Arranged To The Alpha
Chapter 36

Blake:

I wrapped my arm around my wife as she lay peacefully in my arms. Her chest rising and falling, hitting my bare chest with each gentle breath she took.

The fact that I knew that she was upset with me last night only pissed me off at myself, and keeping that in mind, I didn’t want to get up without seeing her and making sure that she was no longer sad, broken, or hurt by my behavior. Plus, knowing that we were going to the same building anyway, I knew that I didn’t need to worry about any of us being late.

She stirred as I ran my finger over her back, and raising herself to look at me, I smiled, running my finger through her hair, looping a strand of her hair with my finger.

“Good morning, baby” I said gently. I removed her hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear as I made her look me in the eye.

“Morning” she said, sitting up. She rubbed her eyes to wake herself up, her eyes avoiding mine despite us making up last night.

“You are still upset with me” I stated, looking down at the wedding ring that was on my finger. Natalia stayed quiet for a few seconds, knowing that I could read her mind anyway, her lying to me was not going to get her anywhere.

“I am hurt, Blake, and I will need time to process what happened yesterday. Yes, I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me, and I know that you apologized but…”

“Natalia, what did you expect me to do? I lost my best mate and beta, and I saw my second beta coming to kill me…”

“I expect you to trust me, Blake” Natalia said, stopping me “that is all I expect from you, bloody trust”

She got up from bed without waiting for my response, her words catching me off guard as I expected everything but that. Natalia stopped before entering the bathroom, putting her hand on the knob as she took a deep breath “I never wanted anything from you, Blake, and I still would never expect anything that you wouldn’t want to offer; however, as your wife and mate, I would have loved it if you trusted me enough to have me standing by your side”

Natalia entered the bathroom, not bothering to wait for any response, and my heart broke when I heard a sob escape her lips.

Slowly walking to the bathroom, I knocked on the door twice before opening it. My heart shattered when I saw Natalia standing by the sink’s counter, gripping on it, as she took a deep breath to calm herself down, wiping her own tears from her eyes.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to my chest, resting my chin on her shoulder for a second. I gently kissed her cheek, letting my lips linger there for a few seconds, my scruff brushing against her cheek. She stayed quiet, staring at our reflection as she took deep, slow breaths.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up like this” she whispered, making my heart ache. She didn’t even realize that it hurt me to know that she was in pain and usually tried hiding it. The pain that she was in after her parents kicked her out was something that she bottled in, throwing it behind, trying to ignore the pain for my sake, being my strength and support when she wouldn’t even allow me to be hers.

“Nat, you know for fact that you don’t need to apologize when you open up to me. If anything, I am the one who should apologize to you; I know that you wanted to be there by my side, and believe me, if I trust anyone with anything in my life, it is you, Natalia. I know that I have a hard time showing it at times, but I also don’t want you getting hurt, and it breaks me knowing that it hurts you” I said, trying to explain my situation to my wife. Natalia stayed quiet for a while, processing what I said before she nodded.

“Do you know why it hurts me, Blake?” She asked, making me frown in confusion. I nodded, and waited for her response, and though I knew that I could easily read her mind, I chose not to, wanting her to be the one who opened up to me. Natalia lowered her gaze to the ground, her heart racing against her chest as she tried calming herself down “I was never trusted back home, if anything, my parents always kicked me out. They never allowed me to be there for them, saying that me knowing anything would be dangerous, me being around the house is dangerous, me talking was dangerous in their eyes; therefore…”

Natalia took a deep breath, wiping her tears from her eyes “I broke down, time, and time. I begged them not to treat me like some mistake, but eventually, I realized that it was all they saw in me. A mistake that they didn’t want”

My eyes were fixed on her through the mirror, and placing a hand on my own, Natalia ran her fingers over it, her hand shaking “I never felt welcome, until you accepted me as your wife, Blake”

To say that her words caught me off guard would not be a lie. The way she looked at me, and the way she spoke was enough to shatter a man’s heart; but I kept my ground, looking at her, listening to every word she had to say, wanting to be there for her.

“I know that these were never your intentions, and I know that you never wanted me to feel this way, but this is how I feel when I’m just being left behind…”

“Natalia, you’re not left behind, but you know that I need to keep you safe, and there comes a time when keeping you safe includes me telling you no. Yes, I understand that you don’t like it, and I understand that it breaks your heart, but…”

“I can protect myself, Blake, we can both unite as a team rather than throwing everything…”

“I can’t risk losing you like I lost Myla, Natalia” I said, stopping her. Natalia froze, her eyes meeting mine through the mirror before she turned around to face me. Her eyes were wide in surprise, and seeing her hands shake, I didn’t know what to expect as a reaction from her, but I also wanted her to understand my pain, what I was going through “I’m sorry, Natalia, I know that the topic bothers you whenever I open it. But I want you to understand that it kills me inside whenever I think of how I lost her”

“I lost her, and my unborn baby on the same night. I hated myself for days and nights, and I even wanted nothing more than to die, but…” I took a deep breath as a lump formed in my throat as I looked my wife in the eye “I know that it makes me sound possessive, and I may be. I could be being selfish, but you can’t be as selfish as to deprive me from you, Natalia. I never thought that I would get out of the trauma that I went through, and…”

“Is that why you wouldn’t remove her picture? To keep the reminder alive?” Natalia asked, stopping me. I frowned in confusion, trying to process what she was talking about “the portrait that was in front of the staircase”

“You’re seriously asking this question right now?” I asked, my tone hardening. Natalia avoided my eyes as she looked down at my chest, and putting a finger under her chin, I raised her face to make her look at me, my heart racing against my chest as I grew somewhat angrier with each passing second.

“Yes, as your wife…”

“Myla is my first mate, and first love. The two of us never broke up, and our love never died” I said, stopping her. Natalia froze, and the tears that fell from her eyes told me that I scarred her somewhere deeper than I intended. She took a step back, hitting the sink’s counter for a second, before walking past me. I watched as she walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her, and it didn’t take long for me to hear her closing the bedroom’s door, her hands shaking as her heart raced.

What have you done this time, Blake?