Love and Chaos Series
His Forbidden Mate Chapter 39

Edward POV.

I stood watching my father speak to a few elders present at the banquet while I drank the grape wine in my goblet. Kailani was mad at me. I could tell it even though she tried to control her outburst. I couldn't explain it to her without hurting her, and hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do. She was the woman of my dreams and she was everything to me. Yet, I had hesitated when I had stood face to face with my father earlier. I wouldn't have if I didn't already know his plans set out for me and it wasn't something I wanted. Being royal meant you had no control over your destiny. You would always have to put the kingdom first. I understood that, but things were not as easy as they seemed. I wanted Kailani for many reasons, but none of them were selfish reasons. No one would understand my reasons, because I've somehow appeared spotless and noble since I could remember.

Sure, I could compare what I had with Kailani to what Xavier had with Zara, but they were not the same. Zara took advantage of Xavier's weakness and used him to achieve what she wanted. On the other hand, Kailani doesn't even want anything. I was the one using her. It was the truth I'd have to come forward with soon.

"Where is the woman you had your arms around a while ago?" Shewa asked, stepping toward me with a goblet of red wine in her hand.

"She stepped back to get air." I answered.

"She's pretty and I know you like the pretty ones." she smiled and I nodded, smiling a little.

Having grown up at the Capital, we've had a few runs. The women in my life did not control me, but I had women in my life, lots of them, and Shewa could bear witness. She had helped cover up for me a few times in the past.

I nodded. "I had my fair share of them."

"And you think she's the one?" she asked, her curiosity showing.

I hesitated. Father had called me over to his estate yesterday to talk about the future of the kingdom. That future involved a lady called Shewa Black and the role she would play in my life as a wife. I did not think answering this question would be wise, seeing as I haven't spoken to my father about my intention not to take a mate from the noble home. She had flirted with me earlier, according to Kailani, which was something she usually did and I never took notice of. Now I did, and I could discern that she knew of my father's plans as well.

"Father wants us united as husband and wife for the betterment of this kingdom, and I'm guessing you already know that."

She nodded in admission. "I do, but I can't be the one who would tell you what you should and shouldn't do."

My eyes narrowed at her. "You'd be okay with your husband keeping the company of other women."

"Most noble homes and royals don't marry out of love or finding the one. They marry out of responsibility and you know that. Staying together as husband and wife doesn't mean we will have to sacrifice our happiness as well. You can keep the companies of women you want and if we ever need to have an heir, we sire one. Above all, our happiness should be what matters." she concluded.

I dragged a deep breath, "Wow, you have thought this through." I lifted the goblet and emptied its content into my mouth.

For the first time, I needed something stronger.

She nodded, "I have prince Edward, and that's why I am not bothered. This is for the good of the kingdom."

"You know, I was going to tell the kingdom to suck it."

She chuckled, and I laughed before catching sight of my father looking at us with an approving look on his face. Before I knew it, she leaned in and closed her lips on mine. My whole being rebelled against this action and I wanted to push her off. Yet, choosing Kailani would be seen as selfish and inconsiderate, especially with the upcoming war.

I kissed back, but I felt no emotion or connection within me. She wasn't the one I wanted, and she felt it too.

I pulled away with wide eyes, disgusted with myself for what I had done. "I can't do this."

"I understand you need time," she says, still keeping calm and poise.

I didn't want to hurt her feeling, but I didn't want to lie to her. I couldn't do that to her. It would be cruel. "I do not need time. I need you to know that I cannot do this. Be this person. I will not marry you or sire an heir with you because you are not my peace or mate or the one I want to be with."

With that said, I walked away from her to look for the one I wanted to cling to until the end of time.

I moved around the hall in search of Kailani, but I couldn't find her. After a while of endless search, I found Mia instead.

"Have you seen her?" I asked. I was certain my eyes already had hints of frustration in them.

"She was with me a while ago, then she left to go look for you," she answered.

My heart skipped a beat, and I realised she could have seen me with Shewa kissing earlier. It was the only explanation that made sense as to why she's now gone.

"Is something wrong?" Mia's voice drew me out of my thought and I turned to her, but could not answer. I feared for the worse, yet I couldn't say.

"I made a terrible mistake."