Lady Dhampir
Chapter 108

The vampire Prince was quick to find an empty salon. Or more exactly, to find a salon and glare for all of the maids present to run away. He was still carrying Milena effortlessly, her face buried in his neck. Once the door was closed behind the last maid, he sighed and walked to the nearest sofa. There, he gently went to have her sit, undoing her arms around his neck and keeping her hands in his gently. There he waited for the young Duchess to calm down. Rayan was on his knees in front of her, gently waiting. He was looking at her hands instead of her face, for her dignity. They both knew Milena was ashamed to have cried like a child, even if it was in front of her loved ones. She just had too much pride for that.

"Thank you..." She whispered, once she had calmed down enough. "...Sorry for that mess."

"Don't apologize, Milena. Not to me, not for that."

She became a bit red, and avoided his look. Milena hated being vulnerable like that. She hadn't left her defenses down in forever, and she just couldn't forget herself for being so weak. Even if it was in front of Rayan. She was somewhat disappointed in herself. She thought she could remain strong in all circumstances, she had never wanted to let her guard down.

"Hey."

He caught her attention again, having her look at him. He was still one knee down in front of her, and gently rubbing her hand. His red eyes were like trying to decipher her, looking concerned. Milena shook her head, annoyed. "Don't look at me like that," she protested.

"Like what?"

"With pity."

The vampire prince chuckled.

"This isn't pity, Milena. I'm simply concerned. I want to know what's going with you, what you're feeling. I told you, you don't have to keep your guard up with me. Did you forget? We are a pair now. I won't betray you, so you can lean on me."

She took that deeply. It felt strange, to have someone ask her to trust them. Milena couldn't trust anybody. She had already taken forever to start trusting her own household, her own family. Putting her trust in someone else felt horribly dangerous, a risk she was terrified to take. Not when there wasn't anything involved, something like a bet to rely on. She couldn't believe she could simply trust someone when there was nothing hanging in the balance.

Especially with what had happened with Ellias, she was even more sure of it. She just couldn't. It was foolish to blindly trust anyone. "Milena."

His voice annoyed her abit. She didn't want to give in to his gentle gesture, to his voice. When she finally looked at him though, she was surprised by the confidence in his eyes. Rayan was looking directly at her, without an ounce of shadow in his ruby eyes. His finger caressed her ring, as if to remind her it was there.

"Talk to me," he said.

She let out a long sigh. She was still embarrassed to death, and she couldn't even wipe her wet cheeks as he was holding her hands. She didn't even want to imagine the mess she ought to look like right now. "... What do you want to know?"

She knew her tone made her sounds like a child sulking right now, but she just couldn't play along. She hated being so vulnerable, and she hated that he was pulling her out of that shell she needed. Rayan was being the most patient, though, as he didn't make fun of her.

"I want to know why you cried. What are you so scared of?"

"I'm not scared of anything!" She yelled back.

Milena closed her lip shut, realizing her reaction was a confession. She shook her head, annoyed again.

"That woman... She made me remember things I didn't want to remember."

"About your childhood?"

"...About being a stray."

She took a deep breath, trying to master her emotions.

"I... I wish I could choose what I remember. I can't remember my own mother. When I was brought back to the De Crescent Mansion, I felt like... like a sham, Rayan. It couldn't be me. Each day, I wondered when this was going to stop, when they were going to realize I am not Milena De Crescent and kick me out."

He frowned, shaking his head.

"But you are Milena De Crescent. You shouldn't..."

"I couldn't remember ever being that perfect little girl, Rayan!" She screamed.

Her tears began flowing again, but this time, Milena didn't try to repress them. She shook his hands off and stood up, wrapping her arms around her waist as if to protect herself.

"I still don't remember any of it, I'll never remember being my father's daughter before being a beggar!"

This time, the Prince looked shaken by her words. Rayan slowly stood up, letting her talk but still staring at Milena, who was stepping away from him, letting her tears and words flow.

"I... I was scared, every single day, that it would stop. That they'd realize I was a liar and send me back to the streets. I tried so many times to remember anything about living in that mansion. To remember my brothers, my dad. I couldn't, Rayan. All I knew was that I used to be homeless and an orphan. I knew what it was like to starve, but they kept giving me food, as much as I wanted. I was scared to eat, I was scared I'd ever get addicted to this."

She chuckled nervously and turned her eyes to him.

"Do you know why I hate sweets and sugar so much? Because it's so addictive, it leaves you wanting more. I remember a woman throwing a candy at me, how sweet it tasted in my mouth, and how desperate I got for more. I hate it."

