Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 113

F**k I was tired.

Kira had been crying all night, all f*****g night and I was spent when the doorbell was being hit hard making every bone in my body start to boil with f*****g anger, who the f**k was pounding on my door when I just got her to sleep, did they know how f*****g long I worked to get her to do that?? I was storming my hallway ready to take f*****g heads when I opened up losing it all seeing that it was Jonah.

He looked slightly out of breath, like he had been running over, leaning towards the door with determined eyes and just like he was on his own warpath dressed in like I was used to see him. hoodie, trainers and a west, because f*****g winter that's why. I don't know if it was that I hadn't seen him, hadn't heard from him or that I just f*****g loved him so much when I just started to cry and went for his chest burrowing my way into his arms that was already around me even if he didn't understand why I was sobbing my eyes out.

"Andrea.... babe?? did something happened, is it Kira?!" He was already staring into the small hallway when I was shaking my head hard at his question still not being able to answer anyone of them, even if my life depended on it.

He was here. That was all I needed right now, for him to be here with me.

"No.... she is fine... she is sleeping... I just.... I been up all f*****g night and she was crying Jonah and I am so f*****g tired...." I was still crying when he looked like he got what I was saying and looked guilty making me even more angry, he fucking should be! He was still at his parents fucking mansion playing house with that handpicked whore that he was with!

"Alright.... Alright.... Its okay.... I'm here now.... Let's just get inside and you can sleep... I will take care of her, promise..." he made a small smile that I just snorted at, was he?? Did he even f*****g now how? My boobs where f*****g killing me because I was nursing her and he was just going to swoop in here and fucking save me, great!

"I don't want to fucking sleep!" I moved back from him when he looked sad and angry at the same time the idiot, always expecting me to just be happy because he showed up. I was happy, but I was pissed as hell too!

"Andrea, calm the f**k down! I came over because I got the fucking test back, or maybe you don't want to fucking know?" he made a mocking tone in the end that I hated when I clenched my jaw and just moved out of the way, letting him inside my home and shut the door behind him slowly even If I wanted to slam it hard when he was being a dick!

"So, where is she?" he looked around when I nodded to the bedroom where she was sleeping finally after having me as her snuggle blanket more any of the f*****g stuffed animals she had gotten.

"Andrea, why is the fucking crib empty!?" I walked up behind him when he was already panicking like she could just have walked up and escaped when I pointe to my bed where she was, she didn't want to sleep in her crib, go figures.... f**k I was so tired.... Nobody warned me about this shit, having a baby on your own.... Oh, f**k it was tiring.

"She is there, inside the baby nest, don't f*****g wake her up or I will kill you Jonah, I'm serious." I made a dark threatening voice in the end that he just made a smirk at making me want to kill him even more, f*****g kid!

"Yeah.... I can see her.... f**k look at her Andrea... we did that... me and you..." he was smiling even more now when he was having his arm around me making me lean into his body not even thinking about it before looking up at him, did we??

"She is mine Andrea, look at her, fucking look at her! that's my kid!" he was trying to whisper it and failing when a small threatening cry was heard and I pulled him back closing the door fast to his disappointment, leaving us standing in the small living room that wasn't much, but it was mine and it was enough for me and Kira, for now.

"So... I guess you got the test result then?" I tried not to sound so smug like I was feeling, why did he ever fucking doubt me? Kira was his and now that it was on paper, he finally was going to leave the homeland girl and come back to me, to his daughter that needed him more and some whore that his mother liked!

"Yeah! Look at it babe, fucking look at it! 99,9 percent! That's my cum right there knocking you up, not that dead fucker!" he was laughing way to happy for just saying that to my face that he killed a guy and that he had fucked me, big surprise. He fucked me a lot. "Great. Now can you leave that homeland girl or what??" I had my arms crossed and stared up at his handsome face that went from happy to losing the smile and looking down like he didn't want to answer that, motherfucker! I knew that it was too good to be through! He was never going to leave her wasn't he!?

"Andrea.... I can't.... I can't leave her... I'm still working on that but Ma, she is more fucking stubborn then I ever imagined.... I even showed her this, I showed her that I have a kid that I want to help take care of but she doesn't want to her it..." he was still holding the paper with the result making me feel confused, I thought he said that he was going to stand up for me and Kira once he got the proof that she was his, what the f**k had changed??

"Fucking coward!" I was hissing it sticking my finger up against his face, I was in no mood to hear some fucking excuses over him telling me that he couldn't do shit, he didn't want to do it and that was just that!

"I'm not a coward, don't f*****g say that to my face!" he was hissing it back, at least he wasn't screaming it when I made a mocking laughter, oh but he was! The biggest fucking coward in the history of cowards!

