Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 164

"Kira, no! don't climb!" I was looking up, seeing the small girl taking the first thing she saw, making a move for the cabinet she knew magically; somehow, I kept everything she wasn't supposed to eat.

"I want candy, mommy, please!" She was making a pout when I sighed back, standing by the kitchen counter, trying not to give in. Was I the best mother in the world? Nope... not by far, and Buck was right about that part, she was spoiled, and that was on me. "No, baby listen, I'm making dinner and...." She didn't listen when I gritted my teeth, she knew Buck wasn't here, and she was making me crazy like the switch just had flicked on again. She didn't care what I said, only what he said. Shit, I know that this was my fault, but I still wanted to start to scream over the really annoying three-year-old girl not listening to me.

"I want candy!" she kept screaming when I took a deep breath, deep f*****g breaths Andrea, it's fine. You don't have to blow up over your daughter acting like a f*****g brat!

"Kira, get down from that chair, or I'm telling daddy when he comes back!" I was snapping it when she made a face of pure horror, climbing down again, making me smirk. So, I used Buck's name as soon as I needed to. Still, she did listen to it instead of just driving me insane; that man was the best thing to ever happen to my baby girl and me, and she was still angry, but she didn't scream, at least, thank God.

"Don't tell daddy, please!" She had walked up to me and hugged my leg when I got down, all anger gone from her being hard to handle sometimes, she still was my angel, and I loved her more than anything.

"I'm not telling him; you know daddy loves you, and he told you to listen to me when he was gone, alright?" she looked up, tears glimmering in her green-blue eyes that were not Bucks or mine but the young guy that had made my life so great and challenging at the same time.

"I know, mommy.... Can I still have some candy?" She made a pout when I sighed, so she would use that one, knowing it would work ten out of ten times.

"Sure, but... don't tell daddy, and only one piece, okay?" she made a happy smile when I snorted at my own stupidity, getting up, wobbling the slightest, holding my hand on the baby bump that I swear was bigger than when I was pregnant with Kira, maybe Sarah hadn't lied about that part about Bucks babies being big, oh please God, I hoped it was like that!

"I won't tell him. I won't!" She was cheering me on when I made a strained smile, reaching up and taking out one piece that made me feel bad giving over and I was a bad mom.

Kira was chewing happily when I smiled back. She was so cute, with long dark hair in pigtails and a dress with butterflies, she looked like the princess I knew she was.

"Mommy, what about the babies? Don't they like candy?" she was making a concerned face when I made a frown. What the hell was she talking about anyway, babies? She was staring at me thoughtfully, causing my heart to clench. She looked so much like Jonah. all serious and piercing eyes that could pin you down no matter how much you wanted to escape.

"Babies? What babies?" I made a smile that she didn't reply. She just stared at me when I raised my eyebrows. What the hell was going on here anyway?

"Yeah, the babies in your tummy." She pointed at me, making me gasp, eyes dilated. How the hell did she say something like that? she was just three years old, for God's sake!

"No, Kira.... Listen... Mommy only has one baby, that's all... and the baby doesn't eat candy, not as you do; it only eats what I eat. I told you that, baby...." I chuckled when she made a face, thinking I was so stupid. I know she did when she made another frown. She really didn't believe me.

"No, mommy, I felt them when you were sleeping." She swallowed the chocolate piece and stared at me, and I was about to fall over. She had f*****g what!?

"Kira, baby, please, what are you talking about?" I stroked her hair when she made a shrug like she didn't care anymore. She was bored and took off when I got up again from kneeling down, feeling the bump again. Holy shit! What if she was right? What if there was more than one?! I hadn't been to any sonogram to Buck's distress since I wasn't worried, and a part of me was scared, and I knew it. I was scared that they would tell me that this was Jonah's baby and that he would take it away from me when he found out. I was still shaking when I had my phone in my hands, about to call Buck, I was freaking out over this, and I needed him when I was staring at the screen that had Kira on it, my baby.

