Wild West of the Heart
THIRTY-SEVEN

"You know he makes all these drastic plans when he falls in love" Mira said, looking at Ola through the rear view mirror. "Obi's someone who rarely falls in love but once he does, before you know it, he's way too into it. He's giving his all" She said. Ola hummed, looking out of the windows. He stared at the trees moving in reflex mirror.

They were on their way to the police station to file an official statement and he had this conversation with Mira to take his mind off how nervous he was.

"You know i teased him, that he's already meeting this new guy's family when it's only been how long" Mira said as DaSilva chuckled for a bit, his hands still around the steering wheel. "He's really in it you know?" Ola replied. "And i actually have a good feeling about this one"

"I know. I know" Mira interrupted. "I just don't want him getting hurt. Obi is, he's delicate" She added and Ola sucked his lips.

"I know Abdul. He's a good guy" He said.

"There are no good guys" Mira replied, but only as a joke. Or not. Ola couldn't tell. He got that she was just being overprotective of Obi.

"Minus me though, y'all stay safe" Silva said, sucking up the tension from the atmosphere and then there as a silence in the car after the chuckle.

Mira heaved a deep breath and looked again into the rear view mirror to Ola, in the backseat.

"You're a brave boy" She said. "And you're doing the right thing" She added, referring to the bold step he was about to take being a witness to Jazzlyn's murder.

He nodded, because she was right. But it didn't take away the fact that he was still nervous.

The last night, he'd racked his head of all the things he was going to say. But in that moment, he had nothing. Like he had slept it off. And all he could do was go back to that traumatizing night in his mind, and he had to do that without having a panic attack.

He had to reimagine stepping in front of that window that night, reimagining her screams. The shrill scream she let out, when life was taken from her. He had to go back to that night, that night where he wished he would have done something to save her.

Maybe if he dialed the emergency hotline or if he'd just ran out to her. Maybe he could have held her in his arms to give her a peaceful death, he could have sang, or just rocked her side to side.

Anything than the cold and vile way she was murdered, left in the pool of her own blood. And only later wrapped up with the surrounding flies.

"It's going to be okay" Mira cut through his overwhelming thoughts and he was whisked back into reality. Letting out a sigh, he just nodded. He knew this was the right decision-

-

but why didn't it feel like it?

"What are they doing now?" Obi asked again, as Aal and Saheed stood, walking towards a door that led into an unknown room. "They're going to sign the Nikah-Namah. It's a marriage contract which is signed by both of them" Obi nodded, looking at the two men that followed behind.

"Those are the witnesses" He added, looking at the direction of his eyes. "Don't worry we're almost done here. The reception's the main event" Abdul said, noticing he was no longer excited.

The Nikah was the longest of all the events, and who could blame him? Half the things that were said were in arabic which made it seem longer. But it was one of the things he'd do for Abdul.

He noticed Aaliyah though, and how beautiful she was. She and Abdul had a striking resemblance, like the shape of their noses. And their eyes.

She adjusted the burka around her head, and her ornaments. Her lavender gown dazzled under the chandelier lights above. And Saheed too, was not so bad. He was your average twenty four year old. Except you could tell he had money from afar.

He had a beard across his face, and his cologne instantly filled the hall the moment he stepped in. Even the ladies around had eyes on him, and whispered to themselves about how Aaliyah was the luckiest girl in the world. But she didn't see it that way.

She saw it in a way that she was forced into this major chapter of her life without being given any chance to make decisions. And it was going to continue that way, she'd get married and then they would expect her to have at least four kids. While Saheed would go on his trips round the country, she'd be trapped in the duplex, being a domestic housewife. Maybe fancy enough to be included in some book club or garden confraternity.

But no matter how exuberant that sounded, it wasn't just the life she'd envisioned for herself.

She wanted to live.

And she wanted Jamie. She wanted to explore the world with Jamie, not get caught up in all these fanciness like she was a possession to be sold.

Saheed hadn't even looked at her all day and the one time they actually had a conversation, was when they forced them in a room during the Pennukaanal and all they talked about was how he was doing this for his father, and how he still had the intention to marry another wife. And after they'd settled on the mehr which was a gift to her family, he told her he wanted five kids from her.

And he had picked out their names.

