Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)
Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance: Chapter 18

6 years 3 months ago, June

I stand outside the house; my back is glued to the wall. The alcohol in my system gets the best of me, especially considering I pregamed before we even got to this lake house.

I’m dragging my feet, and I fucking hate it. I should’ve ended it last night, after his graduation.

“Layla?” Ava calls out to me, but I stay silent. Maybe if I don’t answer, she’ll wander back into the house and leave me alone? She doesn’t know what I’m about to do, and I want it to stay like that. The last thing I need is her trying to change my mind when I’m already on the fence about my decision.

I love him but I can’t be with him.

“I’m fucking stupid,” I scold myself in a whisper. “I should’ve⁠—”

“Here you are!” Ava announces as she rounds the building and her eyes land on me. Her brow furrows, a deep wrinkle crossing her forehead. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing.”

She rolls her eyes, coming closer, and leans her back on the wall too. My gaze falls on her growing baby bump. I still have no idea how I feel about her getting pregnant at eighteen. It all feels surreal. She and Thompson agreed to be enemies with benefits—and now they’re going to be parents. Moving to fucking California together.

I never even thought she wanted a family.

“Are you really going to put your education on hold and go live in California with him?” I ask out of nowhere.

Ava tsks, folding her arms over her chest. “How much did you drink?”

“A bottle of vodka.” And it’s not fucking enough. It does nothing to give me the damned courage to do what I planned to do.

“Layla, what’s wrong?” Ava shifts, blocking the view of the pool I’ve been staring at for the past God only knows how many minutes. “You’ve been acting weird since the guys’ graduation yesterday. Are you okay?”

I nod, shoving my hands deep in my pockets and balling my fists.

“Then…how about you and Clay? You should’ve heard him talking about your future together. He’s so excited, planning how you’ll visit each other, how he’ll fly you out for his games. The dude has it so bad for you. He loves you.”

“It would’ve been better if he’d asked me what I want instead of building all these castles in the air.”

“What do you mean? I thought that’s what you want too.”

“Ha.” I snort, shaking my head. “What I want is not to be dumped by my famous, successful boyfriend in the middle of the school year.”

Clear confusion clouds her features; a worried expression is etched on her face. She leans in, our noses almost touching. “Are you high?”

“I told you, I drank a bottle of vodka.” I push myself away from the wall, forcing her to take a step back. “Not all of us are going to move in with our hockey boyfriends, keep an eye on them, and make sure they’re not sneaking around with someone else.”

“Usually, I’d have lost my temper already because what you’re saying is mean, but I’m trying to do better because you’re clearly not thinking straight.” Ava seethes, her nostrils flaring as she glares at me from under knitted eyebrows. “Clay loves you. He wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“Did you forget how you two met? Wasn’t he in your dorm room, fucking your roommate with Thompson?”

“And?”

“And?! Ava, he is a thousand times more experienced than I am. He loves sex. You think he’s going to stay loyal to me when there will be a ton of girls clinging to him and fighting for his attention? He’ll be in the fucking NHL, with money, fame, and beautiful girls surrounding him all the time, and I’ll be here, in college, for two more years.”

Ava hides her face in her palms, then slowly drags them down. When her gaze collides with mine, I see how disturbed she is.

“You could transfer to a school in Chicago to be closer to him,” she tells me. Her voice is quiet but stern. “Any relationship is work. You can’t expect him to do all of it while you complain about him pursuing his career. It’s not fair. You have to meet him halfway.”

“I don’t need him to do all the work. Actually, I’m going to make it so much easier for him. He’ll thank me later.”

“Layla, no. Think it through. You’re going to regret this.”

“I highly doubt it. I’ve thought it through. I’m saving myself from heartbreak and disappointment.”

“You’re just being a coward.”

My eyes flare at her, and I clench my jaw.

“So afraid of some hypothetical breakup that you’re going to give up on a guy who’s ready to worship the fucking ground you walk on.”

“I’m not a coward. And I’m not afraid.”

I so fucking am.

Ava narrows her eyes, sniffing the air and then snarling. “You smell like fear. I can feel it on you.” Her words slap me in the face, and I recoil, feeling my skin burn. “You’re so afraid of something that hasn’t even happened that you’re letting your cowardice win. You can’t live your life to the fullest when you’re constantly looking around, afraid of things that shouldn’t even be your concern.” She grabs my hands and makes me look at her. “Clay loves you. He doesn’t need anyone else.”

The setting sun colors the trees of the nearby forest into a darker shade of emerald-green. It’s quiet and peaceful outside. The only sound that reaches us is the music coming from the house, where the guys and some of their girlfriends are hanging out. A gust of wind caresses my body like a feather, cooling off my blazing skin and giving me a quick relief.

“But I don’t love him,” I tell her. Something inside me breaks as the words full of lies leave my mouth. “I’ve wanted to break up with him for months. But the sex was too good, and I was selfish. That’s the only reason I stayed.”

Ava is so stunned, her hands drop off me as I take a step back. “Layla, please,” she pleads. “Let’s wait until tomorrow, okay? We will talk it through, you and I.”

“I’ve made my decision.” I wipe my sweaty hands on the skirt of my dress and head into the house. When I’m near the door, I turn to her and ask, “Will you take me home?”

Ava hesitates, watching me closely, but then she nods. “I’ll be waiting for you in Colt’s car.”

Without another word, and while I can still stomach the conversation, I stroll farther into the house that Drake and a few of his teammates rented. It’s time to put an end to this.

