect my laptop from the docking station and fold it shut, sticking it into my backpack.

When I look up, sliding my backpack on my shoulder, my gaze lands on Cade's office, eyeing him through the glass door as he stares into the monitors connected to his computer with a stern look on his face. *What happened to you..?*

I know that people change, but more often than not, at least some part of who they used to be is left behind. I've never understood how someone could turn a 180 from one day to the next.

*I guess when the person you love most is gone forever, that happens.*

I can't pretend to know what it is that he went through. Although I lost my father at the age of 10, I saw it coming long before it happened. Cade's mother's death was a freak accident-the perfectly healthy woman suddenly had a heart attack with no history of underlying health issues.

Regardless of what my feelings toward Cade were, I adored Olivia. The idea of someday becoming her daughter-in-law gave me a sense of hope-hope for building a relationship with her that I never had the opportunity to with my mother. I wish that I could say that after my father died, the bond between my aunt and I was that of mother-daughter. However, my aunt is a very traditional Korean woman who time and time again reminded me that it wasn't her job to coddle me. My father's sisters? Both are currently serving more than three decades in federal prison for conspiracy to distribute mass amounts of narcotics and controlled substances. As for my grandparents, I'm not Korean enough for my maternal grandparents and I'm not white enough for my paternal grandparents.

*One rejection after another...*

I sigh softly, pulling away from my thoughts as I walk past Cade's office and toward the elevators. Today's gym day, and I can't wait to get it over with so that I can go home and decompress.

The sound of the elevator's ding makes me smile, but just as quick as it appears, it fades at the sight of the all-too familiar white-haired, blue-eyed, 65-year-old man.

*David...*

"Good evening," he greets me, nodding as he steps to a side and motions for me to move before himself.

A knot forms at the pit of my stomach, my mouth going dry as I step into the elevator and he steps out. He walks in the direction of Cade's office, the elevator doors shutting as he moves out of my sight. *What's his dad doing here?*

That's two too many Sinclairs for the week, and it's just what I need to end my week with more anxiety than it started.

*At least he didn't recognize me either...*

I've lost 20 pounds since, and the long hair and bangs probably help too.

You know how when most women go through a break-up, they typically feel the need to go out of their way to "feel themselves"? They chop their hair off, dye it, dress a little sluttier, act a little sluttier. Well, I refrained from a detrimental lifestyle and started hitting the gym harder.

Now, I'm aesthetic enough to be a novice wellness bodybuilder and strong enough to be an elite powerlifter every dream I had when I was a competitive powerlifter during my first three years of college. You know, before life got harder and I realized that, to increase my chances of making it in this field, my time needs to be better spent.

The ride home and Bubbles' walk is as uneventful as it can be, and by the time I make it to the gym's parking lot, it's 7:30PM and all I want to do is sleep.

*Maybe my workout will go great today.*

Like most 24-hour powerlifting gyms, I tap my keyfob on the door-pad and walk in to an empty front desk and music blasting on the speakers. It's typical powerlifting culture: warehouse gym with overhead doors rolled up, no A/C, and one great mix of incredibly intelligent people with equally incredibly stupid people.

*Ah...just like back home.*

Between secondary squat and tertiary bench press work, I nod a couple of 'what's up's' to some of the members I met when I first started training here, and I passive conversations between the paternal twin sisters-Amelia and Anna. Coincidentally, we shared the platform at my first USA Powerlifting Collegiate Nationals a few years ago.

"Hey, Elys!" Amelia calls as I finish re-racking the plates on the plate tree. "Whatcha doin' after this?"

*Going home. Wallowing in self-pity.*

"Nothing, really," I respond nonchalantly as I reach for my gym bag from beside the combo rack. "Why?"

She pauses for a moment, turning to look at her sister who's walking toward us with a mischievous look on her face.

It's really quite interesting how utterly alike they are, yet they hardly look anything alike. Between Amelia's dirty-blonde hair, hazel eyes and slim build, and Anna's dark brown hair, light brown eyes and thick build, you'd never imagine that they're sisters-much less twins.

She leans into my ear, whispering, "You wanna come sit in the hot box with us?"

*Wow...that was blunt-no pun intended.*

"Uh..." I arch a brow, shifting my gaze back and forth between Amelia and Anna.

Truthfully, for a long moment, I contemplate it. Not because I'm not a social stoner, but because I only ever intoxicate myself around people that I've shared more than casual gym conversations with.

Then again, after the week I've had, I wouldn't be opposed to indulging with someone I met five minutes ago.

After a moment, I shrug and I respond more than willingly, "Sure. Why not?"

"Aye, bet!" Anna cheers as she nods at the door, gesturing us to follow her out to her car.

The evening air is cool against my sweat-dampened skin as we make our way across the poorly lit parking lot. Anna's beat-up Kia Soul comes into view, and she unlocks the doors with a click of her key fob. The interior is surprisingly clean, save for a few empty water bottles and protein bar wrappers scattered on the floor.

