Trick Shot: A Spicy Christmas Novella (Brother Puckers Book 1)
Trick Shot: Chapter 18

I sip eggnog spiked with Okolehao that one of my cousins sent me by the fire, the thick sugary drink feeling like tar on my tongue. Usually I savor this drink, as it’s part of the Christmas Day traditions I’ve created for myself since moving to the mainland, but not tonight. Instead, I have the urge to throw it into the crackling flames.

After what went down this morning, and Riley left without a goodbye, Leo decided to leave for Seattle tomorrow and went for “a walk to think” hours ago and hasn’t returned. If he hadn’t texted that he was fine, I would’ve thought he had frozen to death. I, on the other hand, cancelled my plans with some of our friends in the city and wallowed. I didn’t even eat the Laulau I special ordered—I didn’t really eat anything, for that matter.

My stomach aches as I look up at the ceiling, imagining Riley in a plane flying overhead. I still can’t believe flights went out today, but I guess Christmas still had a little magic left to give our girl—no, Riley.

I breathe out a dramatic sigh, the moment everything went wrong replaying in my mind. It was idiotic in the first place to not tell her the truth. She thought she was having sex with me and Lucas, not Leo. She put her trust in us, we even asked for her trust, yet we were lying the whole time. I let my hormones and overwhelming attraction to her cloud my judgement. We even went bare, for fuck’s sake. If I was her, I would be mad too. She had every right to walk out on us the way she did. And if I’m being realistic, she doesn’t owe us anything. We just met.

So despite the Riley-shaped hole that now resides in my heart, I have to come back to reality. Riley is an experience I’ll never forget—that we’ll never forget. I need to stop pretending like we live in some fairytale where you meet someone and everything just works out. That’s not how life works. Leo and I have been together for years, and yet we can’t even call ourselves partners or boyfriends. The urge to throw my glass in the fire grows stronger, but I resist.

As I’m about to call it a night and try to get some sleep, the door opens and Leo walks in. He’s wrapped in his designer bomber jacket and a thick scarf, his cheeks pink from the cold and dark hair tousled from the wind. Despite how pissed I am at him, I can’t deny that all I want to do is apologize for what was said earlier and hold him. I’d like to spend the last part of Christmas pretending like this morning ended on a good note instead of a horrible dumpster fire.

I look back at the dancing flames and close my eyes, willing myself to stay in my seat. If he wants to talk, he’ll come to me. That’s how Leo has always worked. If it wasn’t clear by his reaction to our argument this morning, he’s not good at expressing his feelings or dealing with whatever is going on in his head. That’s why I never push.

But after what went down last night, and what Riley said to us, I couldn’t not say something. Leo needed to hear my feelings vocalized by me. Was I sad that he walked away? Yes. But I also expected it. At least he’s here now and didn’t fly to an island somewhere to avoid everything.

As I wait to see what he chooses, I listen to him take off his coat and boots before heading to the kitchen. His footsteps sound heavier than usual, almost like he’s dragging his feet across the wood floors. When the coffee machine whirs to life, I know he’s going to talk. He wouldn’t drink caffeine after seven unless he needs to be awake and alert.

After a few more drawn out minutes that feel like torture, he surprises me by taking a seat on the cushion next to me. I can’t help the comfort I feel when our thighs touch.

We don’t immediately say anything; instead, we watch the flames of the fire and sip our drinks. Eventually, the sound of his cup meeting the coffee table has me turning my gaze. His blue eyes are dull with sadness and slightly bloodshot.

My chest tightens. “Were you walking this whole time? You’ve been out all day,” I say with worry.

He shakes his head. “I went to the movie theater and paid for whatever was playing. I have no idea what I watched. Then I walked through Central Park until it was dark and then up and down some streets until I couldn’t feel my face.”

I stroke my free hand through my beard and let his words settle over me. “You’re really torn up about this, aren’t you?” I ask after a minute.

He blinks at me like that should be obvious, even though I honestly wasn’t sure, given he didn’t fight for Riley—or me—earlier. A fact that I can’t forget but also understand. “And you aren’t?” he asks.

A tense breath leaves my lips, and I set my near-empty glass down. “You know I am. But I spent the entire day alone thinking about the last twenty-four hours. Last night was…honestly, there are no words. But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder if maybe we took it too far.”

He looks at me as if I just told him the sky is blue. “Of course we did. But it was my fault, Jace. Not yours.”

I shake my head. “No, not that.”

“Then what?” he asks curiously.

“We brought Riley into a world that was entirely new to her. On Christmas Eve no less, and after she had a terrible day. I think we all got caught up in the moment and the magic of it all. It was spontaneous and new and fun. She’s also funny and beautiful. It was a perfect night. But maybe that’s all it was. All it was meant to be. I think we need to let her go and work on our own shit, Leo. She doesn’t deserve to be involved in our bullshit. She’s too good for that.”

Leo shakes his head like he’s disagreeing with me. Then he leans forward and places his hand over my heart. “Is that how you feel here, Jace?”

