Saved By The Firefighter
Chapter 33

Josie's Point of View What have I done?

I drive around in circles, my body still humming from having s*x with Anders not two hours ago, shame taking over my senses. I ask myself again 'What have I done?'

The question is spinning around my head in a never-ending cycle of self-loathing, this is not me. I don't do s**t like that. I have self-respect. Yet the first time I am really put to the test with the Arsehole, I shamelessly gave in. What will he think of me? More importantly, why do I care?

Tears begin to form in my eyes, as I blink them away, so that I don't get distracted further from my driving. It is no use though, I need to get myself home, take a long hot bath, because I feel dirty.

I cannot deny, that was the best s*x I have ever experienced. Not that I have experienced a lot, but still, it was mind blowing. I guess Joanne was right, 'hate s*x' is amazing. The throbbing between my legs telling me just how good it had been. When it was over and done with, I was more than prepared for him to sack me off, dismiss me from his sight, used-and-abused, having got what he wanted. So, I got in first, telling him to make sure he keeps up with his swimming lessons, what I did not expect was his reply. His words echoing in my mind.

"You are definitely coming with me for that drink, and for that meal, a deal is a deal. If you think for one second this is over, you are mistaken, there is only one person who is going to teach me to swim, and that is you."

What the hell does that mean? Was he not using me after all? Did he want more? If he does, how do I honestly feel about it?

I pull up in the private carpark that sits at the bottom of my street, as I turn off the engine, I bang my fists against the steering wheel, letting out a frustrated scream, before slumping my head down, as the hot tears stream down my face.

I had practically begged him for more, my mind completely taken over by pure lust, desire, and the most incredible feeling when he touched me. s**t!

The truth of the matter is, I do not know if I have the willpower to resist him again. His body against mine, his dirty words, the way he looked at my body, not put off by my individual body art. No, it just drove him wilder, his own doing the same to me. I wipe away the tears from my face with the back of my hand, then grab my swimming bag, and get out of the car, making my way round the corner to my home.

I let my self in, and head straight through the living room and kitchen, out through the patio doors, and hang my swimming costume out to dry. Picking up the kettle on the kitchen counter, I give it a shake, to make sure it has water in, then flip the switch. Glancing at the wall clock, I do not have time for a bath, but I do have enough time for one coffee, before I head to my Nana's. I need to pull myself together before I get there. For all she is 83 and almost blind, she will still see that I am upset if I do not get my fractured emotions under control.

I pour the water on top of the coffee granules, adding a splash of milk, then sit down at the small, light-oak dining table. My mind fills with images from this afternoon; how hot he had looked in this business shirt and trousers, how sexy he had looked in the black tight swim trunks that left not a lot to the imagination, the tingles that rushed through my body, when I touched him, his stare when I walked into his office, the feel of him inside me, stretching me, the way he played my body, knowing exactly how to use my piercings to heighten the experience. The o*****s were mind blowing, hell I nearly passed out after both of them. As mind blowing as the whole thing was, as much as cannot deny that I do not hate him, even though I still kind of do, I cannot do this again, as much as I really want to, if I am honest with myself. But I am not a 'f**k Buddy' type of girl, I am more a relationship girl.

Hell, the only other s****l experiences I had were with long term boyfriends, a few years ago. I know that Anders can have any woman he wants, I doubt he is the settling down type of guy, so for that reason, I cannot do that again with him, no matter how much my body craves him. Even now, after what had transpired between us, I feel the throb, the pull. He may not think this is over, but it has to be, because I have to protect my heart. As much as I would deny this if anyone asked, I know that I will fall fast and hard for that

man.

I drink the last dregs of my coffee, then stand up, determined to put Anders Maxwell out of my head. If he does contact me again, then I will ignore him. Picking up my purse, and car keys, I let out a sigh, leaving the house again to visit my amazing Nana.

As I walk into Nana's home, I smile, because she has a table of food set out. It has always been the same since I was a little girl. A bowl of tuna pasta mayonnaise sits next to a large, corned beef and potato plate pie. Another plate filled with ham and peas pudding sandwiches, cut into triangles. The perfect comfort food, the feeling of acceptance, a small amount of peace washes over me, and I am more than grateful for it.

Granddad walks out of the small kitchen, a pot of tea in his hands. He is unsteady on his feet, but try and help him with anything, and he will tell you "NO" in no uncertain terms, enjoying his independence to much.

"Emmy-Loo, the bairn is here," He shouts through to the kitchen.

"Eee hello, I didn't hear you come in. It's my ears, they are blocked again. It's driving me mad," Nana shouts through from the kitchen.

"Hi Nana, this looks lovely, do you want a hand with anything?" I ask, as I walk through and see her.

"It's all done," she smiles at me.

Her wavey grey hair sits in a short bob, her glasses on her face. Although she is 83, she looks a good ten-years younger; they both do.

I take a seat at the dining table, as she asks me about work, when do I go back? Did I see the news? Then tells me the same story she did last time I was here, then a few sentences later, tells me again. She doesn't have dementia, but fixates on one thing, repeating it over-and-over. I smile at her, happy that I have come. There is nothing quite like family to ground you, make you remember who you are, just by giving you a slice of corn beef pie, a sandwich and a dollop of tuna and pasta, talking about everything and nothing, all at the same time.

A few hours later, I say my goodbyes, and head home, feeling a lot better than when I had arrived.

I get in the house, and head straight upstairs, and run a nice warm bath, adding some lavender bubbles, to relax me and help keep the calm that being with my grandparents had offered me.

