The Secret Island
CHAPTER 61: His Perfect Day

The Martin from that island in Italy that Celine remembered was a confident man. Martin from four years ago was cold, and his face rarely showed any expression, but she could tell that he was a proud man and knew that he was better than anyone he was talking to. He was also kind and polite at times. Those were the characters of the Martin in her memory. But this Martin, the man who asked her permission in everything, no matter if it was just holding hands or just having dinner together-he asked in a tone that already assumed she would say no-that was when she sensed something was not right.

"Celine, can I order red wine?" A small smile emerged on his handsome face. It was not the bright smile she once witnessed.

"You don't have to ask me all the time about something small like this, Martin."

"Right..." and he then ordered red wine from the drink menu.

Today he asked her out for dinner at a fancy restaurant near his place. Martin said he didn't know where else was suitable for a date except this place. He could think of only one place, the place where he came to eat every other day. He said at least he knew that the taste was up to his standard and good enough for me.

Now...everything felt both familiar and different.

He was here-he was sitting here in front of her, trying to make a random conversation. She could still feel his warmth. He was the same man that she felt she could trust. But the difference was there-something had changed within him, something that she couldn't understand, something happened in his past that he didn't tell and she chose not to ask until he was ready-that something... it changed him.

So that was what left us... things were the same... and felt different.

"What do you normally talk to your therapist about? I don't know if I could ask this, but if you don't feel comfortable telling me, it's fine."

Celine was the same impulsive person she always was. No matter how long the time had changed, she still asked whatever was on her mind. She wasn't sure if the question was appropriate, but all she knew was that it could illuminate some questions she had about his stage of mind or maybe what he was up to.

"Nah, I could talk about it. It is no big deal. I just talked to her before coming here...." He waved his hand dismissively. He was more relaxed from the wine he drank, and just right after he said it, he drank more from his glass. We were on a second bottle. Celine barely drank. Most of it was down by Martin. That was a new piece of information for her. Celine remembered that Martin was not a heavy drinker at all.

"This year, Gisele, my therapist, asked me to set a new life goal. You know, something I could look forward to, but I couldn't think of any. So, now I just live day by day without any goal. Just drift along the flow of life. It feels kind of empty, actually. The images I could visualize were all some dark empty space. And when I couldn't see the future like this, I sometimes think that I might not live that long...."

"Martin...don't say something like that." She warned him. She really didn't like someone saying bad omen like that. He was stressing her out. He was drowning in his thoughts. He held the wine glass and slowly swirled it, observing the liquid's ruby color.

"...but yesterday, after you kissed me, I started to imagine some sort of future." Martin didn't meet her eyes. He only stares into his wine glass. His cheeks were red from drinking. The alcohol influenced him to talk about his thoughts more honestly.

"Gisele asked me to imagine my life in the next 20 years. It is an awfully long time. 20 years! I don't possibly think I could live that long."

He chuckled and continued.

"She also asked me how I would describe a perfect moment. In the future, my perfect moment in the future. She wanted me to describe it to her in detail. As detailed as I could...."

"...last night...when I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it all, I could see myself... I was older. The day began as an ordinary day. I woke up early in the morning in some big house upcountry, you know, one of those houses with a big garden. I imagined it to be near the ocean...."

He paused his hand that was swirling the wine glass and suddenly looked into her eyes. Celine couldn't look away from his eyes. She saw sweet melancholy in those eyes-he was conveying his feelings to her.

"...when I woke up, I looked around, and you were there. You were lying next to me. You were the same sleepy kid I remember. Haha. No matter how hard I tried to wake you up, you just enjoyed your sleep way too much." Then he let out a genuine smile of joy.

Martin was absorbed in his thought. And he was so relaxed. He was happy to be thinking about that imagined world with her in it.

Again... this feeling again...

Her heart skipped a beat, and she couldn't take her eyes away from him.

"...so I kissed you... on your cheeks and on your lips. I remember you told me that if I don't do that, then you won't wake up. And when you woke up, you whined so much about me disturbing your sleep. So, I kissed you again. You were so difficult to deal with, but I just wanted to give you everything you demanded me for...."

After saying that, he smiled broader, that beautiful smile she hadn't seen in years, the smile he had only for her.

"Anything else happened?" Celine asked again after Martin was quiet for too long for comfort.

"Yes, yes, there was, hmm... and then we went outside of the house to see the sunrise. Oh, it was on a bench in our garden."

"... But then it also rained. How strange! Even on a perfect day, it rained, oh, and you were complaining about the rain... so, I told you that...."

This time he paused and laughed softly. Martin extended his hand to touch her, and he told her as he probably told the woman in his imagination the day earlier.

"Celine. Honey, it's okay. It's okay that it rains because I see you as the sun, the light of my life... so... it's alright, you know. There is nothing bad about the rain. Raining is not bad at all."

Martin was laughing at his own sweet words, slightly embarrassed. It was her that felt the lump in her throat, and her tears welled up.

"...and then something magical happened. It was the best part of the perfect day, you know, the best part of all because you turned in my direction and smiled. You smiled at me. It was such a sweet smile. And only for me." "Yes, just like that, the smile that was meant only for me." He said that as she was smiling at him.

I don't know what to say... Martin....

"If I sound like a mad delusional man, don't blame me. But yes, that was my perfect moment."

****

Martin was usually quiet, and the fact that he was willing to share that much information was probably because he was drunk. And it was as she expected. Because it was her that helped get him home, his arm was around her shoulder and everything. He was weak from the lack of sleep, and that made him susceptible to the influence of alcohol. The right decision we made was to have dinner at a restaurant near his place. Otherwise, she might need to call her friends to help carry him home.

She got him into his room and his bed. Martin was so ready for a good sleep. He could barely open his eyes. The sleepy man in front of her was so adorable that she couldn't help herself to kiss him one more time to wish him good night. He smiled at her and didn't say anything.

"Why do you just let me kiss you first these days?" She asked in a nonserious tone. It was weird for her. He let her kiss him first for the second time.

"I fear you might reject me...." He blurted that out, looking in distress when he said. He chose to close his eyes to avoid eye contact.

Once Celine heard that, she instantly understood what was going on. Sure, this was it. This was the reason he kept asking her permission to do everything.

"What if I would never reject you? What would you do?" She sat at the edge of the bed and asked. His sweet words from earlier had some effect on her. She wanted him to return to being the confident man he was. She wanted him to be able to visualize the future, the brighter future, and feel content with life.

"If that is so, I have something to ask of you." He opened his eyes to look at her. His expression was soft. He was hopeful.

"Then say it...."

The whole room was so quiet that Celine could hear her heartbeat. It beat faster in anticipation of his plea. And once she heard it, she couldn't help herself but smile.

"Can you sleep here tonight? I don't want to have nightmares again."