Wild West of the Heart
FIFTY FOUR

Fiyin hated monday mornings.

She hated everything, from mondays, to mornings to monday mornings that were the start of the semester. There was anguish in the air as she made her way into the hall of students. People—

She hated people, and words. And mondays. She also hated herself in that moment, she hated that she had to be here. She didn't have an iota of school spirit in her veins. She hated the white washed walls. And the color of the lockers. Damp, dull and rusty blue.

She hated the desks, and she hated mondays. She hated it so much that she could cry.

There might even have been a brave tear that made it to her eyes but she had to toughen up. She had to make it to her locker, head held high above the lots that wouldn't stop bragging about where they'd been for the christmas break, absolutely forgetting the foreshadowing event-

-the results of the mock were to be released that day. She felt a twist in her stomach, which unlike Obi weren't fucking butterflies. Neither was it her period or anything. She was sure it wasn't hunger because she had forced a slice of bread down her throat that morning. It might have been anxiety but it wasn't. There was something else in there.

She shook her head, slamming her hands into the lockers, loud enough that everyone quieted. There were a few murmurs as they gave way for her.

And Anna, her best friend was the only one brave enough to come the closest, analyzing her from head to toe. She looked horrid, like the mess she was. With bagged eyes, and smeared makeup.

A sweaty forehead and slippery palms and right then and there, she forced herself to breathe. She turned away, placing her head against the ugly lockers. She hated the attention.

She hated herself. God.

And as the whole crowd went about what they were doing, she was right there. And it took a second for her to suit back up after placing her book into it. She might have not been fine, but she was about to do a good job pretending to be. A good job lying that she was.

Like the majority of the days in her life.

It was then someone walked up to her, and it was not Obi, neither was it Ab nor Ola. It was a strange face, curly hair and freckles across his cheeks, all suited up in the school uniform.

He was new, one could tell. But Fiyin didn't entertain him for so long. She wasn't on her very best days, one could also tell.

"Hey" He said, with a smile and Fi just slammed the lockers against the hinges. She stared at him, just like Anna did her. "Don't you hate it here?" He asked, wording her exact thoughts but once he stretched out his hands, she looked past it. "I'm Nathaniel"

"Fuck off" Fiyin brushed past his shoulders.

-

It was the first day of school after the new year's.

And everyone was exhausted. A lot had changed since the last time any one of them had been here. And it wasn't just for Obi and Ab, who both stood by their lockers, peering into each other's ears.

"I heard you last night" Ab whispered, swinging his bags and closing the door shut. Obi had his, just beside and then Ola's was on the far right.

It was how it had always been.

"Shut up" Obi replied, not even bothering to look at him. There was a sly smile across his lips, but it was all before he made eye contact with none other than Ayo and that smile had vanished faster than his mother. "Look, i'm happy for you-" "And i don't even care who you are, you're my Obi. Nothing changes" He looked around nervously to make sure no one in this lousy hallway heard that shit.

Ab rolled his eyes before backing away a bit.

Now, they were not in the bedroom, they were in school and this thing between them could never get out. They both liked it anyway, the thrill that came with having a secret romance. A sneaky link.

But then it was always Obi that wanted more.

He couldn't deny the fact that he wanted to just grab his palms and rope Abdul in for a kiss. In a way that showed the world that he was his.

But alas, the most that could get was a mere fantasy. He huffed, refusing to give it much thought. He just wanted to see Ola after the very long break and Fiyin as well-

-after the cryptic message she'd sent last night.

"Except your pronouns?" Abdul bumped his arms softly. Obi shrugged off- "I really don't care. I could still identify as a he/him"

"He/they?" Abdul asked. "It will certainly raise eyebrows" He replied and Abdul just sighed. "We'll get there. Baby steps actually" He added.

"I'm happy for me" He whispered to Abdul as his eyes navigated around the halls.

There was an unfamiliar face amongst the students, a lanky bodied guy with curly brown hair. And large, animated like glasses.

He was in the wine uniform, but with a checkered flannel over it. "Huh" Obi arched his brows.

"He's new" Abdul added, trailing his eyes. "In our class? That's weird" He replied. "I don't know"

"Why do you care?" Abdul suddenly became defensive and Obi looked back at him. Now, they were alot similar but it didn't matter. "What?"

"I mean he's okay" Obi stuttered. "Okay?" Abdul echoed, eyes wide with surprise. "He's cute"

"Cute?" He was furious.

"What the fuck, Ab? What the fuck do you want me to say?" Obi surrendered as Abdul blew a raspberry and then walked off. There was huge question mark between Obi's furrowed brows as he turned around. "What?" He asked himself now. His eyes went back and forth until they locked with the new guy's. He looked biracial, like he had someone caucasian down his bloodline.

Maybe someone as close as his father, because of how blonde his hair was. It couldn't be dye, because his curls were quite defined. He also had dark brown freckles across his cheeks and a slouched gait that was very similar to Abdul's. He didn't even know when both their eyes locked together because of how deeply he assessed him.

He was sure Hillway High never allowed transfer students during the second semester, especially when the west african exam was in a few months.