I look at him in astonishment. He’s the last person who would ever tell someone to follow their heart. Dick? Yes. Heart? Absolutely not. Especially after how our conversation ended this morning.

“Did something happen to you while you were walking that I should know about? Maybe you were visited by the Ghosts of Christmas?”

The corners of his lips turn up. “No visits to see Tiny Tim, I’m afraid. But I did realize something.”

I place my hand over the one he has on my chest. “And what’s that?”

“That I’ve been a total asshole. A total fucking oblivious and selfish asshole.”

I think I stop breathing. “Can you repeat that? I’m not sure I heard you.”

He clucks his tongue. “Dick, don’t make me say it twice.”

I squeeze his hand, not quite believing he’s about to have the conversation I think he’s about to have with me.

“And what have you been oblivious and selfish about?” I ask cautiously.

He sighs tiredly. “You’re really going to make me go deep, aren’t you?”

I wink. “You know I like deep.”

He barks out a laugh. “Only you would crack a joke right now.”

“And maybe one other person with a banging body and strawberry-blonde hair?” I dare to say.

A wistful expression colors his features. “You’re not wrong there.”

I place our hands on his thigh, running my thumb across his knuckles. “Tell me, Leo. I want to hear whatever you have to say.”

He stares at our joined hands, studying the veins and skin until he exhales a shaky breath. “I’ve been oblivious about what you really mean to me, Jace. Yesterday morning, I woke up thinking everything we had was exactly how it was meant to be. For the last few years we work, travel, sometimes we don’t see each other for weeks but when I come home you’re always here, and when I leave you’re often still here,” he teases.

I shrug. “What? You have a better place. More amenities.”

He pinches my thigh with his free hand and I swat him away. “I’m trying to be serious here!”

“I know, I am being serious. Now go on.”

He rolls his eyes again, but I know it’s helping that I’ve lightened the mood. This is big for him, and I want him to feel comfortable. “I’ve based our unique relationship status on the detail that we’re both commitment-phobes, when really I think I’ve avoided calling you my boyfriend because I didn’t think I could do it.”

My body tenses. “What do you mean?”

He skims my knuckle for a beat before speaking. “My entire life, I’ve lived in Lucas’s shadow. He’s always been funnier, more charming, and got better grades. On top of that, I wasn’t straight like the world expected me to be. It was like the universe decided to pick him to have an easier life. The one thing I had that I was better at was hockey. So when I got injured sophomore year, and then Lucas got drafted, I finally accepted that the life I dreamed of since I played my first game of pee-wee just wasn’t in the cards for me.”

He turns our hands over and traces the lifeline on my palm. “That night I met you, it was the lowest I’ve felt. I knew my injury would never let me play at the level I needed to go pro, and I thought my life was over. Then you sat down next to me at that shitty bar that always took fake IDs. You knew my stats and you knew about my injury, and I thought you were a fucking creep. But then you said you were planning to be a sports agent and, well, you know how the rest of the story goes.”

“I might have been stalking you a little bit,” I blurt out.

Leo stares at me. “Really?”

I tell him what I’ve already known for so long. “I mean, can you blame me? If I’m being honest, I had a crush on you. I couldn’t really admit it to myself yet, but of course there was a bigger reason why I knew your career like the back of my hand.”

He nods, his lips turning up slightly like he already knew that.

“But what does this have to do with our relationship?” I ask.

He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing in nervousness. “When we talked about your desire to be an agent, and you mentioned how it could be an option for me, you gave me a pathway that night that allowed me to continue my love of hockey and the industry. Not only that, but you became my best friend and then more. Way more than that. I know it sounds stupid, but I loved hockey. In a way, it was the love of my life. It was my heart and my blood. It was what I was good at and I was never in Lucas’s shadow when I was on the ice. Then I lost it.”

My heart pounds in my chest at the connections I’m making as he speaks.

He continues, “I think over the years, you became my hockey. I know it sounds stupid because you can’t compare a human, especially you, to a game. And I know I tell you I love you, but admitting I love you that fucking much, with everything I have, it terrifies me.”

My heart feels like it’s in a chokehold. What he’s saying makes sense. After over ten years of knowing him, loving him, he’s never once given me any inclination that this is why he didn’t want to fully go all-in with me. He’s silent now, back to staring at our hands like maybe if he stares long enough, they’ll tell him something.

I reach over and take his face between my palms. His eyes are filled with fear, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this close to crying before.

“You don’t have to be terrified, baby. I’m not a hockey career or someone who overshadows you. I’m a man who’s in love with you. One who has always loved you. You’re not going to lose me, Leo.”

“Riley is wrong, Jace. I don’t deserve you.”

I shake my head and put my hands back in his. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. We both agreed to stay casual. We’ve both had our reasons to not shout to the world that we’re together and in an open relationship.”

“But the only reason you haven’t is because I pushed it on you,” he argues.

