I Dare You To Meet Me
Chapter 9

9 years old:

-Mom?

I catch the attention of my mom who is busy cutting the chocolate cake to give me a big piece.

-Tell me, daughter. She answers in a sweet voice.

-Why didn’t my dad come to my birthday?

My innocent question makes mom drop the plate she was holding in her hands and break into a thousand pieces.

-Shit!

-Mom, you can’t swear, you have to put a coin on the table.

My mom bends down to pick up the pieces and carefully throws them in the trash can, while I continue eating my cake.

Mmhmmm.

Chocolate.

-Daddy’s busy princess, but he sent you a present and all his love, do you want to see it?

-Yes, present!

I jump up and down in my chair as I clap my hands in excitement.

10 years old:

-I want to see my daddy!

I shout angrily to my mom.

-He can’t come, please Tasha, this is all very hard for me too, but your dad is doing something very important.

-I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care, I want my daddy, I want him now!

I scream louder as I start to cry loudly.

Mom hugs me immediately and caresses my back.

-Shh, I know baby, but you can’t see him yet, hold on a little longer, sweetie.

She says as she leaves k****s on my head, I keep sobbing on her sad chest.

-I miss him so much mom.

-I miss him too Tasha, I miss him too.

I feel something fall on my head and I know mom is crying too.

I don’t like to see my mom sad.

11 years old:

-Mommy, has Daddy forgotten about me?

I ask sadly as I brush my doll’s hair. My doll has golden hair, gray eyes, pale skin and freckles on her face. She looks like my mom.

Mom stops putting my clothes away in the closet in my room and turns to look at me very seriously. Mom has that look she gets when I’m in trouble.

-Don’t talk nonsense Tasha, your father loves you very much, just because he is far away from you doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss you with all his being, do you understand?

-So my dad loves me?

I say with illusion, mom stops looking serious and smiles at me, my mom has a very nice smile.

-Of course he loves you princess, he loves you with his whole life.

-I love him too mom, when am I going to see him?

Mommy sighs and turns her back to me to keep putting the clothes away.

-I don’t know baby, I don’t know.

12 years old:

-He doesn’t want to talk to me, he’s mad that I got a nine in math right mom, but it’s not my fault, I swear I studied hard for the test mom.

I say as I try to hold back my tears.

-Your father is not mad at you little girl, he is very busy, but he will call you as soon as he can.

-You always say that, but he never calls me, he already forgot about my mom, my dad forgot about me…”. I sobbed.

-Tasha… My mother starts to say, but I shake my head and run out and lock myself in my room.

I throw myself on my bed as I hug my pillow. Mom knocks on my door as she calls my name, but I don’t open it, I don’t want to open it.

-Tasha, it’s Grandpa, please open up.

Only when I hear my grandfather’s voice do I stand up and unlock the door. He is quick to pick me up and hold me in his arms.

-My dad doesn’t want to talk to me, Grandpa. I cry with my face in his neck.

-Don’t worry little girl, everything will be all right. He says to me.

-I hope so, Grandpa. I say with a voice full of sadness.

13 years old:

Mom leaves a box on the table while I eat breakfast.

-Dad sent you a present little girl.

I keep stirring my cereal without answering.

-Aren’t you excited, Tasha?

I purse my lips and say nothing.

-Tasha, is everything all right?

Mom asks, now worried.

-It’s a lie. I say quietly.

-What’s a lie, princess? Mom says in a soft voice.

-The gift is not from my dad, I heard you talking to grandpa, I know you bought it and he sent it by mail to make it look like dad sent it, but it’s not like that, right mom?

I say annoyed, my mom looks at me with sadness while she shakes her head.

-No baby, it’s not, I’m sorry.

I put the plate aside without finishing my breakfast, finally I raise my eyes and I look at my mom’s green eyes.

-It doesn’t matter, mom, it doesn’t matter anymore.

14 years old:

-You and my father had a fight and that’s why he left us, it’s not true, all this time it’s been your fault, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

The slap my mom gives me only makes her look angrier. She is also furious and looks at me harshly.

-Go to your room Natasha, you’re not going anywhere today, you’re grounded.

She tells me in an inflexible voice, but I give her a look of contempt.

With as much dignity as I can I turn around and head to my room, slamming the door in an attempt to let my anger out.

I reach my bed in two strides, and grab everything in it and throw it against the walls.

Running out of things to throw, I stop in the middle of the room while breathing heavily.

Why did my dad abandon us.

15 years old:

Music plays throughout the house, while I’m lying on the living room couch picking out the color of nail polish I’ll wear tonight at the party my grandparents are throwing in my honor.

Mom says it’s an important party, as they were going to introduce me to all the associates and friends of the family.

In the position I’m in, it’s hard for anyone to notice me, as I look practically like another decorative piece of the place. That’s why I’m not surprised that mom doesn’t notice me when she enters, what does surprise me is what I hear, as she comes talking on the phone and I can tell by her tone that she is not happy at all.