Amelia walks closely beside me, asking, "So, how was your first week at your new job? I haven't seen you since last Friday."

*Oh, so wonderful...*

"I-It was...good," I hesitate, and she notices.

She hums in a 'I know you're full of shit' tone, walking around the front of her sister's car. With my gym bag resting between my legs, I sit in the passenger seat, next to Anna as Amelia hops in the back seat.

If I didn't know better, I'd say they came prepared.

Anna reaches for the glove compartment, popping it open before drawing and already perfectly roll-up blunt and a lighter. She doesn't waste any time, burning the head of it as she inhales a quick and short breath. "So, really, how did it go?" Anna asks as she exhales her smoke, passing the blunt over to me.

I shoot her a sideways glance, taking a couple of hits before passing it to Amelia. For as long as I can, I hold my breath, my eyes growing heavier by the second. Slowly, I breathe out, leaning back against the car door as I shift my body to face Amelia and Anna.

Once Amelia's taken her share, I finally part my lips, asking, "Do you remember seeing me with my ex boyfriend at C-Nats?"

Anna and Amelia suddenly look at each other, giggling as they ask in unison, "The super hot one with blue eyes?" *Well, damn.*

They throw their heads back laughing, Amelia telling me, "This super annoying teammate had the biggest crush on him. She tried to talk to him once and he completely ignored her."

"Yeah! Oh my god, that was so embarrassing..." Anna mutters before taking another pair of hits.

*Well, THAT, I didn't know about.*

I chuckle softly, smiling at the reminiscence of how often he'd go out of his way to remind me that he was mine. "He was a good guy," I tell them, knowing that despite everything, he was good to me.

He was one of those people that comes into your life and changes your approach to life. You think you want to be better, do better, but then you meet them and you learn what really wanting to be better and do better is like.

And you get better. You do better. You start making smarter choices, thinking ten steps ahead instead of one, and you start seeing the consequences as an opportunity to learn instead of as punishments. *Hell, I even found God...*

"You're still in love with him, aren't you?" Amelia suddenly says.

Were it not for the fourth hit I just took, I would be screaming right now.

I shake my head, knowing that deep down, I'm lying.

Alpha imprint the worst thing that can happen to you. I'm ruined unless I can somehow find someone better.

Even if I go on to live a beautiful life with someone else, I'm not blind to the probability that I'll always be unsatisfied unless I marry a sexy trillionaire with a heart of diamond and eyes bluer than the ocean. I'm gonna die alone.

"Anyway," I wonder back to Anna's question, telling her, "the manager who hired me quit last week and Cade got his job. Now he's my boss."

A pair of gasps fill the air, Amelia slapping her unoccupied hand over her mouth as she passes what's left of the blunt to Anna.

"No..." Anna says loudly. "Girrrrl, what are you gonna do?"

I giggle softly, shaking my head as I tell her, "There's nothing I can do. I signed a 3-year contract." As unfunny as I found all of this when I was sober, I'm crying tears of laughter as I cackle away. "It's so bad!" *Yup, I'm incredibly high right now.*

My abs cramp as my laughter slowly diminishes, the pads of my thumbs wiping the tears from my eyes. "It's really ironic too. I had just decided I was ready to start dating again. Then, I saw him, and now all I can think about is him. It's pathetic, really," I admit. "Now I have to work my ass off to make myself invaluable in case he wants to fire me."

"Damn..." Anna says as she shakes her head, offering me the last hit that she originally intended to take for herself. "Well, you go girl."

Knowing that I need to drive myself back, I turn down her offer. With this, I reach for my backpack, thanking them, "I gotta get going. Thank you for the smoke."

Anna waves as Amelia hops out of the car with me, saying, "You're welcome, babe!"

"Bye, girly! We should hang out more," Amelia says as she offers me a hug before heading to her car.

I'm quick, getting in my car, and locking the door as I start it. Before leaving the lot, I wait until Amelia's driving off to make sure she's fine before I follow behind her.

I really could get away with walking to the gym, it's only a block down the street. It's less than a minute before I'm parking in the lot of my apartment complex. I don't waste any time, finding myself locking the door behind me as I greet Bubbles who's laying on his sofa, next to my own.

"You're the cutest boy I've ever met in my entire life," I hug him tightly as I plant kisses on the top of his head.

And like the clingy dog that he is, he wags his tail excitingly as he shifts on his back, begging for belly scratches.

I smile softly, giving into his cuteness in content.

*Maybe I need to start smoking in the morning before work.*

...

*Yeah...no. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.*

I shake my head, knowing that if I were to go to work high and find myself alone with Cade, I'll either collapse or start swinging-both of which would end in me getting fired. *Actually...maybe I should.*