Once Rejected, Twice Desired (Book 1 of Blue Moon Series)
Once Rejected, Twice Desired Chapter 29

Xander POV

"Xander...Innocence."

My eyes snapped open, immediately the fog and haze cleared out.

What the f**k had I done?

I had lost control to the point where Alaia felt the need to use her safe word. I never wanted that to happen.

I wanted her to experience pleasures unknown when she was with me, and I failed.

I couldn't believe I had let myself become so weak. I had snapped and lost control, and Alaia was caught in the crossfire.

I stared down at her, utterly slack in my arms. She had passed out, and I hadn't even realized that I had pushed her that far.

I looked at the sickly black and blue bruises on her perfect hips, I could almost see my fingerprints in them.

I had dug my nails into her flawless brown skin and drawn blood. I couldn't believe I had done this.

I carried her tiny body in my arms and walked into the bathroom before slowly lowering her into the bathtub.

Once she was safely positioned, I opened the faucet and filled the tub with warm soapy water.

When it was finally full, I let her head lull to the side while I began to wash away all traces of my shame from her.

"Xander...Innocence."

Those words played over and over in my head like a broken record. Broken. I had broken my angel.

She didn't deserve any of this. I had let myself get so caught up in the thought of someone trying to take her from me that I lost sight of who I was. I lost sight of the man she had fallen in love with.

Tears began to roll down my face, and I didn't hold them back.

I no longer had anything to hide from her; she deserved to see all of me.

Once she was clean, I lifted her from the bath and sat her on my lap while I dried her off.

I then carried her to the room and placed her on our bed.

I grabbed her body butter from her bedside table drawer and began to smooth it over her perfect skin, massaging it deep into her muscles.

When my eyes fell on her hips again, I was relieved to see the bruises already starting to heal.

Her body would recover, but would her heart? Would her soul ever move on from something like this?

When I was finished, I climbed into bed behind her and pulled her against my chest. When she woke, she would likely want nothing to do with me, so, for now, I would take this closeness before it was taken away from me. I shut my eyes and drifted off into a restless sleep.

***

Alaia POV

I slowly opened my eyes and looked into the face of my mate, my everything.

His eyes were shut but I could see that they were puffy and red-rimmed.

There were dark circles under is usually brilliant eyes, and even in his sleep, deep creases danced across his forehead.

I brought my hand up and lightly ran my fingers across his face, trying anything I could to ease the tension.

Xander's eyes snapped open and locked onto mine. I saw love and.. regret?

"Little One, I am so incredibly sorry for what I did to you. I never meant to lose control like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise it will never happen again. Please..."

His last word was a plea from deep within his soul, and it broke my heart.

"Xander, baby, you have nothing to apologize to me for. You didn't do anything wrong."

His eyes went wide when he stared.

"What do you mean, 'I did nothing wrong'? I hurt you! Bruised your skin, I made you bleed! And worst of all, I made you feel unsafe."

Then I remembered.

I had used my safe word last night. I couldn't think of anything else to bring him back to me, and I needed him back desperately.

I saw a tear run from his beautiful blue eye, and I leaned over and kissed it away.

"Xander, look at me. Please."

When he finally lifted his eyes to meet mine, I placed my hands on either side of his face.

"Xander, last night was intense, but it also wasn't you. I knew that your wolf was at the surface fighting to come out. With all the heightened emotions swirling through the both of us, I couldn't blame him. I saw his eyes, Xander. I could have tried to stop him before it even started, but I didn't. When I said that I wanted you, I meant just that. I want all of you-the good and the bad, the rough and the gentle. Don't hold back from me. I'm a big girl; I can take it; I promise you that."

"Are you serious right now? You don't know how hard it has been for me to hide that part of who I am. But I did it because I'd do anything to keep from hurting you."

I crawled onto his lap and straddled him.

"What's your wolfs' name? Can I meet him?"

"No. Not after last night. It will be a long time before I allow him back out around you."

"Xander, he's a part of you. I know he won't hurt me. Please?"

Xander took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Alaia...please."

I leaned down and placed a slow and gentle kiss on his lips. We both needed to do this.

"Please, baby?"

I gave him my signature innocent face and knew that I had him.

"Ugh! You know I can't deny you when you make that face."

Xander then closed his eye and took a few deep breaths through his nose.

When his eyes snapped back open, they were once again deep pools of ebony.

"MINE," He growled while wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and pulling me closer to his chest.

He then buried his head in the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply.

"My mate, you're so beautiful."

He stuck out his tongue and ran it over my mark, sending chills down my spine.

"H-hello," I got out.

He looked into my eyes and said, "YOU. ARE. MINE."

"Yes, I'm yours. Yours and Xander's. What is your name?"

He again buried his head in my neck when I heard him say, "I am Alastair."

