Knowing Jude
Chapter 48

The first day back to school, the last first day back to high school-I'm woken up by a warm body landing on mine, almost suffocating me.

"Wake up gorgeous," a soft whisper in my ear, lips brushing the shell of my ear.

"Simon, are you tired of your balls?" I ask groggily, face still hidden in my pillow.

"What? No, I've hardly put them to use."

"Seems to me like you want to lose them."

I feel a wetness on my temple, his lips. "Empty threats."

I reach back to claw at him but he jumps away fast. He takes my duvet with him. "Wake up, time to go and meet your prince charming."

I groan and turn onto my back. I guess from the light coming through my curtains it's indeed time to get up for school. Simon is standing beside my bed, shirtless with his dark hair messy and hanging all over his face. "Oh God, what would Mum or Dad think if they saw you in here looking like that?"

He quirks a brow. "Looking like what? Absolutely mouthwatering?"

I sit up. I'm used to Simon disturbing me first thing every time he wakes up whenever he sleeps over, so I hope everyone else is well aware of that. I'm not ready for a fresh round of accusations. He and Liam have been here for two days now, things back at theirs hitting another rocky patch.

Simon suddenly perches on my bed. "I came so we could formulate a plan." He pauses. "Jude."

Jude.

I told Simon about our little incident. He seems to be the one I tell everything nowadays. And yes, 'Jude' definitely does sum it all up.

"I'm not ready for today," I moan.

"You are. You've been counting the hours until you can see him."

I bite my lip. "What if he does not want to talk to me? It's been two weeks without a word!"

Simon shrugs. "You didn't try to reach him either."

I shake my head. "I can't do that. It'll be like I'm forcing myself on him or something."

"It wouldn't, and you know it. Remember you're the one who stopped things, not him? Besides, aren't you friends? If you were serious, you should have acted like nothing changed."

"I was serious."

His brow rises. "Have you forgotten confessing your feelings for him to me?"

He's right, I did. It's all just so confusing.

Simon leaps to his feet. "I'll go shower, you get ready. Wear something nice." "Nice?"

He smiles. "You could surprise us all with a dress."

"Yeah right."

"It's our last days in high school, Jo. Do something un-Jo like for once."

"I already did, two weeks ago."

"Well then, at least wear your skinny jeans with a top that doesn't cover your ass."

"Thank you for the input, you can leave now."

He walks backwards towards the door, pointing at me with his index finger. "You want the guy, make him notice you."

"I'm fine, thanks,” I call out just as he shuts the door after him.

I'm absolutely not going to do anything extra just for a boy.

That said, I still spend a lot of time choosing which outfit to wear. A change from every day where I snatch any clean outfit in reach. It's sort of all in vain anyway because how many choices do I really have in a sea of jeans, shorts, tops, repeat? Same things. I end up putting aside blue denim pants and a black leather jacket, paired with white vans and a white top.

I wear my hair down for a change, and unstraightened.

Totally not because Jude said he likes it like that.

I join the rest of the clan in the kitchen. Simon gives me an approving look. Sam is fighting over butter with Mum who's insisting he has had enough. Maria is quiet, sipping her tea. She's not being shipped off to some boarding school, but she's got sessions with a counsellor twice a week with a warning that if she doesn't reform in the next two months of school, January will find her in that nun-run girls' school.

Trey looks to be in his own world, tapping fast on his phone while gulping down his tea like he has a better place to be. Given the smile on his face, I can safely bet my life he's talking to Jade. Their little reconnection at the mall went well, so well I actually got ditched.

I pour myself a cup of tea and take a seat between Sam and Simon. Sam, who's now buttering up Liam's bread. He treats him like his own little brother, it's so cute.

Later, I walk through the school gates, hand clasping onto my bag strap like it's my lifeline. Simon has one arm thrown over my shoulder. Trey is here but not paying attention to us.

"Ready?" Simon whispers in my ear.

I take a deep breath. "No choice."

I feel a tap on my other shoulder. "Hey, guys."

We both stop and turn to look at Nicki.

"Are you okay?" I ask immediately.

Nicki just doesn't make her presence known in such a calm manner. Physically she looks fine. She's dressed in a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt.

She nods. "I'm alive."

"What's up?" Simon asks.

Nicki shrugs. "You know, the usual." She starts off towards the school. "You guys coming?"

Simon gives me a questioning look as we tread after her. I shrug.

Cole did talk to her and stole her attention, so I know it isn't something that she did at that hike. And nowadays there is only ever one reason for Nicki's low moods, so I'm guessing Cole stopped communication once she was back home. Shit, did I make things worse by involving Cole? Did he raise her hopes only to crush them right after?

Why is he fighting his feelings so hard?

Because yes, the feelings are there, everybody can see it.

We join the rest of the school for the assembly and before I know it, we're in class. I haven't seen Jude or Cole anywhere, and my mind is in complete chaos right now. Did he come back to school? Is he even back in the country?

By lunchtime, it's clear he's absent. Before lunch is History, however, and when class ends I notice Cole and Nicki talking. I walk away, my mood worsening each second. "You really like him," Simon says as we take our seats at lunch.

"What? I don't like him."

Because if I do, then I'm screwed.

"You look like somebody sucked the life out of you, why else would that be?"

I roll my eyes and cast a cursory glance around the hall. "Where's Nicki anyway?"

Simon shrugs.

My eyes land on someone and I poke Simon. "Oh, look at the love birds."

Trey and Jade. They're seated at the same table, but very far away from each other. I still manage to detect the secret smiles passing between them.

