The Defiant Luna
Chapter 18

Nathan POV

Nathan did not want to hear Jay- la state, ‘do what you want’, one more time. He had tried to explain to her how he felt, had even apologised multiple times, told her what he wanted; for her to be happy, here inside the pack. With hirn. It hadn’t gotten through, he now saw, needed to walk away from her, he could feel his anger welling inside of him.

He did not want le be yelling at her, making her upset or scared of him, and he didn’t want to tick her off anymore than she clearly already was about him asking her questions about the council.

She’d also not answered his question from the last time he’d been in there talking to her, asked her about how she’d wanted to be announced to the pack, just dismissed it, it seemed, told him it was his job.

Banged right into his office downstairs more than frustrated with her and heard Havoc snarl at him a few minutes later as he sat in his chair annoyed with his current situation. Kora had shut them down and out once more and Havoc was unhappy about it.

‘I tried Havoc, I really did, you know that.’ He muttered.

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Well, neither do I.’

(Fix it.’ Havoc snarled at him.

Tell me how.’ He shot right back at his beast ‘because I clearly don’t know how, to be honest with you Havoc, I don’t even know if she wants me to try and fix it.’ and he didn’t. He had been up there telling her everything, admitted he was in the wrong, admitted he’d hurt her yet again and apologised for it, and in the end she’d yanked a wall down and around her, turned all cold and emotionless, it was almost like she didn’t want to hear him at all.

He was at a loss right this minute and had the bloody council coming tomorrow to talk to her. That wasn’t likely going to go well, this was not going to be resolved by then, he knew that.

Mind-linked to his head omega to have two suites made ready for their guests arriving tomorrow.

Saw Jackson bang into the office much the same way he had, seems his interaction with Jay- la hadn’t gone so well either. At least it wasn’t just him, she was ticked off at, looked right at his Beta.

“She’s infuriating to talk to.” He muttered “Just wanted to bloody strangle her at one point.” Saw his hands come up like he was doing just that and raised an evebrow at him.

“I know just how you feel, Jackson. It’s like she’s got this switch and she can just flip it or push it and bang, down comes a wall and she’s hard and cold.

“It’s a defensive mechanism,” Jackson sighed, dropping his hands.

“I’m aware of that, she puts it in place when she’s done talking or doesn’t want to talk about something, but is being asked to.” Or at least that was what he thought.

“What happened between you two upstairs, she shut Havoc and I out completely, either right after you left or during that conversation.

“She claimed Kora made the choice for her.”

“She kind of did.” Nathan acknowledged. Their wolves had mated first without any thought to their humans. Not that he minded, but Jay- la clearly did.

“No, I mean, forced her hand, Kora was going to take control and Mark you or Havoc, if she didn’t claim vou.”

That got his undivided attention, was not a good thing either. “She stated that?”

“Implied it. I also think she believed Kora would as well. I could only hazard a guess that there was some sort of conversation between her wolf about it.”

“Just great.” He muttered. She could well reject him at any given moment then.

‘Kora loves us.’ Havoc huffed.

‘Loves you Havoc, she bit me yesterday.’ He shot at his beast.

“I told her that the council is going to want to see the two of you together, explained that they would be watching you and her separately and together.

Asked her opinion of it.”

“And?” really hated it when they didn’t want to tell him something.

“She stated they would see what she sees, you are only interested in the children.”

That didn’t surprise him at all, he’d heard her state just that. He’d tried to explain to her it wasn’t that, but he had been the one to bring the children into their battle. Before she’d known what he was to her, so it would look like that to her, and he’d been on her about helping to get Nate to come around, told her

he wanted to spend time bonding with the children.

Instead of stating he would love to spend time with her. Too bloody late now though. Probably needed to think before he spoke, watch his words with her when he interacted with her, talk to her about her before bringing the children up. He couldn’t just drop the subject either. They were his children and he did want to know them.

Saw Stephen and Ethan walk in “I got it boss.” Ethan smiled, though only briefly, “You ain’t gonna like it though.”

