Just One of the Guys
Eleven

Knox

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, breathing her in, the smell of honeysuckle tickling my senses.

With her in my arms, I can feel her body shaking due to how upset she is although if I'm completely honest, I don't really know what I did. I can't be held responsible for getting turned on while we're making out. It is a body's natural response.

The shuddering becomes more pronounced, her entire body nearly convulsing, and she begins to make these pained sounds, *and I can't for the life of me wrap my head around what is so upsetting about me getting turned on by her.* The pained sounds grow, turning into something that I did not expect. *She's laughing? What the hell?*

Placing my hands against her upper arms, I pull away from her so that I can see what the hell is going on with her.

Is she one of those girls that laugh when she gets too upset or something?

"I'm sorry..." she barely manages to get out between bouts of laughter.

"You okay there?" I ask, as I stare at her, trying my best to figure out what the bloody hell is going on with her.

"I'm...yes..." she gasps the words out, hardly able to breathe from her fits of laughter. As soon as I think she's calmed, another round comes about. "I think so..." she says, snorting and crouching down until she's hovering just above the ground.

Kneeling down in front of her, I reach my hand out, curling my fingers beneath her chin and directing her until she's looking at me. "Averi...”

She gives me the finger again and begins taking deep breaths as she tries to get her fit of laughter under control.

Reaching out, she grasps a hold of the hand that I'd used to get her to look at me. "I'm sorry," she says, apologizing as she stands up, and I rise with her.

"When I get embarrassed...sometimes that happens," she murmurs.

"I thought you were upset...wait, why are you embarrassed?" *Embarrassed? That is what that was all about?*

She bites down on her bottom lip trying to stifle any more laughter as a wide grin takes over her face. "Because that just went from *oh shit, are you okay* because I'd racked you to...*that*."

She shoots her hand out towards where we'd been standing a few minutes ago, indicating what she's talking about.

"You weren't wrong to stop things from going further," she says, looking up at me, watching me as she speaks.

Honestly, her not being mad is a huge relief. Typically, if a girl wasn't ready and willing, I didn't give her a second look, she wasn't worth my time. There were plenty more girls who were more than willing, but that was before I met Averi; there's just something about her that tells me that she's worth the wait.

"I got caught up but I'm not ready for "

She cuts herself off, shrugging, a shy look coming over her face. She's not ready for more. I figured as much, and I'm more than okay with waiting.

"I like you, but we're still just getting to know one another. I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to regret..."

Nodding my understanding, I fill in the blank. "You don't want to regret me." I'm not sure if that makes me feel good or bad, honestly.

"I don't want to regret doing something that I'm not ready for, resulting in likely regretting you. I'm sorry," she says, looking embarrassed. "Nothing to be sorry for...I'm glad that you were honest with me about it," I tell her.

Shit! The things that I sent her the things I said I wanted to do to her...fuck! "I'm sorry, too," I say, knowing that I'm eating crow, but I should have never said those things in the first place. That's what thinking with my dick gets me, the fucker! "The things that I said to you, I shouldn't have said any of that to you."

"Did you mean it?" she whispers, looking up at me from beneath her eyelashes, a slight blush staining her cheeks.

"I meant every word," I tell her. All I've been able to think about since the night I met her is how fucking good she would feel wrapped around my cock. I've had other thoughts about her, like having her ride my face until she's screaming my name, her lips wrapped around my cock, bringing me to my knees. But I've also wondered about her past: where she came from. What brought her here? Her whole story.

Cupping her cheek with my left hand, my thumb feeling the softness of her full bottom lip, I want to feel them against my own again. But right now, she needs to know that I'm serious about whatever this is, not just what my dick wants. "One day when you're ready-I can be a patient man."

"So, this isn't just because..." Again, she trails off, her shoulders shrugging. After a few silent moments filled with eye rolls and head jerks, more than likely having an internal discussion with herself as she tries to figure out the best way to phrase what she's wanting to say, she blurts, "Sex?"

"No," I tell her without even thinking about it. I deserve for her to think that's what I'm looking for, but there's something more about her. "I like you, too. I don't want to fuck this up."

"Can we maybe start this evening over?" I ask, chuckling at how stupid I sound. But I figure that starting over may be the only way to try to salvage the evening.

Turning around, I jog back down the trail, away from her, just past a crop of trees. Turning back around, I break through the foliage, and back toward where I left her waiting; only when I get there, she's not there.

I walk around a bit, going off the trail to see if maybe she decided to wander around to mess with me, but she's literally nowhere to be found.

"Son of a bloody bastard!" I curse, wishing I had brought my phone with me. I could have at least tried calling her to find out why she left, where she went.

*What in the bloody fuck happened? Why did she leave? I asked if we could start the evening over and that's what I was doing; going back to before we collided*.

As I head back towards the dorms so that I can get my cell and call her, I scan the surrounding area, hoping that maybe I can spot her.

*What if something happened to her?*

*The thought makes me sick to my stomach.*

*I fucking ran off and left her. What if someone..*.