“No. You know my life, Leo. You know that most of my family doesn’t speak with me because of who I am. And you know the industry we’re in isn’t exactly all rainbows and pride parades unless it’s Pride Month. I’ve been scared too. It’s not just you.”

Everything I’m saying is the truth. I’ve played a part in our relationship being the way it is. I don’t talk about my immediate family much because I have people in my life who care about me more than they ever did. And I’m not scared of being bisexual or people knowing that I am anymore. But the life I lead, the clients Leo and I have, and the companies we work with, it’s easier to play the part of a straight and narrow man’s man most of the time. But I think it’s time to end that crap.

“I think we’ve both been idiots,” I continue. “And instead of trying to lay blame on why we’ve ended up here instead of happily ever fucking after, we need to decide what it is we want.”

Leo smiles slyly. “I know what I want.”

I bring my face closer to his so our lips are a breath away. “And what is it that you want?”

“To be with you. No more ‘together, not together’ shit. No more pretending that you and I are just ‘close buddies’ at the office. I want it all with you, Jace.”

A thrill runs through my entire being. Those are words I’ve always wanted to hear but shoved the possibility of down, time and time again. He runs his fingers through my beard, then traces my lips.

“But do you want to hear why I’ve been selfish?” He doesn’t give me time to answer. “When I met Riley last night and she thought I was Lucas, it was just a game at first. I took what I wanted and made you play along with my game. I didn’t allow myself to think too much of her feelings, or yours. I only thought of myself and how good it felt to pretend I was the man of her fantasy. Then by the time I wish I hadn’t, it was too late. Fuck, J. It was stupid. But at the same time, I can’t regret it.”

I lift a curious eyebrow at him. “And why’s that?”

“Because I can’t regret anything with Riley. Or anything that happened between the three of us. It was—”

“Fucking perfect,” I finish for him.

He nods. “Ever since she walked out this morning, it’s like there’s something missing.”

At Leo’s words, I rub the space in my chest that feels empty, and he watches with a pained face.

“How is that possible when we just met her, Jace?” he asks, his voice thick with emotion.

I brush some hair away from his eyes. “Love at first sight is a real thing, baby. I know because it’s happened to me once already.”

Leo’s eyes soften. “You’ve always been ahead of the game.”

“Talent,” I tease.

He shakes his head. “This makes things complicated, you know?”

“And when has life not been complicated?”

“True, but is this what you want?” he implores.

I think of Riley’s trusting pine green eyes and the way her soft body felt between us last night. How we moved in a symbiotic way that felt like we’d known each other for years. Of how she dropped to her knees for us this morning like it was natural and normal. I’ve been trying to convince myself all day that it was just one night and to get over it, but when I really let myself feel what it would be like to never see her again, or hear her musical voice, the hole in my chest grows exponentially. Is it crazy to want and need someone that much after less than a day? Yes. But I’ve never claimed to be sane.

“Riley is ours,” I say with conviction. Our girl.

Leo’s eyes light up, the mischievous glint that’s usually in them returning. “I think so, too,” he confirms.

I grip his hands. “She may not want us, Leo. You need to prepare yourself for that. We don’t exactly come without baggage or a lifestyle change.”

A dreamy look reflects in his blue eyes. “I think she’ll understand. I know she will,” he says.

Maybe something really did happen to him on that walk and he doesn’t remember. He’s usually not hopeful and optimistic. Especially when it comes to trusting people.

“You’re willing to go all in, Leo? Because if we ask her to come into our lives, all the random sex and group activities, it stops unless we all agree it’s something we want together.”

“I don’t want anyone else but you and her, Jace. If I didn’t know it this morning, I sure as hell knew it last night.” He takes my jaw between his fingers. “I told you once and I’ll tell you again and again until you believe me. I want it all with you, Jace.”

I blink at him. “I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality.”

This time he gives me the one-dimpled smile I fell in love with all those years ago.

“Maybe it’s just the magic of Christmas,” he says.

“Now I know I’m dreaming, Mr. Scrooge.”

He leans forward so our lips are barely a whisper away. “You’re not dreaming.”

When his mouth finally touches mine, our kiss is slow and tentative at first. It reminds me of the first time I ever kissed a man. It’s sweet and innocent, wholly unlike my usual kisses with Leo. He cups my cheek and slides his fingers through my beard, my body shivering at his touch.

Slowly, he coaxes my mouth open and his tongue slides in, tasting and exploring tenderly. I can’t help but feel like this kiss means more than any kiss we’ve ever had. It’s full of apologies and promises, but even better—love. When we pull back, everything is different, and yet nothing has changed.

“What do you say, J?” Leo breathes against my lips. “You, me, two seats to Seattle, and if we’re lucky, we’ll be back before New Year’s with a strawberry-blonde beauty in between us.”

“Did you already buy the tickets?” I ask.

He scoffs. “You think I’m an amateur?”

I pull him by the shirt and plant a solid kiss on his lips. “I’m all in, pretty boy. When do we leave?”