“What else is new?” Nathan muttered.

Saw Ethan put a book in front of him on the desk, it was titled “The Luna’s Communications.” An odd title for the answer to be in, sounded like it was going to be a book on how to word letters or answer them correctly with the proper formalities. Flipped it open to the first page and frowned at it. Flipped a few more pages, they were all hand written from different Luna’s.

“Not what you thought it was going to be, huh? I didn’t think it was going to hold any answers, so left it to last myself. Thought it was a bit silly, a book to tell a Luna how to write to other packs.” Saw him shake his head.

This was not at all what it was. It was a book of the previous Luna’s communicating to any future Luna’s, of things they thought were going to be noteworthy or be aware of, he guessed from the first few pages he’d looked at.

All had a similar format, seems they all followed a code when writing in it. It was hundreds of years old according to the first date in it.

“Is mother in here?”

“Yes. The last two entries are Darla’s. You might want to read them at some point.”

“Probably.” He nodded.

“Boss.”

Nathan moved his eyes to look at Jackson, who nodded to Stephen. He was glazed over, but had a hand on Jackson’s arm. They all waited on him.

“Jay-la is looking to speak with me.”

“About?” Nathan enquired.

“I don’t know. “He frowned. “Felt sad to me.”

Nathan sighed “Go.” He nodded, watched the man leave, looked at

Jackson. “How was she when vou left the suite?”

“Not sad. Annoyed, perhaps verging on angry. Told me we didn’t know her anymore.”

“She’s not wrong.” Ethan murmured “Been a long time, and been through a lot, l’d be willing to bet after what I’ve [******w, is nothing at all like the Jay- la we knew growing up, had fun with.” Heard him sigh “She might not even exist anymore, she is gong to be more than difficult and maybe…”

“Don’t sav it Ethan.” Nathan didn’t want to hear it, he knew that man was going to say unobtainable to him. Saw him just nod and then reached over and flip the book open to a page which he had marked with a red cord, the books own placement marker.

1705, Luna Aretha

The Future Luna is Lost – my son has met his mate, however, she is fearful of everything. Bolts at times, even from her own mate. Has had to be hunted and cajoled into coming back into the pack. I have now found out her history, her past is not good, had been living as a rogue until my son found her.

For a very long time, she doesn’t recall the years.

M y Understanding – she fled from her pack after being attacked by her Alpha’s Mate. Threatened with death if she ever was to be seen again. Had been the Alpha’s choice for a chosen Mate. Had been pregnant at the time with his child when he came across his Gifted Mate. He abandoned her for his Gifted. Who then turned on her the first time he was out of the pack. Attacked by the new Luna. The pup did not survive. She fled for her life before the Alpha returned. Has been hunted day and night by the Luna’s men, been captured, and fought them off many times to flee and try to survive on her own.

Powers Unnatural – When she is scared all of her feelings and

emotions, her inner turmoils’ seem to just pour out of her uncontrollably.

Brought me to my knees, brought many to their knees. It appears and my Gamma agrees that she is lost to her flight response. That there appears to be an unnatural fear always within the girl. We tried to contain her today instead, stop her from fleeing, before she got out of the pack. This resulted in a worsening of her condition. It brought anyone within fifty yards of her to full distress or panic. And then her flight response to being fully surround, was switched to her fight response and she attacked everyone without reason or cause, didn’t seem to care of rank, or even that it was her own Mate. My Mate and her Alpha, or his unit even myself. Was all aggression, I’ve never seen anything with the exception of bloodlust that matched her aggression. She has killed the pack Beta and was on the way to killing her own Mate, my only son and child. ordered her to be put down myself. She was Lost to us harming all without any thought to who they were. It was with a saddened and sorrow-filled heart. A prayer to the Goddess Selena that she be reborn, granted a new life, one without this affliction.

She is at peace with Selena now.

Nathan turned his eves to Ethan. “I am not putting Jay- la down.”