"Yes, you are! Look at you, so fucking happy to tell me something that I already knew and now you can't even break it off because mommy won't let you, coward!" I said the last word even more aggressive when I felt the hard strong grip around my shoulders when he stared me back into my angry eyes with his own hard one like he was tired of my shit, I was tired of his shit just as much!

"I am trying to fucking protect you and Kira! You think that Evans is my only enemy?? Fuck no! he is just one of the bigger ones, I have people that would love to get payback on me, one way or another and I am not talking about some fucking rich fuckers, I mean small time drug dealers and other shit I done....... Andrea... I was not a good guy when we met, and you know it." He was saying it sterner when I still was looking up at him, my lips starting to tremble the slightest from the dark seriousness that he was having when I just felt my last hope of him ever coming back to me break apart again, so this was really it then?? He was getting f*****g married, and I was going to be what? Some secret that he was sneaking off to sometimes??

"Kira needs you Jonah.... I need you..." I felt my voice break when I was already crying but I didn't care, I didn't f*****g care when we still was staring at each other, shifting the slightest when he didn't look angry anymore, just heartbroken and lost. Same as me. "I... I know.... I fucking know... alright...I'm trying Andrea, I am trying so hard to get Ma to see that I don't want anyone else then you, but she doesn't believe me.... she thinks that me and you are some weird fucking fetish...." He looked embarrassed when I just made a mocking smile back still crying, well of course she did, to her I was just a common whore.

"What does that leave us then?" I was still trying to stop crying when he was biting his lip nervously and I hated that he looked so damn insecure, he really was trying and I knew it... still it fucking hurt to hear it, that he was not going break off the engagement for me and Kira.

"I don't know... I mean.... You know I love you, and Kira.... I really wanted to marry you baby... like I told you, that would have made everything fucking easier..." he was whispering the last part when I got angry against, well that was his fucking fault! he was the one that left me, all because he couldn't handle what happened or that Kira was supposed to be Chris baby when she was not!

"James has offered me to help raise Kira." He jerked back hearing that like I slapped him hard in the face making my own one calmer and sadistic, see?? It wasn't so fucking funny being told that the one you loved was going to live alongside another person, have a f*****g relationship with someone else.

"He is not fucking doing anything! Andrea, that is my kid you have inside that bedroom, and you are just going to let the bitch be what? Her dad? I am that Andrea, me!" he was screaming making me growled when I heard the crying that started, he stopped right away like he just remembered that she was sleeping when I was about to start push my way to the bedroom when he turned and just stormed into the bedroom before me.

"Jonah!" I was still mad as hell when he just walked up and picked her up when she stopped crying making me just stop what I was about to do. take her away from him, scream, call him a fucking bastard, all of that. just stopped.

He was still not turned around when I heard the small sobbing that was coming from him and I knew that it was not Kira crying, it was him.

"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry for being this fucking asshole that can't f*****g do anything right.... f**k I'm sorry Kira..." he was still crying when I knew that he was mumbling it to her more then to me and I started to cry again, standing there helpless and just as upset as he was, fuck life! Just fuck it!

"Andrea.... Just.... could you keep the names? Please... just let her have something that I gave her? can you do that?" he still hadn't turned when I couldn't make a sound, I would never do that, never!

"I know that you won't remember me.... but I love you, okay Kira? No matter what anyone else say about me.... I love you..." he had sunken down on my bed still holding her when I walked up to him, my steps light and carful like I didn't want to disturb him when he was holding her, and he finally looked up giving me something that I never had seen before. He was crying. I wasn't talking about some half sobbing or sniffle, no this was a full on bawling your eyes out when I sat down next to him, crying my eyes out too when I looked down at Kira that was the only one that was not crying.

"Fuck... I would have made a shitty dad anyway... right Andrea?" he looked at me when I didn't know what to say and just shook my head, no I didn't believe that... sure it was hard because he was young compared to me.... but he loved and I that was enough.... It had to be......

"No.... no Jonah... I think that you would have made a great dad to her......" the hard cry made me lean onto him where we all were sitting in my small bedroom, the cold winter outside the windows and Christmas just around the corner that I was going spend alone with Kira.

He made a snort at that making her look up at him when I did a smile at that, look at that, she didn't cry, she didn't making me even more heartbroken, she probably felt safe seeing that he was there for her when she was born, or I don't know... all I knew was that she didn't stop when I was holding her that fast, just with him.

"No... no... fuck I didn't even get clean until Ma forced me, told me that she was going to make sure that nobody was going to sell me shit and.... Fuck... Andrea... I was fucked up that day... the day they took you... I mean.... You knew but... fuck, I am so fucking sorry... I never wanted to pull you into this shit and now Kira.... Look at her.... I can't do that too her.... "He stopped when I was just made a hopeless face, yeah, I got it.