"Hey"

Obi was taken aback, stumbling abit. There he was, the new guy now barely inches away from him with outstretched palms. He didn't know how it happened or how he got there but he just looked down at his outstretched hands. Who the fuck greets with a handshake?

But of course he didn't ask that. Instead he just took it awkwardly. It was obvious he was here because of Obi's intense stare and he couldn't feel more embarrassed.

"I'm Nate" He pulled away from him, oblivious of what to say next that he just pointed away. "I got class" It was an obvious lie, especially since everyone was still here, waiting for the bell.

-

Nathaniel turned around, watching his back disappear into the crowd of students. He shrugged his shoulders. "Everyone's so fucking weird-"

Ola was alive.

But he didn't feel that way. As he sat up in his bed, he let his fingers curl around his feet and he slouched his back, staring at nothing but the walls.

The plain lavender walls of the room Titi had given him. The clock struck seven am initially and he knew had school but he too numb to move. He watched consecutively each tick or each time the clock changed numbers. From seven, it turned to eight am. Then nine am, then almost ten.

And then he couldn't even go. He couldn't even tell if he wanted to, because the same people that made him feel better had other people. Obi was probably was Abdul and Fiyin, well-

—he was taken back to the Christmas party, after being oblivious all this time to the relationship between her and Deborah. And he finally saw with his eyes the way they looked at each other. Fiyin never gave him that. He was betrayed but there was a sting in his chest, even after one week.

And he couldn't even bear to look at her. So there he was, pinching into his skin to maybe feel something. He was sure he did, but maybe it was just his mind doing a pretty good job lying to him.

His door opened slightly yet creaking so much and he looked up to Mary. "You're not going to school?" She was much lenient this time, maybe because she knew what he was going through now and she let that sympathy moisten her eyes as her brows furrowed together.

He shook his head and she walked as close to his bed. She sat before reaching for his hands. Ola shook a bit as she held his hands. "Do you want to go back?" She asked softly.

He sniffled, clenching her hands tighter. "I don't"

"Then what is wrong with you?"

"I'm okay. I'll be okay, mum" He whispered. "You just make sure you're okay too" He continued. "I know the change of environment can be tough-"

"But we'll get used to it. Besides this isn't forever" She replied and he nodded, noting there was only some truth to that statement. "I" Ola stuttered.

"I forgot pennywise" He whispered and a smile crept to Mary's lips and then his. "What?" She asked and he nodded. She never understood how such a horrid clown as a stuffed animal brought her son such peace and comfort. "That's what's wrong. I forgot pennywise" He said and Mary finally let go of his hands. "Then go get him later. I should follow you?" She asked and he cautiously nodded his head. "No, there's no need"

"I don't want you close to that man" Ola added, pulling at the tip of his hair. "I'll go with Obi" He lied and then Mary stood from the bed.

"No missing school tomorrow, i swear" She pointed an accusing finger at him and he raised both arms. "Yes boss, i promise" He smiled and as she walked out, she narrowed her eyes at him. He heaved a sigh, turning back to the wall once she'd closed the door.

The truth was it wasn't even pennywise that made him feel this way, but you already know that. The smile smeared off his face as he turned to watch the clock finally strike ten pm.

"Is he okay?" Titi asked her sister once she'd closed the door and they just shared a lasting stare before Mary shook her head. "No, he's not" She replied, seeing beneath his facade and his lies.

But she didn't push it, it was one of the many things that made her a good mother. And Titi could tell she as well, needed a hug so she walked from the kitchen to pull her in for one. That, was what made her good sister.

"He's going to be okay. We were just like that" She whispered into her eyes. "That's the thing" Mary replied. "I don't want him to end up like me, or his father. The world has already become worse and look now, i have no one but you" She said. "It's like the more i want to give him a better life. the more it seems like i can't" Her throat suddenly closed with pain and she cleared it. Titi pulled away from her. "Don't ever say that, Mary" She whispered, wiping across her cheeks. "You are all that boy needs and what he deserves so don't ever say that" There was a crack in Titi's voice as well as they both stared into their eyes.

The last time they had a moment like this was like maybe when they were sixteen, the morning after Titi had graduated secondary school when they realized that all their lives they'd spent wanting to grow up that they actually forgot to. They actually forgot that each second, each moment was growing up. And then they didn't have any memories. Titi was traveling to Enugu for her tertiary education and they realized they were actually never going to live together again. Mary spent all of that morning weeping, and Titi, comforting her. That was the last time, till now.

What was so beguiling about growing up? Perhaps it was just the freedom that came with it.

But along the line, no matter how much they wanted it then, they soon began to regret it. Why did they think growing up would solve the most of their problems when in reality, all it did was add a couple more, and more. And more. Maturing is actually realizing half of adulting is trying to make the right decisions knowing your life is dependent on that choice, knowing everything could change.

Half of adulting is drifting away from your friends, and your family, not intentionally. But because you're genuinely so drained that communication seems like work. And you've already had more than that.

"We may not have had the best parents-" Titi held her cheeks in her hands. "But i know you are" Times like these, Mary actually wandered why Titi never had her own kids, because she was damn sure she'd make an even better mother. "Thanks Titi" Mary let her head slip into her palms as she rubbed it tenderly. "No, thank you"

To be continued...