Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 76

"He is high Andrea." Tom just said that and looked sad, his kind eyes being on me, and I wanted to puke again, what?! No!? Was he?! I just stared at Tom when he nodded defeated when I didn't understand, Jonah was what, on f*****g drugs!? "He told me that he pushed them, never that he did them...." My voice was small when the exchanged looks again making me want to just dig a deep enough hole for me to disappear into and never come back again, Jonah was a f*****g addict. "He did just push them... at first... and then... well just a few months before you moved in, he had a rough patch, school wasn't going that great and... well f**k Andrea... we didn't know about it either, not until we started to see what the f**k he did to you, he didn't used to be like this, not even to the girls he had... deals with..." Tom went silent again when I just sat down on the pavement, just a few feet from Jonah. No. that couldn't be right. He couldn't be.

"How?" I was just staring at Jonah, how the f**k did he hid this from me? he was the sweetest guy ever, he just had a bad f*****g temper, everyone knew that.

"honestly, none of us had been able to keep track on him but... well he did get better for a while when you guys hooked up... but Andrea... you must have seen it, if you really think about it, every time he have been acting f*****g insane, I seen it myself, like on the dancefloor when you where on a date with Evans, he was f****d up that time, almost flied of the handle on him and got us all killed..." Tom was looking more and more ashamed when I just closed my eyes, snorting hard and pushing my hair back, so every f*****g time he had been acting insane to me, snapping at me, breaking at the f*****g highway, the first time he made me scared when he pinned me down in the bed, he was f****d up.

"Oh fuck..." I just leaned my head down and felt the hard shame on my face that was burning me up, how the fuck did you miss something like this? I was the most stupid woman that ever, ever existed on earth.

They didn't say anything more, just stood there, it was a strange scene, me bent over and just staring at my dug addict of a boyfriend that was still on the ground, being monitored by his two best friends.

"I don't want to leave him... not really... I love him...." I don't know why I was pleading to them when Jonah was starting to move his hands, he could probably hear me and I looked down at him again, getting no backup from neither of his friends that I should. "We know that, and he loves you to." Joseph was sitting down to, still holding the taser, just waiting on Jonah to make a move if he needed to pull the trigger again, f**k he was kind of badass after all.

"Fuck! This is my fault, I should never have told you all that shit about him, that he wanted to go to the store and that you drove him crazy, but you make him better pretty and I got f*****g selfish, Jonah is a great f*****g guy when he isn't f****d." I made a smile to that, I know he was, the fucking best.

"No... I would never have left.... I mean look at me Tom, I'm still here, even after all the f*****g shit we been through, I'm still here and worrying about him.... F**k... "I was just as lost as him; I really didn't want to leave anymore. I didn't.

"Listen... I know you don't want to leave... but you have to." I looked up at Tom that was looking stern from nowhere when I didn't understand, he wasn't leaving, and neither was Joseph so why was I the only one not allowed to stay? "He needs to get his shit together, and you need to leave, for you Andera, not us, we can handle Jonah... but..." Tom didn't finish when Joseph did.

"He is never going to get better with you around, we were fucking serious when we said you drive him crazy, and that's all not good, he is bad with feelings Andrea, I mean just look at his dad, he is just quiet and that bitch he has as a mom is just pushing her demands on him being passive aggressive, he doesn't need more shit right now."

My shoulders were sinking down when I didn't have the strength to cry more, why was this happening all the sudden, yesterday, we had been so fucking happy, all dressed up and he had given me a dress and jewellery... I was fiddling with the necklace that I had still on, I didn't want to take it off, it was from him.

"Soulmates." Tom was giving me a strange smile when I looked up and saw him staring at the knot around the heart that Jonah had given me.

"That means soulmates... it's an old symbol... shit he really loves you Andrea... "I was looking back at Jonah, yes, he really did love me.

"I love him... you hear me Jonah, I f*****g love you so you better get f*****g sober or you are never going to see me again, never!" I was reaching out my hand, looking on Joseph making sure it was okay when he nodded and I caressed his hand with mine and felt the hard knot in my stomach and throat, fuck I was going to cry again want I?

"Please... please babe try for me... can you do that, just try to get better for me, I don't want to leave you... I f*****g don't...." I didn't care if Joseph was going to stun me to when I was crawling up the last part to him and was lying down on the pavement next to him, seeing his eyes that he had heard me, every word and he was looking ashamed and confused, hurt and scared, just like me.

"I love you Jonah, always." My eyes were warm and loving when I was staring into his eyes that was having tears, I don't know if it was from being shocked or not, but he was hurting same as me when I leaned forward and kissed his cheek and I swear I saw a tear leave his eye before I got up fast again, just nodding to the two guys and praying that he would get better, get help.

I got into my car, not looking back and driving away, praying to anyone that listened, that I would see him again, the love of my life, a nineteen-year-old addict, f**k I was going to die without him and I just knew it.