The Alpha King Call Boy
Chapter 242

Nina insisted on giving me a hug first thing, but the crying baby demanded attention and that was what I needed my friend for more than anything in this moment. "I just can't touch her right now, Nina, I... "

-"Say no more." She rushed into the nursery and closed the door behind her. I heard her voice faintly, both through the door and echoing on the baby monitor on my bedside table. "It's all good, lil' b," she was saying over the baby's cries. "Shh. Auntie Nina's here to help. I got you... let's just check your diaper and see if you need..." I locked myself into the bathroom, started the shower, stripped my clothes off and got in.

Once I sat down on the shower floor with the water streaming directly down onto my face and body, I knew why I'd been compelled to do this. Because the sounds of the water and the bathroom fan gave me at least a little privacy from the baby and Nina, and I needed to actually cry for real now.

It only took a few seconds for a huge, heaving sobs to completely take me over.

I've never cried so hard in my life. My throat ached with the force of it. I worried at one point I might accidentally choke and gag myself just from crying so hard.

I couldn't stop thinking about how long it had been since 1 even saw my Grandfather. How infrequently I'd been visiting the se past few months. How I'd missed out on saying any kind of goodbye. How full of guilt and regret I was. How much I missed him and wanted to see him just one last time. How unfair all of this had been. How he never deserved any of it.

When I noticed my fingertips had turned white and pruny, I knew I needed to pull it together. I couldn't sit in the shower crying all day.

"You sure I can't get you to eat something?"

I swallowed heavily. My throat was dry but it was hard to even drink water right now. Everything tasted bitter. My stomach seemed to be filled with acid.

"I'm fine," I told Nina.

I almost laughed as I heard the words. They were far from true. I only meant to say that no, I wasn't hungry and didn't want her to make me eat food right now.

"A little splash of coffee?" my friend suggested cautiously." Anything?"

The only thing I wanted right now was Alexander. I just wanted to be in his arms. I wanted to smell his scent, to feel his warmth, or even just to hear his voice. That was the only thing I needed. But it was also the one thing I could not have right now. Because right now Alex was on the other side of the country on his way to attack a nest of vampires.

This was the first time I really felt it. What a terrible burden it was to be the Alpha King's Luna.

Alex had thanked me for always being responsible and understanding, for supporting his important work and weathering storms at his side. I always shrugged it off because I was happy to do my job as his Luna and wanted nothing more than to do it well. But today... today the crown de manded my Alpha King husband risk his life in a distant battle, and it happened to be the same day that I really needed him more than I'd ever needed anyone, anything in my life.

My heartache over my grandfather's passing was so severe. The sadness just kept coming, getting bigger and deeper till it filled my whole being. And without my other half, I didn't know how to make it stop.

Nina knelt at my feet and clasped my hands in both of hers. "Fi?" I hadn't even noticed her approaching. I met her eyes and found hers looking extremely concerned.

"Honey, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now." She squeezed my hands affectionately. "I wish there was something I could do or say to help you feel better..."

I shook my head. "Thanks, Nina, but there's nothing.."

"I know, babe." She closed her eyes, looking for a moment like she might be holding back tears of her own. "Just let me know if you think of something that you could eat. And I'll be here till the guys get back, helping you with the baby and anything else. Okay? I'm not leaving your side this weekend, Fiona. I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Nina."

I opened my arms and accepted another hug from my dear friend.

When a new rush of silent tears began to slip down my cheeks, I gently pushed her away so I could wipe my face dry. "I really do appreciate you being here. It means the world to me."

Alex was the one who broke down that wall I used to have around my heart. He was the one who convinced me to be more open with my emotions. Who taught me to feel my feelings and talk about them instead of burying them and living like I was made out of

stone.

And now I was a total mess, and he wasn't here to hold me.

I gave in to Lexi's demands and finally held my clingy baby for a little while. But as I predicted, she became upset very quickly once she was in my arms, and I couldn't recover. Her cries only made me want to start crying again.

I had to leave the room. It was a good thing I'd recently started training Lexi to take a bottle, since I wanted to stop breastfeeding soon. It was just too painful for me, and while I knew it was for the best for the baby when she was a newborn, I just wasn't going to be one of those mothers that could keep at it for more than a couple of months. So Nina was equipped to get Lexi her breakfast. I got myself dressed in the meantime, waited till the sun came up, and then slipped outside with the intention of taking a long walk. It probably looked like I was late for something important. But I was only pacing mindlessly. Walking fast, moving forward through space just to move my body and not even paying attention to where I was going.

And I was talking to myself. Maybe it was because I'd developed that habit of talking to the baby all the time. The baby was not with me, of course. But I was in a strange place mentally and emotionally, lacking control of all my faculties, and words just started spilling from my lips.

"Stupid," I heard myself saying aloud when my disjointed thoughts drifted to the hospital room I'd spent the last two days building in the East Wing. "Stupid, stupid, stupid.."

I was mad at myself for wasting the time and resources. And for not having the idea so much sooner. It felt like a cruel joke, the timing.

I'd only just finished the room yesterday and this morning was when

Grandfather went and died.

"Why..." was another word I kept hearing tumble from my mouth."

Why now? Why?"

And then the worst of all the thoughts arrived. The one that reminded me where my husband was right now, this very instant.

I looked down at my watch. It was almost nine a.m. Alex and the pack would be on their way from Grayson's to the canyon right now.

I could not even think about losing him, too. No. Losing Grandfather was bad enough. It was making a wreck of me, more than I could have imagined it would, and if 1 lost Alexander today too... I couldn't.

I couldn't imagine living without my mate. Raising our daughter alone. Ruling the kingdom without him.

"I'd rather die than lose him too," I heard myself say.

I clamped a hand over my mouth. What a fucing terrible thing to say, to even think. I didn't mean

Past came out..

And then a wave of dread and activity suddenly washed over me.

I thought I was in a low, bad emotional state already. Oh my god, this was worse, so much worse, the chaotie energy surging into my body before Iris even came into view, but I knew it was her. I knew she was near. I would have heard his footsteps, I'm sure, if I hadn't been making so much noise talking to myself.

I couldn't very well turn on my heel and run away sow. She absolutely must have heard me

1 forced myself forward and turned the corner, and there she was.

Already stopped dead in her tracks, with a wooden easel slung over one shoulder and a lumpy art supply bag on the other.