The Four Beta Brothers
Chapter 136

JUNIPER

Nathan tried to sit up, but he instantly found resistance from the bindings around his wrists. "What's going on?" He was groggy and a little out of it still. "Untie him," I said, already pulling at the restraint on the hand that was closest to me.

Ethan was the first one to approach. "Nathan, is that really you? Are you back?"

Nathan paused. He looked at all of the people in the room, as if taking them all in for the first time. His eyes were wide as everything sank in. "That wasn't some terrible nightmare, was it?" He looked at me, and his hand shook. "I actually... I tried to hurt you, didn't 1?"

My heart raced as I stared at the man strapped to the bed. I didn't know what to say. I could still feel his fingers wrapped around my neck, and the thought made my heart race. I could feel that this was the Nathan I knew through the bond, but I hesitated as the memory of being choked haunted me.

Axel pushed past Ethan and started undoing Nathan's restraints. "This is the real Nathan. I have no doubt about that."

I shook myself out of my daze and started undoing the restraint on my side. I paused when Remy spoke.

"Let me just check something quickly," Remy said. She turned to Nathan, "With your permission, I would like to do a quick examination. You had a spell placed on you, and I just broke it. I just want to make sure the spell placed on you is truly gone." Nathan looked at me, as if to ask if he should agree.

"Remy can be trusted. She's the one who helped me get my memories back," I explained.

Nathan swallowed hard and looked back at the sorcerer. "You have my permission."

Remy placed her hand on Nathan's forehead, and her hand glowed with the familiar warmth that showed she was using her magic. It was over quickly, and she smiled as she took her hand away. "As far as I can see, the curse is broken, and you are the real Nathan." I walked into Nathan's room with a plate of food and a glass of water, but he wasn't on the bed, like I had expected. It had been a few hours since the spell was broken and I thought it was time he should try to eat a little. I set the try on the dresser and took a slow inhale. Nathan's scent was nearby, and I followed it to a little balcony connected to his room. I opened the glass-paned door and found Nathan looking out at the backyard.

"Hey," I said, knocking on the door to announce my presence.

Nathan glanced at me. His face didn't brighten at the sight of me, like I had expected. Instead, his expression was stoic. Through the mate bond, I felt a heavy weight on his thoughts. "Hey," he said. He returned to his gazing, leaning his forearms on the railing.

I followed his actions, leaving little space between us. I felt his warmth brush my skin, but we weren't quite touching. I waited for a few minutes to see if Nathan would bring up whatever was on his mind, but the silence spun between us, only making the tension increase. "Is everything okay?"

"Are you sure you want to be around me?"

We said at the same time. We both quickly shut our mouths to let the other speak, but the silence grew again. I thought everything would be easy after Nathan was back to his old self, but everything felt tense. "What do you mean?" I asked after it became clear Nathan wasn't going to be the first to speak this time.

Nathan looked down at his hands and stretched his fingers. "I...I remember what I did to you. I remember wrapping my fingers around your neck and forcing you to kiss me. I could feel your terror and how much you hated me touching you, but I didn't care." His fingers curled into fists. "I don't deserve you after what I did, and you shouldn't want to be around me."

I licked my lips, remembering the moment Nathan had described. It haunted me for days after. Even now, the memory made me want to slink away from Nathan. However, I moved closer to him, so our arms brushed against each other.

"The person who did those things to me isn't here. The man standing next to me would never hurt me," I said. Even though there were seeds of lingering fear, I also felt the undeniable pull towards Nathan, and I knew this version of my mate would never try to hurt me like that.

"But I did hurt you," Nathan said. He took a step back from the railing. His face was filled with the horror of his actions. "And I wanted to, too. I didn't fight against it."

"That wasn't you." I felt Nathan pulling away, and it made me panic. He was finally back, but he had to still live through the horrors of what he did while he was under the spell. I was sure there was more than I was aware of too.

"It was, in a way. I know you and the others say I was under some kind of spell, but it wasn't as simple as that. Whatever that sorceress did only amplified my emotions. I felt betrayed when you chose Asher over me. I've been furious and jealous of my brothers for years. If I hadn't felt those emotions, then she wouldn't have been able to use them against me. I would've never said those awful things to you."

Nathan's body shook. I reached for him, but he pulled his hand away from me. He didn't want to touch me. He was afraid of hurting me again. My chest ached for my mate. I wanted to erase his pain, like none of those horrible things had happened to him, but that was impossible. It was something he would have to work through and overcome with time.

I just wanted to be by his side to support him every step of the way.

"Nathan, it's normal to feel jealousy and anger. The most important thing is how you react to your own emotions. You have never hurt me before, and I know you won't hurt me now. The only reason you did those things was because a spell was placed on you." I reached for his hand again, not stopping until it was in mine. "I know who you are, and you're not the person your father made you become."

