Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 114

"Tell me why we agreed to this again Kira?" I was standing on the edge of the pavement, staring at my childhood home that was lighted up by tasteful décor and looked like it was a nice place to live in when I knew that it wasn't.

It was the 24th of December and my parents had freaked out hearing that I had a child and never told them, so much that they were asking me to come home for Christmas, I still couldn't believe that part seeing that we were not the cuddliest relationship of families.

Still. Here I was. Dressed in a more modest dress and had Kira in the carrier, she looked absolutely adorable, If mom and dad didn't love her well then they were f*****g mental when I started to walk up the long driveway leading up to my parents middle classed house, I mean we didn't need to starve or anything like that growing up, really I had no problem getting my dad to pay for stuff since he was a dentist and mom worked in sales when I was younger, made me not see her for most of the time, might have been for the best in the end.

I was out of breath the short distance and was just panting the slightest when the door, without me even having the chance to ring the bell was opened up and I looked up smiling pleading to the Gods that mom was going to love Kira when I saw Sky. Yes, f*****g Sky standing there in the door like she was at home, like she was comfortable enough just opening up, seeing me coming up the runway that pretentious bitch!

"Andrea, I thought that was you! Omg, look at you! Having a baby really made you glow up didn't it, look at you!" she was shirking it when I made an awkward smile against the young girl that was my ex-husbands new wife. F**k I hated her. Look at her.

Fucking perfect with a dress that Ryan paid for, her hair and nails done, she was really beautiful, not like me, all fat and sweaty, my boobs still leaking. I knew that my makeup was bad seeing that I was more focused on getting Kira done then myself. "Yeah... a real glow-up Sky...." She made an even bigger white smile when she was still standing in the door when her eyes were on Kira and I swear that I saw something that I never ever thought that I would see in her eyes, jealousy. What the fuck? Was the perfect Sky jealous of me? how the f**k did that happened??

"Look at your baby.... Is it a boy or a girl?" she was leaned over when I still hadn't come inside the hallway making me grit my teeth feeling the pricking annoyance over that stupid question, she could clearly see that she was wearing pink, how f*****g stupid was she anyway??

"She is a girl; her name is Kira. Now. Can we please come inside?" I looked up at the young beautiful face that took three seconds before she realised that she was blocking our path and did a big smile again finally stepping back. Bitch.

"Kira! Oh, that's adorable! look at her chubby cheeks, I just want to eat her!" I was taking my coat of when Sky was leaning over the carrier making me frown at her, wtf did she just say about my child, chubby? She was f*****g perfect! everyone knew it, even her dumb a*s!

"Ryan, come see this!" she was yelling when I made a big sigh hearing the screaming that started, f*****g Sky! who the f**k yelled when the saw a baby?!

I made my way over, shoving Sky to the side not giving a shit if she didn't want to move, I may be a lot of things, but I was not letting anyone make my baby cry, no matter how f*****g pretty they were!

I was holding her when I saw the same guy that I had spent half my adult life with and he was frowning when I met his eyes, he didn't want kids and I don't think he had changed his mind making me even more confused, I thought that he had met his soulmate that was smiling like a fool seeing the crying baby in my arms making Ryan even more annoyed.

"So, you are here, great...." He looked even more irritated when I wanted to flip him off, f**k. Was he always such a d**k? I mean he really was looking like I had ruined his day bringing my baby that my own parents had asked to see, motherfucker.

"Yeah, this is still my home Ryan, and Kira is mom and dad's granddaughter, so I think I have the f*****g right to come home for Christmas, don't you think??" I sneer back at him when he lost his arrogance and made a smirk, I really didn't do that when we where married, nope. I loved him, adored him, did everything for him and now I was a bitch that told him to fuck off making him more amused than ever.

"Right.... Well.... We already started to eat seeing that it took you forever to get here..." He stopped when I lost my own arrogant smile, what? They started without me??

"Why would you do that, you all knew I was coming? I am only like twenty minutes late??" my chest was getting heavier when Sky looked guilty, but Ryan didn't, nope he just looked at me grinning like he was happy that I was suffering and hated that he could see it, how f*****g hurt I was.