What exactly are they waiting for?

They did not agree to be just friends, did they?

"The guy is so smitten, I feel sorry for him."

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Simon scoffs. "I'm fine with just the sex thank you very much."

"What?" I gasp, dropping my spoon on my plate.

He gives me a look one would preserve for a clueless weirdo. "I'm not a virgin, Jo."

"I thought you were hung up on Nicki," I say in a harsh whisper.

He leans in closer. "Nicki is in love with Cole Adams. She will never see me the way I see her. What do you think I do to stop thinking about her?"

"Are you kidding me right now?"

"Does it look like I am?"

"It doesn't even make sen..." I trail off, recalling Nicki's predicament last week. She wanted to sleep with some random stranger just to try and get Cole out of her mind. Does that really work?

"It's a distraction," Simon says, stabbing his steak with a fork. "However short-lived it might seem, it still takes my mind elsewhere."

"And who do you sleep with?"

His eyes do a sweep around the hall, then he winks at me. "I don't kiss and tell."

"It's girls from here?"

"Some."

"Some?" I ask. "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

Simon places a flat palm on his chest. "Aw, best friend?"

"Shut up."

A sharp tap to my desk is what arouses me from my daydream. I look up to find Mrs. Meyer, our Chemistry teacher, glaring down at me.

"First day of the term, and you're already dozing off in my class?"

It's Chemistry in the afternoon. It doesn't matter what day it is, of course, I'll doze off.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. Won't happen again."

She snaps her finger and motions for me to rise. Oh God, am I in trouble? I stand up, giving my lab partner a look that suggests he could have woken me up before all this.

"See there?" Mrs. Meyer says, pointing outside the window. Out there is the football field. "I want you to make three laps around that field. I'm sure that will help you rid of any sleepiness." "What?" I exclaim. Three laps?

"Want more?" she asks, smiling sardonically.

I shake my head and walk past her towards the door. I pass by someone who Mummers 'jeez, what crawled up her ass' and that's exactly what I'm wondering too.

I can take my time with the laps and come back just when the class is about to end. I take my time walking the empty hallways, and taking the stairs, then cross to the field. How am I supposed to make three laps around that gigantic field in my current outfit?

I start shedding off my jacket when a movement to the right catches my eye. It's followed by a loud giggle, then I see a girl in a pink skirt and white crop top emerge from underneath the bleachers.

"You're not coming?" she asks whoever it is that's still beneath the bleachers.

"Go ahead baby. I'm fine."

My eyes see red at the sound of that voice. He has been in school all this time? My chest tightens as I watch the girl try to tame her wild hair.

"Okay baby. After school at your car?"

"We'll see."

She laughs, blows him a kiss, then turns to walk away. She sees me and smiles, waggling her fingers at me. "Hi, Jo."

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I wave back half-heartedly. We happen to know each other since we are in several classes together.

And she just announced my presence to Jude, so I might as well just head over and say hi. I rub my palms together and approach. I hear more voices as I get closer. Is he not alone? I can't hear a girl's voice, so I go ahead. When they finally come into my sight, I see it's Jude and Cole, sitting on the ground, backs against the bleacher supports.

Jude looks up as I come nearer. His face breaks into a smile. "Oh, look who it is."

I smile back weakly. "Hey, guys."

""

"Princesa! Come here!" Cole calls to me, patting his lap.

"Don't sit on him, his dick is still sore," Jude says.

I cringe, not just at his words but at his tone too. It's like he's goading me.

Cole shoves him. "Shut up prick."

"I'd better go,” I say, feeling my day hit rock bottom. Who was with Dina, that girl? Cole looks a little flushed, and Jude's hair is all over the place. Were they both with her?

Not really wanting to know, I start to walk away.

"Hey, wait! What's the hurry?" Jude calls after me. "You're not going to say anything?"

I stop and look at him. "Like?"

"Like?” he repeats, looking amazed. "Oh my God, you're such a bitch, Jo."

"What?" I exclaim, getting angry.

"What's wrong with you dude?" Cole asks him.

"Me?" Jude asks incredulously, pointing at himself. "Nothing. She," pointing at me. "Had me pouring my heart and my darkest secrets to her, then she goes silent for two fucking weeks. What in the fucking hell was that?" I blink as thoughts fail me.

"I brought it all to the surface, all because I felt I could trust her, and what does she do? Shut up on me. That's real classy, yeah?" he goads. "Then I had to deal with my opened Pandora box all alone. My mistake." "What are you talking about... Did you tell her about..."

"Yeah," Jude responds to Cole.

I take a step forward. "I'm sorry, Jude. I didn't think... I wasn't thinking about..."

I trail off, feeling ashamed. I forgot all about what he had revealed earlier on and instead concentrated on the kiss. I didn't spare a thought about his feelings after reliving his most horrendous memory.

"Oh, I'm sure I know what you were thinking about. How about you tell us, who's the better kisser, me or him?" he asks, shoving Cole with his shoulder.

"You kissed her?"

"You think I care?"

"Is that possessiveness I hear in your voice, bro?"

Jude winks at me. "See? Don't play around with bad boys, they don't give a fuck."

"Ignore him, Jo."

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me," I try to explain myself further, trying to ignore the heartache taking root in my chest.

"Since when have I not wanted to talk to you?" Jude demands.

I shake my head. "I'm sorry."

Then I turn away and leave, ignoring Cole calling to me.

I really should have never gone that far with Jude. Both in trying to know him and in kissing him.