Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 46

He stopped the car and I just stared at the store, it didn't look like somewhere I would step into, a smaller one that was opened this early, made no sense when we got out and I just stood there and he smiled at me, coming around and taking my hand in his, making me feel better when he walked determined through the doors and I looked around, this wasn't a cardigan and sweatpants kind of place, making me nervous again.

It looked like it was made for people younger than me, or at least cooler than me when I looked at the doll with a shirt that was screaming in orange and had tears in it, right over the abdomen and I looked down on myself, yeah that was never going to happen, my abdomen was going to stay hidden.

"Oh hi, welcome!" a girl with blue hair, chirped when I started to shake my head, no, this wasn't my kind of place, it really wasn't, I liked having sweatpants and cardigans, it was safe, and I liked that.

"I was just closing up but... I can help you..." she stopped seeing me, making me hold my breath when she smiled even more, giving me small hope that maybe I wasn't going to hate every second in here.

"Thanks, well Andrea baby... you take whatever you want and I'm going to wait right here." He sat down and I just gawked when he smiled back taking up his phone, he was leaving me in a store I was not sure I even belonged in and just shoved me in this unknown territory on my own, f**k!

"Oh yes, come one, leave him, most guys don't come along anyway, they think its boring." I just looked at girl with blue hair that kept smiling at me, did she know that Jonah was my boyfriend, if she did, she seemed cool about it making me relax a little more... oh shit... I nodded when I walked along and he looked up and smiled making me feel better when she showed me a small changing room and I started to undress, not really looking at myself, I really did look like shit, absolutely horrible compared to how I was when I met him.

I was just waiting for the orange shirt and miniskirts when she brought me a pair of leather pants that was stretch and I just stared at them, shit they didn't look my normal size even when I didn't have time to protest, she was off to find something more and I just sighed pulling them on with some effort, curing when I was thankful for the waist being high, making my stomach being a little less obvious and I looked at myself in the mirror, well I guess it wasn't that bad, my ass did look kind of good in the black leather and I took the blouse to, it was see through, what. No. no way. I couldn't wear that too work, no freaking way that I was showing my tits to people at the superstore.

"Hey... not to be rude but I can't have this one...." I gave her back the see-through blouse when she frowned at me like I was the crazy one and not her for giving me a shirt that totally not appropriate for work, or my body.

"Why not? You have great tits; I kill for them." She stared me down and I blushed, what kind of a place was this anyway?

She made a sigh after a couple of seconds like she didn't agree but didn't have any choice when I was holding my breath, waiting for her to change her mind, feeling exposed and vulnerable as hell, standing half naked in a small dressing room.

She came back, still looking a little to rude for my taste and gave me a what I believed was a dress, but I wasn't when I stared at black playsuit that had long arms and legs, nut that was it.

The deep neckline was plunging down, making my boobs look even bigger, the only thing that anyone would see for miles ahead when I made a sigh.

I didn't hate it, but I was not wearing this for work, and I was running out of time getting there without being late, and James was not going to be in a giving mood, I just knew that.

"Hey, I need to work, the suit is really nice, but don't you have anything that doesn't make me get a call from HR telling me to not show my boobs at people?" I was getting annoyed, and my tone was getting higher, the pitch telling the reasonably nice girl to stop giving me this slut outfits and something more appropriate.

She huffed like she couldn't believe that I didn't want to have to explain to the main office about my dress code when she came back with a t-shirt and jeans that was in stretch to my shame, fuck I really needed to lose weight, now and fast. I was going to my ex-husbands wedding looking like a pig, that was just great.

I got out, leaving the rest and walked back to Jonah that was still staring at his phone, he looked up and smiled, so he liked it, that was great because now, I was really going to be late for work.

"All that for jeans and shirt?" he chuckled making me give him a scowl, well if the salesgirl hadn't try making me look like a hooker, I would have been done in five.

"Let's just go, I'm late." I wasn't in a playing mood anymore, standing in the dressing room had made me feel bad and I wanted to leave, fast as possible.