She took another deep breath, and slowly calmed herself down. Rayan took one step closer, but he wasn't going to come near unless she allowed him to. Milena didn't react, her eyes looking nowhere. She resumed talking, her voice a bit raspier than usual. "I know... What's like to starve. Not just hunger, but... That feeling, when your stomach is so empty it hurts. I know the cold that gets to your bones, the cold that hurts until it actually burns you. That fear that this night is going to be worse than the others, that this time, you won't wake up. And sometimes, you wish you won't wake up, just so the pain stops... I know the way people look at you when you are nothing better than garbage, Rayan. When they think it would be better if you didn't exist." "I thought you... didn't remember."

"I remember enough. Even the parts I wished I didn't. Even if the memories are blurred, the sensations and the fear stay. All too precise.."

The Prince didn't say anything, but his chest was slowly rising with anger. Milena wasn't looking at him, but her eyes were filled with something that was beyond sadness. It was something deeper than that, something only a few people can know. Something that tasted like despair.

"I... I wish I could forget all about this. Sometimes I even feel like I don't remember because I don't want to remember. When I supply the orphans, the... those children that are still in the streets with supplies, food, blankets, I feel like I'm just a liar. I lie to myself, I blind myself to feel like I'm no longer like them. I'm digging that edge between them and I as if it could make me forget who I used to be. I hate myself for that."

Her tears had finally stopped, but one could tell the young Duchess was still hurting inside. Her expression felt sad and lonely. The vampire prince stepped forward, slowly, as if to let her know he was about to approach. Seeing that Milena didn't react or step back, Rayan came close, until he could gently put his hand on her cheek. To his surprise, she let him do that, even if her arms were still wrapped around herself as a protective stance. The vampire prince sighed, and with his thumb, chased one tear left behind. "Milena, you're not as horrible as you'd want to believe. If you really looked down on those children, you wouldn't help them as you do. If you were truly a coward, you would simply ignore them and pretend that part of your past never existed." She slowly raised her eyes towards him, listening. Rayan's words resonated right within her.

"I... I still can't fit in, Rayan. I loathe that part of my past because deep down, there is this fear that keeps creeping in the back of my mind, that I can't fit in. That I'm not a noble, that I can't be a Duchess because of... of what I once was. I slapped that maid because she reminded me of all that. It was... I felt all of my fear coming back at once. I hate myself for still being scared like that, and because if I'm scared like that it means I'm not enough yet." "Not enough what?"

She opened her mouth, but she had no idea how to respond to that. The vampire prince smiled gently, and gently caressed her cheek, moving his fingers to come and caress her silky black hair. "You're desperate to feel some tiny shoes you're the only one to see, Milena."

"Stop with the nonsense..."

"You know it's your nonsense. You were a child. You were scared to go back to the streets, and you desperately tried to fill that image of Milena De Crescent your family told you about. You're scared you won't live up to their expectations, but your family doesn't expect anything. Neither do I."

"That... That is not..."

The Prince shook his head, and when she tried to look away, this time, his hand f****d her to look into his eyes.

"You're just scared to stop and make a mistake. You aren't different from that nine years old child."

"I have changed," she retorted. "I am no longer a beggar, I am..."

"You're desperate to show you belong there. It's alright," he whispered gently. "Everyone is scared to lose what they have. You're just terrified because you already lost it once, Milena. No one lived what you went through, and I don't pretend I understand how traumatic that is."

"I am not traumatized!"

Yet, the way she screamed that said otherwise. Milena bit her own lip and closed her eyes, mad at herself; She hated how vulnerable she was every time he made her talk. Rayan smiled, and gently, kissed her cheek, making her shiver and look at him again. "Milena, you are exactly where you belong. You don't have to pressure yourself so much anymore. You are not going back to the street and you won't lose your family. You are not that helpless child anymore, but it also means you don't have to shut your emotions like you do all the time."

"No, Rayan, no, don't start telling me how to behave."

"I am not going to coerce you into anything, Milena. But you ought to learn to let go. Everyone needs to cry sometimes and everyone can get mad. You are just seventeen, Princess. You can do anything you want. You can even throw tantrums, get mad at me, act crazy, be lazy for a day or whine."

"I am not going to whine," she protested, annoyed.

"Well, I won't care if you do. To be honest, you're awfully adorable when you pout and get mad."

"Stop making fun of me!"

"See? That little pout right there."

Milena was about to pout, but it was hard to repress herself when he was just doing this on purpose. She frowned and tried to push him away, but the vampire Prince was ready for that. Rayan trapped her in his arms, and she just couldn't brush him off. "You're so annoying..."

"I know you hate it when I'm right. I am kind of looking forward to our fights, to be honest. I love it when we get so passionate." "...You're a p*****t," she sighed, blushing too.

"My Lady, you haven't seen anything yet."