“No, there is another entry. I just thought you should see the worst-dase scenario. I, however, believe this is what your mother and father saw, but I wasn’t there. You might want them to read this and give you their thoughts.”

Nathan agreed with that, he had heard his father’s account of that incident at the restaurant last week, they all had.

Looked at Jackson, the man was frowning himself, he had been reading over Nathan’s shoulder. “I don’t like it.” he muttered.

“Which part?” Ethan asked. “That she was strong enough to kill a pack

Beta or that she fled without warning.”

“All of it, but mostly beeause it’s teo elese to home. A girl abandoned by her mate, her child murdered by his new Mate, threatened with death if she was seen again. All of it.”

“It’s how Jay-la felt.” Nathan sighed sadly “She was banished, fled and then feared every day for her unborn children, feared for them even when they were born, that Sophia who hated her, would come for them, kill them. Always a threat of death over the children she’d born me.”

“Can’t reallv blame her.” Ethan muttered “Sophia was horrible.”

«Yes she was.” Nathan muttered “I was not any better either.” He sighed “

I banished my life-long friend for simply defending herself. Sophia struck her first.”

“Was likely probably the first sign of her true personality.” Jackson muttered.

“Ethan?”

He watched Ethan flip through the book to a much more recent communication

1901, Luna Gwendolyn

The New Luna is Broken – Her Luna Calm is completely backwards, broken, when Madeline is scared, only the Gamma can go near our future Luna. Pours distress out of her like a raging river flows. I couldn’t cope for two days, thought myself to be broken by my own son’s Mate. Her Gamma was able to calm her after much coaxing and sending pack members away from her.

Was able to put his actual hands on her. It had to be physical contact, to bring her under control.

M y Understanding – Our pack doctor, thankfully had ventured out into the human world and practices medicine like they do. He was more than curious and offered to run some tests that may help, if our Madeline would allow it. She is not in a good state. Has killed two of the pack, a warrior and a border patroller. A full bloodlust it appeared which started just from the visual sighting of her ex mate and his mate. Fled instantly and when we tried to contain her, lashed out and killed to protect her unborn pup.

Madeline has allowed tests as she doesn’t understand herself what happened, doesn’t want to hurt anyone, stated to me to my Mate and her own Mate, she was so overwhelmed by her own fear for her unborn child, that her previous Mate would want to kill her pup, believed it completely, couldn’t control her fear.

Test Results – our pack doctor, Marcus stated that Madeline’s b***d work came back to show she was full of adrenalin, that her flight or fight response was currently active. Days later, he took more b***d when she was completely calm, showed the same result as the first. Marcus put it as Madeline is always adrenalized. His theory is that our Madeline is constautly without break, in flight or fight mode, her body does not rest from it. That she has somehow gotten used to it, can function normally most of the time. Until she is fearful and loses control, then her flight response kicks in, her body sets off another dose of adrenaline and she flees at will. But when one try’s to contain her, she switches to fight mode. Her body now produces more adrenaline, is now filled with twice as much adrenaline on top of the adrenaline she lives with constantly. Courses through her body and turns our Madeline into something akin to bloodlust, the only thing we can see stopping this is letting her flee, to not activate her fight mode and pose no threat to her in anyway.

Results of Flight and fight response –

Two months after Madeline

birthed her child we tested her b***d again. She was happy and calm, but her b***d showed she was still filled with adrenaline, when there was no-need for it to be there. Marcus suggested that we actively press her and test the flight and fight response. Madeline reluctantly agreed. Unfortunately, she reacted like the last time, fled and when cornered, fight like a demon to get free. We retreat and she fled once more. When she was calmed was brought back to the pack by her Gamma, under control. Contingencies have been put in place to protect the pack from our Broken Luna, she must be allowed to flee at all times, to protect all those within the pack. A risk we must take with our Luna for pack safety.

