Hell Of A Marriage
Chapter 39

"Loneliness is a long, unbearable pain.... There was never a place for me in the scheme of things....I had become a living fantasy on a theme in dark, endless dirges....I made another world, and real men would enter it and they would never really get hurt at all in the vivid, unreal laws of the dream. I caused dreams which caused death. This is my crime."

~Anonymous.

Three months later.***

Keenan tosses and turns on the large, but awfully lonely bed and after three hours of trying to convince himself why he needs to sleep, he pulls himself up and reaching for my his phone on the lampstand beside his bed he picks it and dials the motel Christel's line. He waits a moment and in less than a three seconds later the call is picked and a feminine voice comes through at the end of the line after the first ring. "Hello Christel motel customer service line, always open for services, how may I help you?" The polite voice asks.

He clears up his suddenly choked up throat to ask, "Hello, I wanted to ask if room 43 is still being occupied?"

"Hold on let me check." The line is quiet and a minute later the voice begins to speak. "Yes sir, it is still being occupied. But our other rooms are available and of equal standard, if you would like to check in there."

He shakes his head, knowing he already got what he needs, "No thanks, I need that one, I'll wait for the occupant to leave." Is his reply before hanging up the call.

He tosses his phone away and falls back into the bed. His eyes are fixed on the ceiling, knowing he can't close his eyes or dream of sleep.

He can't, not when his heart is so far away and he's unable to get to her.

He knows he told Vary to take as much time as she needed to heal, but he never thought she would take this long and most importantly, he never asked her to move on because that's what he feels like she's doing.

He blames himself for everything and the guilt of it crushes him to the ground every minute. His decision to bring Tobi into their lives even when Vary told him to give her time. His desperation led him into the hands of Tobi who fed him lies about his wife and her childhood, things which were complete lies. He brought in Vary's worse nightmare and here he is now alone without her.

Daniel would have been three months today, he probably would have been driving he and Vary crazy with wondering why he wouldn't stop crying. He knows his life would have been happier with Daniel in it and the happiest if he could have the both of them, but now it's a nightmare because he has lost both of them.

But how can she survive three whole months without him? He's only just hanging to a thread as it is. He can barely cope, think or do anything right and every minute of every passing day he misses her and thinks about her.

He wonders if she thinks about him like he does her, craves him like he craves her and longing for him like he does her every day.

He has to fight himself and the urges to go to the motel and bring her home with him and show her just how much she needs him and how much he misses her. Every night he lies in bed alone, cold and praying that it is the last night he would have to spend alone, and the next day he realises it's not and continues hoping.

A part of his heart has still not come back since he saw Vary three months ago at the Christel motel, and he knows it never will, not until Vary walk back with it.

The last three months that just went by were horrible because his mind forced him to work even though his heart said otherwise and so far he has had the most record for, being late to board meeting, being late to conference meetings, missing four contract deal and cancelling a business trip on the day he's supposed to leave. He couldn't keep it together, not for even a second and he knew it was only a matter of time before he loses it completely.

He lost it a week ago at the fourth board meeting held in two months because the previous three were a disaster. There he broke down in tears and couldn't be consoled and instead of giving a speech on the company's plan to ship its branch to Africa especially Nigeria, he narrated the tragic story of Vary and himself and how his mistake has cost him his son, wife who is the woman he loves and now his marriage.

The board immediately voted that he takes leave and probably a long break from being CEO and have someone be acting CEO in his stead. Bethany was said to be a better fit and though Keenan hated them wanting him out, he respected their choice with Bethany because he knew she was better at running the hotels, especially now that he was a complete mess.

These weeks Keenan has spent at home counting everything in the house so he would not die of boredom. The loneliness grew worse as the days passed by and he felt he was going to become crazy and having given up on alcohol a year ago he knows he'll have to live with his horrible fate with a sober mind. However, being sober sucked and he couldn't run away and hide under the shield of the alcohol for a few hours.

As the morning arrives, Keenan tries to find something to keep himself busy with, food? Workout? Journal? Taking a walk? Keenan thinks then realises he was bored of doing all of them. They never help, they couldn't and the only thing that would help is having Vary come back to him.

Bethany's visit is one Keenan likes to call, a heavenly visitation and her presence was also his saving grace.

He doesn't still know how she can manage to work, take care of three sons which he knows is also a handful of work and then look after him as well with no sweat at all.

The doorbell rings and Keenan makes his way over to open it. He had sosmissed all the maids at the beginning of last week because he didn't think there was any more work for them to do and now he was the only one in the house, just like it was a year ago before he married Varisha.

The only room he has been in for the past three months is his bedroom, not even the kitchen because he hasn't eaten from there in a while.

He opens the door and sees Bethany looking all bright and beautiful for a good morning... or afternoon.., he can't even tell what time it is. "Well someone looks like the definition of hell." She says in a flat tone laced with certainty.

She's in purple sweaters and black jean trousers and she has a beanie on her head, covering up to her brows leaving her hair all behind. She's holding two shopping bags and Keenan knows she's been to the supermarket just like she had promised when he called her him earlier, but she never said she was shopping for him. Making him wonders if she has even been to work today.

He tries smiling but does not seem to have the strength to show that much positive trait.

Bethany almost rolls her eyes when she walks in and heads for the kitchen to drop the bags she's holding on to.

Keenan shuts the door and follows behind her. "Why are you here?" He asks as she drops the bags down on the kitchen island.

