The Four Beta Brothers
Chapter 58

JUNIPER

I pushed the door to Ethan's bedroom open, and I was surprised to see Nathan sitting next to the bed, watching Axel carefully. Despite the consistent animosity he showed towards Axel, it was clear that, deep down, Nathan still cared about his older brother. I closed the door behind me slowly and stayed by the door, not wanting to intrude on Nathan's space.

He glanced over his shoulder, and when he saw me, his muscles seemed to melt. "It's weird seeing Axel like this. He's normally so rash. He's always been so headstrong, so to see him so hurt..." His voice tightened, and he shook his head, sighing. I leaned against the door for support. I was worn out from the day, but there was no other place to sit. "It's not easy seeing the people you love hurt."

"I don't-" Nathan cut himself off. "I...I've been angry with him for so long. I thought I'd be better off without him. I thought we all would be, especially you, but he jumped in front of a bullet for you. Literally. I'm wondering if I got things wrong all of this time." It was strange to see how vulnerable the brothers were becoming because of Axel's injury. It was like it shocked them, reminding them that they could lose Axel just like they lost James. They were opening up like flowers, and it was beautiful. "What did he do that made you this angry for this long?" I asked. I had noticed the tension between Nathan and Axel for a long time, but I didn't know how to approach it. It never felt like my business to stick my nose into it before.

"I thought he didn't care about all of us. When our mother died, he locked himself inside of his room for weeks. He refused to go to the funeral, and he refused to talk to us. I begged him to come out of his room. I needed my older brother-I needed all of my older brothers. When he refused to talk to me, I thought he hated me."

"How old were you when your mother passed?" None of the Burrell brothers ever talked about their mother, so I didn't realize she had passed away.

"I was six at the time. Axell and Asher were nine."

That was only a year after I lost my memory, if that. Only a year after James was killed. "You were so young. You all were. Not everyone deals with grief the same way."

Nathan didn't respond right away. He looked at Axel, as if he needed to make sure his brother was still breathing. "It wasn't just that. When he finally did come out of his room, he was different. He didn't play with me anymore. He was either locked in his room or by himself almost all of the time. He ignored everything our father asked of him, sometimes even going out of his way to do the opposite of what he asked. He was constantly fighting with our father. I didn't recognize him anymore, and one day I gave up, realizing he didn't care about me the way I cared about him."

"You all lost so much in such a short time." First James, then me, then their mother all within a year. It was too much for any child. My parents' death was the worst pain I could remember, and I couldn't imagine adding to that.

Nathan stood up and looked at me. "You know, don't you? You know about James."

I gave a curt nod, hoping he didn't ask for details or want to talk about it in depth.

"Is that why you and Axel were at that lake?" He took a step closer, and his hands shook, waiting for the answer. He was looking for the reason this all happened, but I wasn't sure there was one reason.

"No. Axel took me to the lake because I broke up with Asher, and I needed to get away."

Nathan's eyes widened, and his jaw fell open. His mouth opened and closed several times with no words coming out, making him look like a shocked guppy.

"I... I heard what happened at the dance-well, at least what others were saying. I didn't think you'd break up with Asher over it."

"It was more than just that incident, but I'd prefer not to talk about it, if that's okay. It's been a long couple of days, and I'm all talked out." I sucked my lower lip into my mouth and bit into it. I wanted to think about something other than what happened between Asher and me. While it still hurt, it felt insignificant compared to Axel getting shot.

Nathan closed the distance between us and pulled me against his chest. This was the second hug between us, and it made me wonder if I had imagined him avoiding me before.

"Of course that's okay. Whatever the reason was, I'm sorry you're going through that." Nathan pressed my head against his chest and stroked my hair. He was the tallest out of all of the Burrell brothers, and where my head landed against his chest made that obvious.

After a moment, I pulled back and strained my neck to look at him. "Nathan?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been mad at me because I was dating Asher?"