"So... this is fucking it then? Me and you? We are really going to do this?" I didn't even know my voice could sound so hollow when he wiped his eyes fast with one arm having Kira safely against his knees making her look up at us, her useless parents that couldn't do shit right.

"I think.... I think it will have to be...." The amount of hurt made me want to throw up knowing that he felt the same way, he loved me and was my fucking soulmate. Still there was nothing we could do to be together; it was f*****g hopeless.

"Fuck." I just said that. I couldn't cry more when I stared at Kira's eyes still being trained on Jonah like she wasn't tired anymore making me feel even more like shit, I hated that she was going to lose him, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. "Yeah.... fuck." he mimicked me when I leaned more on him, pretending that he was here for us, for me and her and not just here to say fucking goodbye like it was breaking my heart for the thousand times.

We just sat there for how long I don't know when Kira was sleeping again, she didn't even cry or anything when I was batting my eyes feeling myself getting more tired for every second and I hated it, I wanted to stay awake with him, every second that I spent with him was something that I was going to live on for the rest of my life when he was gone.

"Let's go baby.... You need to sleep..." he was already getting me down the bed when I whined knowing deep inside that he was going to be gone when I woke up but I was to tired to fight back when I felt the long hard kiss on my lips making me push my arms around his neck and pushing myself against him earning a small grunt that I knew meant that he was turned on. I did a smirk feeling his kiss getting deeper and his tongue slipping in getting me wet in no time when he was already in-between my legs, feeling that hard d**k up against my body.

"Fuck...Andrea...." the dark voice was horse in my ear when I made a giggle not giving a shit that I wasn't supposed to have s*x, not yet anyway. How could I fucking care about that when Jonah was on top of me? feeling his familiar weight and that hard stare that made me lose my breath every time he looked at me like that, with hunger in his eyes.

"I'm not supposed to do this.... I am not supposed to fuck you baby...." He said it more hesitant than I ever heard him say when I made a sigh, so what? So, f*****g what that I had Kira just a few days ago? I wanted him and he knew it, this was our last chance, and I was not wasting it!

"Fuck that shit, I want you to fuck me, hard and long like you did before...." He looked torn for a few seconds before he shook his head giving me a serious stare making me feel even more like shit, he didn't even want to f**k me anymore, was that it?? "I love you Andrea... so... no... I'm sorry I would do anything to fuck you... but its not going to happen, you got that baby?" he sounded sterner again and hard when I just closed my eyes, I didn't want to see him look at me like that, like he had made up his mind to leave me and he wasn't even going to do the one thing I wanted from him, my f*****g last request!

"Just leave then......." I turned my head to the side, only to have him turn it back again still being over me with his hard tall body that I knew was never made to love someone like me, a completely ordinary woman, he still was out of my league.

"I don't want to leave. You got that Andrea?? I don't want to fucking leave you or my daughter, but I don't want to see you get hurt, that is what is most important! I am not letting something happen to you or her, that is my new f*****g mission in life!" he was getting angry again making me do a whimper, I knew all that and it didn't make it better. It just didn't.

"Then don't leave...please.... Jonah... we can leave... I don't care... we can live on the fucking north pole for all I care, just don't leave me...." I had reached out my hands and wrapped them around his face, begging him not to do this, to not leave me and Kira. He looked like he really was thinking it over, just escape with me making my heartbeat start to slam against my chest, we could do it! We could! I didn't care about where we would live, I just didn't want him to get married and me ... whatever I was going to do. I just wanted it to be with him.

"I can't.... Fuck.... I can't baby.... You don't understand.... They will find us, someone will and then its over and I can't let Kira go from town to town.... "He sounded so fucking grown up when I started to shake, no! he was wrong, we could make it!

"You don't know that! you don't!" I was hissing it making him do a sad smile like he knew I would say that and just shook his head again, looking even more sad, fuck he really was serious wasn't he?

"Yes, they will.... Andrea... you have no idea what you stumble into when you decide to let me fuck you, like I said... I had limited time and now it's up. I can't go against Ma, no matter what I do... this is what I was born for...." He stopped when I didn't understand, so he was part of a family that was shady as shit and his mom was a bitch, I didn't care! I didn't!

"Andrea. Look at me. I am a fucking criminal, not just me dealing some shitty drugs to get cash when Ma was cutting me off for not following her rules.... I'm...fuck.... Andrea." He gave me a suffering look like he really didn't want to tell me like I was to f*****g stupid to get it on my own.

"You are a fucking mobster, and your Ma is the boss which makes you her heir and all the shit that comes with it...." He stopped just staring at my calm face, to f*****g calm for what I was telling him.

"You knew?!" he sounded accusing still whispering, still on top of me when I did a snort, well of course I knew. Not right away, but I did know that he was dealing with shit that didn't want sunlight and him killing Chris having too fucking goons to carry out the body had helped a lot.

