Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 204

I limped the last stretch down the busy street and finally entered the bistro. I swear that my heart was pounding so hard that it would burst out from my chest, knowing that I needed to do this! I did, and I didn't care anymore what happened after that! I was going

to tell him that I loved him, and he was going to make a f*****g stand, yes or no. that was it!

The place was packed; I mean it. The small space had everything from families to elder people eating dinner. Here I was, standing like frozen, sweating from walking on my toes, wondering where the hell Jonah was in the cramped space that was cozy but looked nothing like the places, I had seen him in the last times.

I hobbled inside, ignoring the stares and slightly worried faces seeing me just walk past them, searching over the booths, thinking that Mary had been wrong when I finally saw him.

Furthest inside, Tom. Eating again like he just didn't have two plates at home and looking like he was listening to what the rest of the people were speaking about; he was just like his mother, dangerous.

Tom was the first one to see me, getting up and walking up like he wanted to help me when I made a frown, causing him to back off, not saying a word when I was staring at the guy that sat beside him, looking like he was just as stunned as Tom that I was here, and what I was going to do.

"Andrea? What the fuck are you doing here?!" Jonah frowned, seeing the men across the table that were looking at me like they didn't like my presence; well f**k them! I wasn't leaving until I got to tell him what I wanted, no matter what shady fucking deal he had going on at the moment.

"I love you." I said it fast and seriously, making Tom about to lose his shit laughing from the way Jonah's eyes dilated in the horror of me just spitting out the truth like he hadn't done that to my face so many times in public; it was f*****g payback time! "Didn't you hear me, Jonah!? I said I fucking love you, and I want to be with you!" I was saying it louder, making the whole place stare at me with awes or ohs over my sudden confession at the handsome guy sitting at the cubicle, wondering how the hell I had found him and what I was doing here, even if it was f*****g obvious he clearly had business that I didn't know about.

"Yes, I heard you.... Andrea, leave right fucking now and we can talk later..." he made a growl at the end, wanting to force me out when I didn't move, not giving a single f**k that he was staring at me with a stern scowl and jaw clenched, he was so mad at me, and I didn't care.

"No, I'm not leaving! I want a fucking answer from you!" I wasn't trying to calm down when Tom was still standing there. He was smirking, trying so hard not to show it at Jonah's face that was dark like he thought I was pushing it, me putting him on the spot in public and having people he sure as hell didn't want to know about his life.

I was leaning on one of the seats, holding myself so my ankle didn't take all the pressure, looking a mess with hair loose from my ponytail and my stomach showing in the too-short pullover that Joseph had bought for me, making me want to kill him even more, not just leaving me in a restaurant with mob guys!

"Okay, fine. No. there is your answer." Jonah leaned back, looking even colder when I did a gasp, unable to help it. That smirking son of a bitch! Look at him sitting like a fucking king staring at me with his eyes like he didn't want to say yes; he did, and we all knew it! "Alright, Sullivan... this had been fun and all...." one of the men got up when I made a snarl seeing him stare at me like he was amused over how I was acting. I didn't care, and I sure as hell didn't want some random staring at me with his dark eyes like he thought that maybe he could fuck me.

"What the fuck are you staring at, asshole!?" glaring at the man's face turn into a grin like he was more amused than anything else by my hospitality, fucking mob guys always being so f*****g stupid that they didn't get a no when I was telling it straight to their faces! "Andrea!" my eyes switched back to Jonah, that made a slight shake of his head, warning me not to say anything more, still staring at me like he didn't know if he needed to get up and pull me back from the man in a suit that was still smirking at me with his partner behind him.

"Aren't you quite the charmer..." Tom pulled me back gently, just having his hand on my shoulder, making me leave room for the man that never stopped looking at me like he really didn't care about me or my hostility.

"Don't you just have the worst fucking timing in the world, Andrea...." Jonah was having his phone out when I looked back at him, still frowning, so he was serious. About us not having the slightest chance of getting back together? Why didn't I believe that? Maybe I was stupid enough not to want to, most likely the last one.

"I don't care, and I want a fucking answer, you coward! a real one and not just some bullshit when people are around!" Tom had let me go giving me a weird smile before just walking out, making me stare after him for a few seconds before deciding that I didn't care. I just wanted the still pissed-off guy glaring down at his phone, looking like he didn't want to listen to me or what I wanted to tell him!

