The Bequest
Chapter 36—Abigail

I survived five terribly awkward horseback lessons with Steve, including one where he showed me how to toss a rope. I insisted I didn't need to know-Jeff and Kevin would be there but if the kids were learning, he said I should learn too. With his arms around me, it was really hard to remember that I didn't want him to show me around Manila.

But as soon as he left, my resolve strengthened. Being shown around by a ridiculously attractive, age appropriate, exceptionally skilled horse whisperer would have been exciting.

Having a man who's an expert at managing dangerous situations, a man who's used to getting everything he wants, a man who's probably the most eligible bachelor in three counties show me around? Hard pass.

It's everything I can't handle, and everything I don't want. It's too much, and the risk of injury is far too high. Every time I forget, I see Whitney's cast and I remember. When you do something risky, you can get hurt. Badly. I've already endured about all the hurt I can handle this decade.

"You ready, Mom?" Ethan's been up for half an hour I heard him rummaging around. That's the curse of living here. I hear every little noise that any of my children make, including Gabe complaining that Ethan's too loud and it's too early. Of course, in the months after Nate died, I would wake up most nights because of a nightmare that one of the kids was dead. Our house is so large and spacious that my children feel far away. So it's been a blessing too, this close-quarters living.

Most things in life are like that: the things I love are also the things that make me bonkers.

The one good thing that has come from Nate's passing is that I have a little more patience for the things that make me insane, because I have a greater appreciation for my blessings now that one is gone. "Mom?" Ethan's voice outside my door is both eager and nervous.

"I'm ready," I say.

When he pushes the door open, he has his hands over his eyes, but one finger is cracked so he can kind of see.

"If I was naked, how would that help?"

"Shut up." He tosses something fairly large at me, but I dodge and it lands on my bed.

"What's that?"

"I made a little pack for everyone." He shrugs. "Gatorade, water, jerky, granola bars, and nuts."

"Look at you, Martha Stewart."

"You think Whitney and Gabe will be fine?"

I sigh. "Amanda will be "

"You think she's going to pay attention to them?"

"I think she will, yes," I say. "And Maren has been different this week."

"I hadn't noticed." Ethan's eyes harden, and his tone darkens.

"She's been trying," I say. "Ever since Whitney's arm-"

"Great," he says. "Well, I'll be sure to remember that when I want to punch her in the nose the very next time we talk."

I roll my eyes. Ethan's always so melodramatic, but he rarely means what he says. It's almost all talk, like the tiny dog that barks incessantly, or the cat that hisses but curls up at your side the second you sit down. "Is Izzy ready?" "She's already in the barn, feeding the horses."

"Isn't it early for that?"

"Feeding," he says. "Not grooming or tacking up.'

"I'll be out soon."

"Are you nervous?"

"Of course I am," I say. "There are mountain lions, and holes, and bugs."

Ethan's dimpled grin has made me smile since the day he was born, but it has so much of Nate in it that now I sometimes feel a bit desperate to see it. "You say those three things as though they're the same risk level." "To me, maybe they are."

He's shaking his head as he walks out the door.

If you're loving the book, nel5s.com is where the adventure continues. Join us for the complete experience-all for free. The next chapter is eagerly waiting for you!

I don't believe in stupid things like personal affirmations or vision boards. That's the kind of hokum that people with no real plan cling to, but I have prepared to the best of my abilities, and a little prayer here or there can't hurt. So when I pray this morning, I ask God to send my love to Nate, as always, and then I ask him to keep me and my kids safe, and let us move the cows smoothly to the designated area on the map.

By the time I finally make my way outside, Ethan's snack bag slung over my shoulder, Ethan and Izzy are already grooming their horses, and Snoopy's already in the cross ties. It's early and I'm still a little loopy, but it looks like Kevin's currying him for me.

Until Kevin turns around, and I realize it's not him. It's Steve. "Oh." I freeze.

"Morning." He says it casually, like he's supposed to be here.

"I didn't know why are you here?"

"That's rude, Mom. He's been over here every day, helping us for two weeks." Ethan shakes his head. "Some people's mothers never taught them any manners. Geez."

"Teenagers are the worst," Izzy says. "Leave the adults alone."

"It's a good thing I have two moms." Ethan ducks into the tack room to grab his saddle.

Steve walks toward me. His voice is low, probably in the hopes that both kids won't keep jumping into the conversation. I can relate to that sentiment. "Is it okay that I'm here?" "I didn't think you'd be here, since Whitney-"

He brushes my hair back and tucks it behind my ear. "She's not my only student."

It feels like my ear is burning where his finger brushed it. "No, I guess not."

When his eyes meet mine, they look lighter than usual, almost a sky blue. "If you want me to leave, I will."

I should tell him to go. "I've taken up too much of your time already."

"You didn't come to my porch at all this week."

"I didn't have any document review to do, so it was easier to just boost the reception from my phone at the 'office.""

If you're loving the book, nel5s.com is where the adventure continues. Join us for the complete experience-all for free. The next chapter is eagerly waiting for you! "You hiked out to that hill to avoid me."

"I saw you every day."

He steps closer still. "With a three-child buffer."

When I inhale, his sweet, fresh-smelling cologne fills my nose. My heart flips. "There are two kids with us right now."

"I want to spend the day with you." He reaches for me, but at the last minute, his hand pushes past me and drops the currycomb into the grooming box. He's slow at grabbing the brush. Too slow. It has to be intentional. "Excuse me." "You're riding Snoopy?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "I figured you might not want to start the day covered with dust and dirt. Just trying to be neighborly."

Again, with the heart flip. "Thanks."

"It won't help for long. Drives are dusty."

"I bet they are."

He leans against the wall right next to me. "So do my good deeds buy me permission to come?"

"I'd be stupid to turn you down," I say.

His boots scuff the floor of the barn when he pivots, but he's not fast enough. I see his huge grin.

I should've said no. He's going to take my anxiety about our first cattle drive as encouragement, and my feelings haven't changed. I do like the idea of having him with us if anything goes wrong. I'll have to deal with the fallout later. "If you keep helping with my saddle, I'll never get fast at doing it myself," I say.

He shrugs. "If you're only here through August, it won't matter."

"She may fall in love with the ranch life," Ethan says. "You never know. We could be here for the next fifty years."

I bite my tongue-I promised Ethan I would consider it, so I have to try to be open-minded.