With the thought, I bend over, vomiting in the dead grass, the idea of someone hurting her making me sick. Panic soars through me as I sprint to the dormitory, yanking the door open once I reach it and rush down the corridor to my apartment.

I go straight to my dresser where I left my phone and dial up her number.

*Come on, come on, come on. Please pick up*.

I begin pacing, hope surging as the line connects and... goes straight to voicemail.

*Son of a bloody bastard!*

Complete panic ensues. I have no other way to reach her.

*Hell, I don't even know what she drives to check the roads to make sure something didn't happen on the way home*.

"Dammit!" I yell in frustration, fisting my hair at the sides of my head as I begin pacing.

Colt comes rushing through my door with a wooden bat in his hands, a crazed look in his eyes and ready to strike.

"What the fuck?" I ask, confused as I take him in. He's wearing only a pair of boxers and a pair of galoshes. "And what in the bloody hell are you wearing?" I question, laughing at him before continuing, "and what's with the bat?" "You freaking woke me up!" he complains.

*He was asleep at six-thirty at night?*

"I had a migraine, get off of it. Why were you yelling? You scared the crap out of me, man! I thought someone had attacked you or something," he says, gesturing in my direction as he lowers the bat, resting it against the floor. "Shit! I'm sorry, mate." I breathe a sigh and then tell him about my evening.

"She was just gone?" he asks, as confused as I am about the situation. "No text or anything?"

"Nope, not a bloody word," I grate out, frustration and worry lacing through my veins still, though the adrenaline high at finding her missing and being concerned for her welfare seems to have faded as exhaustion hits me. My mind is still reeling with possibilities of what could have happened to her though.

None of them are good.

"This is bloody bullshit!" I rage as memories from a past I'd rather have left forgotten creep in, assaulting me with the pain of what happened before and what could have happened to *her* now.

Sitting down on my bed with my phone in my hands, I exhale a shuddering breath and shrug.

"I tried calling her, but it just went straight to voicemail. I don't know what to do, mate. But I'm bloody freaking worried about her."

"I know you don't want to hear this but if you tried calling her, and couldn't reach her, there's really not anything more you can do."

At the glare that I shoot him, not liking his response to my dilemma, he protests, "Hey, I'm just telling it like it is, laying out the facts. Ya girl disappeared. You can't get a hold of her, don't even know what she drives or even her last name. Am I right so far?" he asks as he stops his pacing, waiting for me to respond.

"Fuck," I grumble.

*When he puts it all out like that, it looks like I don't really care about her: just about getting into her pants. Especially after some of the things, I've messaged her.*

*Bloody hell, I'm such a wanker!*

"What exactly do you know about her?" he asks, walking over to my desk and plucking up a notebook and pencil that had been lying on top.

"Well, her name is Averi. She's not originally from around here and only moved to Connecticut a few months ago. Her favorite color is indigo. Her favorite food is brownies, and her favorite movie is the Pirates of the Caribbean, but she couldn't pick just one, so she said the whole set counts. She likes to sing in the shower but wouldn't dare ever let anyone hear her..." I pause, trying to think back on our conversation the night of the party. As well as the texts that we've shared since then, and though there's been a lot said between us, nothing else comes to mind that would be of any use.

Shrugging and releasing a heavy sigh, I look back at Colt, "I don't know mate. I know the things she told me, things we talked about but none of it will bloody help with finding out if she's okay," I say, exasperated at the situation and the fact that I don't know anything important about her.

He squats down in front of me and places his hands on my knees, "Look man, I know after what happened back in England that it's easy to jump to the worst case, but it may be nothing. Maybe it's a misunderstanding." Colt is always the voice of reason when I start to panic.

"Could she have thought you just ran off and left her? If she did, maybe she left and shut her phone off because she was mad or hurt and didn't want to hear from you? Is that possible?"

I think over our conversation, "I asked if we could start our evening over and then I...oh..." I say, realizing that he's bloody likely right.

*I just ran off, not saying anything*.

"Bloody hell."

"So, it's possible that that's what happened?" he asks, adjusting his feet, trying to find a more comfortable position.

"It's bloody likely, yeah." I nod, breathing out a sigh of relief.

"Give her some time to cool off. Send her a text letting her know that you were worried about her when you got back where you left her, and she was gone. Try explaining that it was all a misunderstanding and take it from there. Just take it one day at a time." Colt smacks me on the thigh, and then stands up, his knees popping when he straightens his legs out.

I cringe, even though I know it doesn't hurt him, it just sounds painful.

He sauntered over to the door but stopped, and then turned back to me. "She's different, isn't she? Like different. I haven't seen you like this about someone in..." he stops to think about it for a minute, an almost shocked look on his face, "... ever."

I hadn't even let myself think about that, not really, but he's right this is definitely different, how I already feel about her after such a short amount of time knowing her, yeah. I don't know what it is about her that I'm drawn to, or why she's different from any other girl that's come into my life, but she is, and I don't want to mess this up.

"Yeah, mate, she is." I nod my agreement, looking over at him. "And before you ask, I don't even understand it myself. I just feel it."

"Just hang in there." With those parting words, he walks out the door, closing it behind him.

*Just hang in there: so much easier said than done.*