"Yeah, well if you can't keep track of time why should we have to suffer for that?? I was starving and we been here for hours, haven't we babe?" he was still staring me dead in the eye when Sky was coming to his side and she nodded giving me a sad smile, f**k I hated her!

"Hours?? But mom wrote seven..." I stopped when he made a grin like he didn't care when I saw mom coming down the big hall and she looked at me like she was just as disappointed that I couldn't keep my time, holy f**k. She didn't want me here at all didn't she? "Andrea, look at you! A mess and not even on time..." she made a sigh walking past Ryan and Sky when she still was frowning over how I looked, she was nicer to me on the island, and I thought that she was finally warming up to me but now I didn't know anymore. She looked perfect to, she always did. Always. Not a hair that was wrong in her light grey hair or light makeup, she was just picture perfect.

"Why am I last?" I just said it, If I had learned the one thing with Jonah was that there was no time to bullshit when I just wanted to know when I could hear the people inside, the party they were always hosting, having people over and everyone was eating having fun and I was just standing here like I was an uninvited guest.

"Because you are late! Now, show me the baby so I can get back to the guest!" I stared at her, she was so snappy, she didn't even look happy that I was here, or Kira. My beautiful baby girl that was perfect and she didn't even look down to see that she was here in my arms, she had stopped crying and I was feeling my boobs hurting, I needed to feed her, and I thought that I would have time for that before we started to eat.

"No.... mom.... You said seven and here I am, not even that late and now Ryan is telling me that he and Sky have been here for hours??" I was trying so hard not to just snap at her and start to scream at her being this bitch when Ryan was smirking just taking Sky along like he knew his job was over and walked back to eat some more the arrogant bastard, leaving me and my mother still standing in the hallway.

"Well of course they have been here for longer! they are staying here over Christmas, can't really live on a hotel can they when they flew over to be here with us." She really looked like she didn't understand why I was upset over that when I swallowed the hard rough lump in my throat that was killing me when I just wanted to start to bawl my eyes out and kill her for acting like this to me, her own daughter!

"What about me then? I drove here for two and a half hour with a baby, why can't me and Kira stay here??" she made a deeper frown showing me that she was never going to let that happened, never.

"Andrea, stop it! stop acting like I am choosing sides, I'm not! Its just more practical, you live here, and Ryan and Sky don't, why should they spend money on a hotel when they are just staying till new year, that's ridiculous!" she was already on her way back when I started to cry, what the f**k was she talking about, staying until new year?? She didn't even hold Kira, not anything to actually see her??"

"Mom, wait.... Please, don't you want to at least hold Kira, she is your granddaughter..." she looked at me even more annoyed when she didn't move, not taking one step back hearing my f*****g pleading her to at least give Kira a chance! I didn't care if she didn't love me, as long as she loved her, that was all I asked!

"Later, I don't want to get dirty right now Andrea, and don't look at me like that, you know what I feel about it" She made a sigh before turning again like I was the one that was impossible.

I just stared at her back, walking away from me when I was still crying, my makeup ruined and just feeling like this was the worst day of my life, I really somewhere had hoped that mom would have loved Kira, she was her f*****g grandmother after all! "Talk to her George, she is being impossible...." Mom made a sigh again not even trying to cover up the fact that she was talking about me when dad was standing at the end of the hallway and he looked sad, he did. That didn't change anything when he made a trying smile against me and I didn't smile back, look at him! He was so fucking whipped that he didn't even have the balls to come over and talk to me without mom saying that it was okay, what the f**k was wrong with him?! "Hey Andy..." he sounded the slightest happier I was here when I made another sobbing sound not caring that I was going to make Kira cry again still holding her, what the f**k was he going to say that was going to make anything better?? "I'm leaving." I just said it starting to put Kira down the carrier again still snorting and makeup ruined when he finally got that I was seriously leaving and I felt his hand on my shoulder when I still was putting the straps back over Kira and her pretty dress that in some fucking illusion had believe would made mom love her, what a fucking idiot I was.

