The Four Beta Brothers
Chapter 47

JUNIPER

I held onto Axel's waist as he drove through the streets, weaving in and out of traffic. The chilly wind brushed against my neck, and I wished I had a heavier jacket to combat the cold.

Axel continued down a road that hardly had any cars on it. It was a single lane highway on either side, and pine trees towered over us on either side of the street. I had taken this route a handful of times during the summer with Moira and her friends. If we continued on this path, we would end up at a large lake.

It was too cold to swim in the lake any time that wasn't summer, and even that was questionable. It was at least an hour away from the school, but I didn't mind the time it took. It was the weekend, and I had nothing else going on for the rest of the day, and the last thing I wanted was to go back to the school where Asher could find me.

Between the rushing wind and the roaring engine, it was impossible to converse on the motorcycle. I was grateful for the silence, because it allowed me to process what had just happened.

Before I had seen Asher, I was leaning towards talking to him and working things out. I cared about him deeply and possibly even loved him, and the thought of losing him had been more than I could bear. Then he started accusing me of sleeping with Ethan. Within twenty-four hours, he accused me of sleeping with two of his brothers, and I couldn't see a scenario where I stayed with him and he never accused me of that sort of thing again. As long as he knew I had a connection with his brothers, he would never fully trust me, and I would end up miserable every time his jealousy got the best of him.

I went over every conversation with Asher, searching for any signs of this side of him. He had been so caring and supportive, and I trusted him when he said he wouldn't hurt me. I should've known better. After the way he got mad when he found out from Nathan that Moira's friends attacked me, I should've known there was another side to him. He accused me of keeping secrets then, and now I wondered if he ever really trusted me.

I believed whole-heartedly that Asher loved me, and he was the sweet, caring person I came to know. However, I also believed that his jealousy was a monster that would tear me apart if I let it.

Axel slowed down his motorcycle as we approached the lake. He turned before the lake entrance, taking us on a path I had never gone on. The road he turned on wasn't paved, and even though he took the road slowly, the motorcycle bumped up and down. I squeezed Axel's chest until my arms ached, terrified of falling off.

I felt his chuckle, even though I couldn't hear it. I wanted to slap him for laughing at my fear, but I didn't want to risk letting go with even one hand.

The path we took had a steep incline and weaved back and forth. Axel finally stopped when we reached a plateau. He killed the engine and then helped me off the motorcycle. He led me over to the edge of the plateau where a rusted metal railing had been installed ages ago. Below the edge, there was a perfect view of the lake. The water was bright blue, reminiscent of all of the Burrell brother's eyes, depending on what part of the lake I was looking at.

The shore was crystal blue, just like Nathan's eyes, but the middle of the lake where the water reached unknown depths was like Ethan's eyes. The side of the lake reflected the color of the green pine trees that mixed with the blue of the water, creating the stormy blue I saw in Axel. Then there was a spot at the far end where fishing boats were set up. The water wasn't as deep, shimmering just like Asher's eyes.

My heart lurched thinking about him. Even though I tried to convince myself that I was better off without him, my eyes welled with tears, knowing it was over between the two of us.

Axel cupped my face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "You can cry if you want. You don't have to hold back. I can even turn around and plug my ears if you want, but I won't judge."

I chuckled, thinking about Axel plugging his ears as I sobbed. I sniffled and forced the tears back. I was worried that if I let myself really cry, it wouldn't stop.

I sobbed for weeks on end when my parents died, and that time was a blur. I didn't want that to happen again, especially not over a boyfriend I had only been dating for a short while.

"I just don't understand what happened," I said, causing more tears to pour from my eyes. "Asher claimed he loved me, but he was so quick to accuse me of cheating. I don't think he ever trusted me, but if that's true, why did he want to date me?"

Axel pulled me into his chest and held me closely, making me feel like nothing could hurt me while he was around. "I know this probably doesn't help, but I don't think it was ever about not trusting you. Asher is a good guy, but he has always been in second place to Ethan, no matter how hard he worked. He has never felt good enough, so it scared him when he saw us getting closer."

"That doesn't make it okay for him to do what he did. He just burst into Ethan's apartment and said that Moira's rumors were probably true, and I just used him and then jumped into bed with Ethan the second I could." I was practically sobbing now, and my tears and snot stained Axel's shirt. If he noticed, he didn't seem to care.

"He said that?" Axel's voice raised with surprise and a hint of anger.

I nodded. "He saw me in Ethan's shirt and lost it. He didn't even give me a chance to explain."

"Then he's a complete i***t. He should know that you're not that type of person. He should know that better than any of us." His entire body tensed as he held me closely. He stroked my hair trying to soothe me as quiet sobs continued to escape my lips.

"I just don't understand. He said he would never hurt me, and his words hurt more than anything Moira ever did to me. I just feel like I messed up and did nothing wrong all at the same time, and I feel like it's all my fault. Asher is such a good person, and I keep wondering if I had just told him what happened between us sooner, it wouldn't have turned out like this."

Axel pulled back and made me look at that. "None of that, got it? You didn't do anything wrong. Maybe we should've told Asher about us sooner, but it's not like we did anything behind his back. And even if we had told him, there's no way of knowing that he wouldn't have reacted the same way. What I do know is what he said to you was uncalled for. Asher might be a good person, but even the best people can make the worst mistakes."

"I don't know if I can forgive him for the things he said," I said, my heart aching. I was angry and sad, feeling guilty and frustrated, in pain and confused. I didn't regret breaking up with Asher, but it didn't make it any easier.

"Then don't. Asher might be a good guy who made a mistake, but you are the sun and moon and all of the stars in between. You are light and joy and laughter. You are the best person I know, and you don't have to settle for someone who doesn't treat you right." Axel smiled at me, but his eyes held pain and concern. He saw my pain, and all he wanted to do was make me feel better.

He didn't hesitate when I asked him to take me away from Asher. He encouraged me to stand up for myself. He was there over and over again when I needed him most. He made me laugh and feel beautiful all at once. And even as he admitted to wanting me to choose him, he still told me to choose his brother, because he wanted to put my happiness first.

All of this time, I thought Asher was the one I wanted to be with because he was sweet and caring, and he made me feel safe, but I wanted so much more than that. I wanted someone who saw me for who I was and didn't judge. I wanted someone who wanted me to be happy, even at his own expense.

I wanted someone just like Axel.

I didn't understand why it took Asher treating me so terribly to realize that Axel was the better choice. Even now, he didn't disparage Asher. He still called his brother a good guy who made a mistake, but he didn't push me to get back together with Asher, either. I couldn't hold back anymore. I threw my arms around Axel's neck and pressed my lips against his. At first, he froze, unsure of how to respond. It didn't take long for him to kiss me back, though.

His hands grabbed my hips and pulled me flushed against him. He shoved his tongue in my mouth, desperate for every taste of me. His hands were rough and electrifying, and it only made me want more. I wanted to dive into him and have him touch every part of

me.

Our tongues danced together, and my entire body flushed with desire. I reached for Axel's pants, desperate to unbutton them. This seemed to shock Axel back into reality, and he pulled away from me, grabbing my hands to stop me. "J.J. I can't. Not like this."