-There is no f*****g excuse that can justify you Hades, what does it cost you to pick up the f*****g cell phone and make a f*****g call, it’s YOUR DAUGHTER, and she hasn’t heard your voice in years!

Is she talking to my dad?

But she told me she hadn’t heard from him in a long time!

Wait, my father’s name is Demian, not Hades, isn’t that a name from mythology, I don’t understand anything.

-You and your f*****g shitty club can go to hell, I hope all Black Ravens get a f*****g STD!

She hangs up suddenly, stands still breathing like she’s just finished running a marathon and then with a cry of anger throws the cell phone against the nearest wall.

-You don’t want to know anything about me, do you?

do you?

My voice sounds dry, Mom gasps and holds a hand to her heart as she looks at me wrong.

-You scared me Tasha, how long have you been there?

I can hear the tremble of sadness in her voice and it makes me fill with anger at the being who put his s***m to bring me into the world.

-Long enough.

I say as I continue with my task.

The black nail polish twirls between my fingers along with the electric blue.

I hear Mom’s heels come closer to where I am.

Her fingers pick up the black and she examines it closely.

-Black always goes with everything Tasha, it’s very elegant and will look beautiful on you,” she says.

She tells me with a smile which I return, I sit up so I can hug her.

-Thank you for being with me mom.

-Always princess-.

16 years old:

-But how could you think of doing such a stupid thing, do you have any f*****g idea how worried we were, I almost went crazy when you didn’t come home, I was about to call the police to search heaven and earth to find you!

My mother shouts very excited while walking from one side to the other, her face is free of makeup and she was dressed in sports clothes as a sign that she had not gone to work. Dark circles under her eyes also told me she hadn’t slept much.

I press my hands against my legs, sitting on the edge of my bed, listening to the worst scolding of my life.

-I feel it.

I say in a clipped tone.

-What was it that happened in my head to make you leave like that, and the note you left behind where you warned me that you weren’t going to leave until next week was the face of the pasture. Where did you go with such urgency that you couldn’t warn me?

My mother reproaches me, with all the reason in the world.

-I admit it wasn’t one of my brightest ideas, but if I told you where I was going, you’d be very opposed and you’d probably even lock me in the house.

I try to justify myself but his gray eyes look like a storm raging at full force.

-That’s no excuse for disappearing for a whole f*****g week, now, Natasha White Kozlov, you’re going to tell me where you’ve been if you don’t want to be grounded until you’re thirty.

He says through gritted teeth, I look down in embarrassment and my cheeks flare.

-I went to California to look for the Black Ravens.

I mumble through my teeth.

My mom paled and took a few shaky steps backwards as if she had just been hit.

-Did you go looking for your father?

She asked in horror, my cheeks burning with fury as I screamed.

-That man is not my father, he hasn’t been for years and he never will be again!

Mom swallows her breath and looks at me, not knowing what to say.

-Did you see him?

I don’t answer, I just look away.

-Answer me Natasha, did you see him?

Tears that I was trying to hold back escape down my cheeks.

-Yes, I saw it, but I wish I hadn’t!

She exclaimed vehemently as I angrily brushed the tears away.

-What happened, did he see you too?

I grimace and click my tongue before letting out a contemptuous snort.

-No way, he didn’t even notice my existence, he was too busy with what I guess is his wife scolding his children.

He mumbled with hatred, but my countenance changed to a worried one when I saw the sadness on my mother’s face.

-Do they have more than one child,” she stammers shakily.

I nod uncertainly.

-A boy my age, I guess, and a boy of maybe seven, accompanied by a short blonde woman.

Mom covers her face with her hands and starts sobbing loudly.

I rush to stand up and hug her.

-It’s all right mom, we’re better off without him.

-Oh Tasha, there’s so much you don’t know.

I frown in annoyance.

-Maybe it’s time you told me, Mom.

But she shakes her head as she starts to calm down.

-It’s not my place to tell you, but I have no doubt that someday you’ll know everything. I only hope you find enough forgiveness in your heart for your father when that happens.

I can’t help but shriek indignantly.

-I will never forgive him for his abandonment, while we were here missing him he was very happy over there, with his other family, he never thought about us, he didn’t give a shit about us, I hate him, I detest him with all my heart, how can you talk to me about forgiving him, how can you not hate him too? I say exalted.

-I can’t hate him because he gave me the most wonderful gift in this world, a beautiful daughter whom I love with all my heart, and for that I will always be grateful to him.

A lump in my throat prevents me from ranting against Hades, so I k**s my mother’s face instead.

-I love you mom.

-I love you too, Tasha.

My mother’s mellifluous voice always manages to soothe me.

-Promise me one thing Tasha.

-Anything, Mom. I say confidently.

-When you see your father again, because I know you will, sooner or later, promise me you’ll hear the whole story before you judge him.

A trembling sigh comes out of me.

-I’ll try, Mom, that’s the only thing I can promise you.

She nods as she smiles at me.

-That’s enough for me, now, even though I understand your intentions, don’t even think that this is going to free you from your punishment, young lady”.

Shit!