Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 115

I just wanted to get back inside, take off my stupid dress and get Kira in my arms again watching the Christmas specials when I felt that my door was open making me go cold, did someone f*****g break inside my place?? On f*****g Christmas??

I just stood there, was I supposed to call the police? Would they even come from my door not being locked? Was I so f*****g forgetful that I had left without locking it?? I was still holding the carrier when I peeked inside and just stayed there, waiting for some guys to see me and come charging, I was still scared from being prisoner and I didn't want them to get Kira, I would kill them first! My eyes searching my hallway when I looked down seeing a pair of sneakers that was not mine, I mean my feet were big and swollen these days but not like that, and not that expansive, nope.

"Jonah?" I didn't even shout it, just made a louder whisper when my heart stopped seeing him appear from my kitchen frowning like he was not happy with me standing in the doorway.

"Andrea, what the f**k are you out there for, don't you know how f*****g worried I been for you, for Kira?? Where the f**k have you been!?" he was angry when I didn't care and just broke out into the biggest smile, putting the carrier down and walking the two steps to him just pushing my head hard into his chest crying my heart out, he was here! He was actually here, thank f*****g god, it was the real Christmas miracle that I needed!

"Alright.... it's alright......." He was comforting me, and I let him. I didn't want him to leave me anymore, I was fucking spent, and I hated being alone, I hated being a fucking single mom and I loved him, I just wanted him me and Kira to be a family, I didn't give a shit if things where weird, I was just so f*****g tired.

"Now, what the fuck happened?" he was taking the carrier when he still was having his arm around me and I never felt so grateful not having to carry it, Kira wasn't that old, but the chair was heavy to lug around, and I even had bruises on my hips to prove it. "I was at my parent's place..... I... I'm never going back there, me and them are over Jonah, fucking finished." I said it more bitterly than what I had expected, me breaking it off with my parents telling my engaged boyfriend.... Oh god that still was a mess, wasn't it? I didn't care right now, he was mine and I couldn't wait until she was out of the picture, the homeland girl.

"Alright... fuck... I told you I was coming over for Christmas, why the fuck where you even there, I thought they were selfish bastards?" he was leading me inside the kitchen when I was leaned against him, his tall frame making me rest and putting Kira on the table that had been awaked from me crying like I was her age, she must think that she got so unlucky having me as her mother.

"Jonah? Did you cook?" I was staring at my stove, and he made a chuckle letting me go and picking up Kira like I was being funny for even asking that.

"yeah... just been looking at some shit, it doesn't seem that hard, I don't know why you are always making it sound like a big deal that someone can make more than just pancakes..." he made a smirk when I blushed because I know that he meant himself and I was constantly shocked over that he could do that, whatever he wanted, like nothing was hard for him... not like it was for me.

"Look at you! so fucking cute! a little princess, aren't you?" he was holding Kira up like he was checking her whole outfit and I know that it was stupid, but it made me so f*****g happy that he did and that he was smiling like he saw how cute she was, the f*****g cutest baby ever.

"Mo mhuirnín dílis...." He was making no sense again when I made a real laugh this time making him look back from Kira and stare at me like he didn't get why I was giggling at him and Kira was looking right back like she was just as captured by him as I was, our beautiful girl.

"What does that even mean? It sounds like gibberish to me..." I was still snicker when he sat down and held Kira looking offended when I was checking the pans, so it wasn't the typical Christmas food but who gave a shit? I couldn't even remember Ryan cooking for me once when I was already trying it out with a spoon in my mouth turned halfway from him.

"It means little darling, its from the homeland...." He smiled more when I beamed, he was the sweetest guy when he wanted to be holding our baby when I took my phone taking a picture not caring if he wanted to or not when he looked back up making me see that he was aware and he didn't care, that soft bastard.

"I never asked you, where is the homeland, Jonah?" I was sitting down to when he smiled more like he wanted me to ask making me more confused why he never told me, but he was always on his guard, always and he didn't want me to know before... he just didn't....

"Ireland, I was born there and came over when I was ten, I mean Ma and Da wanted me to go here so that they could expand and.... Well.... The rest you know...." He made a shrug like that was all it was, him moving over here when he was a kid and his mom and dad sending him over, what the f**k was that all about anyway?

"Your parents sent you away so young?!" I looked down at Kira that was batting her eyes, he sure as hell wasn't going to send her off anywhere, over my dead fucking body!

"Its no big deal, I was a boarding school anyway.... And then I just broke loose, I told you baby that I been running my own shit since I was fifteen, you just didn't believe me..." he made a chuckle again locking eyes with me when I did a sad smile, yeah.... I don't know why but I did believe him now.