Monitoring of Madeline

1902 – Her b***d remains adrenalized 3 x pack attacks this year

1903 – Her b***d remains adrenalized 2 x pack attacks, 1 x war.

1 904 – Her b***d shows decreased levels of adrenalin, noted no pack attacks, not threats to the Luna

1905 – Her b***d shows a further decreased level of adrenalin, noted

no pack attacks, life has been peaceful within the pack, Marcus believes normality and a fear or stress free life is helping to reduce the adrenaline levels in Madeline.

1906 – Her b***d shows no adrenaline, all levels are normal,

Noted no pack attacks, the Luna Ceremony is a week away, my son is to take over the pack. Seems that Marcus maybe right, Madeline is happy and calm, stated she feels loved and cherished by her Mate and protected by the pack

1907 – Her b***d remains normal, test of flight and fight attempted, normal reaction noted, Marcus has documented well over the years, believes that the Luna’s Clam goes into a state that he is calling Luna’s Distress where the Luna is constantly filled with adrenalin, though she feels normal most of the time. Only when something sets off her flight or fight response is the Luna’s bodv doubled or tripled with adrenalin, eliciting power and strength akin to that of bloodlust.

To Reverse Luna’s Distress – O ne must bring the Luna into a state in which they feel calm, happy and contented, loved and most importantly, to a safe and fear free state of mind is strongly recommended by the pack doctor.

His research on Adrenalin is extensive and well documented here in the pack.

The Luna will need a period of time (as yet unknown to us, this is the first time we have seen it) to be free of anxiety and fear. Her Gamma can step in and help if he can push through the distress himself, is the most likely in the pack to handle it. He will need to lay hands on the Luna to bring about a state of calm, •but only a truly stress free state of mind has been shown to return the una’s power to normal.

1908 – Madeline displayed the ability of her true Luna Calm during a rogue attack on the pack. Nil signs of being adrenalized shown, believed Luna Distress is resolved completely,

Blessed be to our Goddess Selena.

Nathan sat and looked at the dates, 8 years to get their broken Luna fixed, 6 years to normalise her, 2 of those years a completely stress- free life, to normalize the adrenaline production within her body. She needed to feel loved and happy to even start the process and then an anxiety and stress- free life to return to normal. What wolf got that last part? This could take years or never be fixed.

He did note that there was no documentation on the state of Madeline between those entries, how she actually acted while adrenalized, how she interacted with her Mate, with the pack, that would be something he would like to know.

At least it was well documented, wondered if Gwendolyn had read the other entry from Aretha, and they’d picked up from there. Wanted to find a way to fix it, so that they didn’t have to put Madeline down.

“Thank you, Ethan.”

“All good.” He nodded “I do like me, some research.”

“Are there any pack diary’s from Gwendolyn or Madeline lying around for me to read?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t looking for those, if there are, they would be locked in the private library, one only Luna’s have access to.”

“Mothers private Luna’s library archives, you mean.”

“Yes.” Ethan nodded. “That is to say if Aretha or Gwendolyn are from our pack. I don’t recall the names of our previous Luna’s being either of those.”

“You might want to have Jay-la’s b***d tested Nathan.” Jackson sighed.

Nathan agreed with him, he was going to have to ask her, likely have to explain this to her “Better let her read this as well.” He murmured.

“Yes.”

“I think I need a meeting with Vera and Jodi along with both my parents. If Jay-la is in this state, she is not in good way.”

“Kora won’t be either.” Jackson sighed “Could explain the size of her now, and the way they react to you.”

“It could do.” Nathan nodded, if this was her current state, then he was the one responsible for it as well. “T’ll talk to her.”

“will she listen?” Jackson asked him quietly.

“I don’t know, it’s just a b***d test though, that’s all I’ll be asking for, I think leave this out of it until we get the results, I don’t need her freaking out.”

“Now how are you going to get her to do that test? Kora would know if they were ill or had a disease of some sort.”

“That is a bloody good question, I’ll have to think on that.”

“We all can.” Jackson nodded.