Hired Love
Chapter 43

"I can't do that. I don't want to. I'm tired of begging people to stay in my life, of being too desperate for love. I'll get over it. I know I will. I just want the pain to go away."

Grace brushed a finger down her cheek. "Maybe life isn't about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it's about collecting the scars to prove you showed up for it. I don't want you to ever feel like you're not enough. You'll be enough for the right person; I promise you that. Whatever you're feeling, don't block it out. Feel it, embrace it. It's part of being alive. Just don't let it rip you apart."

Stacy's heart squeezed with each word. She hadn't realized she was crying until Grace wiped the area around her eye. "You make it sound so easy."

"It's not. Fuck no. But it's better to feel the pain than to let it eat you away."

She sniffed. "How can I still want him after this?"

"Because you truly love him. Love doesn't just die within a few days."

She did love him. She loved him so much it hurt to think about it. She loved him so much she was willing to forget about him.

It was a sad thing, how one could go from being so happy one moment to feeling like hell the next.

Roman hadn't been able to sleep well. The images that played underneath left him a total mess. He couldn't stop thinking of how dejected Stacy had looked, couldn't stop thinking of how he'd stupidly stood there and watched her run away from him.

At that moment, he'd felt like the shittiest person on earth. How had he not seen it? She'd told him she liked him, and he'd told her he like her back. Had he led her on without even knowing it as Claire had said? Claire.

He'd never met anyone so vengeful and bitter. Roman didn't know what came over him but he'd looked at her and he just wanted to slap some sense into her. She'd ruined everything. They were supposed to end the week on a happy note and go their separate ways, just like he planned. Maybe if he'd wanted, he might've looked for her. She would have been hard to find. He would've just asked Grace for her address.

The week he'd spent with her had been the best week of his life. Since he'd moved away to his own place when he was a teenager, he'd never really got to have a feel of what having a family felt like. Stacy's family had welcomed him as a son, invited him into their home and he'd let them down.

He'd let her down.

He'd had no fucking idea that she was in love with him.

Every single time she'd smiled at him or laughed at his stupid jokes, he'd had no idea that she felt anything resembling love for him. Everything was coming into place now. Why she'd cried that first night they'd had sex or why she'd kept pushing to know if it meant anything to him.

So many why's passed through his head that he didn't even know where to begin.

He hated the thought of Stacy in pain because of something he'd done or hadn't done. He wished so badly that things hadn't turned out this way. There was so much he wanted to do with her, so much he wanted to say to her.

His parent's marriage had left him of the opinion that love complicated relationships. His parents had gotten married when he was six. Before then, everything was fine. There had been little to no quarrels and the house had been peaceful. Then a few years after they'd gotten married, everything fell apart.

What if he decided to be with someone and then history repeated itself? He wished he could speak to Martha, his housekeeper and the woman that had raised him one more time. She'd always known what to do. She'd been more of a mother to him than his biological mother and he'd valued her opinion more than anyone. He had no idea how to sort out his feelings. Guilt and sadness and anger were all mixed up together.

What if he'd known? What would he have done? Would he have considered taking a chance with Stacy or would he have left?

He closed his eyes as a cascade of possibilities flashed through his mind. The thought of putting her through what his parents had gone through scared him. He did care about her. He cared about her more than he could even imagine. Stacy made him happy. She made him want things he'd prevented himself from wanting a long time ago. No woman had awoken in him the feelings he felt for her.

Even if he tried, he feared he wouldn't be able to love her as much as she deserved. He had nothing to compare or measure up to. His parents had left inevitable marks on him. He didn't think he was capable to giving himself to her wholly. Stacy. Stacy whose body drove him mad with desire and even madder with the rich sound of her laughter. Stacy who looked at him like he was the only thing she could see. Stacy he'd come to care for and cherish more than he'd thought possible.

He was pretty sure she didn't want to see him. He'd hurt her so much. The shame he felt enveloped him and he wallowed in it, letting himself drown in it. It didn't get much worse than this. He deserved whatever it was he was feeling. Matt had broken her heart, but he'd broken her.

Was there any coming back from this?