Nathan took a deep breath. "I'm not so sure who I am anymore. I don't think I can go back to the person I used to be before all of this."

"Nor should you try. We are constantly growing and changing as people. I'm not the same person I was when I met you at CUW," I said.

"I know, but this is different." Nathan lifted his hands up, and his face twisted. "I never thought I'd be capable of using these hands to hurt someone I love."

"Those weren't your hands, because the person who hurt me wasn't you. It was someone else using your body." I took his hands and pressed them against my mouth, leaving small kisses behind. "These are your hands, and these hands would never hurt me." Nathan pulled away, putting several feet behind us. "I don't trust myself, Juniper. When I look at my hands, I see the ones that strangled you and left bruises behind. I know you don't blame me for what happened, and maybe you're right. However, how do I know that the spell is really gone? What if it's just a temporary fix, and that other version comes back and hurts you again? I would never forgive myself."

Nathan's distance made me feel uneasy. "Remy says the spell is gone, and I trust her. I also trust you." "Why?" Nathan asked.

My chest clenched as I looked at Nathan. There was something he wasn't telling me. "Because you're my mate."

"I was your mate when I hurt you, too."

I closed the distance between Nathan and me again. "I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. The things done to you were horrible, and I know this can't be easy, but I trust you, and I plan to be by your side every step of the way until you feel like the person I know you are. Nathan, I love and trust you, and I refuse to let you go through this alone."

Nathan pulled away from me again, and my heart cracked with each step he took. It felt like he was slipping through my fingers, and I didn't know what to do. "That's just it. I don't think I should be around you until I can trust myself again."

My entire body froze. I didn't like where this was going. "What are you saying?"

Nathan ran his fingers through his hair. "I've been thinking about this since I woke up. I think I should transfer schools. Pretty much any werewolf college will take me, since they'll want me on their football team. I can use that time to learn who I am and make sure I never hurt you again."

"You want to leave?" I said, barely able to breathe. I had just gotten Nathan back, but now he was ready to just take time apart.

"I don't want to, but I think it'll be for the best." He refused to look at me.

"If you don't want to, then don't. It's as simple as that," I said.

"It's not that easy."

"Why not?" I asked, my voice cracking. I knew where he was coming from. If I had been in his shoes and hurt him or one of his brothers instead, I wasn't sure how I would deal with something like that. However, I wasn't about to lose Nathan again without a fight. "Because I saw the terror in your eyes when my hands were around your neck!" Nathan snapped, finally looking at me. His eyes glistened in the light of day. "I was completely aware of each day you didn't come to visit me when I was strapped to that bed because you were scared of me. I don't blame you either. I don't know why you even bothered to save me after what I did."

I couldn't stand the distance between us for another second. I grabbed his face and made him look into my eyes. "Do I look scared of you right now?"

"No."

"That's because there's nothing to be afraid of. Nathan, I know this is hard, but I want to be by your side through this. I will be by your side throughout it. I know the urge to run. I have run away from the things that have scared me my entire life, but I'm done running. I don't feel like I have to do that anymore, because I have Ethan, Asher, Axel, and you. So you can run to a different school if you want, but I'll chase after you. I just got you back, and I'm not about to let you go again." "Juniper," Nathan whispered, but he choked on his words, unable to say anything else.

"I'm here for whatever you need. If you need someone to tell you who you are, I will spend hours telling you every little thing you need to hear. If you need someone to hold you, then I'm here for you. If you need space, I'll go to the other room, but I won't let you leave me to run off to another school. I love you, Nathan, and I'll tell you that over and over again until you can learn to love yourself again."

The tension in Nathan's body fell away. "I'm so sorry, Juniper. I'm so, so sorry I ever hurt you."

"I forgive you," I said, knowing that was what he needed to hear. "And I hope you can forgive yourself one day."

Nathan squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't deserve you."

"That's not true. You deserve to be happy, just as much as anyone else. I just hope I can make you happy," I said.

"You do. You being here makes me happy. It's me who's the problem. All I want to do is hold you and kiss you and never let go, but I'm terrified of myself." He opened his eyes, and the desperation in his eyes made my heart ache.

I just wanted to kiss his pain away.

I lifted onto my toes and pressed my mouth against his, and the heat in my core instantly started to rise. His hands moved to my hips, and he dug his fingers into my skin, getting lost in the moment. Almost instantaneously, he let go, as if afraid he might hurt me. I pulled him closer and looked up at him. "Don't stop," I whispered. "Please."

This was enough to ease his fears. He closed the gap between us again, and I knew there was almost nothing that would stop him this time.