"We are not sending Kira to some fucking boarding school, okay Jonah?" I didn't even sound angry, just making sure he wasn't getting ideas since he was her father and all that came with that.

"Fuck no! I hated that place, fucking nuns and shit, always on my case to do better, that I didn't believe and all that shit..." he made a growl and Kira was still staring at him, having her tongue out the slightest and just looking adorable with him.

"No.... I just want to have her at home.... I am so fucking sick of pretending to be happy with Shailene, Andrea.... Please I know that its fucking hard but trust me I am working on it.... we are getting out of this shit one way or another..." he looked more determined kissing Kira's head when I made a smile, he had no idea how much I needed to hear that, I was just one second from breaking apart and calling James, telling him that I was taking his offer.

"Yeah.... I was tired from driving and starving seeing that I didn't eat anything at my parent's place when I got up and started to pick out plates from my cupboards. I was tired, but I was glad he was here, I really was.

"Nice ass...." He made a chuckle when I snorted back, yeah sure. the greatest ass there ever was... I turned around again meeting his eyes and I looked away seeing that he was pissed for not believing him, but I didn't. look at me, I was a fat woman leaking from my boobs and having stretch marks, I was not that sexy after having Kira, not that I ever was that to begin with...

"Here you go...." I put the plate onto the table when he was still not letting me go, pinning me down with his hard eyes angry that I didn't want to believe him.

"You and me, we are so going to f**k later. I am going to see every part of that body of yours baby, you got that??" he didn't smile when I gulped seeing that he was sitting there holding Kira and just telling me straight to my face that he was going to fuck me, fuck that was hot!

"Jonah... Kira..." I was already flushed when he frowned still holding her with one arm and starting to eat making me wish he could be here all the time, he wasn't tired, and he could make her stop crying right away, not like me having to work my a*s off for her to do the same thing.

"What? She is a baby, Andrea, she doesn't get shit yet.... what do you f*****g take me for? It's not like I'm going to say that shit when she is older...." He was gulfing down food and talking at the same time when I made a sigh just taking a small fork, yeah, I guess he was right about that part...

"What was the shit with your parents then?" he said still eating when I made another sigh... oh that part was going to be fun to tell him... I looked up at him suffering when he was smiling at Kira again that was sleeping, I still didn't know how the f**k he did that, but he did. He made her fall asleep in no time.

"I just realized that I wasn't going to pull Kira into their shit and that I am never ever going to talk to them again." He looked up suddenly and lost his charming smile, oh he didn't like hearing that and I knew it when I was still shuffling the food around, drinking my second glass of water from the tap.

"Andrea, you tell me what the f**k they did right now, or I am going to punish you!" he said it like he used to do when I just made a smirk back, sure he would, and I would love every second of it drinking some more water. "Yeah.... punish me baby, do it...." I made a purring sound that he got lost in for two seconds before giving me a scowl like that was not what he wanted to talk about right now.

"Just fucking tell me already baby, or I am going to spank you hard, and I don't want Kira to wake up later..." his voice was darker giving me chills when I leaned back and gave up, the food was great, but I wasn't that hungry.

"Mom have invited Ryan and Sky to live with them over the holidays and I just lost it, okay? That's the big secret Jonah.... my mom doesn't love me, and she doesn't love Kira, didn't even want to f*****g hold her, happy?" I sounded snappy in the end, but I didn't care. I was still hurt and pissed at my parents and at Ryan for acting like a fucking dick that he clearly was.

"Alright, that's fucking it! Tomorrow after Kira opens her gifts we are fucking going over, and I am going to talk some fucking sense into those dipshits you call parents!" He was snarling when Kira was still just sleeping sweetly in his arms and I made a pleading face, no... that wouldn't change anything, just make shit worse.

"Jonah..... just..... I must accept that my parents don't care about me, okay? I just want to make what is right for Kira and her getting attached to someone that can just disappear on her, not give a shit. I don't want that baby..." I stopped when he lost the anger and looked down at the girl in his arms instead like my words had struck him harder than I ever thought it would be.

"You mean like me?" he was looking up again when I made a tired nod, yeah, like him.... f**k why was he acting like he wasn't twenty? Did the boarding school he went through have these smart pills or what?

"I'm not leaving Andrea; I just need a little more time.... then we are getting married, and Ma can't stop us..." He was smirking now when I deflated. I would love to have his confidence, I really did but here I was, crying alone and having our baby that he had only seen twice since she was born, even James had spent more time with her.

