The Mates of Monsters
Chapter 11

I stand stiff as each second feels like an hour. David waits for me to argue back, but I don't know what to say. I have nothing to do but stand here and hope that all the world falls away to finally find peace in nothingness. Then I don't have to be anyone. I'd have no

promises

to keep, no feelings to ignore, or dreams to conquer.

"I know," I breathe.

He stares at me as if begging the tears building in my eyes to stay there. "You don't have to, Brigette."

"I do. I have to."

David shakes his head and moves closer, and on instinct, I quickly move back. "Why do you have to?"

"I-I just do. It's late. I have to go back to my, um, the room."

"Is it because of your father?" He asks, thinking less before speaking. "You said he was always busy. He never had time for you."

I stop in my tracks and look at him. "Don't go any further. You're just going to make me angry."

"I am here, okay? I can be here every second of every day."

"Just don't-please."

David latches on to my upper arms as if I'm a child who won't listen. He looks into my eyes and says, "You want to see the world? We can go. We can go wherever you want."

My tears break free and fall down my cheeks, making me viciously wipe them away. "No. No, David. Don't."

"Tell me what you need. I'll do anything for you to quit this-this restraint."

I pull from his hold, breathing heavy. My lips part but close just as fast. There is nothing to tell him. I leave the kitchen and thankfully, David does not follow. My feet power up the steps and rush into my room. The tears continue their downpour as I frantically pack my things, but once my suitcases are covered with thrown fabrics, I collapse to the floor. I sob into my palms because he is willing to do anything, and I am a terrible, horrible person for hating it.

I am cold. I don't let people in. And what if I don't have a worthy reason why? What if my brain is just this way? I need to be guarded. I need to be safe because truly I am not cold. I am a scared little girl who knows nothing about being a mate and even less about being a Luna.

The pack is everything. The pack is one's family. And if I'm gone, I can't let them down.

I wake on the floor of my room.

Sunlight reflects off of the mirror mounted on the wall and sends its beam of light directly onto my face. I shield the harsh beam with my hand then push myself up. My limbs are sore from the wood flooring, and it takes me a few minutes to get to my feet.

I'm reminded of my breakdown by the piles of clothing and other belongings of mine having been tossed around the room. I wander to the bathroom then search for my phone. Eventually, I find it kicked under the bed, and the time reads 2:16 in the afternoon. There are also two messages from Jeremy. The first is to inform me that my self dense lesson with the Alpha has been pushed to a later date, and the second is to remind me of our meeting at three to discuss my role during Alpha Nicodra's visit.

I run a hand through my hair. I wonder what David is doing, what he's thinking. He probably canceled my lesson so he doesn't have to see me after our conversation of sorts last night.

I regret revealing so much. I was too vulnerable. I was an utter mess and let my inner conflicts get the best of me. That must not happen again. I have to stay in control.

Jeremy arrives right on time, and we have our meeting in the dining room. Above the large, wooden table is an antique-looking chandelier whose curling limbs and distracting sparkles entertain my eyes as Jeremy drones. With my chin in my hand, I listen as best I can. His words are at battle with my thoughts, and when it comes to thinking about David, my mate tends to stand victorious.

"There will be a formal discussion between the Alphas in a private setting that you are welcome to sit in on. If Alpha Nicodra's Luna speaks on behalf of their pack, do not feel pressured to speak as well. No one will expect you to be up-to-date on crucial information. You are there to support the Alpha, so simply sitting beside him and not falling asleep as you are now will suffice."

I turn my head to the side where Jeremy sits, shuffling through notes. "I'm not falling asleep. I'm listening, really."

"So will you be sitting in?"

I sit up straight against the back of the chair. "Should I? I mean, does David want me to?"

His eyes find mine. "I'm sure the Alpha will support whatever you choose."

"Maybe I'll ask him then. See what he thinks."

"There will also be a formal dinner on the second night that I recommend you attend. Little talk of business. All you have to do is show up looking nice and chew with your mouth closed." "That I can do," I say. "So what about this other Luna? Do I have to chat her up, make a friend? Should I be friends with other Lunas?"