She looks up at him, placing her palms together and if Keenan doesn't know better he'd say she needed something. "I need advice, I screw things up with Levi and I need to know how to work this out."

Oh, so that's why she's here today Keenan thought, and the shopping is a way of her trying to bribe him, he knew something was very fishy.

Keenan rolls his eyes, "First off, you are looking great" he says, taking a good minute to properly analyse as well as appreciate her new look and how fit she is with the much weight she's lost. "and second of all do I look someone who should be giving advice?" She sighs sadly noticing how selfish and self-centred she must have sounded to Keenan, especially considering everything he has been going through. "How are you?" She finally asks.

He raises a brow and gestures to himself from head to toe, "Can't you tell?"

She gives him a sad and pitiful eye, as she finally takes him into with her eyes. His red hair is shabby and barely being taken care of, his blue eyes just as pale as his skin, his lips dry and his spirit broken. "I'm sorry Keenan."

He shakes his head and walks out of the kitchen to the living room and he falls on the couch close to him and his eyes close. Bethany leaves everything she bought in the shopping bags and she follows him.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes again.

Keenan shakes his head and rests his forearm over his face, "No need to apologize, Beth, it's not your fault, I just don't know how much longer I can take."

She comes and sits beside him, "The police haven't found anything useful about her location, have they?"

At her curious question, Keenan realises that not only has he been alone these past months, but he has also kept a lot of things he has done in these months a secret, letting no one know about them. He feels a little sad for keeping his loved ones out especially Bethany, but he just didn't want her caught up in any of his mess.

"I had the authorities throw out her case two months ago," he answers, his eyes slowly closing.

She frowns as she looks down at her brother, "Why would you do that? They were the only way of safely finding Vary and why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't 'cause I know where she is?" His eyes slowly begin to open to see the astonished look on her face.

She seems taken back, "You do?! Why haven't you done anything about it?" She asks, utter confusion in her voice.

The Keenan she knew all her life wasn't a quitter so this Keenan seem strange to her.

"I did three months ago." He begins to say, memories of three months ago rushing back to him and his mouth shirt at how painful those memories were and still are.

"And?" She demands impatiently.

"She told me she needed time and I told her to take her time and that's what she's doing," he groans in regret, looking away from her.

If what she senses in his voice is regret she doesn't say anything about it so instead she says, "Three months is a very long time. Where is she exactly?"

At least she agrees with her on that, "Christel motel and she's still there last I heard." Comes his weak response.

"Then go to her and let her know just how you feel."

He did that when he went to her three months ago and if that hasn't brought her back, he doesn't know what else will. "I've done that, I'm just going to let her decide on coming back to me."

She raises a brow at him, "Is that pride I hear?"

Never, not when it has to do with Varisha.

He shakes his head, "No, it's surrender and that's what you need with Levi. Put your pride, doubt and fear aside and just surrender to what you feel." He replies finally looking at her.

Her eyes narrow as she stares at her kid brother, recalling what he had told her earlier. "I thought you said you didn't look like one who shouldn't be giving advice?"

"We both needed one."

"You too. Go out, free yourself, pay your last respect to your son," she says and pain still lingers in his eyes at the mention of his son. Bethany continues to speak, "Pay a visit to your goddaughter Reign, put a smile on someone's face, you would be surprised how good you are gonna feel after."

After Bethany said this, she went to the kitchen and places the provisions she bought in the right places, making him lunch, before taking her to leave.

Keenan takes a bath, eats his lunch before heading out of the house.

He spends the next three house at Daniel's gravesite following Bethany's advice and saying goodbye to him.

He pays Reign and Taylor a visit. The five-year-old is much older, prettier, louder and most importantly she is happy to see him and he was more than happy to see her too.

At her request, they both pay a visit to the Baptist church which was not very far from their house. He tells her about Daniel his dead son and wife, and she consoles him with a big hug even though her arms barely went around him. She then told him that if he was too sad about Vary's absence, he could tell God about it. Keenan is impressed at how much she hasn't changed and how much she now reminds him of Vary.

Vary had so much faith in prayers, it was crazy to him most times.

He remembers occasions where she had forced him to join her praying in the past and although he did believe in prayer, he never believes it would work if he was the one rendering it.

Nevertheless, at the young damsel's request, he obeys and they made the journey and he did pray and for his desires, he asked for Vary to return and he believed for Reign's sake.

"Shall we be doing this any time soon?" Keenan asks, referring to the prayers as they both get down from the car and approach the house.

"No, but you will with Vary." She replies confidently and smiles at him.

Taylor comes out of the house and Keenan let's go of Reign's hand and she runs to meet her mom. Keenan smiles and waves them goodbye before taking his leave.

As he drives home he spots some homeless on the street and he stops his car and going to them he hands each of them a hundred dollar bills. The men were perplexed and while some thanked him others prayed for him in tears.

As he continues his journey back home, he dials Sandra Dawn, one of the owners of the largest charity in the country and requests a date with the organization. Speechless beyond words, she gives him a date which is in four days. Keenan tells her he is okay with that and the conversation ends.

As Keenan gets down from his car and walks towards the house, he notices the light in his bedroom is on and he begins to wonder who might have broken into his home.

There is no security and he just realises how unsafe and vulnerable he's lived in the past three months that past.

However, he ignores the voices telling him to turn back and he makes his way inside and as he opens the door he is paused at the door at who he sees.

He almost smiles, but shakes his head and closes his eyes, praying that when he opens them the illusion will be gone. But when he opens them up again he still sees the same thing -person and there is Vary, sitting on their bed.