Holly, Jolly, and Oh So Naughty (Festive Flames)
Holly, Jolly, and Oh So Naughty: Chapter 32

Meeting my mother for lunch is oddly daunting. When I called to arrange lunch just before New Year’s, she was quiet on the phone and accepted immediately. We chose a place that was a few towns over because, in a twist that surprised no one, she was in the area. Which was code for her traveling here for Christmas but not making contact.

Which is exactly like her.

I arrive at the cafe first and choose a table at the back, checking the closing time to make sure we don’t outstay our welcome. The week between Christmas and New Year’s is such a strange one. It’s almost like the world is stuck in a time bubble where things are still festive but the magic of anticipation is gone.

I stare out at the world, watching people wander past enjoying the cold weather and the snowy landscape without snowfall for the first time in over a week. There’s an odd jump of anticipation within my heart because I’m eager for this to be over so I can go home to my woman and my child.

“James?”

I didn’t even hear her enter, but suddenly, my mother is standing next to me, sliding leather gloves from her hands.

“Mother. Can I order you anything?”

“Just some tea, thank you.” She takes her seat, and I order a pot of tea for the table. It gives her time to adjust herself and get comfortable in a chair that I’m sure she thinks is beneath her.

By the time the teapot arrives, the red flush on my mother’s face has calmed and she gives me a tight smile. “I’m happy you called.”

“Seemed like the best thing to do,” I reply, focusing on pouring myself some tea. “The last thing I’d want is you turning up announced.”

Her cheeks flush at the dig and she clears her throat, spooning sugar into her cup. “I was in the area because your Uncle Arnold has property in the area,” she says tightly. “That’s all.”

“Mmm.” I keep my responses curt and drink while she pours. After she’s had a few sips of tea, I get right into it. “Listen. I invited you here because I feel like how I left things wasn’t entirely fair.”

My mother’s face floods with relief.

“But,” I continue before she can say anything, “cutting you off is very much still on the table.”

Her face falls. “Oh, James. How can you say something so cruel?”

“Because I’m angry, Mom. You tried to pay the love of my life to get rid of my child, and you hid all knowledge of it from me. Seven years I have wandered around, missing out on some of the most important steps in my daughter’s life, and I will never get that back because of you.”

My hand shakes as I lower my cup.

“That pain of betrayal goes so deep I don’t know if I can ever forgive you, do you understand?”

To my surprise, she merely nods.

“But I said some things when emotions were high, and after Dad…” Sighing, I shake my head. “Anyway. So, I thought we should talk.”

“Will you believe me if I tell you I honestly thought I was doing the right thing? I didn’t want you to throw your life away for a stranger.”

“She wasn’t a stranger,” I reply tightly. “I loved her back then and I love her now. I have always loved her. I just squashed it down to make you happy, but I’m not doing that anymore. I don’t need you plotting my life. I don’t need you making choices for me, especially without talking to me first, do you understand?”

Mom nods, and her eyes fill with tears. “You paint me as a monster.”

“No.” I sigh softly, and my heart clenches at seeing her upset. “Your actions do. Even lately with the constant pressure for me to go back to Bernice, even though you knew I was deeply unhappy. It was like that didn’t matter to you. Nothing did other than your reputation.”

“You’re not wrong,” she replies, sniffling. “But it’s not what you think. One moment, my life was brilliant. I had everything I wanted. Your father was planning his retirement and we were going to travel the world until we were too old to do anything.”

I frown slightly. “I had no idea.”

“Well.” Mom chuckles. “It was just going to be us. And then one day, he was just… gone.” She shakes her head, sending her curls bouncing about her face. “And suddenly, everything was dark and cold, and I felt like I was having to fight tooth and nail for some kind of familiarity. I understand I am overbearing and that I have made terrible choices.” She dabs at her eyes. “I have done terrible things to keep this family together, and then after your father died, suddenly, I was all alone.”

I didn’t expect her to acknowledge her bad choices or the pain she caused, and I’m surprised. She’s more aware than I realized. And with that comes another realization. She’s lonely. Deeply, painfully lonely. While crafting her perfect world and perfect reputation, she ended up alone with only my father knowing the real her.

And now, he is gone.

“And then losing you?” She closes her eyes briefly. “Is there a colder wake-up call than Christmas alone?”

A stab of guilt lances through my chest and I wince inwardly. It was my first Christmas without my dad, and her first without the two of us. To some, that would be punishment enough.

“I need you to understand that I don’t want my life controlled,” I say, softening my tone. “I’ve had to fight to get Lily to trust me again, and I will have to fight even longer to keep proving that to her. But I will do it because I love her, and I want to get to know my daughter and catch up on everything I’ve missed. And you are still my mother.”

She looks at me with heavy, sad eyes.

“You need to stop being so… so militant about life and just enjoy it, don’t you see, Mom? Dad should have been a wake-up call for you too. He worked himself to death. It was terrible and sudden, but it will hurt us for a long time and I… I don’t want that for you. And you shouldn’t either.”

We talk late into the afternoon, draining several other pots of tea, and I lay out the things over the years that will no longer be acceptable going forward. Thankfully, my mother is open to the idea, and it seems my harsh way of cutting ties with her was the last straw she needed to wake up and realize her poisonous ways.

By the time the bill arrives, we’ve reached a shaky understanding.

“If you are willing to try,” I say as I stand, “then you can be in my life. And if you are willing to work hard, then you will need some magic to make it up to Lily. But the important thing is you have to try.”

Mom stands and nods. “I will,” she says, and for the first time in memory, her smile seems to reach her eyes. “I will change. I promise, James. You won’t be disappointed.”

My arms ache suddenly, then I reach out and pull her into a hug. She squeaks in surprise, then melts into the hug with a sigh.

All I can do is ask. I can lay out the path she needs to walk, but she has to walk it herself. My heart lifts slightly and I realize Lily was right. Losing my father and my mother in the same year would be too much.

“We will both do it,” I say with a calm sigh. “We will work together to be a better mother and son, a better family all around.”

Because that is what Lily and Emma deserve.

And I will do everything in my power to be the best man I can be, just for them.