Jeremy shrugs. "Couldn't hurt. If I remember correctly, she is only a few years older than you. You could invite her to have lunch one day; I hear Lunas tend to do so."

"Lunch? That sounds like something my mother would do."

"Well you can't invite her to go clubbing, can you? Most Lunas are refined women, Brigette."

"Thank you for understanding that I am not. Lunch it is."

"I'll pen it in for Saturday. The Alphas will be touring the borders then."

I lean forward suddenly. "Touring the borders? Should I be there for that?"

"Unless you want to run along Alphas, I suggest you stick to Lunch."

"Run?"

Jeremy sighs. "To walk the borders would take too long, so they run, shifted. Unless you have Alpha blood to make your legs move as fast as theirs do, again, I suggest lunch."

I fall back. "What if I wanted to tour the borders?"

"Brigette, you know that I know everything, don't you? Don't think that the Alpha failed to warn me about your tendency to run off."

"Oh, well, of course he did. How else would he trust me to be alone with you?"

"Can we get back to the information now?" He asks but does not wait for an answer. "Good. This is a summary of the history between the Nicodra pack and the Amin pack." He slides a sheet of paper covered in small words in front of me. "Read it." "That's a hell of a history," I mutter and pick up the paper.

"Front and back."

I flip the paper over to find just as many tiny words on the back. "They must have hated each other to have this much history." "Precisely. Which is why maintaining a good relationship between our packs is critical. We don't want to start another war." "War?" I blurt.

"I keep forgetting you come from a younger pack. But yes, in the old days, packs were at war."

"So just how old is the Amin pack?"

Jeremy finds my eyes again, and all he says is, "Old."

I place the paper down and ask, "Is this my only homework then?"

"You could ask the Alpha about our pack, you know. You should learn about its history as its Luna."

"Well, the Alpha is just so busy. I don't know if he wants to spend his time off telling me about history and whatnot."

"Pardon my questioning if I am crossing a boundary, but do you and the Alpha get along? It sounds like the two of you aren't so close-along with your running-off tendencies."

I swallow. "David and l-it's a little tricky, I guess. We aren't your average mates, you could say."

"And what are the average mates?"

"We don't do that whole lovey-dovey thing. What we have is-is like a work relationship."

Jeremy gives me a strange look. "You're kidding."

"Look, don't go blaming him for it. It's me. Obviously I'm the one with the issues. David is a good man, and I'm sure a good Alpha."

"But you, well, have running-off tendencies?"

"Exactly. He just got dealt an unlucky hand with me."

Jeremy asks, "You don't want to be his mate then?"

"It's not him. It's anyone. I just don't make a good mate. Really, I was trying to avoid the whole thing, but I couldn't get away in time. I was planning to leave my pack-travel on my own for a while." "But the bond-"

"I know," I cut him off. "It doesn't make things easy for either of us. I would sever it if I could, for him."

"You are stuck here then. Why don't you try to get along? You say you don't make a good mate, but how would you know unless you try?"

I roll my lips together and say, "Let's get back to the information."

After a few more things, Jeremy leaves me to my homework. I decide to read the long summary later in bed since I'll be up for a bit anyway. It will give me something else to think about besides David. With my free time now, I head to the kitchen where Helena is preparing dinner. She tells me about her family as I sit at the counter. When I offer to help, she waves me off and continues to talk.

I begin to notice a growing pain behind my right eye. At first, it is a dull pain that I can ignore, but as the sun sets and casts a yellow glare into the kitchen, the tension sharpens. Helena notices my wincing and nose-pinching, and eventually asks, "Is everything alright?" "I'm sorry, Helena. I have a headache. I haven't been sleeping very well the last few nights."

"You must rest," She concludes. "Go on. I'll put your supper in the fridge for later."

"No, no, not after you've been slaving away for me. And I'm hungry-I can't go to bed hungry. I can hang on until we finish dinner."

"I apologize, Brigette, but I can't stay tonight. The Alpha will be coming home early to eat with you, though. He can make your headache all better."

I murmur, "Of course he can."

"I will get you a warm cloth until he gets back," she says and scurries to the sink.