"Yeah, but you know, someone got to pay." He smirked when I rolled my eyes, caught in the mercy of a nineteen-year-old guy, my life was so demeaning sometimes.

I was on my way out the door when I stopped right in my track seeing the girl was leaning forward, smiling at Jonah like they were having an intimate conversation and he just smiled back at her, making her laugh.

Oh god.

I was feeling my stomach turning from the jealousy that was hitting me hard like a fucking sledgehammer, he was flirting with her, wasn't he? That's why it took so goddamn long for her to get my clothes and to wrap up the sale, that whore!

"Jonah, babe, are you coming or what!?" he just looked up and seemed annoyed at me calling him out and I felt even worse, well that was it then, he didn't want people to know about us, just like he never did. Fucker.

"Yeah, just go wait in the car, I'm coming soon." He turned his head back to the girl that was looking at me weird before smiling again making me feel like I was the most unwanted girlfriend of all times, no matter what he said, I could tell, he didn't want me to act like we where a couple in public.

I just got out to the car, the heat creeping up on me, making me sicker from my stomach being in a knot, and not a good one, seeing Jonah just talk that girl up, just like he always did. He was never going to change, wasn't he?

I was yanking the handle, cursing that it was locked and just gave up, leaning against the hot car in the hot weather, I really hated this.

Standing here like some goddam loser just waiting for him to come around, if I wanted that, I could just have stayed with Ryan!

He came out, holding a bag and I just turned my head away, I didn't want to look at him right now, just smiling like he just didn't f*****g flirt with that girl, right before my eyes!

I got in as soon as he unlocked and ignoring him, when he just sat there and stared at me, like I was the crazy one and not him for not wanting me to be his girlfriend in public.

"Andrea, what the fuck was that?" he just said that. didn't even sound mad, just more amused and surprised making me even more angry, he knew what he did, why did he act all f*****g innocent on me?!"

"Nothing." I just snarled back when I had my arms crossed over my chest, staring ahead in the windshield, he was so stupid, this was stupid, I just wanted to get to work, and he wasn't moving.

"That was not fucking nothing, you were so goddam jealous that even a blind guy could see it!" he started to laugh, a loud hearty one like it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, making me feel like shit even more, so what if I was?! He was clearly flirting with her?!

"At least I'm not the one that doesn't want to be a couple in public, just inside and with people you fucking trust! lets just tell the truth, you are the one that is ashamed of me Jonah, me being fucking 30 and you cant handle it!" I was spitting words faster than my mind was turning when he just sat there quiet, like he was observing me going f*****g crazy over something that he did to me.

I waited three minutes before giving up, his hands clenching over the steering wheel, eyes lost in thought and his face was uncertain, he wanted to tell me, but he wasn't going to do it, the proud bastard.

"Jonah... I can't just be your girlfriend at home... if you want me, I need some f*****g commitment, and if you can't, at least tell me so I can start to move on...." I was already sniffling, I didn't want to be a secret, I know that people where not going to get it, but that didn't matter to me, I was ready to do anything to be with him and he knew that, so why was he ashamed of me so fucking much already?

"Commitment? You got to be fucking kidding me?! He made an offended snort making me sadder, so he didn't get it, and he didn't want to answer me, that was the worst part of it all. Understanding that he just wanted me to fuck, and not be with him outside, shit. I started to cry again, I should have just stayed at James place, at least there I was safe, my heart wasn't being used all the time like fucking doormat by Jonah!

"Yeah, I want commitment, I don't want to just be someone that you fuck and then can't even go outside with, I deserve better then that!" I was sneering again, wiping my tears feeling like I wanted to puke from the anger just pushing me, even if I knew that he would blow up at some point.

"I'm fucking committed, always have been." He didn't say anything more and just started the car, taking off with me just having my head down, he still didn't answer my question and I guess that was my answer, he really didn't want to be seen with me in public. Fuck that hurt.