Amina, Aliya, Aisha, Amera and Zara. You could tell from his choices that he was a very precise man, a perfectionist with maybe a slight OCD. He was the type of person that made a mental checklist of the things he liked and didn't like in women. Made a list of things that made up an ideal wife, and Aaliyah had crossed a few of those.

But only a few.

She was decent, ambitious but not in a persuasive way. But in the sense that she had to settle. Saheed told her she must be respectful, she was.

And beautiful. The kind of beautiful that made other men turn around to stare when she was in his arms. The kind of beauty that made him proud she was his. And Aal was that kind of beautiful.

Obi had taken a liking to her, and he'd noticed how for once, she had not smiled. And although all the articles he'd read made it abundantly clear that arranged marriage wasn't essential forced, this one kind of felt that way. And not just for Aal. But for Saheed as well.

"Is she happy?" He asked Abdul who shrugged his shoulders. "I can't tell" He said, truthfully.

"But why can't she have the freedom to choose who and when she gets married?" He inquired, and Abdul chuckled at his naivety.

"It's tradition" He simply said. "You won't get it"

"Traditions from years ago?" Obi asked.

"Traditions never age. Come twenty years, it'll exactly be the same. The truth is, it isn't glorified. But some arranged marriages actually turn out well. You don't hear about those ones" Abdul said.

"And what about the rest?" Obi asked.

"The rest, they thrive" He turned to the door which closed behind his sister. "At what cost?" He asked, looking at Abdul. "Freedom?"

There was silence between them, as it appeared that Obi went too deep, delving into his religion and shedding lights between the cracks of age old traditions. But the silence was soon broken by his phone chiming quite loudly in the mosque. "Put that away" Khadijat urged, as he stood.

His eyes darted to the door as he hastily walked towards it. He certainly made some heads turn around as he moved between the aisles. It was when he got outside, he slid to answer Fiyin's call.

"How's it going?" She asked.

He placed the phone to his ear, heaving a deep sigh, it wasn't quite what he expected. "I don't know" He replied, and there was some truth in it.

"What's up with you?" He tried to change the subject. "Interesting question actually" Fiyin whispered, looking up into the tree above her. "I'm at the park"

"The park?" He echoed. "Yeah, i'm supposed to meet up with Deborah to go through some shit for literature class" She replied. "And that's what you're supposed to do with Abdul, not fucking meet his family" She scoffed. Actually, they both did.

"It's not that bad" He convinced. "Really. And besides, the reception would be better. It always is" "I know, i know" She whispered, letting just her feet bathe in the sunlight outside the shade.

"So how is it going with mystical Deborah?"

"She isn't all that bad actually. Not like how the school makes her out to be" Fiyin said. "Is she lesbian?" Obi asked, with the intention to gossip.

He slipped his feet back into his sandals by the door before he went across the road. It was serene, with only a few cars driving across the mosque. He walked to the bridge side of it, and looked over into the swampy waters. There was a stench for second, but it diffused the next. "No" Fiyin replied. "I don't know, that's a bit intrusive. Don't you think?" She rephrased.

"Not going to lie, it'll be pretty fun. Like an LGBT takeover in Hillway High" Obi fantasized about it for just a second. "This isn't the States Obi" Fiyin brought him back to reality and he just sighed.

"You could have just let me have that, for just a moment" He said, but there was a sound at the door of the mosque.

And simultaneously through the speakers. He turned around to see Abdul. "Got to go, Fiyin" He said, before he hung up as he drew closer.

He realized how maybe forward he might have been and as he rested against the railings of the bridge, he cleared his throat before muttering.

"I'm sorry Ab" He slipped the phone in his pocket.

The truth was, most people didn't like you questioning their religion or something they hold dear. Abdul might have seen the cracks, and he himself could tell his sister wasn't happy- -but it was tradition, and there was nothing he could do about it. "It's actually okay" He replied.

"Let's walk" He said, turning to face the roads.

"Aren't they still-" Obi pointed to the mosque, his voice above the imam's. "Nope. We're almost done. If we're fast enough we'd make it to the reception before them" Abdul tapped his feet. The birds chirped between them as Obi clung to the better edge of the bridge. And for a while, there was silence.

"So-" Obi started, with the intention to break it.