I don't even know when I started to cry. I really was scared, even if I didn't show it. Buck was going to do anything to protect me, Kira, and our baby, but it wouldn't be enough! Jonah was not the type of guy that just let people take shit from him and watched it happen. No. He was going to attack me when I least expected it, and I knew that.

"Andrea?" I was leaning on the kitchen counter when Sophia walked inside. She was happy and smiling, going straight to the stove where I was about to burn down the kitchen crying my eyes out.

"Yeah.... Hey... hey Sophia...." I was drying my eyes, not wanting her to see my cry. She was a sweet girl, but I didn't trust her, not when she was talking to Tom, and he was Jonah's second in command, and nothing could make me feel different.

"Where is Kira!?" She looked more upset when I made a sigh. She was on edge, all of us been since James had taken her. I don't even know sometimes how life could go after that, it was like my heart was broken, and I hated it. Every second I was grieving, James made me feel just as sick. I loved him as a brother and had to watch him die. I still missed his smile and the that I could talk with him about anything. I didn't care that he was a monster when those feelings came up. Buck wasn't there when Jonah was around. James was!

"She is in the living room...." I was still sniffling when she made a nod, but she didn't go there. She was staring at me with her big blue eyes from her pretty mother. I got why Buck fell for her, Sarah.

"Did you and dad have a fight or what?" Sophia sat down on the barstool when I shook my head slightly no. I hadn't fought with anyone, and still, I couldn't stop crying.

"No... no, Buck is fine. I talked with him this morning and said something about breaking the client's budget for the second time...." I hadn't listened that much, to be honest. I just wanted to hear his voice. I missed him so much; this was the second week he was gone, and I was really starting to get tired of having Kira alone again. How was I thinking when I thought I could handle more than one kid?

"Ah... okay... well, so nothing unusual than...." Sophia made a snicker when I still was crying. Even if I had started to calm down, she wanted me to calm down, and I was trying, but it was hard.

"Yeah, I guess...." I didn't say more. What could I say? That I was crying my eyes out over a murderer that deserved to be killed, he did, and still I couldn't let go of him, I couldn't. I needed him more than ever, and I missed my best friend so much that I had no idea how I would make it without him!?

"I miss my best friend; it's not your problem or anything, Sophia.... But I miss him so much, I...." I couldn't finish my words. People had let me down my whole life, but this was the first time I felt truly empty. I was hollow and trying so hard not to show Buck or anyone else that I was fine; having to see James die and bury him, not even having a funeral, was killing me!

"You know, when my granny died, I cried for weeks, I mean, I was seven, so I don't think anybody cared that much... but I really loved her, Dad was out most of the time, and mom has her practice, granny took care of me, and I still miss her Andy......" Sophia made a weak smile when I made another sobbing sound. That was awful, her granny dying, and she was a child, and why was that made me want to cry even more?!

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know that. I'm so fucking sorry to hear about your granny!" I was crying, trying to take deep breaths, when I felt my head spinning, feeling Sophia help me sit down like she was used to seeing people freak out like I was. She was way too mature for her age!

"People are bad and good, Andrea. Granny was a drunk, not that dad would ever tell that to anyone, but we all know, you know?" Sophia made a trying smile. I was trying not to pass out. The death of James, Jonah was coming for Kira, and getting this creepy feeling that Kira was right about having more than one baby tore me apart!

"I know, I know that. I mean, look at me, really f*****g look, Sophia, I'm pretty sure I have twins, and I know that he will take them from me, just like Kira!" I was screaming when she made a scared face, finally realizing that she was way over her head, she didn't know that I had buried James with her dad, and I had no plan to tell her!

Sophia was already backing off, she didn't leave me, but she wasn't trying to comfort me as she did. Nope, she just tapped on her phone, making me even more insane. Was she telling Tom to tell Jonah that I had more than one baby for him to take from me! "Are you fucking telling him!? He is going to take my babies, and you are fucking telling him!?" I wasn't going to let that happen! Sophia screamed when I yanked the phone from her hand and was about to throw it into the wall when I saw the screen. She wasn't texting Tom; it was Sarah.