Milena's blushing got even worse, and for a second she wondered how in the world had their serious conversation gotten onto that slippery rope so fast. She took a deep breath, feeling a lot better already, but she just couldn't look him in the eye when he was so close and making her feel embarrassed on purpose.

It wasn't much of an issue for Rayan, though. With Milena looking away, he smiled and put his lips against her neck. That contact sent an electric shock through her body. The young Duchess shivered uncontrollably, feeling that spark spread like a firework through her body. It had been so long, she wasn't expecting that, or her reaction to it. He was simply kissing her neck, but Milena tensed up, the excitement making her loose her best judgment. Rayan was playing with her on purpose. His cold lips gently kissed her neck, and she exhaled when the tip of his tongue touched her skin. Milena felt her throat get a little bit dryer, expecting the bite.

However, it did not come. She felt his lips, kissing that same spot on her neck stubbornly, but that bite wasn't coming, and despite her wild heartbeat, her impatience grew. After a while, Rayan chuckled and stopped kissing her, pulling away to look at her with a sly smile.

"Stop teasing," she said, annoyed.

"Mh, that cute pout again."

"And stop making fun of me!"

"I am not. I am waiting for you to tell me what you want."

"W-what?"

She blushed uncontrollably, more surprised than ever. He was waiting for her to ask for it? Milena shook her head, almost feeling offended by his words, but the vampire Prince looked as serious as can be. She couldn't understand why he was teasing her like this, again. She was just annoyed at that attitude of his.

"Stop playing with me."

"I am not playing. Not this time," he said. "Milena, you need to learn to let go. Tell me what you want."

"I'm perfectly capable of saying what I want!"

"Are you?"

She shut up. She hated it when he played with her emotions like that. Milena was used to controlling everything in her surroundings. She needed to know everything, to control it all, she hated surprises. Yet, he was asking to let go of her own self-control. She had already broken down just minutes ago, and her heart wasn't ready to do that again. She didn't want to. Milena was vexed. Rayan was just being annoying, and trapping her there. It almost felt like she was punished, but her tears weren't dry and he wasn't the reason for it.

He was trying to help her. To have her let go of that shell, of those barriers she put on herself. He was waiting for her, without any sneaky smile this time. "Milena."

"Stop it..."

"You're going to have to learn to trust me, and to let yourself go sometimes."

"I'm fine as I am."

"You were not fine just then. If you can't be yourself with me, with whom will you be?"

That sentence resonated within her, waking something up in Milena. She allowed herself to look at Rayan again, a bit confused by her own feelings. Without any warning, he grabbed her chin between his fingers. They were both tall, but she had to look slowly above to look at him in the eye when they were so close, and there was something slightly intimidating about his size all of a sudden. She had never really paid attention to that before, but now, she felt like she was re-discovering Rayan. He smiled. "Your future husband is starting to really want to kiss those lips and bite that pretty neck."

"I di-didn't forbid you anything," she muttered.

"You didn't ask for it."

"Why should I be the one to ask for it if you want it too!"

"Because I don't intend to be the one to dominate and take the lead in everything, Princess. I am looking forward to a relationship with my equal, someone who can answer to me and snap back at me when I go wrong. Not some quiet little obedient doll. And to be honest..."

His eyes go down, from her eyes to her cleavage, making Milena go red before he even opened his mouth.

"...I think I would love the view from under."

"My God, you're impossible!" She yelled, exasperated.

She slapped his shoulder, making the Prince laugh and annoying her even more. Yet, she knew he was doing this on purpose, to make her annoyed. Milena sighed, looking elsewhere, mad at him. The Prince glanced at her though, still waiting. "So?" He asked, his sneaky smile back again.

Milena hesitated. She hated that he was right, again. However, she had no intention to be that quiet doll either. She took a deep breath. Right. She was Milena De Crescent, and from now on, she wasn't going to hold herself back. She wasn't going to be scared of her emotions or her past anymore she was done with all of that.

She turned to him suddenly, making him raise an eyebrow, and grabbed his collar.

"You're going to regret that."

He smiled.

"I highly doubt it, my Lady..."

This time, his smile was mimicked on Milena's lips. It might be fun to give in, just a little. She took a deep breath, her cheeks red to burn, and her heart going crazy in her chest, but she took those words to her lips.

"Kiss me."

"No."

"...What?" She frowned.

He smiled wide.

"You didn't say please."

"Rayan, I swear if you don't kiss me right now, I'm going to..."

He took her lips before she could end that sentence, kissing her wildly. Milena felt her shoulder relax, and answered that kiss, putting her arms around his neck, letting him guide her. It felt good. It felt good to give in to her desire, and stop pushing him away. Although, she wondered if she would ever be able to push him away...