"When will they arrange a marriage for you as well?" He asked, and Abdul just looked aside. "Can we talk about another thing?" He didn't want to remember that in a few years, this would be his fate too. Fulfilling his mother's dream. He'd have his medical license by then, and court a young, decent muslim girl months later. The girl will be of Khadijat's choosing obviously. And the wedding plans she would oversee as well.

"I'm sorry?" He turned to Obi, but he just shook his head. "It's okay, i understand" He replied. "I understand not getting to just choose a partner and live happily with them. I understand i won't ever get that, you know?" Obi chuckled slightly. "What do you mean?" Abdul asked.

"As a queer teenager in Nigeria, i have to accept that it comes with a price. Not only do i have to stay hidden all my life, i might not get to experience love" He kicked sand with his sandals and Abdul looked to him. "You're queer?" He asked even though they'd discussed it over the phone. But that was a conversation with Neighborguy118. Never to Obi.

"You're not?" Obi threw a question back to him.

"I" He stuttered. "I don't know"

"You don't have to say anything. I get that" Obi looked around the silence roads. You could hear the sound of the waves coming from below as Ab cleared his throat. "No, i really don't know" "I feel like i have to conquer my identity before i truly know who i am" He added, and Obi paused.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"All my life, i've been sort of conflicted between who i was. It's like this unsettling feeling inside of me that why be one thing?" Abdul gestured with his arms as Obi watched him describe himself. "Why be labeled?" He asked, and Abdul's voice died down. He shook his head, not knowing what to say. "Yes, i think" He said. "I grew up knowing i was different" Obi could relate well to that.

"But growing up a Nigerian muslim, i didn't have the chances to explore. To find myself. I compare myself to my friends and there's just this difference. Then when i sixteen, i was going through the internet and i saw things like being bisexual and non binary and it just made sense"

"From primary one, i had this huge crush on Esther for six years, and then Bade. And then my first kiss was Angela. But then i met this guy, and we might have shared a drunken kiss the night of a party. And i felt something, i knew something, so i went on the internet and familiarized myself with words like being queer, because it just meant the possibilities were endless. I wasn't always drawn to one thing, or the physical appearances of one"

"Rather, what was on the inside" Abdul whispered, arching his brows and hoping Obi understood him. "Are you attracted to trans people?" He asked and Abdul shrugged his shoulders. That was quite specific and he knew where he was headed with that question.

Yet, all Abdul did was nod. "I might be. It's only recently i started exploring everything" He said.

"Yeah you mentioned that" Obi replied.

"Who was the guy?"

"What guy?" Abdul asked. "The guy with whom you had your sexual awakening" Obi danced, and Abdul punched him lightly. "No, Obi" He said.

"Come on" Obi persuaded, and Ab rolled his eyes.

"Guess" He said. "I can't do that" Obi hated that guess game. He just backed down. Abdul climbed up the edge of the bridge and wedged his arms in the air. The winds blew into his face.

"On the football team. The person you least expect. That's a clue" Obi looked to him. "The person i least expect" He echoed and then he gasped. "No" He shook his head, and Ab nodded.

"Ayo?"

"Before you say anything, it was a drunken kiss. And when the next day was when i got beat in the bathroom. That you were there" Abdul said and Obi gasped. "No way. Fucking homophobic jock Ayo" He burst out laughing and Abdul jumped on him, pushing him to the ground.

"I'm so sorry" He remembered that day and his burst lips but Ab shook his head. "No, i'm sorry. I was really in some bad place that i yelled at you" "It's fine, Abdul. It really is"

"Shit" He cussed. "I know this isn't the best first date" Abdul said and Obi rolled his eyes. "This isn't a date" He mumbled and Ab shrugged lightly.

"Sure" The sarcasm was evident in his tone.

"For all it's worth-" He said, between chuckles.

"His kissing game is whack" Abdul continued.

"Well, not to say i'm surprised. Word's spread round the school already" He tried to get off the floor but Abdul held him back. For a moment, his eyes met with the sun, and he looked away.

Abdul remained there, his arms out.

"Are you?" Obi asked. "Are you a good kisser?"

Abdul smirked, and turned his face away with some smug. "There's only one way to find out "

Obi withdrew from him, and embarrassingly walked away. "You're done" He pointed at him and it was then Abdul stood, trailing after him.

To be continued...