"Why the fuck are you texting your mother? She is not going to be here, and fuck calm me down. You hear me, Sophia, I am not some fucking dog you just can...." I stopped when Kira was staring at me and realized that I had been screaming all over the house when she looked terrified. Oh f**k, oh f**k I was screaming like I was crazy. Maybe I f*****g was!

Sophia and Kira didn't say anything, but they didn't need to when I slammed the phone down hard into the counter. I was so sick of this, waiting on him to come at me like a mad woman, because I knew he was coming for me, Jonah!

"Andrea, calm down!" I twisted my head, seeing the older woman that had appeared. How did she come over so fast? Sophia texted her just some minutes ago!

"FUCK YOU, SARAH!" I sneered it back when she didn't move, and Sophia walked back, still looking at me, taking Kira along to my protests. She was not f*****g taking my baby!

"That's the best you can do? Fuck me, yeah, well fuck you too." She said it calmly when I made a growl, throwing the mug close to me, causing it to crash all over the wall with the coffee I wasn't supposed to drink, but I didn't give a shit. I needed that to stay away! "Shut up! Just shut the fuck up fucking miss perfect. I hate you! I fucking hate you, and I know you want Buck back! you f*****g whore, f*****g my man like we didn't love each other!" Hearing my long words of accusations, Sarah flinched, only adding to my fire. Her reaction was the only thing I f*****g needed to keep going.

"Your man?!" She made a huff when she stood there, arms crossed and looking like she wanted to kill me, too. Good! I wanted her to fucking die, same as James! I could kill her and sink her down the same lake he was!

"Yeah, my man! He was mine the minute he saw me, and you fucking know it! Do you think I am fucking blind; you really look that fucking dolled up when he is around, always making sure that everything is fucking perfect. How the fuck can you look yourself in the mirror and don't hate what you see, you ruined the best relationship I ever had, my whole life!" I was still screaming when Sarah was pushing her lips together like she wanted to start yelling back, but she wasn't going to do that. Oh please, was she too f*****g perfect for that too!

"Say something, you fucking whore. Look at you! fucking look at the fucking whore you are!" I was still screaming when she finally cracked, making me smirk when I could see it, she was going to yell at me, and I was going to laugh at her for being a f*****g bitch! "I have a boyfriend, you goddam crazy bitch!" Sarah was screaming it back. I choked at the laughter in my throat, fucking what!? No, she was after Buck; I know she was that scheming bitch!

"Yeah, that's right, Andrea, I have a boyfriend, but I haven't told anyone because I know that Buck is going to go all protective on me. He still was my husband for twenty years!" She was sneering it when it was like someone had poked a hole in my anger. Sarah had a f*****g boyfriend. When the f**k did she even get that!?

"You are fucking lying, no! I know you want Buck. You all f*****g want what mine, all of you!" She smirked at me now, so she wasn't all comfort and kind words other than good to know!

"I'm not lying. I had just broken up with him when Buck came back home, he was so upset over you, and I was upset, and that's what happened once. Then we got back together, and that was it. I don't want Buck back! He is fucking hard to live with Andrea, I know that you can't see that, but for me... oh, I have filled quote of Buck Underwood, trust me!" she was still upset, her smirk gone when she was looking at me, hands on her forehead and just looking like she had a f*****g headache being her and listening to my shit. "I... I don't....." I was stammering, suddenly lost for words, so she wasn't going for Buck, then why the fuck was she acting so fucking pretty and perfect around him!? I leaned against the counter, suddenly dead tired, my screaming had made my voice hoarse, and my muscle felt like jelly like I was about to collapse within seconds.

"Just calm down, please, for the love of god, take it easy..." she was losing her tired eyes when she came closer. I didn't stop her when she wrapped the sweater around me, making me feel a little better when I started crying again. What the f**k was wrong with me!? "Andrea, I'm calling Buck, and then we are going to my house. This is not going to work. You are living here alone with Kira, shit even I can see that you are falling apart...." Her voice was calm again, steady and I made a slight sound, not even knowing if I was answering her or not. I guess she was right.

Shit.