"Yeah." I didn't say more when he clenched his jaw like he was pissed or just impressed, both.

"Fuck. You are so much crazier than I ever thought you be baby...." He still looked stunned like it was f*****g rocket science, it wasn't. once he had started to let me into his world, I got the picture fast and I didn't understand why he was acting so f*****g surprised, he did command a small army inside a f*****g mansion!

"Yeah." I just said it again. I was so fucking crazy. I knew it, loving him despite everything that had happened, what he had done to me, hurting me, screaming at me but the last part was the best one, loving me like nobody else ever had done my whole life. I loved him.

He just got this look in his eyes that made me feel the smallest hope again when he got up from me making me start to feel hollow again, I needed him. nothing was going to change that.

"You know what.... wait just a little longer.... just some more babe and maybe...." He was looking back at Kira sleeping in her crib, how the f**k he made her do that I had no idea seeing that as soon as I put her down, she started to scream her head off. "Wait for what? Nothing has changed Jonah..." I hated to be the one to say it, make sure to rub in the fact that we still couldn't be together.

He looked up looking more sly and I don't know if I liked it or not when he walked back, pulling me off from the bed, the both of us still looking like shit from crying, I didn't want hope only to have it pulled away again, my heart was already shattered to the point that if I had to give him up again after believing he was coming back to me, I would die.

"No.... nothing has changed Andrea.... Not right now...." he made another smile that I didn't like because he looked like fucking trouble almost like he was making up some crazy plan that I knew that I would follow against my own better judgment to get to be with him.

"Jonah...." I did a whining noise staring back at his young handsome face, he really was so good looking. I really, really hoped that Kira would take after him more then me to be honest...

"Don't worry, lets just play along for now and then.... We will fucking show them that I am not giving up on you. Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to live with Shailene and know that you are out here with Kira?" he looked more pissed off about that part when I made a frown, yeah... what about Shailene anyway?

"Do you fuck her?" I just said it, right there to his face that made a small, amused frown before the deep chuckle escaped his mouth knowing that I was jealous, well he was no f*****g better than me!

"Shailene? No.... no... Andrea.... She is a virgin.... Wants the real f*****g catholic wet dream, it's almost funny...." he snickered some more making me start to do a small smile on my own, how the fuck did he ever agree to marry a virgin? He was so not that kind of guy, even I knew that when I saw him for the first time.

"Do you fuck him?" he looked more sinister when I made a smirk back, oh he would kill James if he knew how much he had been pushing it, being more aggressive than ever about us f*****g, he would dead on the spot.

"No, but he wants too..." I made a snicker when Jonah looked like he wanted to let me go, rush out of the apartment and go kill James, execution style still holding me close and making me look up at him smiling just as sly as he was before.

"He better fucking not! I will kill him! You know I will Andrea!" he was gritting his teeth, all playfulness gone when I just made a bigger smirk. yeah, I got that part. seeing that he had told me so many times what he wanted to do, but in the end, James was no real threat, and he knew it, I didn't love anyone like I loved Jonah, never would.

"So, let's make it perfectly fucking clear then. you stick your dick inside Shailene, and I swear to God that I will fuck James, all fucking night! I don't care if she fucking begs you naked on the bed, you hear me, Jonah??" I was gritting my teeth back. I was done sharing him. If he was planning some shit and then f****d her behind my back, I would f**k James and f*****g make sure he got to see it before I killed him.

We just stared some more, both upset and fucking jealous, standing just a step away from Kira that was sleeping, oh shit we really was the worst parents in the world, but I couldn't live without him, wouldn't when there was a chance that we could make it. "I hear you baby, now... go to sleep and I will make sure that Kira is okay before I leave and then I will be back when its Christmas...." He was stroking my arms slowly making me feel the hard goosebumps all over my body when he had the hunger again making me get it right away, he was coming back and that time he was going to f**k me, oh god yes, I wanted that!

"You better be or I'm going to find you... homeland girl or not...." I made a purring sound that he was getting hard again when we pushed closer and kissed, I love him and I didn't care that every part of his life was insane, mine had been insanely boring before I met him and he was my life, him and Kira.

"Trust me, she isn't that hot, a solid 7 maybe.... Not like you..." he made another chuckle that I just snorted at, did he just call me a ten? Well, I wasn't, and I knew it, but I didn't care, maybe he thought I was because he loved me, he was so a fucking ten, and he wanted to fuck me.

"Whatever..... just come back... okay baby... that's all I'm asking..." he was making a grin like I was insane for even asking that when I got back on the bed, only to have him behind me, spooning me hard when I was so relaxed feeling that familiar body against mine, I wanted to stay like this forever feeling his head over mine, we were a perfect match and he knew it.

"Just sleep Andrea, I know that you are still awake..." He made a chuckle when I did a surprised huff but still wasn't, he knew me. he did.