I sink into the warm bubbly water and let out a soft sigh, letting it relax me further. Maybe I have been over thinking this whole thing. I know what Anders said, but I doubt I will ever hear from him again anyway. So, I am determined to put the whole thing out of my head. Getting out of the bath, I wrap the big bath-sheet around my body, and head into my bedroom. I look at the mess of clothes that had been strewn all over the floor and let out a frustrated sigh. I bend over picking them up and re-hanging them into the wardrobe. I hear my phone ping downstairs but decide to leave it until I am finished.

Once I am done, I grab a pair of grey cotton pyjamas with black vest top, then head back downstairs. I go into the kitchen to put a pan of milk on and make some hot chocolate, to ensure I sleep tonight. I grab the hot delicious loveliness and walk back into the living room, and curl up on my cream sofa, grabbing the light green fleecy through and wrapping it around me. My phone pings again, and I let out a sigh, grabbing it from the nest of tables, sat at the side of the sofa.

Arsehole CEO - Hey, home from work. When are you back on shift? We need another lesson. Xxx

Arsehole CEO - Josie, stop ignoring me. I know you are just freaked out, trust me, I am as well, but no matter how much you say you Hate Me, we both know there is something between us, I don't chase anyone, but I am chasing you. Why not give this a chance? Xxx Aghghgh, so much for finding my zen or whatever, because my heart is once more pounding in my chest, my mind is spinning round like a tornado, and as much as I try not to, I have a smile on my face.

I look at the phone, not sure if I should text back... ignore him ... I am so damned conflicted.

My phone vibrates in my hand, as it begins to ring, his name flashing up on the screen. Before I can think about what I am doing, I hit the green button, and put it to my ear.

"So... you are alive then." His sexy baritone voice rings out in my ear.

"You know I do have a life," I bite back, but the smile is still on my face.

"Tell the truth, you have been freaking out all afternoon." Anders chuckles.

"What makes you think that?" I ask, not wanting to admit he's right.

"Because I am good at reading people, and you are clearly not the type of person who does what we did just for shits-and-giggles."

"Maybe you are not as good as you think you are," I sass back at him, hating that he has hit the nail on the head.

"I am as good as I think I am, and I know I am right. Now, stop avoiding me, this isn't going to go away."

"Yeah, I can tell you will not go away," I sigh out.

"Not when I want something, and trust me on this Firefighter Edwards, I want you." Anders voice becomes low and husky.

I let out a sigh, wondering what the hell he means. He wants to have s*x with me again? Or he wants something more? If it is the latter, would I take that chance?

"Well, you are right, I don't normally do that type of thing, and I am not interested in f**k buddies or anything like that, so I guess this is a pointless conversation." I decide to be honest.

The phone line goes silent, well I guess I have my answer, and I cannot help but feel the sting of disappointment that pierces my heart.

"Goodbye Anders." I say, then hang up the phone.

Tears begin to stream down my face, and I curse myself for caring, for having that small spark of hope that he would be interested in getting to know me, rather than just f*****g me. I guess that is what you get for shagging someone in the swimming pool changing

rooms.

A knock at the door, shocks me slightly, as I look up at the clock and see it is past nine at night. I head to the door, opening it with a frown.

"And what the hell did that mean?" Anders asks, the vein on his temple twitching like crazy.

"What the hell are you doing here? and how the hell did you know where I live?" I ask folding my arms across my chest.

"There is such a thing as the Election Roll, now why did you say goodbye and put the phone down, we were not finished with our conversation?"

My next-door neighbour comes out of her house and peaks round, having a good old nosey at what was going on.

"Come in," I hiss, not wanting to be the talk of the street, taking hold of his strong muscly arm and dragging him into the small hallway.

"So come on Josie, why the hell did you put the phone down," He growls out.

"Because your silence spoke volumes. We clearly want different things, so why string this out," I huff, shrugging my shoulders.

"Really, well let me tell you something. I do not do relationships," he all but shouts.

I go to open my mouth, but he holds up his hand to me.

"I never have, but then this f*****g firefighter walks into my office, refuses my fire certificate, drives me all kinds of crazy, who is kind, beautiful and innocent. She challenges me, makes me want to be a better man, but she is also a s*x goddess, and has wormed her way into my every thought. I finally get her, and she is addictive, and it seems for the first time in my life, I do not want a one-and-done, or a f**k buddy, I want her, to get to know her, to take her out on dates, to worry about her when she is running into burning buildings. She asked me today to trust her with my biggest fear, and I did, and I am now trusting her with my second biggest fear, to care. Because try as I might, I f*****g well do care about her, even though she tells me she hates me at every given opportunity," Anders shouts out at me, clearly frustrated.

I am stood dumbfounded. As I blink at him, he begins to take off his shirt, throwing it onto the chair under the window.

"What are you doing?" I hiss at him.

"I am taking off my clothes, then I am going to go up your stairs, and into your bed, because it has been a long assed day, and then you are going to come up to your bed, and I am not going to have s*x with you, I am going to show you that I want more than that, because I am going to cuddle you in my arms, so that we both can get some f*****g sleep without lying awake thinking about what the other is doing," he shouts, as he pulls down his trousers.

Then turns on his heel wearing nothing but a pair of tight white boxer briefs and heads up the stairs. "Coming?" he shouts.

I quickly lock the door, and head up the stairs, climbing into bed beside him, as he wraps his arm around my body and pulls me into his chest, then places a soft kiss on my forehead, as we both gently fall to sleep, guess I do want him after all.