One More Chance
Chapter 118: The difference between Goodbye and Letting Go

~~We had the right love at the wrong time, guess I always knew inside I wouldn't have you for a long time. Those dreams of yours are shining on distant shores and if they're calling you away, I have no right to make you stay. I understand more than you think I can. You have to go out on your own, so you can find your way back home. Letting go is just another way to say I'll always love you so~~~

-Nina Girado-

"I love you." He whispered. "I just love you so much that it left me scared to talk about it, so even though I already knew the truth, I kept pretending as if I don't know anything or didn't hear everything because I don't want to lose you. I'm not ready to lose you and I don't know if I will ever be ready to lose you." Those lines left me dumbfounded in my seat. It also made me completely lose control of my emotions.

We stared at each other for I don't know how long, not knowing what to say and face filled with tears. He stood up and but I closed my eyes for a while, asking my inner self how things ended into this. A few seconds later, I felt him move, but when I heard his footsteps going to the door, my eyes snapped open and I suddenly panicked. So with all the strength, I could muster...

"Marry me!" I screamed at his back before he could even reach the door.

"What?" He immediately turned to me with a deep frown painted on his forehead.

"Marry me, I mean, let's get married!" I said seriously as I wiped my face. It was now he who looked dumbfounded.

"Samantha, what are you talking about---"

"You said you love me and you don't want to lose me, right? Then let's get married and after that, let's go back to New York together." I moved the joystick of the electric wheelchair forward in his direction and stopped right in front of him. "Marry me, David, and let's forget everything."

"Sam, do you hear what you're saying?" He asked and bent down to wipe the tears that kept streaming down my face.

"Yes," I nodded. "I know what I'm saying. I want to go with you and I -- (I stopped as I choked on my sobs) --- I choose you."

"Sam?"

"Please, marry me?" I begged, looking him straight in the eye, but he lowered his head, avoiding my gaze.

He let out a long deep sigh before glancing back at me with eyes that showed defeat and weariness. It's as if I was putting the weight of the world onto his shoulders. "But we can't get married."

I was blown away by his response. Well, honestly I haven't really thought about it. It just slipped out of my mouth due to the guilt and frustration that creeping me inside.

"I can't marry you." He added shaking his head. He knelt completely and took my hand for the second time.

I bit my bottom lip to stop it from quivering. Actually, it wasn't the answer I expected to hear, but the other way around.

"Why? Is it because I'm still married?" I gulped. "I can file another divorce petition. We will be divorced a few weeks from now, I promise, but please... please hang on for a while and wait for me until then."

"No, Sam, we still can't get married even if you've already divorced him. I can't marry you and you can't marry me."

"But why? You just said you love me and you don't want to lose me---"

"Yes, I said those words and I mean them! I don't want to let you go, but what can I do?"

"I-I don't get it."

He let out another sigh and cupped my face.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but I can't marry you, not because I don't love you or I don't love you anymore. In fact, I love you so much that I'm ready to give up everything for you. But I can't marry you because I don't want to be that kind of selfish ..." "David?" I frowned as I got confused by what he said.

"I don't want to tie you into a relationship where I know you won't be happy because I know... I know in your heart you still love him."

"No---"

"Shhh... it's okay, I understand. You don't have to explain."

"But I---" I wanted to tell him that my heart also belongs to him but he didn't let me speak.

"The way you look at him says everything and that's the reason why I don't want us to talk about it because I know I can't really have you no matter what I do. You don't belong to me, you aren't mine and you'll never be mine."

And for the first time in my life, I felt my heart numb with pain, guilt and other emotions that I didn't know how to explain. How would I make him believe my feelings for him? How would I tell him that I'm ready to go with him back to New York when I know deep inside what he just said were true?

"But I love you. I love you, David." I meant those words.

But a dreary smile curled on his lips as he nodded.

"I know, I know you do. It's just that the love you have for me isn't the same as the love you have for him and still have for him. It can't and will never be the same."

And just at that moment, what Jack told me a few weeks ago suddenly flashed back into me. 'You're just confused about your feelings for him as he gave you the things your husband didn't give to you. He showed you the love and care you longed to feel that your husband refused to give you.'

-'Am I just confused?'- I silently asked myself as I stared at him, but no matter how I asked, the answer hasn't shown up.

"You should talk to him." I straightened my seat. "Since you're still married, you should settle everything between you two for the sake of your daughter."

"But what about us?" I asked grabbing his hand as he was about to get up.

"Us?" He repeated with a

half-hearted smile. "What about us?

What will happen to 'us'? Those

were also the questions I have in mind that I wanted to ask you when this moment happened, but now guess it's no longer needed as your heart still belongs to him. You should be with him and that the right thing to do. Yes, you're still mad at him for all the mistakes he made in the past, but he's now changing... for good. He's trying his best and doing all the efforts for you and your family because he loves you and I witnessed all of them these past few weeks of tailing behind you."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

He sighed, pain written in his eyes.

"Because I love you and I have never loved someone the way that I love you. I want you to be happy with the person who once caused you pain, but the same person who can give you real happiness... the thing I know I could never give you."

I lost my word completely after

hearing what he said. Truly, he is

one of a kind. I really wanted to ask him if he can still wait for me, but since I was in a state of guilt and confusion, I just gulped the urge of asking him. If he's being a man to let me go, then who am I to stop and trap him in a relationship that even I wasn't sure about.

Honestly, I wanted to stop him, but I know I was already hurting him too much and I don't want to add more to that pain.

"I wish you happiness, Sam."

"Is this goodbye? Are you now saying goodbye?"

He shook his head. "I'm letting you go is the right word."

"But it's just the same. You're letting me go, so you're now saying goodbye."

He shook his head again. "No, I'm now letting you go and it's different from saying goodbye because

goodbye means 'I'll see you again et

and I'll wait for you until you're ready to hold me and be on my side However, letting go means miss you, but I realized you're not mine to hold so I will forget you."

Sobs simultaneously escaped my throat as he cupped both of my cheeks.

"Sam, I'm letting you go not because I don't love you any more or you're no longer important to me. I'm doing this because I know it's the right thing to do. You'll always be my great love."

I don't know where and how our conversation ended. I just felt the touch of his lips in mine and after that, I didn't even realize how he had disappeared from my sight. The only thing I remembered was that I was left alone drowning in pain.