Nathan's arms fell to his sides. "I'm not surprised you think that." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Mad? No. Jealous, sad, lonely? Yes. I understood why you wanted to date him. I thought that he would be..." He shook his head. "No. I wasn't mad at you, but I needed space to get over my feelings."

"Is that why you took Moira to Homecoming?" I asked, the memory stinging my heart like a scorpion. I never thought Nathan would stoop to such a low level, and I still didn't want to believe that.

Nathan's face fell even more. "I hoped you hadn't seen that."

"I'm not going to tell you who to date, but I will ask you to be careful. I'd hate to see you get hurt by Moira," I said. After rejecting Nathan, it didn't feel like I had a place to tell him what to do, but I knew what kind of person Moira was. There was a chance she was only going after Nathan to hurt me, but I never wanted to suggest that to him. It would only be an insult, even if it was true.

"No, no, no. You have it all wrong. I have no interest in dating a snake like her. She approached me, saying this nonsense about how we were meant to be together, because I was the wolfball star, and she was the head cheerleader. I was going to say no to her, because I knew she didn't truly care about me, but then I thought maybe I could get her to stop spreading rumors about you.

"I didn't take her because I had any interest in her. She was even making out with one of the wolfball players by the end of the night. Juny, I would never do that to you. You have to believe me. I know what she's done to you. Even if I was mad at you, I wouldn't date her."

I threw my arms around Nathan, which seemed to surprise him. "I'm so relieved. I was worried about you." "You were?"

"Of course. Just because I'm not in love with you, it doesn't mean I don't love you. I care about you like a brother, and I don't want to see you get hurt." As I spoke, I knew the passion bubbling out of me came from somewhere deep inside of me. I had always wanted to protect Nathan, and these feelings were nothing new.

"I'm so relieved to hear that," Nathan said. It looked like there was something else he wanted to say, but his eyes glazed over. When he came back to the moment, he frowned. "Ethan says he needs Asher and me right away for a meeting. Will you be okay here with Axel?"

"Yes." Part of me was curious about the meeting, but I didn't bother to ask to come. I knew I'd rather stay here with Axel, the man who risked his life to protect mine. I didn't want to leave his side until he woke up, and even then I wasn't sure if I could leave him. "If anything changes with Axel, call the doctor first, and then call us, okay?" Nathan said.

"I will. I'll make sure he's okay." It was the least I could do after what he had done for me.

Nathan kissed the top of my head and then hurried out of the room, leaving me alone with Axel.

***

I held Axel's hand and sat by his bed. His skin was unusually cold, and he was too still. I understood what Nathan meant when he said it was strange seeing Axel like this. When the two of us lay in bed together, he held me throughout the night. His presence was always there, even when he was unconscious.

I couldn't feel him the same way I was used to, and it scared me.

I cupped his hand with both of mine, hoping to bring some warmth back into his body.

"Please wake up," I whispered, wishing he'd squeeze my hand back. "Please."

I knew I couldn't handle the guilt of a second Burrell brother dying because of me. Even if Ethan said I was special and worth it, I didn't care. I wasn't worth the sacrifice of another life. On top of that, there was finally nothing in my way when it came to being with Axel. I wasn't ready to lose him when I hadn't really had a chance to be with him.

Time blurred as I waited for Axel to wake up. I counted every breath to remind myself he was still alive. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from spiraling. As long as Axel was still alive, I knew I'd be okay.

I knew others were coming in and out of the room. I heard the door open and close several times, but I barely registered when they spoke to me or when a cup of tea was placed in my hands. Food was even offered to me, but I couldn't eat. Not when Axel wasn't awake.

"Juniper, you really should try to eat something. Axel would want you to. Just a few bites. That's all I'm asking."

I took a few bites, and then I was left alone again.

At some point, I dozed off for a few minutes. I jolted awake the moment I realized I had fallen asleep. I didn't want to sleep in case Axel needed something. I wanted to be ready. I pried myself off the bed to look at Axel and count his breaths.

Axel's eyes fluttered open, and he returned the grip on my hand. "Hey there, beautiful."

"Axel," I gasped, tears of relief instantly filling my eyes.