I find him on the first try. Clay is sitting on the couch, a controller in his hand. His glassy gaze is glued to the TV as he plays some game. Walking closer, I glance at the screen, realizing it’s basketball. Jace Dixon, another goalie on Clay’s team, is snoring on the couch beside him.

Clearing my throat, I draw Clay’s attention to me. He smiles; an easy grin spreads across his face. He tosses the controller onto the couch and reaches for me, intending to catch my arm, but I pull away and fold my hands behind my back.

“Where did you disappear to for so long?” he asks, his words slurring a little.

“I needed to think,” I tell him, checking the room and not seeing Drake. Phew. “Can we go outside and talk?”

His eyebrows hit his hairline as he gawks at me in confusion. Then he nods and stands up, eyeing me suspiciously as I continue to keep my distance. It’s unusual, after all the time we’ve spent together, that I won’t let him touch me. I’m just worried I won’t be able to go through with my plan if he does.

I love him but I can’t be with him.

We walk out to the patio, and thankfully, no one is here. Only a stack of graduation caps lies on the deck, where someone arranged them, probably to take a photo. I move forward and then lower myself onto the bench, looking expectantly at Clay. He comes closer but stays planted in front of me. His shoulders are squared as he studies me with narrowed eyes.

“What’s up? What did you want to talk to me about?”

I take a deep breath and say on an exhale, “We need to break up.”

“Sorry…what?”

“I said we need to break up.” I pronounce every word slowly and precisely, watching the color drain from his face. “You and I aren’t going to work long distance, Clay. It’s over. We are over.”

“You don’t think that,” he mutters, crouching in front of me, his hands on my knees for balance.

“I do.” I shrug. “I’ve thought that for a while now, after you told me you were probably heading to Chicago after graduation.”

“I don’t understand.” Clay shakes his head. “We were happy together. We were planning our future⁠—”

“You were planning our future, without even once asking me what I wanted.”

He flinches when he hears that, his mouth collapsing into a deep scowl.

“Your dreams are coming true. You’re going to play in the NHL. You will have the whole world at your feet, along with girls who will be hitting on you, flirting with you, wanting you,” I tell him calmly. “I also want to explore what’s out there for me, who is out there for me. I don’t want to sit back and wait for you to cheat on me. It’s better if we end it here.”

“Wait, wait, wait…You think I’m going to cheat on you?” Clay asks, taken aback. He stands up, hovering over me with a look of disturbed disbelief. “Layla, I’m in love with you. Fucking obsessed actually describes my feelings better. I don’t even look at other girls. They mean nothing to me. I only want you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.”

“You’re saying that now, while we’re here together, surrounded by our friends. Once you know what it means to be a well-paid player, with fans and groupies following your every step—you’ll know I was nothing but a nice distraction in your final year. A fucktoy.”

I’m saying such terrible things, fueled by my own insecurities, that it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I let the overthinking side of me win a long time ago, let it fill my mind with so many different scenarios with the only one outcome—him breaking up with me for someone else…These thoughts poisoned my brain, and even my love for him isn’t enough to be an antidote.

“Layla, I love you.” He grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet, staring me in the eyes. “I love you.”

“And I don’t. I don’t love you, Clay. I never did,” I say dismissively with a lift of my shoulder. I’ve been repeating this monologue in my head for months, so now it helps me keep all my real emotions hidden. “The sex was great. That was all.”

I’m a fucking joke.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not, I promise.” I back away from him, holding my head high and making sure my curated smile doesn’t slip. “I wish you the best, Clay. I’m sure you’re going to see wild success in your career and find the perfect girl for you. It just won’t be me.”

With that, I turn around and rush into the house, chasing away the feeling that I’m about to throw up. From the alcohol, from all the worries I’ve had the last few days—but also from my lies. They taste like broken dreams, sour and acidic.

“Layla!” he yells, running after me. “Layla, wait—this is some fucking bullshit.”

“Leave me alone, Clay.” My voice cracks, and traitorous tears flood my eyes as I bolt out of the house and down the porch steps. Ava is right where she told me she’d be, sitting in Colton’s car with her hands on the steering wheel. “We’re done.”

Before I have the chance to open the car door, he wraps his arms around my waist from behind and presses me into his chest. Ever so slowly, he turns me around and cups my face with his hands. So much pain flashes behind his irises, it cracks my heart even more.

“Baby, please, don’t leave me. I’m sorry if I didn’t do enough to show you how much I love you—I promise I’ll do better,” he begs, his voice breaking as he sucks in air. “I love you, Layla. More than anything in the world. Don’t leave me, please.”

Without thinking, I lean in and press my lips to his. Briefly. Desperately. Heartbreakingly. My heart shatters in my chest.

“It’s better this way. Bye, Clay.”

I step back, and he lets me. His posture is tense, his lips pursed into a thin line. But that’s not what sends me spiraling. It’s the tears streaming down his face, his chest heaving from his erratic breaths.

Turning around, I yank the door open and get inside. Once I’m in the car, I tell Ava to drive. Refusing to look at Clay and his friends and my brother who walked out of the house and probably heard our whole conversation, I keep my gaze on the road ahead.

“You okay?” Ava asks after a few minutes of total silence.

“Yeah. I did what needed to be done. It’s all good,” I lie. “Leading him on when I don’t have any feelings for him is cruel.” Another lie wrecks my heart even more. Battered and bruised, it rages hard inside my chest, trying to escape the agony I put it through.

I broke the heart of the man who loves me to bits…

The man who I love to bits…

Because Ava is right. I am a coward.