"Don't leave.... Andy... please.... Let me see the baby... let me hold her..." he was sounding like he really wanted to do it when I looked up at the older man that was my father, his eyes that was begging me when I just stopped, no! why should I? he sure as hell didn't come to my defence when I was being attacked by both Ryan and mom, fuck him!

"Why? Mom doesn't want us here and I sure as hell don't want to stay where I'm not fucking welcome...." I was standing up again when he looked really guilty at me because he knew that I was right, I was and he was a f*****g coward that never in his life had stood up to mom, ever.

"Of course she does, we all do! She is just stressed over that its Christmas and... you know how she gets... wants everything to be perfect...." I made a mocking smile when he stopped talking and looked down at Kira again that was looking back, she was the best thing to ever happen to me and I still didn't understand how he and mom could have chosen Ryan over me, their own daughter, they f*****g betrayed me!

"Tell her not to worry anymore over that, I am not coming back ever..." I was putting my coat on when he looked at me like I was crazy and I didn't care, it was the truth, I was never ever in my life coming back, Kira deserves better and truth be told, I fucking did too. "Andrea, don't be like that... please, I'm sorry mom is acting like that but you know what she is like, she just wants everything perfect and ...." He stopped when I picked up the carrier, yeah, I knew exactly what he meant. me having a baby on my own when they didn't know about the father because I never told them was not on their wish-list, lets be honest. Me in general wasn't.

"Merry Christmas, dad." I didn't want to hear it anymore, he was never going to stand up to mom and she was never going to love me, not like she loved Ryan and that was it.

I didn't want to fucking pretend anymore when I knew that Kira was going to be hurt too if I let them. I was already out the door when he was following me and I didn't care coming out into the cold crisp air that was filling my lungs up, still feeling that I wanted to cry my eyes out for even coming here, I was so stupid! So f*****g stupid believing that they would give a shit about me and Kira, nothing had changed! Nothing!

"Andrea, please don't leave!" dad was walking slower in his loafers when I didn't turn around to look at him getting the carrier back inside my car, I already knew that he looked guilty and that maybe he really wanted me to stay but it was too late, thirty fucking years!

I was just about to get around to the driver seat when he stopped me by blocking my path making me finally look at him. He was devastated. He was. I was never coming back, and he and mom was going to live the rest of their lives without me, and he knew it staring at me with the greyish blue eyes that I guess I got from him.

he was dressed in a suit that was to snug for him seeing that he had put on some weight in old age, mom probably had him on some stupid diet too seeing that she couldn't f*****g accept having a husband with the slightest gut being almost sixty-five years old. "Don't let that bastard win, please! I don't want you to leave and I haven't even seen the girl, my only grandchild, please Andy!" he was speaking like he finally for once in his life was fighting for something when I looked up at him, my face still destroyed from crying, not that it looked good from the start but now I really looked like shit.

"I don't want too." I said exactly what I was feeling. I just didn't want to go inside and have to defend myself from everyone, knowing that Ryan was going to be on me, and mom was going to be worst, criticizing me every chance she got in front of anyone that wanted to listen to her.

He made a suffering face like he knew that too and I didn't understand why he all the sudden was so desperate for me to stay? he had never in his whole life ever gone up against mom or anyone else, I was just like him in that way, submissive as f**k. "I want you to stay...please... I can't fucking take it anymore listening to that dumb bastard and his even dumber wife, oh and your aunt is driving me crazy..." he made a trying smile that I didn't return, so he wasn't happy. Well, that made two of us then. "I just really had been looking forward to finally see you... mom making me live on that damn Island... you know I hate heat....

and I really wanted to meet my granddaughter..." he was switching his eyes over to the seat where Kira was and had started to cry again making me sigh and just turn around to go and get her seeing that if I didn't drive, she was not going to be happy. "I know dad, I know that you are a fucking coward and all that, but you left me alone all my life to fucking fend for myself and you didn't say a word when I married Ryan didn't you? Why the fuck didn't you say anything if you didn't like him??" I was accusing when I had opened the door again knowing that Kira was hungry, and my boobs were killing me still having dad on the driveway making everyone in the dining room wondering where he was.