"Are you going to fucking yell at me or sit your ass down?" Jonah watched me when I did a snort. Sit down?! No! No! I didn't want to sit down! I wanted an answer, a real one!

"Andrea, sit down before I make you...." I hated that he looked so determined, wanting me to listen, and my ankle was hurting. There was no way around it when I was gritting my teeth and made a big exhale, realizing that I needed to sit down, f**k! Jonah's scowl disappeared when I was right across from him in the small booth. How the fuck his legs even fit inside was a miracle when I was pushing the loose strands out of my face and the leftover food away from my seat, disgusting.

"Fine, I'm sitting down. Now, fucking answer me." The stares of people had started to fade, seeing that I didn't yell at him anymore when he still was playing with his phone, just turning it around on the table like he didn't just hear me tell him I loved him. Shit, he really looked younger than me slumped down, having a sweatshirt on that I had never seen, it looked good on him, but then again, everything did. A*****e.

"What about Buck?" I flinched hearing him say that, totally not prepared for the real question that had hurt behind it; him turning his phone again slowly like he didn't want an answer to that when I did shrug. What about Buck?

"He is my ex-husband, same as last time Jonah...." I tried to be funny, joking that I had been divorcing Ryan when I met him. Still, he didn't seem to think so, having his head down and making me even more annoyed that he didn't want to look at me. That was f*****g rude!

"Yeah, but you never loved that other fucker.... not like Buck." He was still staring at the phone, trying to make me go insane from the frustration over him telling me shit that I already knew. yeah, I did love Buck, part of me always would, and nothing would change that!

"I do love him, Jonah, and.... He is my boys' father, same as you are to Kira...." I wasn't going to lie to his face, saying that I didn't love Buck, and he wasn't going to say shit. He had feelings for Shailene; otherwise, he wouldn't have stayed, no matter what his Ma told him.

He finally looked at me, his eyes changing from angry to a confused longing that I could recognize anywhere. He still loved me, and he just was too much of a f*****g coward to admit it.

"I don't fucking trust you, okay? There is your answer, Andrea." My heart dropped seeing his serious face, eyes burning when they were locked on mine. He didn't trust me!? What the f**k was that supposed to mean!? He was the one that got married first! "Are you fucking kidding me!? Don't trust me!? I don't fucking trust your cowardly ass, telling me that you got married when I was alone with Kira, and I still love you, asshole!" my hands made a swing at a glass that was on the table, not knowing that I did when water tipped all over, making him curse from getting his phone wet like I did it on purpose!

"Andrea, what the fuck!?" he was up, cursing even more when I stared at him, being his full height and trying to dry off his phone that was getting f*****g more attention than me, so I guess that was it then. He didn't trust me, and I didn't trust him. Fantastic! I couldn't even cry. not this time when he was still making a scowl, trying to clean up the table before a woman walked over fast, and he made a sweet smile at her beaming face saying that this happened all the time with me just sitting there. Happened all the time. Sure, this. Whatever it was, that didn't happen all the time. I didn't believe that having been with Ryan and Buck, I did love them, but not like him, not like Jonah getting down again, mad at me for getting water all over him and the table.

"I'm sorry...." I was staring at him when he made a scoff like he didn't want to hear it, having the same woman clear the table and looking at us like she knew what was going on, but she didn't. Nobody did.

"It's only water... just keep your hands in fucking check....." I made a nod hearing that, still not looking at him and making sure my hands were in a neat hold below the table, trying so hard to find something to say that would change his mind, that we could be together. I had nothing. Not a damn thing was coming to mind when I felt his hand on my face, just the tips of his finger reaching out like he wanted me to look at him like he could see that I was lost in a busy diner.

"Hey... you want something?" I glanced up again, seeing that he made a smile, it was small, but it was there when I shook my head. No, I wanted nothing, and there wasn't a thing in the entire world that I wanted except for him.

"Okay.... I'm getting some coffee and... don't move." He got up when I followed his movement across the place, people moving out of the way, girls staring at him when he walked past, and the same woman rushing like she couldn't get to help him fast enough even when other people were waiting, this was his world, everyone wanted Jonah.

"Here... the lady said it was free soo..." Jonah pushed over the small cup of coffee when he sat down again, making me feel the strong smell below me. Looking back up when he was smiling again, and I had no idea why. He just told me he didn't trust me, and now where were what, fucking pals? I wasn't Tom, and I didn't want friendship, no matter how awful it sounded when I did have one with Buck, maybe even more than I ever had with Jonah. He was my lover and not my friend.