"Does she even care about Kira?" I wanted to know since his dad did, but I hadn't seen or heard anything from Jonah that indicated that anyone of them even wanted to be in her life, just like my own useless parents.

He looked sadder finishing his meal and I just exhaled, so. She didn't. I bet she hated her, hated my innocent baby that had done nothing wrong except having me and Jonah as her parents.

"Yes. She cares." I don't even know how he was keeping a straight face when he said that when he clearly was lying, did he even believe that himself?

"Oh, right... because both your parents have come to see her, or even said congratulations of her being born or even bought her another one of those f*****g stuffed animals!" I was trying to keep my voice down when he just looked hurt at me for yelling at him and I was breathing heavy over how upset I was, f**k him and his ma and da! They sucked!

"Fuck Andrea! she doesn't even want to see her! Is that what you wanted me to say?! That I am here fucking secretly to be with my kid that I am not even supposed to have??" I couldn't help it when I just made a crying sound and muffled it with my hand, feeling the tears fall down hard and heated on my skin, well at least he was honest.

"I want to leave, Jonah.... I want to leave and never come back...." I was shaking now when my tears were rushing down my face and onto my hands when all he could do was look at me helpless still having our baby. I wanted to die hearing that nobody wanted her, nobody!

"You are not going fucking anywhere, you hear me, Andrea?! You are not leaving and taking Kira when I am telling you that I am f*****g working on it every f*****g day!" he got up like he was sick of hearing me cry over something that I had every right to do so, none of our parents wanted anything to do with our baby, that was more then I could f*****g handle seeing him walk out from the bedroom having Kira in her crib and closing the door behind him carefully still looking pissed as hell.

"Working on what?? What the fuck can you even do?? You are just another pawn just like rest of the suits that she commands, you didn't even know I was fucking kidnapped? Coincident? I think fucking not!" I hated that I couldn't even scream when he was clenching his jaw on and off like he always did when I was fighting him that idiot!

"You don't want to know! Alright! I saw you when I popped off Chris and he f*****g deserved it more than anyone I ever have done that too!" I made a deep sharp intake of air, what the f**k was he telling me?? Had he killed more people?? I must have lost all my color in my face when he just looked tired like he didn't want to talk about making me pissed again, oh we were so fucking going to talk about it!

"Jonah, have you killed more people!?" I was screeching it as low as I can not wanting to wake up Kira when he just gave me a grim look back, his eyes being darker when I just had my mouth open, baffled over what he just had told me. So, he really was a killer then? Not just some f*****g loudmouth that like to say to my face that he was going to kill the guys that was looking my way. Holy shit.

"Why are you even looking so fucking surprised for? You said that you knew?? Well, this is part of that babe, this is a fucking part of what its like to be me! I kill people!" he made another angry scowl when I didn't understand, how the f**k did he have time to kill anyone? He was nineteen when I met him.

"I.... I don't know... I guess... I guess I thought that when you killed Chris...." I stopped when I saw the scene in my head making me want to throw up again to his smirk that I didn't like, he really looked like a f*****g killer right now, having that coldness in his eyes that he was way too young to have!

"You thought that Chris was my first? .... babe.... I told you that I am not a good guy.... Nowhere near what you have made up in the pretty little head of yours..." he stopped, and I was still stunned, Jonah was a killer. I mean I knew he was, but still. F**k. "Can't you just kill your Ma then?" He flinched hard when I said that with a colder voice, I was sick of playing games, if this was his fucking world and he was a killer, why didn't he just take the place that his ma wanted him to have anyway?? "Could you, kill your mother I mean?" he looked up at me accusing when I shrugged.... I didn't know.... But I sure as hell knew that If I had to choose my mother or Kira, I would choose my baby in a heartbeat.

"I don't know... yes?" I said it way colder then I had expected when he made a small smirk like he didn't believe me and I didn't care, so in the end he wasn't that bad, I mean... he was bad no doubt about that part, but at least.... He didn't want to kill his mother.... "Yeah no, you are not a killer Andrea, feisty as hell and a pain in my a*s, but not a killer baby..." he chuckled when I just stared at him, who the hell was he? Really?

"How many have you killed?" I didn't even know why I asked, it was stupid and to be honest, did I even want to know? He was coming up behind me when I felt his arms around me, the hard body pushing against my a*s and d**k that was making me hot already. "I'm not telling you...." I was shivering when he whispered it into my ear and made every part of my skin covered in goosebumps, fuck I loved feeling him against me.

"Now, let's fuck..."