He didn't say anything back and I knew he wouldn't, didn't even defend himself that coward. I missed Jonah.... I hadn't seen him since he was sleeping over and told me to fucking hold on telling James that I was thinking about his offer, I didn't want to but really, what fucking choice did I have? Even my own parents didn't want me or Kira.

"Just.... Don't go..... Please... I don't want you to go and its Christmas Andy, where are you going to go anyway?" he was saying it like I had no choice but to stay making me pissed off again still trying to calm down Kira, him and his f*****g sympathies could go to hell for all I cared.

"I don't know, but I am not staying here with you guys, me and Kira will have a great fucking time being home alone then here!" I sneered it back closing the door again when he looked like he tried and I hated him, look at him giving me f*****g hope that he was going to help me when all he was doing was setting me up for having mom on my back all night, Well f**k him!

"Don't be like that, I'm trying over here?" he was saying it like he really did when I knew that was bullshit, he still was mom's puppet. I didn't care getting inside the car. Kira crying again when I was backing out, away from this place and all its f****d-up people, let them rot in hell for all I cared!

Our eyes met when I was looking back and just stayed for two seconds seeing the old beaten down man that rather let one woman drive him crazy than for once stand up to her, I made a sneer that I didn't care if he saw or not, I was never going back to that life, never!

Kira was still crying when I pulled over again just driving away from my parent's home and picked her up, feeling like shit that I was nursing her in the back of my crappy car with the heat on.

I hated that I had gotten my hopes up, they didn't love me. not in the way a parent should anyway.

I looked down at Kira. she was perfect, my fucking everything and I for my life couldn't understand how mom hated me, I mean she did. Why was I even trying to deny it anyway? She hated me from the fucking day I was born, and dad was no better even if he didn't, he just let her do whatever the fuck she wanted, doing anything to keep the f*****g peace when I picked up my phone and stared at it, no new messages.

Jonah.

I was still crying holding Kira going on idle for way too long for it to be legal, but I didn't care. I was alone on fucking Christmas, and it was killing me that Jonah still hadn't called or even sent a snap, not anything. I hated that I was just waiting on him ever since I had Kira, no job and nothing to distract me, just me and a baby that needed me.

I didn't know what to do anymore, everything felt so fucking hopeless right now. Me sitting here in my fucking crappy car and making sure that I wasn't the worst mother in the world, well I was, lets face it. I was, if I wasn't then Kira would have been somewhere where people had wanted to hold her, look at her, talk to me about her and there was nobody that cared, I mean sure, I had Tom's family and they where great but.... it was Christmas. I was supposed to be with mine. Not sitting here like some f*****g loser exposing my child to the side of the road.

"Hi... I just wanted to say merry x-mas.... I know that I'm not supposed to call and all that... I just miss you.... I fucking miss you and I'm stranded on the road with Kira...." I was crying again happy that Kira was sleeping when I was looking at the sad face of myself, I was pathetic wasn't I? still waiting around for him, believing him when he said shit when truth be told, he could be having the time of his f*****g life with Shailene and here I was, the stupid side bitch that I always had been just crying into the camera on Christmas. "I don't know what to do anymore... okay? Its fucking hard being here all alone on Christmas... and .... I don't know... I stopped when the time was out and I stared at the clip, I didn't even know if I was supposed to send it or not. He would come and I knew it, I said that Kira and I were stranded when I just was here on the side of the road, I needed gas but.... I deleted the video of me crying and put the phone down, did it even matter? He hadn't called me once, not even a snap and I still was hoping for it, for Jonah to come and save me.

"Let's just go home Kira... I guess that it's just going to be you and me... I'm sorry baby..." I hated that I was sniffling again like I hadn't been crying already getting her back into the seat and back to driving when it had started to snow, great. It was a f*****g Christmas miracle.