He began to slowly rotate my hips, grinding me against his slowly growing bulge. I knew that I had to stop this, and fast because my body was already starting to abort the mission at hand.

I pulled his head back so that we were once again looking at each other eye to eye.

"It's nice to meet you, Alastair. Would you do something for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, my love."

"Good," I smiled, "I need you to apologize to Xander."

Alastair looked at me with confusion written all over his face.

"When you took over, you did so without his consent. Xander no longer had the ability to reign you in, and you ended up hurting me."

Alastair's confusion was replaced by sadness and remorse.

"I'm alright now, but Xander isn't. I love both of you, and I need you to make this right with him. How would you feel if you thought you had lost control and hurt me? You'd probably be a broken mess just like he is now. Please do this for him, for me?" "Of course, anything for you."

"Thank you, Alastair." I placed a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose, which made him growl with pleasure.

Alastair's eyes then glazed over and started darting back and forth, really fast.

After a few moments, his eyes opened again, but they were Xander's crystal blue ones.

"Did you boys have a nice chat?" I asked with a smirk.

"I don't know what you said to him. Usually, all our conversations end with him telling me how much of an i***t or a*****e I am. He's definitely never apologized before. Thank you for that, Alaia. I didn't know how much I needed until now." "Eh, he was furry putty in my hands. It was nothing."

Xander sniffed the air then looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't look at me like that! Alastair has this sexy, dominant, alpha male thing going for him. My body knows what it wants," I ended with a shrug.

"Alastair is a mindless horny animal who can't be trusted around anyone, especially you," Xander grumbled.

His pouting made me laugh, hard.

"Xander, you can't really be jealous of another part of yourself, can you?"

"No, but you're mine, and he knows that."

Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

"I'm his as well. Keeping him locked away is probably what started this whole mess in the first place. Maybe I should have you apologize to him too?" Xander looked panicked when I said that, he did NOT want to have to apologize to his wolf.

"I'm just kidding, baby."

I then gave him the same kiss I had given to Alastair moments earlier, a gentle peck on the tip of his nose.

I giggled when he had the same reaction his wolf did.

"So, are we okay, Little One?"

"Yes, we're okay."

***

After a bit more talking cuddled up in bed, eventually, Xander and I made our way downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

When we arrived, Matt and Kade were already seated, talking quietly to one another.

"Matty-Ice, how's it going, my man?" I said, bouncing over to sit across from Matt.

"Good morning, Bean. You seem to be in a good mood today."

"Of course! I'm about to have breakfast with some of my favorite guys. Why wouldn't I be?"

Kade looked at our exchange like he was watching an alien abduction.

"Matty-Ice? Bean? Xander, what the hell is going on here, man?

"Well, Alaia said they'd be the best of friends. Looks like she was right."

"I would sure as hell like to know what went down last night. I'm starting to feel like a 3rd no, a 4th wheel."

Xander sat down next to me just as my breakfast was being served.

I took a huge bite of my croissant and listened while the guys filled Kade in on the events of last night.

"So, who do you think it was who tried to poison your wine, Alaia?"

I almost choked on the mouthful of food I was chewing. I didn't expect Kade to ask me when the guys were right here with theories of their own. And I really didn't expect him to ignore the whole "Amethyst wolf" thing.

"I can't say for sure. We don't know what the poison would have done to me if I had drunk it. If Alexi was behind this, the poison would have probably been something mild. Maybe something to knock me out so that he could kidnap me or something?" All three guys nodded their heads, thinking over what I was saying.

"It could have also been someone who knew I was the Amethyst wolf and wanted me for my powers, which I still don't fully know about myself. But then again, if that were the case, they would have known that the poison wouldn't work. Maybe it was a test of some sort."

"Yes, I thought of that one as well, Bean. I had a feeling you were the Amethyst wolf before you shifted, and I shared that thought with Xander. If anyone else was paying attention, they might have picked up on the signs as well. They would have to have been someone extremely close to you to notice, but a test and confirmation of your abilities sounds like a possibility."

Kade rolled his eyes at Matt.

"Anyway, Alaia ..." he emphasized my name as if to tell Matt that "Bean" was unacceptable.

"Do you have any other theories?"

"My last theory is the toughest. Maybe it was someone not even on our radar. Someone I pissed off at school, a jealous ex of Alexi's or Xander's, or a bored and curious witch. It could have been anyone really, and it'd be tough to zero in on them." "Wow, that makes things difficult. I guess we'll just have to start with the vile that Matt found. That's all we've got at this point."

Xander, seemingly distracted by something, cleared his throat beside me and looked over at Matt.

"Matt, I've got a question for you."

"What's up?"

"Why 'Bean'?"

I had to admit that I was curious, as well.

Matt realized what Xander was asking then shrugged a shoulder.

"Simple. It's because Alaia's small. Like a tiny little 'bean."

They guys all had a good laugh hearing that.

Best friend, my a*s...