"Thanks..." my hands around the hot cup, feeling how cold I was, all the way to my core when he dropped the smile like he could see me being just lost and not knowing what to do anymore, he didn't scream. I didn't know how to take his rejection like this, not the calm, logical f*****g answer of him being hurt the same as me; in my world, he was the villain, and he seemed to think the same of me.

"You know.... Tom told me that you were staying at Mary and Pat's for now, but.... I think that we need to talk alone, let's just get back to your place, and... not f**k for once...." I stopped making the tiniest smile. Did he just tell me that we were not going to fuck? But I loved when he did that. He had no idea.

"Sure.... Let's talk...." I was feeling better, not great, but I didn't want to crawl into a hole and die from not getting the answer I wanted, him telling me that he loved me and that we were riding into the sunset as I had imagined in my head.... I made a snort... so stupid. Jonah didn't say more when we just drank slowly, still not sure what to say when he got up after the woman came by. He smiled again, leaving her more tip that I thought was necessary for coffee and wiping off a table.

He watched me limp out of the restaurant, not asking me if I wanted any help when people smirked or seemed to be thankful we were leaving. I know I would be if I was having dinner and some crazy lady just walked inside and started making trouble. "Okay, so this isn't going to work out." Jonah was staring at me when my heart dropped again, what wasn't going to work for us? Was this all just a f*****g trap to get me outside of the busy place and make sure that I couldn't make more trouble for him?! "What?!" I sounded scared, and I knew it when he came closer, not even waiting for me to get a hold of what he was doing, crouching down like I was supposed to know what the f**k was going on?!

"Jonah, what the hell are you doing??" He turned around like I was stupid, and before I knew it, he dragged me up against his back, taking one arm around his neck when I shrieked, feeling the world getting further away from me.

"Told you, walking is not going to work out, and since I didn't take my car, we are doing this." He sounded so sure when I was breathing faster, trying to just hold on with my arms around his shoulders and neck, holy shit, I was so high up! Seriously how wasn't he getting a fear of fucking heights being this tall!?

"Don't fucking drop me, alright!?" I was still holding on for dear life, feeling his warm hands take a better grip around my thighs, when I saw him heading for the subway, making my heart go faster. Oh no. no. I was not going to go down a fucking stair being carried on his back, no matter how good it felt; it was embarrassing enough as it was being towed around like I was just some sack of potato!

"Shut up. How the fuck could I drop you? Shit, I can bench more than you weigh these days..." he sounded offended, like this was about me complaining that he couldn't carry me around, of that I had no doubt, I had seen him naked, and I knew he could. I didn't want people to watch us like they always did!

"Jonah, please, people are fucking staring at us!" I hissed it into his ear when he made a smirk like I couldn't see it. I could fucking feel it from the back of his body, getting small blasts of adrenaline being carried fast through the people around us, Jonah not missing one beat walking down the stairs when I had to close my eyes, not wanting to get dizzy and faint on his strong back.

"So what?" He didn't care, never did that asshole when the train was coming in, and I made a sigh, looking around at the people that were all going somewhere... okay so fine... maybe not everyone. I guess being carried around wasn't the strangest thing that could happen... still... I thought he would let me down when the train arrived at our track, but he didn't. He just made a huff when I stayed, grabbing my arms snugger around his neck, leaning closer on his shoulder, resting my head onto him, too tired to give a shit when the train started to move.

I wasn't going to lie; it was nice feeling him against me when he didn't hate it either when my boobs were pressed against his back, the steady heartbeat that was going against mine, making me start to relax even more with the slight movements of the train, ignoring everything around me, like I always did when he was close to me.

My eyelids felt heavier, like I couldn't keep them up when I just gave up and shut them, not caring that I was on Jonah's back in a train full of people, just holding him closer than ever, the sounds of the small creaks of the train weren't making it any easier like I was being lulled to sleep against my will, Jonah not speaking when I hadn't said a word either since we got on, I had no idea how the f**k I became this tired. Still, it was nice having him against me. No, it was making me feel whole again.

"Stay awake, Andrea...." Jonah chuckled when I yawned back; easy for him to say! he wasn't the one that was being rocked like a damn baby on his back... shit... I made another yawn when the train stopped, and Jonah walked out, with me still having my eyes closed.